DKT3 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Sorry William if this isn't the right forum for this question. I have a friend who is an artist and I was talking to him about melting them down and having something for the kids made. For me those rings only have meaning involving the kids so they should have them. Lovin on the other hand is very attached to them and for her "FOR HER" what they mean. She doesn't think her affair wipes out what the rings stand for. She wore both her engagement and wedding ring for along time. After an outbust I had about three years ago she stopped wearing the wedding ring but still to this day wears her engagement ring. For her putting the wedding ring back on is something she feels she can earn. I think even if we remarry (very unlikely) it sound be with new rings for a new marriage. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Man Mountain Makino Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Lovin on the other hand is very attached to them and for her "FOR HER" what they mean. She doesn't think her affair wipes out what the rings stand for. Sentimental attachment is different for everyone, so I don't doubt that an affair wouldn't necessarily erase all meaning for a wedding band. I think it also helps her hang on to the idea that this too shall pass and her marriage will be restored. Link to post Share on other sites
jm2013 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Sorry William if this isn't the right forum for this question. I have a friend who is an artist and I was talking to him about melting them down and having something for the kids made. For me those rings only have meaning involving the kids so they should have them. Lovin on the other hand is very attached to them and for her "FOR HER" what they mean. She doesn't think her affair wipes out what the rings stand for. She wore both her engagement and wedding ring for along time. After an outbust I had about three years ago she stopped wearing the wedding ring but still to this day wears her engagement ring. For her putting the wedding ring back on is something she feels she can earn. I think even if we remarry (very unlikely) it sound be with new rings for a new marriage. Thoughts? My wife still wears her rings. When I found out what she had done I took my ring off and was extremely tempted to toss it into the garbage. That's how much it means to me now. And knowing my wife wore her ring banging another guy doesn't sit well with me either. Its symbolism is destroyed the moment she did what she did. So yeah, for me, I'd feel the same way. New marriage, new rings. Toss the past and start fresh. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 (edited) It depends on how you look at your marriage. Did you weather a storm and come out stronger or did you rebuild a new marriage from the ashes of the old? Both are fine. The symbolism of earning back her wedding ring is great. On the other side the marriage failed in the most fundamental way possible. If you had an Olympic gold metal and it was discovered that you cheated, you would have to give it back. Then you could try to earn a new one without cheating. One personal factor for me would be if she had the rings on with the OM. When she touched him did the rings touch him? That would tell be she didn’t even consider what the rings symbolized and the rings would be tainted. It may be stupid but it would help me a little if she had enough respect to take the rings off when she saw the OM. I can understand why the WS would like to think that they didn't totally distroy the marriage and why the BS would think that they did. Edited May 12, 2014 by Buckeye2 3 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 I will never wear mine again- we had an old family ring melted down and reworked and I wear them-my husband still wears his which confuses me but I am not going to tell him what it means to him, its not my place-I find it interesting that the WS seem to be OK with the rings in our cases but us BS do not- Link to post Share on other sites
Owl6118 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 There are many ways to think of it, but here's one more... The ring you gave her actually symbolized your promises to her: "With this ring, I thee wed," etc. You didn't break you vow of fidelity within the marriage. The ring you gave her in a real sense still stands for what it always did. She is really wearing your promises, not hers. She was not able to keep her vow of fidelity to you--that gives you the right to not wear the ring she gave you that symbolized her promise. But setting logic aside--I hope someday she might let you melt both down and make new rings. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
EverySunset Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 after cheating on me for months, he got her rings to match his so they could pretend I didn't exist (although when it came to light he pretended she didnt exist) makes me throw up in my mouth a little. I'm still a bit bruised on the concepts of rings. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Betrayed&Stayed Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Before D-Day I wore my ring all the time. I rarely took it off. I felt uncomfortable when I didn't have it on. The inside had an inscription of the date and a phrase which was a sexual reference. Since D-Day I have removed the inscriptions, and wear the ring most of the time. I can take it off and leave it off for days without giving it much thought. Background: I consider reconciliation as my second marriage. My ring is a newer version of the original ring. I wouldn't want to wear it if it still had the inscriptions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Timmos Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 My fWW wears her wedding ring around her neck. She wears a new engagement ring on her finger. I have the wedding ring that goes with the engagement ring around my neck. She'll get it when ever I'm bloody well ready (renewing vows, etc). I didn't break my vows so I still wear mine, though I did take it off for a short while. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lovinDKT3 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 DKT took his ring off shortly after my confess/retraction, two maybe three days. I noticed but was too scared to say anything. He would randomly say something about me wearing mine, a lot of nasty comments. Finally, we got into a huge fight two years after the divorc I took off the wedding ring because of something he said that made me feel horrible about wearing them. It was the most hurtful thing he has ever said to me. I don't even want to talk about that, forgive me for leaving out the details. As for moving forward, I love my rings and want nothing more then you have him want me wearing them again. Odd how I didn't really like the bands, I felt they were too big. For me getting new ones is like forgetting our history, yes there is bad on both sides but its what got us to were he are and who we are today, it means more then just that time when I was selfish and unworthy of wearing them. Maybe some will see it as selfish, I get that, but they mean a great deal to me. Both his and mine, I would love for him to wear his someday. I don't feel I have the right to push him about it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Fluttershy Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 I like the person who said the ring the bs gave wasn't broken as tr BS didn't break wedding vows. For me, I wanted to throw everything out, rings and pictures from our wedding. And take them down. But I had enough thought to know that wasn't fair to my kids. Then, when I was healed I didn't want to. Because by then a few months of his life did not in the end wipe out my beautoful wedding, or vows and the birth of our children. I rehung our wedding photo. But everyone is different. DK3, I would ask loving for the rin and place hers and yours in a safety deposit box and just focus on rebuilding your relationship. In time you may change your mind and it won't be too late or you can give the rings to your daughter or melt them down Lovin, i think in this one you need to stop being stubborn and respect DK. Right now that ring may be a thorn in his side. Give this to me. My compromise is the safety security box or something of that like. Link to post Share on other sites
lovinDKT3 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 I like the person who said the ring the bs gave wasn't broken as tr BS didn't break wedding vows. For me, I wanted to throw everything out, rings and pictures from our wedding. And take them down. But I had enough thought to know that wasn't fair to my kids. Then, when I was healed I didn't want to. Because by then a few months of his life did not in the end wipe out my beautoful wedding, or vows and the birth of our children. I rehung our wedding photo. But everyone is different. DK3, I would ask loving for the rin and place hers and yours in a safety deposit box and just focus on rebuilding your relationship. In time you may change your mind and it won't be too late or you can give the rings to your daughter or melt them down Lovin, i think in this one you need to stop being stubborn and respect DK. Right now that ring may be a thorn in his side. Give this to me. My compromise is the safety security box or something of that like. I see it much like your saying here. I have both bands and I'm just asking that we wait. He wants to have something made for the kids now. I won't fight him over this and our conversations have been "nice" to this point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl6118 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 I see it much like your saying here. I have both bands and I'm just asking that we wait. He wants to have something made for the kids now. I won't fight him over this and our conversations have been "nice" to this point. It would be good to wait. Perhaps it would be best to remove them as a present point of friction by setting them aside, and looked at again much further in your reunion. A good idea, a good compromise. DTK3, would you consider--just consider-- giving lovin a simple, uncomplicated band of some kind at this point, or soon, whenever you make for once and for all the decision to recommit to a life with only her? Something that she can wear to feel that you have returned to her, and to show the world that she is a committed woman? Not a wedding ring, a DTK to lovin ring that means what you mean it to mean right now? Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Soon after dday I took of my old wedding ring and put in a box in my dressing table. I told H that when he had got his head out of his arse, and the OW out of his head, he could give me a new ring, to respresent a new marriage. H was doing all the right things, but it was obvious he was on auto pilot - he was in shock, ashamed, embarrassed and, yes, he missed her. Taking off my ring was a way to get him to focus, to concentrate his mind on ME, on what I needed, what we needed. When we got married 20 years before we were broke - H was at university and mine was the only income. So the rings we exchanged were fairly cheap 8 carat bands. I felt as if that was what I was, a worn out, disregarded, unvalued thing - not just because of the affair but because of the way H had behaved for a few years. I was given a new ring, a more extravagant, more unusual one, because that was how I wanted to feel, less of a skivvy, a housekeeper, more of a wife, a lover. But I kept the old ring. It holds too many memories to discard - all those years when we were a partnership, when we supported each other, when we had our babies and brought them up together. What I discarded was the times in between when I was not a partner and not a beloved wife but something less than both. Link to post Share on other sites
nightmare01 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 The rings are just jewelry IMO. Once they had meaning. But on longer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DKT3 Posted May 12, 2014 Author Share Posted May 12, 2014 It would be good to wait. Perhaps it would be best to remove them as a present point of friction by setting them aside, and looked at again much further in your reunion. A good idea, a good compromise. DTK3, would you consider--just consider-- giving lovin a simple, uncomplicated band of some kind at this point, or soon, whenever you make for once and for all the decision to recommit to a life with only her? Something that she can wear to feel that you have returned to her, and to show the world that she is a committed woman? Not a wedding ring, a DTK to lovin ring that means what you mean it to mean right now? Maybe soon, not now I'm not comfortable with the idea. If it was something she needed I would consider it for the near future. Although as I type this I'm thinking it would at least be some kind of sign or statement that she doesn't need to walk on eggshells. Maybe I can and will do that. Thanks Owl. Lovin whatcha think about that? ISYTL 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lovinDKT3 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Maybe soon, not now I'm not comfortable with the idea. If it was something she needed I would consider it for the near future. Although as I type this I'm thinking it would at least be some kind of sign or statement that she doesn't need to walk on eggshells. Maybe I can and will do that. Thanks Owl. Lovin whatcha think about that? ISYTL It would make me happy. Call me before you go to sleep. ISYTL Link to post Share on other sites
snappytomcat Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 I pawned mine,cause it meant nothing to me anymore,but hes going to buy me a new ring,but not a wedding type ring,it will be silver since I prefer that,and probably some turquoise in it Link to post Share on other sites
Trustnoone Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 After my WW affair, her groping him wearing the ring, I had her stop wearing it. A few weeks later I recanted. The ring was a symbol of my vows. She now wears the ring but I will replace it. I struggled knowing that ring touched the OM. What was she thinking? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fluttershy Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 After my WW affair, her groping him wearing the ring, I had her stop wearing it. A few weeks later I recanted. The ring was a symbol of my vows. She now wears the ring but I will replace it. I struggled knowing that ring touched the OM. What was she thinking? She wasn't. You know how we joke about men thinking with their wrong head? Sometimes women do too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 I agree with the others. I would put the ring away. I would wait and look for something else to share and make something new special. I would not trying to bring that back into your relationship with her. Its only going to make you think of her having sex with him and wearing it. If you are trying to rebuild a relationship you should remove things that will bring up the past as much as possible. There is one thread on her where the whole family moved to a different country from the USA to start over. It really helped them. I am not suggesting moving but if you are really trying to rebuild you might want to consider changing things you can. Your a better person than me. I don't have it in me to go back even with kids involved. Clay 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 My wife didn’t have an affair but I gave her a new ring because the original was out of style. It was a diamond solitaire with a gold band. Now a days the rings tend to be silver with small diamonds on the band and encircling the large diamond. I used the “old” diamond and added two more to represent our two kids. Then a silver band and lots of small diamonds to make it up to date. Maybe you could do something like that someday. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Well my ring certainly doesn't hold the same meaning as when I first received it. My WH prefers me to wear it more than I really care to wear it. It's a beautiful ring just has lost it's special. My WH wore his ring while having sex with MOW so that is what his ring reminds me of Wish these damn rings didn't have to have any significance Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 The rings hold no significance whatsoever anymore.......after the D my buddies and I played Lord of the Rings, Return of the King and although there was no Mt. Doom.....there were some train tracks that worked just fine . And no, I did not play Golom ha ha ha 3 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 After my WW affair, her groping him wearing the ring, I had her stop wearing it. A few weeks later I recanted. The ring was a symbol of my vows. She now wears the ring but I will replace it. I struggled knowing that ring touched the OM. What was she thinking? Eh, don't be so sure she was wearing it at the time. I always took my rings off in bed with exH (he was the cheater, not me..just for clarification). I sold them after the divorce..they weren't worth all that much but I was able to go to Vegas with my bestie. So yay for that! Link to post Share on other sites
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