Why are women so hard to captivate

[ayala]

Lol

 

While I agree that some women can give terrible advice, but so can men.

 

Anyway, if you want advice, you have to be willing to listen. If you don't listen, why ask? Especially in a forum that's comprised of men AND women?

 

Maybe the women you meet just have unrealistic standards of men. Just as maybe you have unrealistic standards for women.

 

Not everyone is the same. Some men and women have realistic standards, some have lower, some are just...well, insane. Ever think it's the way you carry yourself? The way you view yourself? The lack of motivation to care for YOURSELF first?

[carhill]

If anything, I've seen exactly the opposite, meaning more 'picky', IMO due to two factors:

 

1. A lifetime of experience has honed their target reticles.

 

2. Time is short so mistakes can be devastating. It's more important to 'get it right' right now.

 

In my generation, those two factors, when experienced, and I have experienced them often, are why I choose not to play, rather choose to live my life to my own standards and practices. They do what they do. There appears to be no shortage of men seeking to captivate them. It all works out.

[carhill]

IME, the 'naturals' started early, generally right in the middle of puberty, and became sexually active early, in their early-mid teens and learned their style by trial and error with the largely/overwhelmingly unmarried young girls of that era. Combine high hormonal levels with life inexperience and desire to get their nut off and one has a wonderful motivator to bathe that brain in all kinds of learning which, over time, becomes one's style.

 

Then, look at the other side..... young girls are exposed to that from the point their breasts start poking out, even before their teenage years, and they get used to it, and one knows the saying about the familiar and boredom, so the cream of the male crop learn how to up the ante to captivate the now-experienced and wily young ladies. Hence, a man/boy who doesn't get started and learn the intricacies of romantic captivation from an early age is at a marked disadvantage as life moves into the 20's and beyond. Other men are way ahead and the population is increasing married and familial and, when breakups/divorces happen, that ads even more difficulty to the goal of captivation due to 'baggage'.

 

Whenever you read/hear of a woman 'giving a man a chance', you know right there that he doesn't have the intrinsic 'right stuff' to captivate her. He's behind before even starting. Sure, he *might* grow on her over time. That happens. She might let him love her. That happens. Captivate? Different kettle of fish.

 

Once one lets go of the reproductive impulsion, so much of this is simplified. Personally, I don't see this as gender-focused, merely as a function of our current gender dynamics. If the roles were reversed, and women pursued men and were the sexual/romantic aggressors, we'd have the same propensity to end up sitting back and wanting to feel 'captivated' by those women pursuing we men. It's part of being human.

[Glinda.Good]

I'd kind of agree. Women do give some well intentioned but terrible advice. To sum it up, when I want to catch fish, I ask a fisherman how to do so, not a fish.

 

Worn out cliche, but think about it. How do you think that the great fishermen learned how to catch fish? By KNOWING the fish they were trying to catch.

[GemmaUK]

I love a good old battle of the sexes!

 

Some people give out good relationship advice and some don't.

 

Some have a good sense of people and situations and some don't.

 

You can think you have the right sense of someone or a situation and it can be way off the mark!

 

All are factors.

 

It's not based on gender.

[Camaro Guy]

Worn out cliche, but think about it. How do you think that the great fishermen learned how to catch fish? By KNOWING the fish they were trying to catch.

 

Fishermen don't talk to fish.

[BlueIris]

No, they don't. (talk to fish) You pretty much answered your own question with that answer. The fishing analogy assumes a level of passivity and stupidity on the part of the prey. Not a great attitude to have toward other people, whether you want them to be your friend, work colleague or romantic interest.

Edited June 27, 2014 by BlueIris

[Camaro Guy]

No, they don't. (talk to fish) You pretty much answered your own question with that answer. The fishing analogy assumes a level of passivity and stupidity on the part of the prey. Not a great attitude to have toward other people, whether you want them to be your friend, work colleague or romantic interest.

 

Women can't identify or relate to the male experience. So why would I ask for advice from someone without that perspective?

 

IME, the 'naturals' started early, generally right in the middle of puberty, and became sexually active early, in their early-mid teens and learned their style by trial and error with the largely/overwhelmingly unmarried young girls of that era. Combine high hormonal levels with life inexperience and desire to get their nut off and one has a wonderful motivator to bathe that brain in all kinds of learning which, over time, becomes one's style.

 

Then, look at the other side..... young girls are exposed to that from the point their breasts start poking out, even before their teenage years, and they get used to it, and one knows the saying about the familiar and boredom, so the cream of the male crop learn how to up the ante to captivate the now-experienced and wily young ladies. Hence, a man/boy who doesn't get started and learn the intricacies of romantic captivation from an early age is at a marked disadvantage as life moves into the 20's and beyond. Other men are way ahead and the population is increasing married and familial and, when breakups/divorces happen, that ads even more difficulty to the goal of captivation due to 'baggage'.

 

Whenever you read/hear of a woman 'giving a man a chance', you know right there that he doesn't have the intrinsic 'right stuff' to captivate her. He's behind before even starting. Sure, he *might* grow on her over time. That happens. She might let him love her. That happens. Captivate? Different kettle of fish.

 

Once one lets go of the reproductive impulsion, so much of this is simplified. Personally, I don't see this as gender-focused, merely as a function of our current gender dynamics. If the roles were reversed, and women pursued men and were the sexual/romantic aggressors, we'd have the same propensity to end up sitting back and wanting to feel 'captivated' by those women pursuing we men. It's part of being human.

 

Can't agree more.

[preraph]

The naturals had good parental role models and that's about it. If your parents didn't get along or they did but they were both looney tunes who were extremely lucky to find the other half of their freak show, you model after them to some extent even when you rebel against it in ways you may not realize, and it sets you up for failure.

 

I worked with a guy for years who was okay looking, had a good job, way more confident than he ought to have been. He was always putting women down to their faces with smartass remarks, insulting and then acting like he was just kidding. His dad didn't seem as bad as him but he had disrespected the mother's opinion their whole marriage and she's stood still for it, so the guy I worked with thought that was all normal until no one would marry him.

[greenbee81]

I agree with some here, I never try to captivate. It is the female who should captivate the male to find interest in her.

 

A woman is the beautiful one while man is the hunter, if female is captivating the male should hunt right?

 

I'm sure I am wrong hehe