How Often Are Taken Men Never Propositioned?

[GoodOnPaper]

On another thread of a similar name, there seem to be a lot of guys fending off cheating opportunities left and right. I seem to be in just as low demand married as I was when I was single. Never been propositioned -- not even close. Does it really matter how loyal we are if it's never tested?

[gaius]

A big part of the reason you've never been tested is you're not giving on the vibes that say you want to be. Which might just mean you love your wife and find she's enough for you.

[GoodOnPaper]

A big part of the reason you've never been tested is you're not giving on the vibes that say you want to be. Which might just mean you love your wife and find she's enough for you.

 

I think it's more that I was born with a natural talent for not giving out the vibes -- but thanks for the vote of confidence!

[gaius]

I think it's more that I was born with a natural talent for not giving out the vibes -- but thanks for the vote of confidence!

Maybe you were just never overly concerned about attention in general.

 

I remember a prophetic comment QuietStorm made in another thread about how she never gives out specific vibes so she never finds herself in the position of possibly cheating. If even what you read is true (which is probably isn't) and girls are throwing themselves at a guy left and right, he surely has something to do with it. Even though he loves his wife so dearly.

[anne1707]

A big part of the reason you've never been tested is you're not giving on the vibes that say you want to be. Which might just mean you love your wife and find she's enough for you.

 

I think there is much in this. It does baffle me at times because it almost seems like from some posts, these husbands are having to fight off all these hoards of women as if it is some deodorant advert. I remember one poster talking once of how women have even approached her husband in restaurants whilst the two of them are having dinner together. Seems a tad bizarre to me. Either that or or they go to pretty dodgy restaurants.

[man_in_the_box]

You know yourself best and that should be enough for you to value (or not) your own commitment. Just because it doesn't happen left and right, or at all doesn't make your dedication worthless.

[KathyM]

I don't know why you're not being propositioned, but I'm just going to say that it's a myth that married men (or women) must be giving off some kind of vibes if other people are hitting on them. I've never given off vibes to other men while married, and they still hit on me. I turn them down bluntly and they still pursue. My husband gets propositioned, even though he makes it very clear he is married and shows no romantic interest in other women. My sister's husband gets hit on as well by women who know that he's married. He is very careful not to "give off any vibes". Believe it or not, married people do get hit on without having given off vibes. You see it talked about often on LS how people are somehow attracted to married folks, and how being married has increased attention from the opposite sex. They are not actively trying to get attention from others while married (except for those people who are looking to cheat or looking for validation from others). Some people get propositioned by others, even if they show no interest. Some people mistake normal politeness or normal friendliness, or normal business interactions with a married person to be something more than what it is. While I agree that some married folks who are interested in cheating on their spouse or looking for romantic validation from others give off vibes of romantic interest, there are certainly many married folks that do not have a romantic interest in others but are still propositioned. I certainly have been propositioned without having shown an interest in someone. It's just ludicrous to say that no married person would ever get hit on unless he was giving off some vibes of showing romantic interest in someone. It happens all the time that unwanted attention is given to a married person, or that normal friendliness or normal business congeniality is mistaken for something more than it is, which sparks a romantic interest by someone outside of the marriage. Heck, my sister tells me about women walking right up to her husband while she's sitting at the table with him when they are out in public and striking up a conversation with him while dropping hints about where she hangs out (in case he might be interested). I'm pretty sure her husband isn't making googly eyes at other women while sitting at the table with my sister, or giving off some vibes of interest, or she would know it. Some people are just bold, and they go after what they want, and they make blatant passes at married folks. One man, knowing that my sister was married, came up to her table while her husband went to the men's room, and gave her his phone number out of the blue and told her to call him. She is happily married and was certainly not giving off any vibes to this guy.

[KathyM]

I think there is much in this. It does baffle me at times because it almost seems like from some posts, these husbands are having to fight off all these hoards of women as if it is some deodorant advert. I remember one poster talking once of how women have even approached her husband in restaurants whilst the two of them are having dinner together. Seems a tad bizarre to me. Either that or or they go to pretty dodgy restaurants.

That was me who talked about that. My sister goes out to supper clubs quite a bit with her husband, and this has happened to her and her husband. Some of the women are so bold as to come right up to the table and strike up a conversation with just her husband while dropping hints of where they like to hang out. Some of the men do this also to my sister, but wait until her husband has left the table. It is hard to believe that people would be so bold, but they are. And this is not dodgy places either. It's middle class or upscale supper clubs where you can dine and dance. I'm not talking about hoards of women, but often enough. Heck, I was propositioned at the shopping mall a week ago by some guy who knew I was married. It should be no surprise that married folks get hit on by others. And they get propositioned. Too many people don't have respect for marriage anymore, and think that anyone is fair game.

[OpenBook]

On another thread of a similar name, there seem to be a lot of guys fending off cheating opportunities left and right. I seem to be in just as low demand married as I was when I was single. Never been propositioned -- not even close. Does it really matter how loyal we are if it's never tested?

 

I suspect a lot of what you're reading is greatly exaggerated. (For example, a woman glances at them on the street. HA! she's hitting on them - in their imaginative minds anyway.) I wouldn't take it as the gospel truth if I were you. Gaius is right. Men are lying dogs when it comes (excuse the pun) to women.

[iris219]

People in relationships don't (or shouldn't) put themselves in positions where they'd actually get propositioned.

 

Now, having someone of the opposite sex flirt with you is different. That's not, in my opinion, "being propositioned."

 

So, my answer is very, very few men are actually fending off propositions from women while pumping gas.

[gaius]

I think there is much in this. It does baffle me at times because it almost seems like from some posts, these husbands are having to fight off all these hoards of women as if it is some deodorant advert. I remember one poster talking once of how women have even approached her husband in restaurants whilst the two of them are having dinner together. Seems a tad bizarre to me. Either that or or they go to pretty dodgy restaurants.

A lot of the biggest braggarts seem to be 50+ too. Which makes it even more strange. I've been around a lot of older guys and the only one I've ever seen get that kind of attention from women was the one dressed up to play santa claus at the local mall. Maybe that's what's going on and they're just leaving that part out.

[gaius]

Kathy, you're a psychologist. You know all about body language and all that stuff. If a guy comes up to you and you don't make eye contact, you politely talk to him but don't start laughing at all his jokes then odds are good he's not going to hit on you. If you do he might, and after a few times as an intelligent human being you're going to realize that's the reaction you can expect and edit your behavior if it's really not what you want. Like how a lot of sexual abuse victims become obese. To ward off attention.

 

If you and your husband are getting hit on a lot it's because you both want to be. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's true.

[gaius]

Propositioned for what?

 

For a cup of coffee? For Lunch? A Business Opportunity? An Investment Opportunity? For a Date? For Marriage? For a Sexual Interlude? For Girl Scout Cookies?

 

You can make a list of every sub category and ask me my opinion on how many men partake in each. And maybe I'll answer. Totally up to you my friend.

I thought the ignore list add was an honor but now I've even got my own doppelganger!

[Smilecharmer]

On another thread of a similar name, there seem to be a lot of guys fending off cheating opportunities left and right. I seem to be in just as low demand married as I was when I was single. Never been propositioned -- not even close. Does it really matter how loyal we are if it's never tested?

 

Of course it matters to your wife and she is the only one that counts. Some women will go after a man regardless if he is taken or not, because he is good looking or successful or powerful. Many women however don't do that because they have more restraint. Aren't you glad you don't have to deal with that?

[Shepp]

How many girls approach guys divided by how many guys are taken = your answer.

 

There's going to be a large proportion of girls that don't know if your taken, or married, or dating or whatever.

and then on top of that there's the ones who just don't care

 

 

Obviously you don't get propositioned by 10 girls a day or anything, but it happens!

 

One man, knowing that my sister was married, came up to her table while her husband went to the men's room, and gave her his phone number out of the blue and told her to call him.

Waiter did that to my fiancée when I got up to move the car or something, we were out at dinner with my family and everything.

 

Crazy!

 

 

I certainly don't give of vibes to girls - but im a friendly guy, im friendly to strangers and colleagues and what have you - i'm not gonna start being grumpy to folks just cause im in a relationship - im very capable of saying "no!"

[gaius]

I suspect a lot of what you're reading is greatly exaggerated. (For example, a woman glances at them on the street. HA! she's hitting on them - in their imaginative minds anyway.) I wouldn't take it as the gospel truth if I were you. Gaius is right. Men are lying dogs when it comes (excuse the pun) to women.

Thanks Open. I'd wager a little exaggeration is going on in Kathys sisters story. Women flocking to the table when she's gone and men when he's gone? And they're not even making eyes with anyone in the place? It would have been interesting being there and seeing what actually went on.

[GoodOnPaper]

Of course it matters to your wife and she is the only one that counts. Some women will go after a man regardless if he is taken or not, because he is good looking or successful or powerful. Many women however don't do that because they have more restraint. Aren't you glad you don't have to deal with that?

 

Maybe . . . but it would make it easier to shake the loser-with-women monkey off my back. That's been weighing on me for decades.

[jay1983]

I think there is much in this. It does baffle me at times because it almost seems like from some posts, these husbands are having to fight off all these hoards of women as if it is some deodorant advert. I remember one poster talking once of how women have even approached her husband in restaurants whilst the two of them are having dinner together. Seems a tad bizarre to me. Either that or or they go to pretty dodgy restaurants.

 

Women do come on to me when I'm involved with somebody a lot more often then I'm single. I don't know what the correlation is.

[Smilecharmer]

Maybe . . . but it would make it easier to shake the loser-with-women monkey off my back. That's been weighing on me for decades.

 

 

You have your wife so you obviously aren't a loser with all women. I think there are some people, me included, who would rather have one committed partner than a million admirers of external factors like looks and success.

[gaius]

Good, I get wild variations of attention based on my mood and body language. If I didn't have times when I wanted to seek attention there's a good possibility I could go through life without getting any. Even though I can get plenty when I want it. So don't think you're somehow less than because some are busy spending their whole day figuring out the right chords to strum. The only difference between you and them is the need.

 

As smile said, you got your wife so you can get it when you want it.

[man_in_the_box]

Well yeah apparently his wife isn't doing that for him. So perhaps he should figure out why he needs external validation to boost his self-confidence instead getting that from his relationship.

[KathyM]

Kathy, you're a psychologist. You know all about body language and all that stuff. If a guy comes up to you and you don't make eye contact, you politely talk to him but don't start laughing at all his jokes then odds are good he's not going to hit on you. If you do he might, and after a few times as an intelligent human being you're going to realize that's the reaction you can expect and edit your behavior if it's really not what you want. Like how a lot of sexual abuse victims become obese. To ward off attention.

 

If you and your husband are getting hit on a lot it's because you both want to be. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's true.

 

 

I certainly do not want to be propositioned by men and my body language when I am out does not say that I am open to being approached. And I also do not go to inappropriate places. From what some of you are implying, you'd think I was hitting up the singles clubs, the bars, or trying to flag down cars on the street. lol. I'm at the grocery store, the shopping mall, or walking home from work. Men approach me, find out I am married, and then proceed to proposition me. They are not deterred by the fact that I am married. I'm not misinterpreting their intent, either. When they find out that I am married, they do not back off.

 

 

My sister experienced a man approaching her and handing her his phone number and telling her to call him as soon as her husband left to go to the men's room. I'd certainly call that propositioning a person. Or the woman who gives an inordinate amount of attention to my sister's husband, makes every effort to sit by him at their group's functions, and follows him around the room wherever he goes. She knows he's married. He has given her no signals of interest, and is no more friendly to her than to any man or woman in that group, but she is attracted, so she makes her interest known. He has had to be very cold to her to try to get her to back off, either totally ignoring her or giving very brief and cold responses to her attempts to engage him in interaction. At first, when my sister mentioned her concerns about this woman, I also tried to say to her that maybe she's just interested in befriending them as a couple, or maybe she behaves that way to the other men in the group also, but no, this woman follows him around like a puppy dog, trying to corner him in the room as soon as he leaves my sister's side, and always makes sure she sits in the seat right next to him, has started to dress up quite a bit more than she used to at these functions, and goes way overboard with enthusiastic greatings to him. This is not exaggeration by his wife or by me.

[KathyM]

Thanks Open. I'd wager a little exaggeration is going on in Kathys sisters story. Women flocking to the table when she's gone and men when he's gone? And they're not even making eyes with anyone in the place? It would have been interesting being there and seeing what actually went on.

I never said women or men are flocking to their table. I said some women have approached their table to strike up a conversation with her husband, and drop hints about where they like to hang out and when. I'd say that's a veiled proposition. And certainly the man who handed out his phone number to my sister as soon as her husband left the table was propositioning her. It can't be interpreted any other way. And I know for a fact that neither my sister or her husband was giving off vibes of interest in others. And these people knew that they were married. It happens. I'm surprised some people find this so hard to believe.

[gaius]

I certainly do not want to be propositioned by men and my body language when I am out does not say that I am open to being approached. And I also do not go to inappropriate places. From what some of you are implying, you'd think I was hitting up the singles clubs, the bars, or trying to flag down cars on the street. lol. I'm at the grocery store, the shopping mall, or walking home from work. Men approach me, find out I am married, and then proceed to proposition me. They are not deterred by the fact that I am married. I'm not misinterpreting their intent, either. When they find out that I am married, they do not back off.

 

My sister experienced a man approaching her and handing her his phone number and telling her to call him as soon as her husband left to go to the men's room. I'd certainly call that propositioning a person. Or the woman who gives an inordinate amount of attention to my sister's husband, makes every effort to sit by him at their group's functions, and follows him around the room wherever he goes. She knows he's married. He has given her no signals of interest, and is no more friendly to her than to any man or woman in that group, but she is attracted, so she makes her interest known. He has had to be very cold to her to try to get her to back off, either totally ignoring her or giving very brief and cold responses to her attempts to engage him in interaction. At first, when my sister mentioned her concerns about this woman, I also tried to say to her that maybe she's just interested in befriending them as a couple, or maybe she behaves that way to the other men in the group also, but no, this woman follows him around like a puppy dog, trying to corner him in the room as soon as he leaves my sister's side, and always makes sure she sits in the seat right next to him, has started to dress up quite a bit more than she used to at these functions, and goes way overboard with enthusiastic greatings to him. This is not exaggeration by his wife or by me.

I knew a girl who did some modeling a few years ago and every time she would go out in public she made sure to not make eye contact with anyone and always had her ear phones on. Ended up meeting almost every boyfriend online because she would never get approached in public. Even though she rode the subway to work everyday.

 

How does the conversation with these guys even get to the point where they find out you're married? You can't be one of these women that thinks they come up to you just to be friendly.

 

I'm not really talking about the exceptionally crazy person that you can run into now and then. It's about attention in general.

[gaius]

I never said women or men are flocking to their table. I said some women have approached their table to strike up a conversation with her husband, and drop hints about where they like to hang out and when. I'd say that's a veiled proposition. And certainly the man who handed out his phone number to my sister as soon as her husband left the table was propositioning her. It can't be interpreted any other way. And I know for a fact that neither my sister or her husband was giving off vibes of interest in others. And these people knew that they were married. It happens. I'm surprised some people find this so hard to believe.

And that's probably a conversation he could have de-sexified at any time before she started dropping hints. By simply sending out the right vibe.

 

You don't even have to be rude or standoffish. Usually being very polite but formal and boring works wonders. At least with women.