heyjesse84 Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 (edited) So I'm heart broken. I had an A with a MM for almost 2 years now, we are both married and unhappy but stuck due to financials, status and young children. We became the most closest best friends with each other. It was insane our connection, even after almost two years it never even slightly faded. In the beginning he didn't want love and he would never in his right mind ever consider leaving his marriage, in the middle he realized he never knew he could love someone so much. It was amazing to have someone by my side and to be there for someone like that. Well, last week he decided he can't do this to his W anymore, that the guilt kills him. I was devastated. Really after almost two years the guilt gets to him?! We kind of stopped talking so much, I was really hurt. He wants to remain friends because in all honesty we are best friends aside from the A. I don't know if I can, I love him. He seemed to be "ok" which hurt..as I was dying inside. Then the other day he texts me over and over again saying how hard this is and he even thinks about what it would be like of he left and was with me, and how he wishes he could hold me every night...but he cant. He even said what if i was free in a couple years and came back to you...would you tell me to get lost? He even says (because hes 12 years older than me) how hes too old for me and im young and i should find some young stud and how I don't want him any ways. Like why the hell is he torturing me saying that?! Why if he loves me can he just leave me?! I know the situation is wrong. But I never in my life felt something so right for so long. Edited May 13, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Catwoman13 Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I was going to reply but your first reply said everything I was going to say. Once again, another woman suckered by the words a man says. Don't pay so much attention to the words, dear, they're just hot air. Watch what he does. Oh - he's gone. Well, there's your answer. Now quit the romanticised version playing in your head, you'll only hurt yourself. That is not the movie that just played out here. Walk away, with dignity and do not remain his friend. He only wants that to protect his own interests (i.e. you won't do crazy and reveal all and also so he gets to feel like a half-decent person, which he is not, as you say, 2 years and only now the guilt strikes him?? Please..) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mickey1982 Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Been there and heard all the same things. 3 1/2 years with him and I was left heartbroken on d-day. Even repeated the same words you heard, "If my situation changes, I'll be back begging you to take me back and forgive me." I guess his situation is the same beacuse I'm at 3 1/2 months of NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Mickey1982 Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Note the selfishness... "IF MY situation changes." The opposing perspective is... If my situation doesn't change, you're on your own. That's the truth. That's not love or commitment to anything. Complete selfishness. I KNOW, so why I am pitifully hanging on? Why is that not enough for me to let go and take the blinders off? RW---I don't know why I am stuck on him, but I am! The pain is NOT as bad, but I am freakin stuck! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Why if he loves me can he just leave me?! I know the situation is wrong. But I never in my life felt something so right for so long. Why if you are in love with MM and not your H can't you leave? See how this goes both ways. Why is he selfish but you are not? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Fluttershy Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Why if you are in love with MM and not your H can't you leave? See how this goes both ways. Why is he selfish but you are not? Eiter she was content with her cake for now (stability of married life plus romance and thill on the side) or neither one wanted to be the first to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 If he loves me, why is he leaving me? Because the love he feels for you is not enough to change his life. He does not value his relationship with you more than he values his marriage & family. Generalizing here but... Women are the ones that usually think "If I love this person, I must be with him. We are meant to be together and we will work to make that happen". Men can often "love" without expectations. They don't automatically think "I love her, so I must be with her". Instead they will think "I love her, but I am already married, so it's just not meant to be. It is what it is." I've noticed that most men don't leave their marriages unless there is abuse, mental illness, addiction or infidelity (on her part). They like their family unit and want to keep that legacy intact. They don't want the possibility of other men having a presence in their children's lives. So unless it is REALLY bad, they usually don't leave. If you are a true friend, then understand that he values his marriage and no longer wants to behave in ways that disrespect his marriage. A genuine friend would honor his choice and not make it about you, because that is what he feels is best for him. Now you have to decide if you want to be his "friend", which means that he still has access to you, still gets his ego fed and still has an emotional outlet besides his wife. It's a way to keep you around without any expectations, promises or commitments... and also has the added benefit of lessening his guilt. What a guy! You made a mistake by emotionally investing in him. You need to detach, and find other things to emotionally invest in, such as your husband and family. This feels like a huge loss to you, but that's only because your feelings are so wrapped up in him. Focus that energy elsewhere. It will help you detach and put things in perspective. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heyjesse84 Posted May 13, 2014 Author Share Posted May 13, 2014 Thank you, a couple of you really helped put some things into perspective. I really am happy for him and wish the best for him. This is also just very very new and very very painful and I'm still bitter and angry. Hopefully I will heal soon. I appreciate everyone's words....even the very harsh ones. Link to post Share on other sites
snappytomcat Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Thank you, a couple of you really helped put some things into perspective. I really am happy for him and wish the best for him. This is also just very very new and very very painful and I'm still bitter and angry. Hopefully I will heal soon. I appreciate everyone's words....even the very harsh ones. jesse,im sorry for your pain,and I hope you heal sooner than later,i know its hard,and will take time,but its for the best 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Eiter she was content with her cake for now (stability of married life plus romance and thill on the side) or neither one wanted to be the first to leave. Than there's the answer to her thread about MM. Link to post Share on other sites
Ailsa1983 Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 He will be back in contact soon and you will mostly resume the affair. Now the question you must ask yourself is: Can you handle the fall out when you are caught ? Because you will get caught, if the two of you still "love" each other and there is no major falling out for splitting up then you will reunite. I have been here many times with xmm he would feel guilty break it off, keep texting me until I told him I could no longer speak to him as it hurt to much. 2/3 days later we would be back on again, this happened numerous time throughout our affair until eventually we were caught. I have now been divorced and he and his wife are doing whatever they are doing. The mess we creates was as ugly as you could imagine. Link to post Share on other sites
herself Posted May 18, 2014 Share Posted May 18, 2014 Just wanted to check in and see how you are doing? Link to post Share on other sites
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