cmarkvon Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 What does it mean when a SO says this? My boyfriend has said this to me several times over the last couple of weeks. I know that this can be an indicator that something shady is going on, and they are saying it out of guilt. But whenever he says it, we're all cuddled up and he's looking at me all doe-eyed and star struck. And things are wonderful between us. We're giddy around each other, sweet, supportive, lots of heart melting stuff. The fact that he's repeated it several times is kind of sticking in my craw though. I thought I'd reach out to LS and see what you all thought. Is that phrase always a sign of trouble to come? Or can it also be said in a positive way? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 It depends. For some it's an insecurity & he's looking for an ego boost. He wants you to tell him how wonderful he is. For others it's a veiled confession. Only knowing what you wrote I can't even guess why your BF is saying it Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Sounds like a mark of low self-esteem or yes, possibly a veiled confession. But 'what did I do to deserve you?' is something couples often say to one another when they're just mulling over how they got so lucky to find this amazing person who loves them back. Wouldn't read too much into it without other concerns. Why not reply with 'why do you keep saying that, honey? What's going on?' his response will tell you what you need to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 What does it mean when a SO says this? My boyfriend has said this to me several times over the last couple of weeks. I know that this can be an indicator that something shady is going on, and they are saying it out of guilt. But whenever he says it, we're all cuddled up and he's looking at me all doe-eyed and star struck. And things are wonderful between us. We're giddy around each other, sweet, supportive, lots of heart melting stuff. The fact that he's repeated it several times is kind of sticking in my craw though. I thought I'd reach out to LS and see what you all thought. Is that phrase always a sign of trouble to come? Or can it also be said in a positive way? To me he just sounds loved up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cmarkvon Posted May 12, 2014 Author Share Posted May 12, 2014 Thanks very much for the feedback! He sure does seem all "loved up". It's been lovely. Since he keeps using the same exact phrase, I plugged it into google out of curiousity, and there was a lot of negative associated with it. Next time he says it, I'll ask him "Why?" See where it goes from there. So far, every time he's said it, I reply, "Yes, you do deserve me!" Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 In my experience, people say this because they feel you have a higher quality of character than they do. For example: They are cool with lying in certain situations, but perceive you to be honest. They have cheated, but perceive you to be loyal. They are selfish, but perceive you to be caring, considerate, giving. They have low self esteem, and feel that you have more to offer than they do. They know they are a crappy person and aren't willing to change to become a better person. "You deserve better, but I'm not changing, love me as I am." I wouldn't take the comment as a red flag in and of itself, but if you are questioning any other things about the relationship, it should not be ignored. I think people often feel flattered by the comment, because its taken as a compliment. However, I think you are smart to question it. Even if the person isn't lying or cheating, someone that is down on themselves and sees themselves as "less than" isn't the best candidate for a relationship partner. They often need tons of reassurance and get possessive. They will often feel a lot of anxiety, worrying that you will eventually discover that you are too good for him and leave him. In order to relieve that anxiety, they will often try to control your actions, by isolating you or asking you not to go places where you could meet other men. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Sounds like a person who is doing something they shouldn't be doing. Otherwise they would know they've earned the love you give. Cheaters often say this when they know they don't deserve the love openly given while they are cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Jesus people, he is just in the honeymoon phase, you are all reading too much into it. Why so cynical??? Link to post Share on other sites
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