Isn't it unfair that some people struggle to find love?

[KatZee]

In all honestly, I simply don't see why a genuinely pretty girl who is intelligent and has a great personality would be without ANY dates.

 

You are probably not that attractive. You are probably cute and all but come on, if you were THAT pretty and have such an amazing personality, why are you without any dates? Unless it was purely down to living in a small town and you not being the type to go out much.

 

I'm not sure if anyone's said they can't get a date, I myself go on tons of dates. What happens is that I'm not into the guy but he's SUPER into me and comes off way clingy off the bat, or I'm into the guy and he's like "Meh, not trying to be in a relationship right now."

 

I have a few guys I know who would absolutely lock it down with me, but I'm not into them/don't like what I've seen about them in the past, so I'm not even going to bother with that.

 

It can also be because you live in a HUGE town. I'm in NYC. There is just SO many people, SO many options, that no guys want to be with just one girl. If one girl is "too hard" or wants to be official? NEXT. There are 25 other women standing right behind that one who will throw themselves at this guy.

 

With so many options there's the mentality of, "what if something better is out there for me?" Dating in NYC is possibly the worst thing I've ever had to deal with.

 

To be honest, if I REALLY wanted a boyfriend, I could have one in 5 seconds. But I refuse to settle for garbage, or for less than what I really want. I think THAT'S essentially the reason why I'm still single. I've felt things for guys that never wanted to be serious with me. I'm not going to settle and be with someone who I don't feel those things for just because I want someone.

Edited May 13, 2014 by KatZee

[Phoe]

Have you considered getting a camel? They get very good gas mileage and are a lot cheaper to insure then cars.

 

How much do you talk when a strange man tries to make conversation with you? How much did you talk to guys when you are in college? Do you think you may have come across as awkward?

 

There are camels around in pastures here, but I don't know if people ride them. Lots of people ride horses from place to place.

 

 

Strange men don't try to make conversation with me. Unless it's a rare occasion where I'm being straight up cat called from a passsing vehicle, I get left alone.

 

I'm not sure if anyone's said they can't get a date

 

 

That would be me.

[KatZee]

She is lovely, I am not sure why she comes across as cold, but she does:( at first glance sort of...

 

It's a medical condition.

 

It's called "Chronic Resting Bitch Face." I have this condition as well.

 

I've had people come up to me and be like, "You're SO serious" "Are you OK?" "You should smile." Meanwhile I'm like... "Hi. Yeah. This is just my face. I wasn't annoyed/angry/serious/upset before... but I am now."

 

People will come up to me and just be like you ok!? And I flat out just tell people now, yeah, I just have Resting Bitch Face I'm fine, that usually gets some laughs.

 

It's either resting bitch face, or I look like a lunatic with a smile on my face 24/7. There's no middle ground.

 

I know it mainly has to do with my eyes, they're very expressive, so when I'm kind of just hanging out they come off serious/bitchy so when I go out with friends I make sure to keep them more wide open, I have huge eyes so I make sure I keep the puppy dog eyes out when I want guys to approach. Sometimes I forget and that's when guys won't talk to me lol.

[KatZee]

Strange men don't try to make conversation with me. Unless it's a rare occasion where I'm being straight up cat called from a passsing vehicle, I get left alone.

 

 

That would be me.

 

I get this too. The people who cat call from their car, break their necks driving down the road, guys who try to talk to me while slowing down and driving next to me as I walk... these guys are ridic.

 

As far as people meeting me out IRL and asking me out on a date? No. This is not a thing. I've had two guys actually approach me in real life and try to ask me for a date. One guy was 24, I just couldn't go that young, and the other just never materialized. We texted for a bit but we never actually got around to getting together.

 

Have you tried OLD? It really does suck but you're guaranteed dates. It's a huge pool of people, most are idiots, but there are a few good ones tucked in there.

[R3d]

I'm not sure if anyone's said they can't get a date

 

I did.

 

And if I didn't, I am now.

[Phoe]

Have you tried OLD? It really does suck but you're guaranteed dates. It's a huge pool of people, most are idiots, but there are a few good ones tucked in there.

 

Yup, OLD was my savior, haha. It's how I met my boyfriend. If it weren't for OLD I'd still be here like "Herp Derp Phoe can't get a date"

[hotpotato]

I don't get it, almost everyone that I know have met their spouse unexpectedly, like they found their boyfriend/husband without even trying/looking. My friend met her husband at work and she wasn't even looking, she told me that it just "happened." And now they have been married for 12 years.

 

This co-worker met her future husband at our work place-and I'm pretty sure she wasn't trying to meet anyone, they just started chatting and boom, they hit it off and now they are getting married. Then, I read these love stories that my local newspaper prints out every week about couples that send their so-called love stories writing about how they met, and like 99.9% of the time, they were not even looking, most of them met by chance, like a majority were in relationships, then they broke it off with them for whatever reason and now they are happily together.

 

And here I am, struggling to find some guy to fall in love with me, of course I don't get what I want, I've been in the dating world for awhile and I know when a guy isn't feeling me. I go on dating sites, hoping that it will be a fairy tale story, nothing. I don't go out to clubs/bars alot, just because I don't have any friends that want to go with me. I've tried the gym, exercising in the park, going to a friend's party, hopefully to meet someone. Still nothing.

 

They say single people have to put themselves out there, but when we are trying to find something, it hardly ever leads to anything, yet its easy for some to casually meet their love of their lives without trying or looking. I don't get it. Isn't it unfair?

 

That's why I say dating for the most point is pointless. Most of the happy couples I know just happened to meet and fall in love.

 

IMO the harder you try the more you exude desperation and anxiousness.

 

I'm reading The Luck Factor by Dr. Wiseman. He says people who are lucky meet a lot of people, are extroverted. they don't really look for love. They are out being social and chance upon someone.

 

In all honestly, I simply don't see why a genuinely pretty girl who is intelligent and has a great personality would be without ANY dates.

 

You are probably not that attractive. You are probably cute and all but come on, if you were THAT pretty and have such an amazing personality, why are you without any dates? Unless it was purely down to living in a small town and you not being the type to go out much. I know that happens. If you only go to work and the gym and never really venture out much, then yeah, even the most desirable, affable person would likely go a year or more without dates. You have to actually socialise at venues where the opposite sex is bound to be. OR try online dating to increase your odds.

 

People rate themselves too highly in the looks department. They think they are so pretty and desirable then they wonder why they cannot get any dates? It doesn't count if your "friends and family" say you are gorgeous. You could look like a troll and many people whom like or love you will try to lift you up and tell you that you have some nice features. It doesn't count if other people call you good looking. Other people regularly say that to me; I know that I am nothing special. I have model friends who ARE legit stunning so yeah, having a few fans who say you're very attractive doesn't mean the masses find you beautiful.

 

There is no reason why a girl like me who is still finishing her college degree and doesn't have a successful career and is fairly average looking can get dates with decent enough men and the hot women cannot. It doesn't make any sense.

 

I have had guys who have jobs/were cute want to date me. Not only losers at all. Are you guys just saying it isn't fair that the guys that you want don't ask you on dates? Are you only feeling chemistry for guys who don't fancy you? Come on I am sure there are guy who ask you out that you deem "beneath you" due to being unemployed (yet looking hard for another job), who have big ears, who don't have a college degree but earn a decent living, nor are they academically minded yet are intelligent in their own ways.

 

Would you consider asking a totally objective third party to give you some insight as to why you are not desirable enough for men to want to date you?

 

 

 

I don't know, it just doesn't cross my mind that I will wait years to find a loving relationship?

 

I truly believe that SOME people are born with the ability to generate more chemistry and desirability than others. Average people who have dating chooses and who get dates. When their hotter friend cannot (and not because she is too intimidating either, that is rare that someone is THAT stunning).

 

Im not sure if being really intelligent is a plus for a woman. I've noticed the more average a woman is, the more quickly she is swept up. If a woman is especially intelligent or excels in an area that is usually the realm of men, that's an even bigger problem. That is intimidating and emasculating to most men.

 

While being really smart can be helpful for a man, it can hinder a woman.

 

I get hot and beautiful even by women. I dont get much attention from men, and I never have. One guy I met on Yahoo chat even told me he would never have asked me out in real life.

 

I go places, but normally I look busy.

 

 

Yep, middle of nowhere!

 

 

I'm an INTJ (which I guess is rare for women?)

 

 

The link below really does describe me quite well.

 

 

INTJ personality | 16 Personality Types

 

That describes me perfectly. I have a very rare personality type for a woman. I infinitely more private than most women.

 

I'm introverted. it's harder for a man to appreciate the subtle charms of an introverted woman especially if he is used to being with extroverted women.

 

A guy I dated casually who recently said "I love you" said something to that effect. He had to ditch me, date other women for several years, and only thing did he recognize my hidden charms.

[KatZee]

Yup, OLD was my savior, haha. It's how I met my boyfriend. If it weren't for OLD I'd still be here like "Herp Derp Phoe can't get a date"

 

I think that's just how it is, honestly. It's not like we CAN'T get a date, well maybe I'm just speaking for myself, but in my life... I'm at work in my own office all day long. I have so much work that I'm locked inside pretty much 90% of the week.

 

Once work is over I'm so beat that I just drag myself home, eat dinner, take a bath, and pass out. And I repeat this M-F. So of course I'm never going to meet anyone who wants to take me out on a date.

 

Weekends, I do my errands, I'll go out and have "girls days" and that's another reason we probably can't get dates. Guys don't generally approach groups of women.

 

So I've just been relying on OLD completely to meet people.

[Leigh 87]

It's a medical condition.

 

It's called "Chronic Resting Bitch Face." I have this condition as well.

 

I've had people come up to me and be like, "You're SO serious" "Are you OK?" "You should smile." Meanwhile I'm like... "Hi. Yeah. This is just my face. I wasn't annoyed/angry/serious/upset before... but I am now."

 

People will come up to me and just be like you ok!? And I flat out just tell people now, yeah, I just have Resting Bitch Face I'm fine, that usually gets some laughs.

 

It's either resting bitch face, or I look like a lunatic with a smile on my face 24/7. There's no middle ground.

 

I know it mainly has to do with my eyes, they're very expressive, so when I'm kind of just hanging out they come off serious/bitchy so when I go out with friends I make sure to keep them more wide open, I have huge eyes so I make sure I keep the puppy dog eyes out when I want guys to approach. Sometimes I forget and that's when guys won't talk to me lol.

 

 

I have a fantastic solution.

 

Move to Russia.

 

Smiling without a good reason there is a sign of stupidity. They don't like when people just walk down the street, smiling. Since they just see you smiling and don't know if there is a reason for it, they will think you're an idiot and they won't approach if you smile....

 

However, the women are very pretty lolz, and they always seemed to wear high heels... apparently they try to ready themselves to get male attention. .... 24/7

 

Lastly, KatZee. .. i have gotten a lot of male interest, from decent men ( no,.not disappearing guy or my ex), simply because I have done a lot of travel and I like adventure. . And I've lived overseas.

 

for some reason a few of the most conservative, most moneyed guys, seemed to like the "excitement" factor.

 

Plus frankly, staying in the same country your entire life is boring. I don't date men who have never left Australia. I save 380 dollars a week.. it's ALL I actually earn! Yet I am the nanny of a.nice family who pays my living expenses so.i save every penny I earn.

 

If I can save for travel on that low income and opt to go in my college holidays, you can get to Australia or Europe for a couple of weeks too.

 

Plus European men were VERY sexy and you would have fun , maybe you would more easily get a boyfriend there who's willing to commit and move to be with you than you can find in your own city:lmao

[somedude81]

Yup, OLD was my savior, haha. It's how I met my boyfriend. If it weren't for OLD I'd still be here like "Herp Derp Phoe can't get a date"

Hah! Not a chance.

 

Either way OLD worked out for you. It really does favor women.

 

They outlawed that thing that favored men. Clubbin' ain't what it used to be.

[Imajerk17]

I see a lot of whining on this thread.

 

I've already told the guys who are struggling to buck up so I'm not going to repeat myself here. If you are a woman who wants a relationship but is finding it really hard to get one though, I'd advise a couple of things.

 

(a) Consider whether you need to be upgrading your life. If your life is mostly working without much else, then you are going to find it hard to get a guy with options to stick around. Even if you happen to meet him i.e., he approaches. Even if you make a lot of money. (As a guy who does have options, I know this very well.)

 

(b) Reconsider whether your standards truly are working for you. In particular, consider giving the keen for you guys you are turning down more of a chance.

Edited May 14, 2014 by Imajerk17

[somedude81]

I see a lot of whining on this thread.

 

I've already told the guys who are struggling to buck up so I'm not going to repeat myself here. If you are a woman who wants a relationship but is finding it really hard to get one though, I'd advise a couple of things.

 

(a) Consider whether you need to be upgrading your life. If your life is mostly working without much else, then you are going to find it hard to get a guy with options to stick around. Even if you happen to meet him i.e., he approaches. Even if you make a lot of money. (As a guy who does have options, I know this very well.)

 

(b) Reconsider whether your standards truly are working for you. In particular, consider giving the keen for you guys you are turning down more of a chance.

 

In all honestly, I think there are only a couple of real dating tips to give women, that would solve almost all of their problems.

 

1. Don't have sex without exclusivity

2. Don't date a man who disrespects you

3. If you're having trouble meeting men. Try online dating.

 

That's pretty much it. Dating as a woman is easy.

[Untouched]

That's because men leave most of the small towns and go to the bigger cities to find work, higher paying jobs. Women, such as yourself don't really leave the cities they grew up in, unless they go away with a guy.

 

 

Do you really think so? I am far from my hometown and state for school and all my friends here are from out of state too. I mean, every one. I def don't plan to go back home when I finish school. I am hoping for a career.

[somedude81]

Do you really think so? I am far from my hometown and state for school and all my friends here are from out of state too. I mean, every one. I def don't plan to go back home when I finish school. I am hoping for a career.

While it does happen it's most certainly not the norm.

 

Men are far more likely to go away for school and work.

 

Some women do go away for school, but if they don't meet any guys, they go back home.

Edited May 14, 2014 by somedude81

[irc333]

 

Reconsider whether your standards truly are working for you. In particular, consider giving the keen for you guys you are turning down more of a chance.

 

Amen to that. You'd be surpised how many women turn down men that would've wound up with, even in marriage.

 

At a Meetup, apparently this friend of mine from a hiking group knew BOTH these people as friends, but those two people really didn't know each other all that well.

 

Apparently, my "hiking group" friend talked to his single female friend into talking to his single male friend.

 

She was resistant at first actually, just assumed he wasn't "Her type". Then after some coaxing, she went forth and got to know him.

 

Now...they are married.

 

Had she been still resistant, she'd still be on dating sites looking for men. lol

[carhill]

A really good life lesson I learned, from all people my exW, regarding 'struggle', is that people who appear to not struggle appear that way because they don't, in that they don't bog themselves down with the details, rather go with it, whatever 'it' is. She made a bit of detour with her third H, me, sharing with me during our dating period her change to some 'analysis' as a result of therapy but, failing with that process after experiencing our M, went back to her old ways and boom was onto her next man before we were even divorced.

 

When I poll friends who always seem to be in R's or M's, it's pretty similar. They rarely or don't think about many of the subjects we endlessly discuss here on LS. They simply interact with people and, if seeing a tasty morsel, taste it. No thought involved.

 

Perhaps one could debate the psychological health of that but also perhaps that's another lesson....those who are successful don't worry about such debates; they're busy getting laid. Food for thought.

[thefooloftheyear]

If you live long enough you will quickly realize that just about nothing in this life is truly "fair"....

 

And this game is about as unfair as it gets...

 

TFY

[potsticker]

If you live long enough you will quickly realize that just about nothing in this life is truly "fair"....

 

And this game is about as unfair as it gets...

 

TFY

 

yknow what is fair, though? death. Whether you're rich or poor, old or young, eventually death comes for you. So don't fret, people. Death welcomes all into his icy embrace, no matter what life has done to them

 

Sorry, couldn't resist

[Disillusioned]

It must feel great to be one of the people who makes life unfair...

 

Like me, I never spent a day in college, yet I live better than many people who graduated college.