Jump to content

8 Months later, finally over my 1st love.

MoooOinkBaaa

By MoooOinkBaaa,
in Coping

 Share Followers 0

Recommended Posts

MoooOinkBaaa

MoooOinkBaaa

Posted
Posted

I invested myself heavily into this girl from the ages 18-26, she is 25. She dumped me and it was the worst pain of my life so far. I thought I would never meet anyone like her, I thought she was special and unique.

 

Now I realize all women are special and unique, I won't meet anyone like my ex but I'll meet someone else with their own unique personality and traits.

 

I used to come on here and see people so strung up on their ex, just like me. This place was my sanctuary, I felt belonging. We were hurt in the same ways, just by different people.

 

That's the only main difference between us. We were invested in different partners, you just have to reverse that emotional need and focus on yourself instead. They are not special.

 

I recently checked her Facebook page to see what she was doing with her life. She was hanging out with friends in her spare time, still living in her home city, and doing everyday retail work.

 

Totally normal, usual stuff. Nothing special, unique, amazing, or exceptional about her. She's not bad, not good, just a normal, ordinary person.

 

I was so blinded by love, I even thought she was the most beautiful woman on earth. I wasn't attracted to anyone else.

 

Thankfully I started to view her pictures in a much starker, more objective light than perhaps I ever had. And, while I wouldn't say she was ugly, I also wouldn't say she really was anything all that special.

 

Love really is a drug and coming out a beak-up is like going cold turkey, it's really hard at first. Just read my old posts, I was a mess.

 

After the break-up I spent 6 months working on myself. I cut negative people out my life. Started skateboarding again and playing guitar, old hobbies I loved but lost. Reconciled with an old friend. Began taking care of my health cutting fatty foods out and all animal products. I started to feel good on the inside, better than I've ever felt in my life.

 

Then I started going out, meeting new woman for the first time in nearly a decade...

 

It was awful. I was completely clueless!

 

I had NO IDEA how to talk to women. So next I began actively working on my social skills. I realized I'm not actually very good at conversation despite the fact I've been doing it everyday of my life. I could do a whole new post on this so I'll just keep it short but I changed, a lot.

 

Life became better once I was talking and flirting with women again. Obviously I couldn't do this whilst I was with my ex and after 8 years I forgot how fun it is. Now I'm casually dating multiple women it's completely knocked my ex off the pedestal I had her on. I'm attracted to different types of women that once never appealed to me. I went from kissing only one girl my entire life to five in one week.

 

I got my mojo back.

 

There is one girl I like a lot who I've been giving more time to. This girl is different to my ex in so many ways. My ex was sweet/cute and wore dresses. This girl is a skinhead with an edge. Witty and almost mean to me at times but she makes me laugh. Really intelligent. We spoon, kiss, hold each other. All the intimate things I've missed since my ex dumped me. I had to cut my time down with her though as I was starting to act like a boyfriend around her though I'm completely open about us.

 

Another girl I was dating seemed cool at first but the more I got to know her the less I liked her. She needed a lot of attention and was a bit of a me monster. She helped paint a good contrast though between other women and my ex.

 

This time I won't be following my heart rushing into a relationship though. I'll be trying to plan, setting expectations from the beginning, managing relations and making sure I'm not too heavily invested in people. I enjoy being single working on my social skills and playing the role of "lover" rather than "boyfriend" material.

 

I guess you could say I'm making up for lost years because it feels like I spent way too much time with my ex. I had no end goal in that relationship and I don't believe in spending your entire life with one person any more. I'm taking what I learned from my relationship with my ex and putting it to good use for my future girlfriend, making sure I don't make the same mistakes.

 

So yeah I'm pretty happy right now, I still think of my ex but it no longer affects me negatively. I wouldn't get back together with her now.

 

I checked her Twitter again recently and she's a complete mess, rock-bottom. I kind of feel sorry for her because she didn't take time to work on herself after she dumped me. She jumped straight into other guys and now it's hitting her back. She made out that I caused her unhappiness and I believed it but now I see she suffers depression, it's not me. She's not happy with herself. She was always a damsel in distress, I saved her from one problem and 10 more would pop up. Nothing was ever her fault because she's a victim, and the world is cruel. Then I became the focal point of her victimhood.

 

Here's what you get when you spend time with people who are happy alone and don't need others.

 

Stress-free interactions (they aren't dumping their issues on you)

Ideas, enthusiasm, and innovation (they're excited about life and play to win)

Loyalty, genuine connection, and devotion.

 

And here's what you get when you're spending time with people who don't work on themselves and are constantly looking to others for happiness.

 

Constant stress and pressure (they always need your help fighting fires)

Pessimism and defeatism (nothing ever goes right for them, and they put that on you too)

Disloyalty, deceitfulness, and flakiness

 

This is really important to work on yourself! Choose to be happy single, you don't NEED anyone else to be happy. If I jumped straight into another relationship I would of missed out on soooo much personal development that it wouldn't of been as fun as it has.

 

Once you've processed the break-up you just need to break free from the drug of love, take off the blinders and look into yourself. Don't let someone else control your emotions, time will make you stronger and see things in a new light. I was seriously planning on being single the rest of my life, if I can do it YOU can too!

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
lamis

lamis

Posted
Posted

Good for you! I hope that I am where you are in 6 months.

 

Btw, I hope by "skin head" you just mean she has a shaved head/short hair, and is not actually a Neo-Nazi, as that term often implies.

Link to post
Share on other sites
FredJones80

FredJones80

Posted
Posted
Good for you! I hope that I am where you are in 6 months.

 

Btw, I hope by "skin head" you just mean she has a shaved head/short hair, and is not actually a Neo-Nazi, as that term often implies.

 

In the UK skin head merely means short hair now ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
MoooOinkBaaa

MoooOinkBaaa

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Thought I'd leave something positive here after all my shocking posts haha

I would say I got over her 90% in 6 months and the last 2 months I feel truly over it. It feels in the past now.

 

Haha nah traditional skin head not a bonehead neo-nazi. I thought that too but traditional skinheads are nice working class people who dress really smart and care.

 

Not her, but I love this hairstyle ohmnomnom http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/_B3xpg4_9is/0.jpg

 

Also want to say thank you to all the people here who helped me! I'll try and post more to help others.

Edited by MoooOinkBaaa
Link to post
Share on other sites
Tayla

Tayla

Posted
Posted

MooOInk, You have truly come a long way in your strives to be independent and a decent fellow. Enjoyed your views and experience. Please gain from this that you need to keep time to do what you enjoy , even when in a relationship. As to the physical attributes, You will know you are over her when you can say, yes there are endearing things that I shall take with me, for it wasn't all that bad. Yet I am different now...and I wish her goodness in her journey. You are able to separate without feeling the twang of pain.....

 

To simply be blessed by experiencing that relationship thru til its end can be an eye opener. You wisdom is worth reading!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Haydn

Haydn

Posted
Posted

Classic suedehead Moo!. Glad you made it.

 

 

Thought I'd leave something positive here after all my shocking posts haha

I would say I got over her 90% in 6 months and the last 2 months I feel truly over it. It feels in the past now.

 

Haha nah traditional skin head not a bonehead neo-nazi. I thought that too but traditional skinheads are nice working class people who dress really smart and care.

 

Not her, but I love this hairstyle ohmnomnom http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/_B3xpg4_9is/0.jpg

 

Also want to say thank you to all the people here who helped me! I'll try and post more to help others.

Link to post
Share on other sites
 Share
Followers 0
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...