Are Passion and Comfort Mutually Exclusive?

[Leigh 87]

I honestly want to do a study on this, I am baffled that it is apparently such a mean feet to find the partner who you were all excited about and felt the passion for and yet who also provides you comfort and a lasting relationship.

 

I have extracted quotes:

 

"Ask the passionate woman who find that her husband is a workaholic, or emotionally unavailable, or a cheater. You get one thing, you give up another. Anyone who tells you otherwise isn’t telling you the truth"

 

 

“I always thought that fireworks were the most important part of a relationship. For years I had short-term girlfriends where I was so enamored that I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. Unfortunately, those women dumped me because there were parts of my personality they couldn’t accept. And I really decided that I wanted to be with someone who loved me in full. When I met my wife, I wasn’t infatuated with her. I didn’t call her ten times a day. I didn’t tell her I loved her until six months in. Yet I have yet to meet a better human being. Nobody is cooler, more fun, more generous, and kinder than she is. Oh, and we’ve got a great sex life. In other words, I’ve hit the wife jackpot. Do we have the same sizzle that I’ve had in past relationships? No. Do I have a relationship with a person who truly understands the meaning of cliches like “unconditional love”, “partner in crime” and “’til death do us part”? Hell, yeah.”

Feel free to pity me for being completely happy in my relationship. I can take it."

 

Well they are the quotes I have copy.pasted.

 

Personally, I am not sure why there is such a big of a deal about high chemistry not being mutually exclusive with being comfortable?

 

Both my friend and I are in those passionate relationships with really nice guys who I highly doubt are cheaters. I am sure plenty of other people feel the it factor and giddy with excitement after their first date!

[Leigh 87]

The dating coach also wanted to clarify to his readers:

 

" No one on this blog – least of all me – told you to be in a relationship with a 0 passion. Of course your relationship will suffer if you don’t want to have sex with only person you’re supposed to have sex with. Keep reading this blog, my friend. 7 passion, 10 compatibility makes for a nice life. "

.......................................................................

 

I agree with this, sparks don't need to be instant but I much prefer a guy to be head over heels, lolz.

[melell]

Where did the copypasta come from, Leigh?

 

I really don't know, I don't think it is a given that one thing has to be traded for another - at all.

I do think, though, that it has a lot to do with emotional maturity, and somehow emotional immaturity is linked to high chemistry... when you spend a few years with someone the chemistry seems to change, not necessarily for better or worse-just different. I know that is a time thing,but I think it counts.

[Leigh 87]

Do You Have to Have Passion to Have a Successful Relationship?

 

The dating coach who made the website said he "wasn't infatuated with his wife at first, and they don't sizzle between the sheets like some of his past lovers"

 

Yet he then goes on to say that he advocates that there NEEDS to be SOME passion? wth?

 

A 7 on the passion scale is darn lucky if you also get the comfort/long lasting part!

 

I personally would draw the line if say, my bf had been with a girl he felt more passionate about. I at least want a guy to feel AS passionate about me as he ever has with prior partners.

 

I don't want to be "that girl" who never ignited "those feelings" in my partner....that "other girls" seemed to generate.

[melell]

Have a look at this, it is the abstract from a recently published article in a cambridge journal. Lots of research goes into trying to explain relationships:)

"Relationships form the essence of personality and contribute to the individual's wellbeing. Keeping in view the significance that relationships may have on an individual, it becomes compelling to examine relationship quality, the central guiding force of relationships. Relationship quality — the positive or negative feelings about a relationship — is termed an ambiguous concept. The purpose of this article is to review the literature of relationship quality to develop a deep understanding of the construct, by exploring its various determinants. The article begins with a description of the construct followed by a detailed exploration of the factors that determine relationship quality. Research suggests that a wide range of factors have an influence on relationship quality. These include, among others, self-verification and self-enhancement, personality, emotional intelligence, interaction patterns, and partner support. Economic factors also play an important role in determining relationship quality. Previous research also suggests that most of the research on relationship quality has been done on either marital relationships or dating relationships. Further, the determinants of relationship quality may be different with respect to different types of relationships. Additionally, research suggests that relationship quality has been examined using multiple methods, which strengthens the claim of relationship quality being a complex and ambiguous construct."

Journal of Relationships Research

Journal of Relationships Research / Volume 5 / January 2014, e2 (11 pages)Copyright © The Author(s), published by Cambridge University Press on behalf of Australian Academic Press Pty Ltd 2014

[Leigh 87]

hmm well that article and likely, most academic journals or articles won't write about "the spark" or colourful words such as "fireworks"

 

To put it very simple, both me and my bf were thrilled about each other from date one.

 

I guess most people are more lukewarm on date one and rather, take until date 3 to want to kiss.

 

I was like that with a guy once... Had NO desire to kiss him, until about date 3 or 4 when I warmed up enough to enjoy kissing and stuff.

[melell]

Yeah, I don't think 'most' are lukewarm at the beginning, I think it is fairly common to experience that mutually.

 

It is cool you found someone you were thrilled about from day one, it is a bummer when people don't experience that every time.

[iris219]

Nope, I have both.

 

Passion doesn't equal drama to me like it does for some people and it's not like we have crazy passion every moment of our lives together, but the spark is definitely still there in addition to being comfortable with each other.

 

I also don't think most people are lukewarm in the beginning like melell said.

[melell]

Nope, I have both.

 

Passion doesn't equal drama to me like it does for some people and it's not like we have crazy passion every moment of our lives together, but the spark is definitely still there in addition to being comfortable with each other.

 

I also don't think most people are lukewarm in the beginning like melell said.

This is what I meant by that emotional maturity, chemistry/passion can still be there without it being dramatized, at least in my experience!

[Shepp]

Interesting,

 

I have to say that its my personal advice that folk could search their whole lies to figure out why other peoples relationships work or why they don't - why some people just click and others don't. I don't really believe its a sciency thing, I think theres an element that no one will ever be able to put their finger on and if im honest, I like it that way.

 

 

To take your point though - do both parties of the couple feel the same way? From your quotes - did this dudes wife also feel 'comfort/compatibility' but not as much passion or did the passionate women's husband feel the fireworks too?

 

I think that's inresting.....so both parties need to be on the same page or can they be looking for different things and find it in each other?

 

 

For me, pursuing my girlfriend was definitely about the passion - perfectly "nice" girls I met didn't come even close, they just couldn't compete with the spark I felt with her.

But then...I was a steady guy, with a steady family and steady friends and a steady life - she was/is my firecracker and I needed one!

 

I don't think she'd say the same though, I don't think that's what drew her to me be it as a partner or even more so firstly as a friend. I think she though I was loyal. And trustworthy, dependable, moral. I think for a long time she just liked me as like a big brother who looks out for you.

But then you strip it back and she'd had a turbulent life, nobody else had her back, I guess if your in that situation and your going to pick a friend you do pick the steady guy with the steady family and steady life. To use your words I guess "comfort" and security move up the list of importance.

 

 

 

Maybe like Maslow's Hierarchy of needs - because passion can grow from love but if you can chase passion if you don't have security first. If you already have security from outside the relationship or from yourself then you can happily jump straight to passion.

[MissBee]

I honestly want to do a study on this, I am baffled that it is apparently such a mean feet to find the partner who you were all excited about and felt the passion for and yet who also provides you comfort and a lasting relationship.

 

I have extracted quotes:

 

"Ask the passionate woman who find that her husband is a workaholic, or emotionally unavailable, or a cheater. You get one thing, you give up another. Anyone who tells you otherwise isn’t telling you the truth"

 

 

“I always thought that fireworks were the most important part of a relationship. For years I had short-term girlfriends where I was so enamored that I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. Unfortunately, those women dumped me because there were parts of my personality they couldn’t accept. And I really decided that I wanted to be with someone who loved me in full. When I met my wife, I wasn’t infatuated with her. I didn’t call her ten times a day. I didn’t tell her I loved her until six months in. Yet I have yet to meet a better human being. Nobody is cooler, more fun, more generous, and kinder than she is. Oh, and we’ve got a great sex life. In other words, I’ve hit the wife jackpot. Do we have the same sizzle that I’ve had in past relationships? No. Do I have a relationship with a person who truly understands the meaning of cliches like “unconditional love”, “partner in crime” and “’til death do us part”? Hell, yeah.”

Feel free to pity me for being completely happy in my relationship. I can take it."

 

Well they are the quotes I have copy.pasted.

 

Personally, I am not sure why there is such a big of a deal about high chemistry not being mutually exclusive with being comfortable?

 

Both my friend and I are in those passionate relationships with really nice guys who I highly doubt are cheaters. I am sure plenty of other people feel the it factor and giddy with excitement after their first date!

 

What do you mean by passionate?

 

The thing is, which I've said in your other thread, is that people have different definitions of "passion" and "chemistry" and what seems common is that what people call passion and chemistry are often code for a certain level of drama, emotional unavailability or toxicity.In fact the etymology of the word passion comes from the Latin which means to suffer....it makes perfect sense given the original meaning of the word why destructive relationships often are very passionate, as it is many times this kind of love sick suffering that is often unsustainable. See..."The Passion of Christ" also encompassing this notion of passion as suffering and crucifixion.

 

There is of course healthy passion and unhealthy kinds of it...and I think many people don't know the difference or most often are in search of the unhealthy kind as THE marker for "love." Because of this tendency, it's usually advised, even by therapists, that one not put so much primacy on "passion" as that may lead you astray. It is not about being with people who bore you or whom you dislike, the quote you posted is obviously from someone seemingly very happy and fulfilled but who didn't initially experience some over the top "high" from their relationship...

 

It seems you're making the over the top high feeling this ultimate ideal situation...I wonder why. You talked about fairytales and tbh I rolled my eyes when I saw that because I'm like you do know fairytales are fantasies, made up, stories for children and adults should not be modeling their lives on children's fantasy stories. I guess to me that attitude seems naive. No one is living in a fairytale, even people who look like it. Look, I'm as romantic and idealistic as they come...if you read about the Pisces woman, a lot of that is me . But the big awakening for me was realizing what is realistic and what isn't. Like I said, I started looking at the relationships I admired and that seemed awesome to me, one is my aunt's, and when I talked to her and asked her about things, I realized that the "fairytale" I saw was an idealized peek at their relationship and did not at all explain how it wasn't some love at first sight scenario (although now they're as in love as ever), it didn't mean they always agreed, it didn't mean she was walking on clouds of passion for the last 15 years etc....which was what I somehow desired and expected. Yet, her relationship is a lot of what I actually want and I realized if I made immediate passion the criteria, chances are I'd probably miss out...

 

If for you you experienced that and your relationship is loving and sustainable then great...but others, like myself, have also experienced that and found out it was often a passion that was flawed, so through experience learned that our idea of passion or chemistry and how we prioritized it might not have made any sense as it didn't amount to the results we wanted.

 

There are already studies or discussions by relationship experts on chemistry and passion...you can start reading there if you're interested in them as larger ideas and you'll begin to see why even relationship experts and counselors warn against over emphasizing it.I think lots of happy couples have passion, but again, what kind? Is it a definition you would recognize or is your definition based in fairytales, which are by definition, made up? Is your definition based in an emotionally healthy idea or one influenced by not so healthy ideas? Can you recognize passion as maybe different to different people and not simply synonymous with things instant or intense, i.e. do you exclude the possibility of passion being slow burning and is your definition one that means instant catching of fire?

[MissBee]

hmm well that article and likely, most academic journals or articles won't write about "the spark" or colourful words such as "fireworks"

 

To put it very simple, both me and my bf were thrilled about each other from date one.

I guess most people are more lukewarm on date one and rather, take until date 3 to want to kiss.

 

I was like that with a guy once... Had NO desire to kiss him, until about date 3 or 4 when I warmed up enough to enjoy kissing and stuff.

 

Where did you get this idea from?

[GoodOnPaper]

While I don't think comfort and passion have to be strictly exclusive of one another, I do think that a lot of us have personalities and skills sets that are much more conducive to one vs. the other. For me, compatibility (comfort) is easy while attraction (passion) has always been very difficult. Being in a 20-year marriage doesn't phase me (in a bad way) a bit, but attracting someone for a ONS would be an achievement of bucket list proportions. I can relate to this from one of your quotes:

 

For years I had short-term girlfriends where I was so enamored that I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. Unfortunately, those women dumped me because there were parts of my personality they couldn’t accept. When I met my wife, I wasn’t infatuated with her. I didn’t call her ten times a day. I didn’t tell her I loved her until six months in.

 

It was very difficult attracting the girlfriends in the first place, but when I did, I was always the one being dumped for being too boring, nerdy, "nice", etc. With my wife, I couldn't shake her no matter what I did, but as much as she was drawn to me, it never translated very well into the passion area.

 

All-in-all, I think both comfort and passion are theoretically possible IF you are good at the attraction part of dating. If you are only good at the comfort part, you basically have to live with whatever you can get on the passion side.

[Leigh 87]

I seem to be good at attracting the passion part that seems to come instantly. It has only lasted more than a ONS or short term fling ONCE, with the current guy....

 

I am also good with comfort. I have had two relationships lasting over two years each and I was very content with living with both partners and being domestic. I actually grew MORE passion towards both exes over time than I had to begin with.

[Leigh 87]

What do you mean by passionate?

 

The thing is, which I've said in your other thread, is that people have different definitions of "passion" and "chemistry" and what seems common is that what people call passion and chemistry are often code for a certain level of drama, emotional unavailability or toxicity.In fact the etymology of the word passion comes from the Latin which means to suffer....it makes perfect sense given the original meaning of the word why destructive relationships often are very passionate, as it is many times this kind of love sick suffering that is often unsustainable. See..."The Passion of Christ" also encompassing this notion of passion as suffering and crucifixion.

 

My version of passion: being thrilled about each other on the first date, possibly telling your friends that you had the best first date ever, both mutually feeling that the sexual chemistry is pretty darn good.

 

It doesn't mean some all consuming, toxic thing where both people cannot live eat or breath without the other person upon a first meeting:lmao:

 

Being: taken, besotted, enamoured, having at least a high degree of chemistry from a 7/10 upwards.

 

It doesn't have to be 10/10 or off the charts but I tend to prefer it that way:lmao: My bf and I wanted to rip each others clothes off after date one but we were well behaved, lolz.

 

There is of course healthy passion and unhealthy kinds of it...and I think many people don't know the difference or most often are in search of the unhealthy kind as THE marker for "love." Because of this tendency, it's usually advised, even by therapists, that one not put so much primacy on "passion" as that may lead you astray. It is not about being with people who bore you or whom you dislike, the quote you posted is obviously from someone seemingly very happy and fulfilled but who didn't initially experience some over the top "high" from their relationship...

 

I personally wouldn't want to date a partner who had previously been more enamoured with another woman in his past. I am very pleased that I am the first girl my boyfriend had felt that strongly about. He felt strongly for one of his exes but, you know, I don't want a guy to have had "that girl" who he was infatuated with when he is not with ME.

 

Evidently, passion is important to me but I don't want the toxic crap that comes along with it.

 

Yes I am predisposed to drama but I seek therapy and I seldom ever cause drama. I suppose the natural aptitude for drama spawned my inclination towards "passion" Who knows.

 

It seems you're making the over the top high feeling this ultimate ideal situation...I wonder why. You talked about fairytales and tbh I rolled my eyes when I saw that because I'm like you do know fairytales are fantasies, made up, stories for children and adults should not be modeling their lives on children's fantasy stories. I guess to me that attitude seems naive. No one is living in a fairytale, even people who look like it.

 

But to me he is a fairy tale. I quiet little grin like an idiot every night that I get to fall asleep in his arms. Literally every night I have an enormous sense of how lucky I am.

 

It seems to be a large determinant of health for me, the comfort, love, the fact he treats me well and respects me, makes me laugh, gives me the best sex I have ever had...

 

Yet it is not all consuming in an unhealthy manner; we are both at ages where, although he has told me that he thinks about me constantly , he can tame it and you know, go about his every day business without struggling to concentrate.

 

I was fairly into my ex tbh, and I found that, as an escape from my life that was lacking in key areas, I would day dream and think too intensively about my ex as a means of escaping my lacklustre life. With the new guy, I have managed to find a man I feel more intense about yet who I am able to channel more HEALTHY thoughts towards. He is no doubt a beacon of light haha he shines through my day and makes them a lot happier, but I can focus on assignments with out being too consumed with thinking about my boyfriend. I had to gain contentment more so in my life, and after that I found that I didn't obsessively think about guys anymore. THAT could be mistaken for passion perhaps, or be part of the unhealthy type of passion?

 

 

Look, I'm as romantic and idealistic as they come...if you read about the Pisces woman, a lot of that is me . But the big awakening for me was realizing what is realistic and what isn't. Like I said, I started looking at the relationships I admired and that seemed awesome to me, one is my aunt's, and when I talked to her and asked her about things, I realized that the "fairytale" I saw was an idealized peek at their relationship and did not at all explain how it wasn't some love at first sight scenario (although now they're as in love as ever), it didn't mean they always agreed, it didn't mean she was walking on clouds of passion for the last 15 years etc....which was what I somehow desired and expected. Yet, her relationship is a lot of what I actually want and I realized if I made immediate passion the criteria, chances are I'd probably miss out...

 

I felt immediate sparks with my boyfriend. But I did not get the "hard to get, out of reach" player vibe from him because my boyfriend is a wonderful man. I can see the correlation between the player type of energy they seem to give out and the propensity for passion.

 

I did feel instant passion with my boyfriend, if you define passion as: instant sexual chemistry, we both had a really great feeling about each other from date one, we were both very much excited about having met. I lost sleep for days in advance before out second date I was that over the moon about getting to see him.. spend more time with him....

 

If for you you experienced that and your relationship is loving and sustainable then great...but others, like myself, have also experienced that and found out it was often a passion that was flawed, so through experience learned that our idea of passion or chemistry and how we prioritized it might not have made any sense as it didn't amount to the results we wanted.

 

Perhaps because my boyfriend is a really decent person and treats me well, we didn't get hat "raw, strongest type" of passion you lament about being destructive?

 

I find it interesting. I wouldn't say I felt more passion towards the disappearing pr!ck of last year, but.. He gave out such a strong vibe of... player? Not sure. He was a overtly sexual guy from the UK (those accents get me:love:), openly wanted to ravish my body on first sight, it was just SO oversexed and overwhelming, I shook and sweated.

 

I wouldn't say I felt more fireworks with him than current "nice guy" , but I can see how the element of uncertainly, of not being 100% comfortable with a future with him, could quiet easily result in heightened intensity and emotions.

 

I had the same passion with the both guys only one guy had the "bad boy" persona, where as my bf was still different and interesting, and funny yet had the "nice guy" vibe about him. Different types of passion only I dig nice guys and don't have some sort of a complex where I feel stronger degrees of lust for the men who aren't into me enough.... They do not keep me on my toes, I am just so not interested, lolz.

 

That guy with the British accent^^ we made out right away the passion was also intense, only, I felt assured and comfortable with my boyfriend from date one. I honestly felt secure, and my gut instincts were slumbering happily, as though they were not intending to ever scream out at me in the foreseeable future:lmao:

 

There are already studies or discussions by relationship experts on chemistry and passion...you can start reading there if you're interested in them as larger ideas and you'll begin to see why even relationship experts and counselors warn against over emphasizing it.I think lots of happy couples have passion, but again, what kind? Is it a definition you would recognize or is your definition based in fairytales, which are by definition, made up? Is your definition based in an emotionally healthy idea or one influenced by not so healthy ideas? Can you recognize passion as maybe different to different people and not simply synonymous with things instant or intense, i.e. do you exclude the possibility of passion being slow burning and is your definition one that means instant catching of fire?

 

To reiterate: Passion to me was

 

- instantly feeling a sexual spark

- wanting to make out on the first date

- falling in love rather fast (yes it cannot be cemented as genuine love until it proves to last through hardships and adversities)

 

- we were thrilled upon first meeting

- we knew right away we had no eyes for others..

- we were stupidly happy

- he thought about me constantly

 

The healthy elements?

 

- we can still go about our daily business without being preoccupied in thinking about each other.

- we prefer to spend all our spare time together but we don't go nuts if we cannot see one another for say, a week or a ten day stretch.

- we want the other person to have our own friends and to be normal, go hang out with friends and do normal stuff that shows we have people outside of the relationship we take an interest in...

- He is very protective and hates guys being inappropriate to me and would get very angry if a guy were to harass me, however, he is not a jealous guy when it comes to me talking to guys or having male friends. We don't get jealous really, no retrospective jealously however it is you phrase it correctly!

[acrosstheuniverse]

Maybe like Maslow's Hierarchy of needs - because passion can grow from love but if you can chase passion if you don't have security first. If you already have security from outside the relationship or from yourself then you can happily jump straight to passion.

 

That's such an interesting take on it, Shepp. My own life and background is turbulent, lots of loss, both from death and abandonment, difficult times with family members, several years of difficult health issues and financial troubles. So when I'm looking for a guy, I seem to be most attracted to those who are steady and stable, who treat me consistently well, and who don't play games. I don't go for the guys who are drinking like crazy every weekend, can't bring myself to date somebody who uses drugs, if he can't maintain a decent home environment (clean sheets and dishes, within reason of course) or if he doesn't know where he's going in life, even if he isn't there yet. I find all of those things a massive turn off. Yet I have friends with more stable backgrounds, a family behind them, and no major bumps in the road growing up who seem to constantly go for the men that play games hot and cold, treat them well one day and ignore them the next. As soon as I get a scent of that kind of behaviour I'm gone.

 

Then again, these days I'm very much the stable type myself, not many unresolved issues, I rarely drink and never take drugs, I go partying maybe three/four times a year and keep it low key the rest of the time (even though I see friends a lot and have many close amazing friendships), I work and volunteer and study like crazy and keep my home spotless, cook homemade meals and can finally manage my money. So I doubt the stable guys I am now attracted to are attracted to me for being a 'firecracker' although they obviously in time do eventually learn about some of the things I've experienced.

[Shepp]

That's such an interesting take on it, Shepp. My own life and background is turbulent, lots of loss, both from death and abandonment, difficult times with family members, several years of difficult health issues and financial troubles. So when I'm looking for a guy, I seem to be most attracted to those who are steady and stable, who treat me consistently well, and who don't play games. I don't go for the guys who are drinking like crazy every weekend, can't bring myself to date somebody who uses drugs, if he can't maintain a decent home environment (clean sheets and dishes, within reason of course) or if he doesn't know where he's going in life, even if he isn't there yet. I find all of those things a massive turn off. Yet I have friends with more stable backgrounds, a family behind them, and no major bumps in the road growing up who seem to constantly go for the men that play games hot and cold, treat them well one day and ignore them the next. As soon as I get a scent of that kind of behaviour I'm gone.

 

Its definitely a runnable theory!

[janedoe67]

In response to the original question:

 

No, they are not

[Phoe]

I don't think people have to trade one for the other. I think it's possible to find both.

 

I just think it's more COMMON that people will willingly trade one for the other.

[ThaWholigan]

Not that I have the relationship experience to categorically say so, but in my opinion I think that the two elements can co-exist in a relationship. In some cases, I think you can't have one without at least a bit of the other!

 

I echo what melell posted about emotional maturity - at least in the sense that one must recognize that relationships can be cyclical and there will be phases where the "fire" dies down a bit but it's not easily extinguishable.

[joystickd]

Passion and comfort in some ways are not mutually exclusive. Sometimes to keep passion going you have to be unpredictable and comfort can be one of the biggest things that can ruin a relationship. If one is comfortable then they wont do the things to keep the fire going. People can get lazy and feel like yeah I got this person so I don't have to put in the work. What I have learned from being an OM is that one has to keep putting in the work and be unpredictable.

[SolG]

Hi Leigh :-) Sternberg's triangular theory of love is an old un but a good un. It's still used pretty extensively in couple's therapy because of its simplicity and ease of application.

 

The theory states that love has three dimensions; intimacy (like what you refer to as comfort), passion and commitment. "The amount of love one experiences depends on the absolute strength of these three components, and the type of love one experiences depends on their strengths relative to each other."

 

Check it out and see what you think:

 

Triangular theory of love - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Els]

They are definitely not mutually exclusive.

 

I think the reason you feel they are, is that you believe 'passion' needs to be 'instant'. Instantly feeling a sexual spark, making out on first date, falling in love fast, thrilled upon first meeting, etc. That all just strikes me as, well, 'instant', but not an indicator of passion.

 

Passion, to me, is the intensity of your feelings - emotional, sexual, and mental - for each other. And it can absolutely coexist with comfort and continue to exist years after you first start dating. 'Instant' or 'not instant' has nothing to do with it.

[dichotomy]

The dating coach also wanted to clarify to his readers:

 

" No one on this blog – least of all me – told you to be in a relationship with a 0 passion. Of course your relationship will suffer if you don’t want to have sex with only person you’re supposed to have sex with. Keep reading this blog, my friend. 7 passion, 10 compatibility makes for a nice life. "

.......................................................................

 

I agree with this, sparks don't need to be instant but I much prefer a guy to be head over heels, lolz.

 

Okay lets simplify this to numbers - if I understand the point of this thread.

 

I would say this is a good mix. 7/10 even 7/9 is sweet spot for a LTR or marriage.

 

If you (or your partner) has been around the block a few times - it may be hard to find a 10 in sexual passion and 10 in compatibility in one person.

 

I agree don't settle for below a "7" in passion (what a ever a 7 is for you based on your experience). I think this is especially important to woman not to commit to a man less than a "7" in this area ....and a "8" or better in compatibility is critical as well.

 

Just my two cents based on my life experiences.

Edited May 15, 2014 by dichotomy

[Leigh 87]

I am insanely comfortable in my relationship. I really trust that he's a wonderful person and he treats me so well.

 

We just happened to have very good sexual chemistry too.

 

I feel like at my age of 27 and my fair share of duds that it isn't so shocking or rare that I've managed to find both passion and comfort.

 

I can't see the passion fading with us but I do see myself being tired and not necessarily being able to have sex often all of the time. Life will inevitability get in the way.