disconcertainly Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 Am I a BITCH? I have had something on my mind all day and all night. So when i talked my guy today he seemed to busy to talk or maybe he just did not feel like chatting so I sent him a Text msg : I do love you but the little things matter allot. He did not reply to that text....and it was very clear that I wanted to talk on the phone but what am I to do? Hold a gun to his head and say listen! Humm No I don't think so. So then I send him another text thinking ok maybe it was not clear that I want to talk and had something on my mind so the text said: Could you not tell something was in my mind? All I got back from was : No i could not tell. So he knows something is on my mind but he does not bother to call me or text me whats up so I am a little upset that he could not take the time to call me or email me or anything....and he thinks I am just being a bitch. So finally I call him not to talk about whats on my mind b/c I assume that he really wanted to know that he would have called me. So when he says oh hey well whats on your mind I said nothing its ok dont worry about...you did not bother to call me to find out so its clear he does not really want to know. I am just so frustrated and I cant make him understand why I am upset. Some one please let me know if I need to take a chill pill! Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 you seem to be making a lot of assumptions here that may not be correct ASSUME = make an ASS outta U and ME Link to post Share on other sites
DinNJ Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 how bout you don't beat around the bush.... he's not a mind reader. If you have a problem, let him know about it. Don't play games with text messaging... If he's a good guy and wants to talk about it, great. If he's an @ss and blows you off.... them blow him off... and let him come back to you later on, when you're not giving him the time of day. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 He likely totally missed any intent you had. At this point, he isn't responding to what you said, he's responding to how you said it. Next time you may have to just spell it out for him clearly - "I'm upset about something and I need to talk to you, will you please call me as soon as you can?". That way you can avoid any misunderstandings. Link to post Share on other sites
seahorse Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 It's true what the book says, Men and Women are from two different planets. He CANNOT tell that you are upset. Men need these things spelling out, and subtle hints don't work. What you said: "I do love you but the little things matter a lot." What he understood: She loves me. She might like me not to fart next time we're out together, I'll try to remember that. (if he's ultra male, he might not get the second part) Get it? Say what you mean the first time - then you don't get upset, and he doesn't get confused. Link to post Share on other sites
seahorse Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 Lol, looks like we all had the same idea. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia "I'm upset about something and I need to talk to you, will you please call me as soon as you can?". That way you can avoid any misunderstandings. Excellent advice LUCREZIABORGIA. Link to post Share on other sites
Reckless Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 Originally posted by disconcertainly Am I a BITCH? Some one please let me know if I need to take a chill pill! Thanks. Take two. He can't read your mind. Waddaya think he is? Telapathic? Most people, especially with men, don't usually pick up ordinary meat 'n potatoe vibes, let alone high-tech-text-message vibes. Speak out in plain English or forever hold your peace. Link to post Share on other sites
DinNJ Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 btw... you're not a bitch. Link to post Share on other sites
Author disconcertainly Posted February 9, 2005 Author Share Posted February 9, 2005 Thanks for the 2 cents! However, spelling it out in my second text msg was what really kinda made me upset.... my text to him said: "Could you not tell something was on my mind?" to me that pretty much spells out I want to talk you need to call me without being all needy and that junk. I suppose more than anything my feelings are hurt due to the fact that he cared enough to send me a test msg back saying: "No I could not" And not caring enough to ask what was up or even call me. I do understand that he is not a mind reader but my point is this clear and simple...... I told him something was on my mind yet he did not reply or seem to care. That is why I am so upset at this situation. I am not saying that he is in the wrong but explain my point of view to him is difficult and especially when he feels he did nothing wrong. I AM SURE HE WILL HAVE HIS BLINDERS ON TO THIS MISUNDERSTANDING. At this point I just want him to call and tell me he is sorry...I could just come right out and say "tell me your sorry" but is a prompted apology really meaningful? Link to post Share on other sites
SadAndLonely Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 "Could you not tell something was on my mind?" I'm a woman, I communicate like a woman, and even this would have prompted me to text back and say, "No." You asked him a question which he answered. I agee with the others. If you want to talk to him, stop hinting and just tell him you want to talk to him. Men can't read minds. And don't make him apologize. Don't ever make anyone apologize. That coupled with the vagueness and passive aggressive harping will only make you look like a nag, which I'm sure you're not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author disconcertainly Posted February 9, 2005 Author Share Posted February 9, 2005 Sad and Lonely, You are right I am not a nag. but i suppose when you have been with some one for 2 year you expect certain things and I expected him to know me. I have more things going on under the surface than just this...example: Yesterday while driving on the interstate to work during morning rush hour a car ran me off the road! I honked my horn but the driver of the other car was not paying any attention to me so I jerk my wheel to keep the car from hitting me....needless to say my car ran in the grass median and started spinning....I crossed the other side of the interstate into on coming traffic and thankgod I walked away without a scratch on me! The driver who caused the accident did not even stop he just kept going. Some other people did STOP who saw it but other than thats that was all. I have had a really horrible week and he knows this...I just need him to be supportive of me and make me feel as if Iam cared about in his book. And today he did not show me the love he should have or listen to me or care to call and see what was on my mind. While I can understand your point of view I still feel he needs to call me and talk things over with me...show me he cares! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 I still feel he needs to call me and talk things over with me...show me he cares! Then you must pick up the phone, call him and tell him that. Let him know what you need. Be specific. He's been with you for a while, and maybe he is just on autopilot - whatever the case, if you don't tell him you can't expect he's going to just know because "he's supposed to". If you want him to be more considerate and empathetic, then let him know that. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by disconcertainly And today he did not show me the love he should have or listen to me or care to call and see what was on my mind. While I can understand your point of view I still feel he needs to call me and talk things over with me...show me he cares! To me this sounds like "he didn't show me as much love as I expect and think I deserve." Your initial text message would have kept me from wanting to talk to you too. I do love you but the little things matter allot. My interpretation of this message would be "you are starting to irritate me with a bunch of little things, knock it off". I'm not knocking you, just giving you a guy's impression of what you said. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Could you not tell something was on my mind?" to me that pretty much spells out I want to talk you need to call me Yes, but you didn't want you to call you. You see you know what you're thinking because you're thinking it. I couldn't have figured out what you meant. I suppose more than anything my feelings are hurt due to the fact that he cared enough to send me a test msg back saying: "No I could not" He was saying that he had no idea what's up. and I expected him to know me. No. You expect him to read your mind. And you know what? That's unfair. Communication is about saying exactly what you mean and meaning what you say. Not inventing your own code 'now,when I say 'the sky is gloomy today' this means that I had a car accident and you should call me.' Don't expect anybody to understand what you mean if you aren't clear about what you mean. If you do that, you set up a 'test' that most people are bound to fail, plus you place all your expectations on that test. In doing all that, you set yourself up for disappointment because you are asking too much. Next time you feel bad and need to talk, say exactly that in exactly those words. Or expect to be continually disappointed for the rest of your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 If only most women understood what you just said moimeme....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author disconcertainly Posted February 9, 2005 Author Share Posted February 9, 2005 Thanks everyone! When I talked to him last night we talked I told him exactly what I was thinking...and he got mad. But thats ok. We got everthing sorted out in the end. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Dis, if I was your boyfriend, I wouldn't have known what in the blinking blue blazes you were talking about either. Frankly, I tend to just ignore people when they do that. I call it cosmic punishment for stupidity. The icing on the cake is when he finally ASKED what was wrong, you gave the cliche answer of "Nothing!" and then whined to yourself all day. What the hell? Only women can find it perfectly logical for "nothing" to ACTUALLY be a whole lot of *something*. To me, that just doesn't compute. If there was a box in my room and the box was labeled "ABSOLUTELY NOTHING", I would be mighty upset to open it and discover ONE THOUSAND BROWN RECLUSE SPIDERS. See...the moment you said "nothing" I would have considered the problem solved, said "Okie dokie!" and went back to playing Halo 2. No sweat off my sack. Moimeme put it perfectly. I don't care how long you've been with someone. If you're upset, it's really dumb and ineffective to try and use little "clues" to attempt to signal to them that something is wrong. If you're upset...JUST TELL THEM THE PROBLEM. Most men aren't going to waste their precious time to pry the answer out of some broad who feels the need to play "20 Questions" DIS: "There is something rotten in Denmark that comes this way wickedly. Hint hint. Nudge nudge." BF: "What the hell?" DIS: "It pains me to say it, but I believe there is a STORM on the horizon." BF: "Baby, are you upset about something?" DIS: "...Yes." BF: "Well, is it animal, vegetable, or mineral?" DIS: "Other." BF: "Could you just tell me already?!" DIS: "I cannot give you the answer until you retrieve Princess Toadstool from the OTHER castle." BF: "Screw this. I'm off to the pub. You're nuts." DIS: ["ohmygawdwhycantheunderstandmyfeelings?!?!"] *sob sob* End scene. I'm glad you two worked out your problems, but this will happen again unless you wise up. Dis, you're a human being and live in an English-speaking country. Learn to speak English. Not Feminese. Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by disconcertainly Sad and Lonely, You are right I am not a nag. but i suppose when you have been with some one for 2 year you expect certain things and I expected him to know me. I learned something through this vile excrement of a period in my life. Lose the expectation. Love with expectation is tainted. Go ahead, Love what you love, and expect nothing in return, that way, the love you receive, is well, a blessing. ..show me he cares! That, my dear, is what men do. They DO show the women in their lives all the time. It's a perception disconnect that leads to the dreaded emotional disconnect. Invest yourself in your relationship and you'll see what I mean. You're not a bitch in any way, part of you is hurting because your expectations of the guy are not quite as realistic as you may hope. redefine what it is you want, and then very clearly(it'll seem unnatural to you at first) tell him what you want. On the other hand, some of out here could hear your message without any trouble at all. MA Link to post Share on other sites
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