Tayla Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 After reading further it now all makes sense. They are both willing to lie. She to her parents ( for what she considers good reasons) and the Groom ( for what he considers good reasons/intentions). Maybe they really are meant for each other. I personally as a parent would want my adult children to be free to openly speak of their happiness or even uneasiness on entering the marital stage. Their happiness and morals are of importance. Not sure how any culture can permit two adults to remain miserable in marriage so that the parents are not shamed or dishonored. Makes zero sense.. Marriage may include the support of extended family members, but ultimately it's the bride and the groom that have to live together and work thru matters, not the parents. Link to post Share on other sites
Author conehead Posted May 13, 2014 Author Share Posted May 13, 2014 The fact that he was divorced would not destroy my father, its the fact that I was with a married guy for that long without even knowing. My father would be gutted! The thought of his baby daughter being the other woman, home-wrecker, losing my dignity. In his mind, even if he truly believed I didn't know this whole time, he'd still have moments thinking 'maybe she did know, and she was with him anyway'....it will pain him too much. I can't do that to him. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 After reading further it now all makes sense. They are both willing to lie. She to her parents ( for what she considers good reasons) and the Groom ( for what he considers good reasons/intentions). Maybe they really are meant for each other. I personally as a parent would want my adult children to be free to openly speak of their happiness or even uneasiness on entering the marital stage. Their happiness and morals are of importance. Not sure how any culture can permit two adults to remain miserable in marriage so that the parents are not shamed or dishonored. Makes zero sense.. Marriage may include the support of extended family members, but ultimately it's the bride and the groom that have to live together and work thru matters, not the parents. Our parents don't really need to know all the intimate details of our daily lives...especially considering the circumstances. The OP is an adult and she doesn't need to report to her parents. However, this guy holding a huge lie back from his life partner is a big deal. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 After reading further it now all makes sense. They are both willing to lie. She to her parents ( for what she considers good reasons) and the Groom ( for what he considers good reasons/intentions). Maybe they really are meant for each other. I personally as a parent would want my adult children to be free to openly speak of their happiness or even uneasiness on entering the marital stage. Their happiness and morals are of importance. Not sure how any culture can permit two adults to remain miserable in marriage so that the parents are not shamed or dishonored. Makes zero sense.. Marriage may include the support of extended family members, but ultimately it's the bride and the groom that have to live together and work thru matters, not the parents. Your lack of understanding or empathy for the realities of her cultural background do not make the solution as obvious for her as it may be for you, though. Also, as far as your snarky "meant for each other" comment - he entered into a relationship with full knowledge of what he was doing, and lied to her for 2-1/2 years. She has very freshly discovered this betrayal that has been thrust upon her, and is still considering how she might handle it and its impact on her family, including not sharing information about her personal life with them (which, arguably, is her prerogative.) I think those are magnitudes apart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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