Monodare1 Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 Hi guys The saga of selling my house with the ex continues. The stbxw and I are 11 months separated and she has advised me that she may be buying a house in a different town, the same town her new guy lives in. My 3 year old son lives with her and she has admitted that the new guy moving in with her is a possibility. My question is: how does a father cope with his little son living with a new guy? If anyone has experience with this, I'd really appreciate a sharing of that experience. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 First you hope the new guy is a good guy who will treat your child kindly. You avoid saying bad things about mom or the new guy in front of your child. You spend as much time as possible with your son & try to give him a positive experience. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 It's one of those things you just have to accept because there's zero you can do about it. Even though your kid will see the new guy more than you, your child still has only one father. The one phrase I keep repeating to myself that truly helps me is: IT'S NOT THE QUANTITY OF TIME, IT'S THE QUALITY OF TIME. Link to post Share on other sites
Cynicalme Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Is there any legal agreement between you two, yet? If not, there needs to be so you can get all the time you want with your son. No telling what crap will start when the new guy moves in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 (edited) Is there any legal agreement between you two, yet? If not, there needs to be so you can get all the time you want with your son. No telling what crap will start when the new guy moves in. I have what almost every divorced father in the country has: joint custody (specifically "standard possession"). Any time a judge makes a rule and both parties can't agree, you're never going to get a completely even time split. Yes, you get joint custody (which I have) but that doesn't mean you get even time split. Judges don't rule in this fashion. Secondly, if you even have to go to a judge in the first place, you honestly think the mother will be flexible and let you have the child whenever you want? If a woman is that flexible, you wouldn't have gone before a judge anyway. Good luck. Edited May 14, 2014 by M30USA Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monodare1 Posted May 14, 2014 Author Share Posted May 14, 2014 The stbxw and I are not divorced yet so no court has been involved. We are bring as amicable as possible given the circumstances. I see my son currently every weekend for 5 weeks, then the stbxw gets him for one weekend, then I get him for the next 5 etc Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 If said guy is alright, you should be glad. The amount of kids who have to endure being with their mothers and their lovers who could care less is high and unbearable for them. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 The stbxw and I are not divorced yet so no court has been involved. We are bring as amicable as possible given the circumstances. I see my son currently every weekend for 5 weeks, then the stbxw gets him for one weekend, then I get him for the next 5 etc So your ex sees your son for only 2 days every 5 weeks? That's awful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monodare1 Posted May 14, 2014 Author Share Posted May 14, 2014 No, my son lives with the ex, I see my son every weekend on alternative Fridays/Saturdays then Saturday/Sundays for 5 weeks, a rest on the 6th week so the ex can have a weekend with him, then back to the same routine. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 No, my son lives with the ex, I see my son every weekend on alternative Fridays/Saturdays then Saturday/Sundays for 5 weeks, a rest on the 6th week so the ex can have a weekend with him, then back to the same routine. That's definitely different. Link to post Share on other sites
Cynicalme Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 (edited) I have what almost every divorced father in the country has: joint custody (specifically "standard possession"). Any time a judge makes a rule and both parties can't agree, you're never going to get a completely even time split. Yes, you get joint custody (which I have) but that doesn't mean you get even time split. Judges don't rule in this fashion. Secondly, if you even have to go to a judge in the first place, you honestly think the mother will be flexible and let you have the child whenever you want? If a woman is that flexible, you wouldn't have gone before a judge anyway. Good luck. You obviously don't understand what I was asking. Who said anything about "even time"? I didn't. You sure read into a lot of stuff I didn't write. If they get a divorce, they'll go in front of a judge ANYWAY to establish a visitation schedule, even if they are "amicable" now. An ex spouse's "flexibility" doesn't establish the need for a judge. The OP just needs to exercise whatever arrangement was made, and not skip any of it, in order to make ex and the new BF see that he will be an ever present fixture in not only his son's life, but THEIRS, too, in case they decide to get stupid about the situation. Edited May 15, 2014 by Cynicalme Link to post Share on other sites
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