How much sex should be enough for me? Could he prefer "self-satisfaction"?

[B52]

I've reposted this from the dating forum, since we are talking seriously about marriage....

 

I am deeply in love with my boyfriend of 6 months. We knew almost instantly that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Everything seems so perfect, and we are compatible in every way.

 

There's one problem...the sex is amazing, when it happens, which doesn't seem to be enough for me. Is once a week normal? I feel like there is something wrong with me because I could do it every other day. I am so physically attracted to him, and have a high libido, so I get aroused pretty easily but when I make a move he is almost never interested.

 

I brought it up to him, and now I feel like I've made it worse, because I wonder when he is doing it because he wants to and when he is doing it because he feels obligated. He wants to be able to say "no" if he's not in the mood and not have my feelings be hurt, (which I'm trying very hard to be OK with) but it seems unusual to me that he's just not interested for so many days on end.

 

The part that concerns me is that this low-libido he has is a new thing. He said his sex drive used to be off the charts his whole life and a few months before he met me it seemed to slow down. I can't help but feel insecure about it, even though we've discussed it and he says it's not me. He's very honest and I trust that he's telling the truth, but I wonder if he even knows what is causing it.

 

The kicker is that I know that when we get married and go through all of the ups and downs of a long term relationship that there will undoubtedly be times that I won't want it as much or at all.

I don't want to worry about it, but it nags at the back of my mind. What could be going on, if anything? Is there any reason for concern?

 

I offer no-strings oral and he's not interested, but i'm sure "he took care of himself" before he went to bed that night....Is that weird or am I being paranoid? I feel like he'd rather "take care of himself" most of the time. I have even tried to get him to do that with/for me and it seems like he'd rather do it alone, which is understandable at times, but give a girl a break!!

 

Comments?

[michelangelo]

How old are the two of you?

[B52]

Originally posted by michelangelo

How old are the two of you?

 

32

[michelangelo]

So you're libido is cresting and his is waning. He ain't "done' yet, but he may not be able to stay up with you.

 

Is this a performance anxiety thing?

[B52]

Originally posted by michelangelo

So you're libido is cresting and his is waning. He ain't "done' yet, but he may not be able to stay up with you.

 

Is this a performance anxiety thing?

 

Hm. I don't know. There are a few issues that have been discussed, which might shed more light on the situation I suppose. One of which is it's very difficult for him to climax, and this has been discussed in detail. I told him, I wouldn't want to do it either if it was such a struggle to come! But he said that's not it, that he enjoys it regardless. Apparantly this has been an ongoing issue with other women he has dated as well. So yes, this is probably something emotional which we have not gotten to the bottom of, and probably why he might seem to prefer masturbation. He said that part of it might be due to worrying about pregnancy, which is something that we are addressing to remove it from the equation. Another part of it may be his being too concerned with my enjoyment to enjoy it fully himself, although it doesn't take much for me, so he doesn't have a lot to worry about in that department! (I've been reading a lot about it online)

Like I said, we are very open to discussion but don't seem to be getting anywhere! Seems like he is willing to discuss it but maybe not willing to actually DO anything about it.

[michelangelo]

performance anxeity coupled with too much solo relief results in such a situation.

 

Why not make the big O a non issue?

 

and get him to refrain when alone for a period of time.

 

I'll bet you two could benefit from some MC

 

he may be intimidated by your appetites. Who kows why!

 

that's for some counselling to draw out.

 

I am sure he is sensitive about whatever it is.

[Guest]

Get him to a doc, have his blood drawn, check for:

 

Total Testosterone

Bound Testosterone

Bioavailable Testosterone

 

He may have premature andropause (go ahead, tell me I'm full of it... It happened to me at 30, I now take replacement shots).

 

Flame me to a crisp, I guess...