hedstrong Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 Hello i stumbled upon this site while going thru my devastated phase and decided to see if you guys could help. you seem level headed. History Im 26,M is 25 In Feb/04 Me and M met while talking in a group of people and we happened to have the same birthday. 3 days later we decided hell yea we are right for each other. we knew off the bat. Things were so great that she and her son moved in about a month later( we were always sleeping at each others house anyways, and things were cramped where she was) Things have been great sure we had ups and down but it always worked out. They were fine all the way thru November. I meen great smiles, laughs, holding hands, and sexually. Around the middle of December/04 is when I noticed things were not as wonderful as they had been. she got the flu and about the day she was feeling better got an injury (bad cut) from work that put her on light duty.( nothing that would interfere with the romantic part of us) but I didn't press her cause I'm sure the meds and the pain were bad for a couple of days. but even after these things cleared up there was no fire. I of course am wondering what is wrong at this point. but I never got an answer it just eventually turned into nothing is wrong just don't keep asking me if something is. I decided to make Christmas a really good one and got all the things a woman would like..(she asked for clothes and practical stuff, thats the way she is) I got the clothes and all of the practical stuff(throw in some jewelry and a few other big money items) She was super happy and I hoped she was out of her funk... Only for her to goto sleep with only a kiss gnight.. She started falling asleep allot earlier 9- 10 PM then the usual 11-1am that we used to.. new years was a wash and i woke her up to kiss her and wish her happy new year as she had been asleep since shortly after 9PM.. things started getting worse.. even simple things like holding hands in public or private seemed bothersome. kisses were kept short and sweet. when we would go to her friends houses she was more affectionate to me then usual... which confused me.. she wasn't trying to hide us... or worried about anyone seeing. I left work early to go have lunch with her in the first week of January and asked her to let me out of the dog house. she replied your not in the doghouse baby quit thinking that. well you get the picture. She assured me there is no one else and that she still loves me but she has never been on her own per say always living with someone/roommate and she needs to show her self she can do it. she needs to find herself and security in knowing that if her son and her ever had to leave she could do it. Here it is Feb 8th and 4 days before our anniversary and she's been gone since Friday in her new apartment. she has yet to tell me where it is, she said in a couple days when she gets everything settled and she's not running around trying to get everything situated we can hang out there or here and want to remain friends. OK to the NOW I've seen her twice since she left once yesterday when she came to get the rest of her things.. she was very short and sweet but she tried not to make eye contact as much as possible but when we did we smiled at each other very warmly.... We agreed we would still spend valentines day together, she replied your still my valentine. I told her when she finds herself and she's ready to have a relationship with someone.. lemme be the first to have that chance and she always replied yes. am i missing something? or is this truly a real case of trying to find herself? ps. falling in love with her kid was the worst thing.. it makes the breakup twice as hard.. i never thought it would be so bad after a relationship/ Link to post Share on other sites
demonfall Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 I feel ya on the falling in love with the kid too. I don't know what to tell you though, because it hasn't gotten any easier for me. Link to post Share on other sites
DinNJ Posted February 8, 2005 Share Posted February 8, 2005 you seem level headed. I'm not level headed... that's why I'm here too. It's still too soon to tell. AND she's confusing. She wants space... so give it to her, with NO PRESSURE of coming back. Respect her wishes. That's all you can do at this point, otherwise... any 'push' she feels from you, during this stage... will drive her away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hedstrong Posted February 9, 2005 Author Share Posted February 9, 2005 any 'push' she feels from you, during this stage... will drive her away. noted and if being cool works ill come back and thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hedstrong Posted February 9, 2005 Author Share Posted February 9, 2005 oh yea demon fall i read your situation earlier... man all i can say is it was easier with mine already having a kid like yours. but my previous girlfriend was a girl who left her man for me and she left me for someone else. that was a 4yr relationship.. we just started talking again since i became single and she is happy with her new man. I thank god though we are not together... ' Take her kid out of the equasion and if it was just her would you still want to work things out? there is your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Numb Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Are you sure there's nobody else?? Why won't she tell you where she lives, seems very weird to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hedstrong Posted February 9, 2005 Author Share Posted February 9, 2005 well i was trying really hard to win her back...( the old pouring the heart out thing) she said she wants to get settled in then its fine... I believe it's because it's emotional for her too and she's not ready to treat me just as a friend. 2 friends of hers that are women have made it very clear to me that it is not somebody else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hedstrong Posted February 9, 2005 Author Share Posted February 9, 2005 lol numb why did u say that i was working on my trust issues now ya got my head racing.. I took her word for it. I took her friends/my friends....were hers first, word for it. now ya got me thinking shes scamming me.. but im not going to confront her about it. what happens happens it will all play out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hedstrong Posted February 9, 2005 Author Share Posted February 9, 2005 UPDATE numb was right....numb set me off so i looked up where the apartments she could afford were i drove by there was her car and her exes car.... ty numb i knew i wasnt a paranoid freak. Link to post Share on other sites
imokurnot Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 People don't leave to find themselves at least none that I have heard of. There is always someone already there or someone in their mind that they want to be there for them. Maybe I just date insecure women and that is why that is all I have experience with? I think that you can find yourself in a relationship and that is always just an excuse. that is just my opinion but I believe it. Sorry to hear about the ex. Good luck and let us know how you are doing. I had a 7 yr relationship and she left me for the guy she was cheatng on me with in early November. This board has been a godsend for me anyway. Anything we can answer or help with just let us know. Link to post Share on other sites
DinNJ Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 UGH!!! That's f@#$'d up.... we feel for ya buddy... It's a blessing in disguise... I think she deserves one 'hell of a phone call' tonight..... with a major... MAJOR send off!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hedstrong Posted February 9, 2005 Author Share Posted February 9, 2005 yea her cellphone got the blow up treatment...she got a real nice set of voicemails.. under advice of my sister she said to just leave it on her voice mail. done and done. ty guys hopefully we dont fall for this **** anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
DinNJ Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Now... DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE when she calls you back... cause she WILL call you back.... for three reasons... 1. Embarrassed (won't show it) 2. Guilt (won't show it) 3. Anger (she'll show it.) I wouldn't answer the phone for a month, maybe two.... it'll drive her insane. Link to post Share on other sites
Numb Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by hedstrong UPDATE numb was right....numb set me off so i looked up where the apartments she could afford were i drove by there was her car and her exes car.... ty numb i knew i wasnt a paranoid freak. This is one thing I didn't want to be right about, sorry bro. I'm going though the same thing it just sounded way to familier to me. Once again sorry to hear that. Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 I think she is smart for realizing that this is what she needs. You did after all move in after knowing each other for just a short time. Give her the time and space. Most relationships go throuh ups and downs and time aparts. It is how you handle it that counts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hedstrong Posted February 9, 2005 Author Share Posted February 9, 2005 She did call(i hadnt read the part about not answering for 2 months yet) she called the second she got a break at work (7:10 am est) Shes like hi did you call me this morning....lol. I said I take it you havnt checked your voicemail...she said no! SCORE So I gave her a good piece of my mind but was adult about it. she tried to turn it around and say why are you checking up on me......... then I told her not to turn this around on me shes the one who blew 3k income tax return just so she could lie tome and screw her ex... a few more words and the call ended with her saying she would call when she could talk about it. (i'm gonna take the advice, not going to answer) Ty again and I'll try to stick around this place and help other people too. I seem to have a good nack at figuring things out.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hedstrong Posted February 9, 2005 Author Share Posted February 9, 2005 well well well an hour a half later she did call back. she said look he came over to have dinner with his son and I we drank some beers and he was to drunk to drive home. she said there was no sex, nothing. I told her say whatever you want I don't believe you anymore. she was silent..... long silent... i have never heard her like that. i said well since we dont have anything to say we need to say goodbye. i said bye, she said bye I hung up. I will have NC (phone or inperson) unless it happens on accident. which i will get out of promptly. If it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck....it's a duck.. Link to post Share on other sites
DinNJ Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 good man.... Personally, I wouldn't even answer the phone anymore. She did you wrong, she knows it. Think about how you felt last night when you saw his car there... all the emotions and anger going through your head.... DO NOT give her the satisfaction by answering her calls. Make her sweat... and for sweat for awhile... The second you answer, is the second she knows she still has you. Think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Well, I'm a complete air headed trusting fool. Good thing there are people wiser than I on this site who are able to give you MUCH better advice. Way to give it to her. Link to post Share on other sites
imokurnot Posted February 10, 2005 Share Posted February 10, 2005 Sounds like you have a good grasp on your emotions. You say the right things at least. Your way better off than I was/am so just heed your head and not your heart. Keep with the NC and she will regret this for a long long time. You will find someone else and be much better off with someone you can trust. It's a win-win if you can do the NC.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author hedstrong Posted February 12, 2005 Author Share Posted February 12, 2005 Well It's been NC since tuesday morning... its now Sat... and I'm dying. Guess I just gotta stay strong with this huh? Although her one friend I do talk to...she has a son too and we get along good and i really like her son said, that after the little goodbye thing we had. That M(the ex) said for her not tohave contact with me anymore because if she came over her house and I was there she wouldnt know what to do. Her friend said she told her she cant do that, she is friends with me and her son likes me as well. I think I did play this part well though, One of her friends called me and was just shooting the breeze and I said look im trying to break contact from her and she politley said fine I wont call again and we said bye. that friend never called me to just shoot thebreeze before...what do I think? Link to post Share on other sites
DinNJ Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 I'm confused... Her ex told your ex NOT to contact you? And the 'friend' of your ex stopped by out of the blue to see whats up? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hedstrong Posted February 12, 2005 Author Share Posted February 12, 2005 no sorry my ex told her friend to stop hanging out with me or contacting me, bacause If I were over there she doesnt know what she'd do, And for an update my ex and the friend in question went out together last night and she said it again... but she told her again that not gonna happen. Link to post Share on other sites
DinNJ Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 so what you are saying is... there is a slight bit of jealousy on your ex's part...??? She doesn't think she could handle you hangin' out with HER friend? Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 Wow, she's totally jealous!!! ...and I bet one of these girls or both are sweet on you! Link to post Share on other sites
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