Lipitor11 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 (edited) I don't get it, almost everyone that I know have met their spouse unexpectedly, like they found their boyfriend/husband without even trying/looking. My friend met her husband at work and she wasn't even looking, she told me that it just "happened." And now they have been married for 12 years. This co-worker met her future husband at our work place-and I'm pretty sure she wasn't trying to meet anyone, they just started chatting and boom, they hit it off and now they are getting married. Then, I read these love stories that my local newspaper prints out every week about couples that send their so-called love stories writing about how they met, and like 99.9% of the time, they were not even looking, most of them met by chance, like a majority were in relationships, then they broke it off with them for whatever reason and now they are happily together. And here I am, struggling to find some guy to fall in love with me, of course I don't get what I want, I've been in the dating world for awhile and I know when a guy isn't feeling me. I go on dating sites, hoping that it will be a fairy tale story, nothing. I don't go out to clubs/bars alot, just because I don't have any friends that want to go with me. I've tried the gym, exercising in the park, going to a friend's party, hopefully to meet someone. Still nothing. They say single people have to put themselves out there, but when we are trying to find something, it hardly ever leads to anything, yet its easy for some to casually meet their love of their lives without trying or looking. I don't get it. Isn't it unfair? Edited May 13, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Nobody ever said Life was fair. 16 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Oh yeah, right there with you. I can't even get a guy to date me. These are the only words I have to say and men go running: "I'm looking for an exclusive relationship." And then POOF. Gone. Meanwhile people all around me meet guys absolutely out of no where, are getting engaged, having kids etc. Or I watch all these psycho women I know get boyfriends like it's not even a thing. They are legit psycho, drama, treat the guys like garbage. And I'm just here like, "hey I want a relationship." And it's like I have the plague. I don't get it at all. I think I'm too boring for guys, honestly. They want the drama, and the excitement that these psychos come with. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 It may not be fair but most of the time the struggles are their own fault. People lack the awareness to see the fact the struggle is of their own doing. It's easy to point at the opposite sex and blame them for their struggles. 2 people are in these interaction and something must be said of your own issues that cause your struggle 1 Link to post Share on other sites
luvshaq Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Some of my friends who just happened to meet their spouse, also just happened to get a divorce. Divorce is something that no one wants. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 It is. I have sacrificed so much of myself to be in a relationship because I love being intimate and close to a man, but it never works out. I've also done the opposite, always put myself first and never changed myself for man, but I end up always being single because I just can't find anyone. And yet many of my girlfriends are in happy relationships. I just want to love someone and be loved, you know? It's not that much to ask, and yet its so hard to find a person with whom you click. I'm in the same boat. I'm so lonely and that why I deal with the sh*t that I deal with. I'm obviously smarter than that, but it's either bullsh*t and SOME form of male contact or complete loneliness that just eats away at me. And i'm not neurotic or bitchy either. I have men tell me all the time "I dont understand why you're single" and what hurts the most is that I don't understand either. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Ugh, I relate. Sometimes I'm afraid that my emotional injuries from childhood are going to prevent me from finding a healthy, lasting love. And then I'll just have to live with that 2 Link to post Share on other sites
halfcrazed_i Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 I was told once that sometimes, when you're not actively looking for someone, it tends to show in your body language / confidence... and that's when people tend to be more attracted to you. From personal experience, I find that guys tend to approach me more when I'm in a relationship. It's infuriating when I'm available and looking, and I don't get the same attention. For the rest of it... I find that it's down to a lot of luck as well *shrug* As mentioned above, life isn't really fair to begin with... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
nerdlingZA Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 How old are you ? Why don't u use law of attraction ??? Link to post Share on other sites
Salvatore85 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 I actually don't even try, short of a fruitless minor stint on a dating site. I find it hard to trust people after my last relationship, which lasted five years, ended on a rather sour note. Ultimately I end up making excuses. Whether it be my height, the fact I was forced to move back in with my parents after said break up or anything else I can think of. Mostly to appease my friends who can't seem to understand why I'm not sleeping with every female under the sun... The reality is when I'm ready for it to happen again I'll put forth the effort and I'm sure I'll find what I'm looking for. It takes time though and it may not happen this year or the next but I'm certain it will. I guess what I'm trying to say is yes, you've got to put yourself out there but at the same time your ideal match must be looking as well. It's a marathon not a sprint and when it finally happens you'll be able to appreciate it so much more because of the patience you had while searching. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 You have my empathy, but life isn't generally fair. To anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
topaMAXX Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Sorry, OP. You get no sympathy from me. If you are a man living in the west, then, yes, you might have a bit of difficulty. However, resourcefulness is key. You will find what you are looking for if you are resourceful. If you are a woman living in the west, then :laugh: .....just stop being so picky! You have it made in the shade here. Link to post Share on other sites
InnocentMan Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Sorry, OP. You get no sympathy from me. If you are a man living in the west, then, yes, you might have a bit of difficulty. However, resourcefulness is key. You will find what you are looking for if you are resourceful. If you are a woman living in the west, then :laugh: .....just stop being so picky! You have it made in the shade here. The OP was speaking of finding "love". Not finding some random dude who'll stick it in her, and never call her again. It's the same difficulty in the west, as anywhere else in the world. Male or female. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
topaMAXX Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 The OP was speaking of finding "love". Not finding some random dude who'll stick it in her, and never call her again. It's the same difficulty in the west, as anywhere else in the world. Male or female. I don't want to stray off-topic here, but you are wrong. OP, have you tried online dating? Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Frankly, I only get many guys interested in me because I have a curvy sex bomb shaped body and I always have very long hair. I don't even work out or make an effort in being healthy. I am just lucky. I am never without male attention. I do not wear low cut skirts or tops either (the pics on here were of me in a nighty I cover up in my daily life around people). I get a lot more male attention than other women I know. The only difference I notice between me and them, is that I have a more curvy shape than them, and I am a bit off beat which guys have told me sticks out a lot. I am sure you are all better looking girls than me. Sounds like you just have bad luck? I think either very thin women, or very curvy, womanly looking body types get noticed and approached the most; from either men who have a fetish or strong preference for petite women, or the men who love a more fuller, curvy figure. I could be wrong but I believe that is a strong reason I get approached; killer curves and very long hair I always wear out? It is ironic that the slender, more petite women with "better bodies" than me sometimes get lesser attention. Perhaps guys are intimidated? But HMM I only believe men are intimidated by truly stunning women to be honest. Not the run of the mill 8/10's. My model friend never gets interest but I don't think it is because guys get intimidated? I am plain but she is not that much prettier than me in my opinion and the opinion of the people who know us both. I have heard of a theory: some people are born to fall in love and attract people where as other people are left stone cold. I think there is some validity to that theory ^^ there has to be, there are not many reasons guys wouldn't approach or ask out so called " hot, successful" girls unless they truly WERE stunning. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 females make consistently bad decisions. they can't find anyone because they've freiendzoned every nice guy. their outta their minds. want a relationship but go for guys who don't. Some women have too high standards. Others though, like myself, would never settle for a guy who I am not into and who isn't into me. I need to feel romantic feelings; to want to kiss them on date one and get excited about them. I didn't opt to settle for the men I didn't have chemistry with, who were amazing partners and were totally devoted and crazy about me and would have literally moved mountains just to see me smile. And yeah, I eventually found a guy who was a "nice guy" and one who I also had the hots for? And I will again if this doesn't work out. I think a few women are emotionally scarred and have issues that hinder them being attracted to "nice guys", it isn't always their own fault... Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 a few? is 9/10 a few? it's their fault btw. Why is having a hardship in the past THEIR fault? Maybe some awful things have happened to some women that have a direct impact on WHO they can become attracted to? Have you done ANY psycho 101 classes at college? I don't have a problem falling for nice guys but many women really cannot feel the chemistry with men who are decent. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 (edited) Sorry to hear OP! I hope your luck changes soon. It's VERY hard to meet a decent guy nowadays. Even when you think you've met a half decent one he turns out to be a jerk. So many games in dating these days. I've felt lonely and sad about it sometimes but I truly believe everything happens for a reason. Just because someone is in a relationship does not mean they are happy. A lot of times these people are even more lonely than us single folk. I can't imagine being with someone and still feeling so lonely and now you're trapped. It has got to be so depressing. I read some of these threads and I'm grateful I'm not in such a horrid and demoralizing situation as a lot of people are. At least with age and experience we get a better idea of what we want in life and hopefully one day we will meet the perfect match. I have friends who found "THE ONE" but ended up going through horrible divorces with kids who will now have to split visitation, one will most likely never spend any time with his father. They are left moving into a cramped apartment from a nice house or back home with their mother after the divorce. And you know what? I have to be grateful and thank God that no matter what happens if I ever get married or not I will be able to stand in my own two feet. And thank God that I've never had to live with someone who supposedly loved me so much yet he turned around and abused the relationship, cheated, played me for a fool. So while it does get lonely at times there is still PLENTY to be thankful for! Edited May 12, 2014 by HappyLove Link to post Share on other sites
kodakgirl Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 I feel you... I seem to be totally missing the "luck" element of finding someone as well. In fact I posted a recent thread saying something similar to you (the title referred to people finding others when they "aren't looking", ,or something like that). People had interesting things to say about that but overall, well, yeah, life just isn't fair. Wonderful single folks you are attracted to don't just come out of the woodwork because you're a wonderful attractive potential partner. Love isn't a meritocracy. It feels like it should be, but it's not. It's something I struggle with, being overall the kind of idealist who can't stand anything being unfair (though if the world were to magically start being fairer, it should start with terminally ill children and civilians in war zones, not middle-class girls who can't get boyfriends!). I think the only thing you really can do is continue to work on yourself as a person and create a life you are happy with.... It doesn't make appealing partners magically appear but it does increase the chance you'll attract them when you meet them, and then if you don't, well, you've still ended up a wonderful person with a life you love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Oh yeah, right there with you. I can't even get a guy to date me. These are the only words I have to say and men go running: "I'm looking for an exclusive relationship." And then POOF. Gone. Meanwhile people all around me meet guys absolutely out of no where, are getting engaged, having kids etc. Or I watch all these psycho women I know get boyfriends like it's not even a thing. They are legit psycho, drama, treat the guys like garbage. And I'm just here like, "hey I want a relationship." And it's like I have the plague. I don't get it at all. I think I'm too boring for guys, honestly. They want the drama, and the excitement that these psychos come with. Swap your gender and you have me exactly. Hopefully the date I have tonight works out though. She seems pretty cool. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Nobody ever said Life was fair. Life isnt fair. Life isnt unfair. Life just is! Just have to take it as it comes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Nobody ever said Life was fair. This. Deal with it. No point in complaining. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 I think I'm too boring for guys, honestly. They want the drama, and the excitement that these psychos come with. Same, I think I'm too boring as well. I'd rather stay in, read, fall asleep watching jeopardy, crochet something, than go out to a club and party or be a wild child. I remember back in high school some cruel guys teased me and bullied me a lot for being the smart nerdy girl who didn't party. I went to bed at 8 every night. A lot of "Loser! Teachers pet! You're ****in lame don't even know how to have fun, you're gonna be that lonely old lady with 50 cats!" I laugh now because I surely WILL have lots of cats when I'm old, haha. In regards to the OP, sometimes that's the way things go. For years I watched people around me fall in love, get married, and have babies, while in the meantime I couldn't even get anyone to DATE me. I was always boggled, saying "why me?" Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Paragraph magic! I don't get it, almost everyone that I know have met their spouse unexpectedly, like they found their boyfriend/husband without even trying/looking. My friend met her husband at work and she wasn't even looking, she told me that it just "happened." And now they have been married for 12 years. This co-worker met her future husband at our work place-and I'm pretty sure she wasn't trying to meet anyone, they just started chatting and boom, they hit it off and now they are getting married. Then, I read these love stories that my local newspaper prints out every week about couples that send their so-called love stories writing about how they met, and like 99.9% of the time, they were not even looking, most of them met by chance, like a majority were in relationships, then they broke it off with them for whatever reason and now they are happily together. And here I am, struggling to find some guy to fall in love with me, of course I don't get what I want, I've been in the dating world for awhile and I know when a guy isn't feeling me. I go on dating sites, hoping that it will be a fairy tale story, nothing. I don't go out to clubs/bars alot, just because I don't have any friends that want to go with me. I've tried the gym, exercising in the park, going to a friend's party, hopefully to meet someone. Still nothing. They say single people have to put themselves out there, but when we are trying to find something, it hardly ever leads to anything, yet its easy for some to casually meet their love of their lives without trying or looking. I don't get it. Isn't it unfair? I'm getting the impression that you don't have a hard time getting dates. Is that right? You're looking for a guy to fall in love with you. Though, I'm guessing you want the "right guy" to fall in love with you? Have you had men fall in love with you, though for whatever reason, you didn't feel that they were right, so their love didn't count? As for me, I've only been in one short relationship, and getting a woman to fall in love with me sounds like some kind of stupid fantasy that will never come true. Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 I think I'm too boring for guys, honestly. They want the drama, and the excitement that these psychos come with. Hell no! I Can't speak for every man but sure ain't me. Link to post Share on other sites
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