Dated ex for 5 years, he is back, why am I not thrilled? I want to be?

[HeartbreakSort]

My ex and I dated for 5 years and have been broken up for 7 months. He was afraid to take the next step of getting engaged so he left. I wanted him back terribly for the first few months but then I met and saw another man for two months (that didn't work out).

 

Before our split we never had any problems and I knew without a doubt I wanted to marry him. He was the most caring, wonderful man I have ever known to exist during our time together and it is just unfortunate he got scared.

 

He has changed a lot during our time apart, he is graduating, moving out of home, really trying to improve himself for me he says.

 

Obviously I want to give it another shot because I know what we had, but now that he is back I am not feeling it but I really, really want to. We still laugh together, have hung out a lot one on one. I do have severe anxiety and this break up destroyed me. I never felt anxious before during our relationship but now I am high-strung over the whole thing. I'm anxious because I feel anxious. I'm anxious because I don't feel anything yet.

 

Anyone have any advise on either how to fall back in love or anything?

 

Thanks in advance.

 

I am 21 he is 24.

[elseaacych]

The trust is broken.

 

You can't have a relationship without trust.

 

Do you think you can trust him?

[HeartbreakSort]

Do you think you can trust him?

 

I trust him with my life- I know he cares greatly for me and would be mortified if anything happened to me but I guess there's a difference between that and trusting he won't leave again. So I guess not? I'm just so confused I can't get a straight answer from myself.

[Poppyolive]

Take your time, he did, if he's serious then there's no rush on your part right? Sleep on it, meet when feels good and keep the upper hand.

 

Yes building the trust on him not flaking again is serious buzz...but right now you need to take care if yourself and take each day as it comes, see how you feel. I'm sure you've had a lot to ponder during this break and you my dear are still super young. If he did this once he may do it again...but like I said baby steps and in a few weeks/months and you're feeling it then getting some professional help/guidance will be necessary to move forward.

 

Trust your gut. Won't let you down....

 

How do you feel?

Do you believe him?

What has he done/said thus far?

What are your goals & achievements?

What are your worries & concerns?

I do feel your old relationship is dead... A new connection needs to be formed on a new foundation...that takes time, trust & communication.

[mammasita]

I'm sure you despise hearing this, but you are so so so very young.

 

Dating for 5 years and you are barely 21 and 24????....it's no wonder he's getting cold feet and terrified of taking the next step.

 

And you having a taste of freedom at 21????? Of course you're unsure now.

 

This isn't about trust. This is about you (and him) spreading your wings, experiencing life and learning about yourself before you fall into a long term commitment with a partner. Forever is a loooooooooooong time.

 

There's nothing saying that he isn't the one you're meant to be with eventually, he's just not the one you're meant to be with right now.