Ara-bella Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 How would you personally deal with this? Do you take them back or move on without them? Explain why or why not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
daisydook Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 I would never entertain the idea of getting back together. Why? He treated me very poorly. I decided I wanted to be single, and decided I would never ever put myself through that kind of crap again. The first few years were great with him. The last ones made me question all men. Lol. I fortunately dealt with that issue before dating again. Fortunately, he has been leaving me alone, and my stomach drops when I think about him messaging or calling me. I would ignore it, but have been contacted by his family members. That was emotional and upset me for a few weeks. I didn't speak to him directly and don't plan on doing that. I was working one night and his grandmother called me. Terrified, she called me because his phone was cut off. I knew he just didn't pay his bill, most likely. That was often the case, if he didn't have service. I was the only person she had a phone number for and apologized profusely for bothering me and bringing me into it, but she needed a phone number for one of his friends, in hopes they would go see if he was ok. I gave her one number, and got in contact with a mutual friend for another number. I found out through this friend he is miserable with me dating. He hates that I am dating "so soon after a decade together" and is apparently heart broken. His grandma told me since he found out about me dating again, he is really heart broken, and hasn't been doing well. It angered me actually. Lol. Im glad he is angry. I am glad he isn't dealing with it well. I am also glad he is keeping his feelings to himself and leaving me alone. Im happy and don't want to be bothered by my most recent ex. He would only anger me. Link to post Share on other sites
luvshaq Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 If they're my ex, they're my ex for a reason. Taking a break is one thing, but after a breakup, that's it. I try not to let my emotions be my guide. Link to post Share on other sites
johnpatric Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Well for me it impossible now.. because she is engaged now and I don't want to disturb her present life so I already moved on from her.. Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 I'd consider it and hear them out ONLY if they could convince me they were 100% serious and that they were working to fix all the things we fought about and that they really meant it and that they werent just coming back cos they got dumped themselves and I was their fallback option and that they truly 100% wanted to reconcile with me and were willing to do WHATEVER it took. but honestly, it is all airy-fairy stuff, because I dont see how it is even possible that they could convince me of all that. no matter WHAT they said there would always be doubt in my mind that they were just coming back to me as a fallback cos they got dumped or they just wanted to get something out of me (relieve their guilt, get money out of me, 'catch up' or whatever) and as soon as they got it they would drop me again. thing about trust is once it is gone it is almost impossible to get back, even if you want it to be back Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 EXs are EXs for valid reasons at least in my life. If the things that drove us apart weren't fixed, there's no sense in going back. Most times those things were matters of fundamental incompatiblity so there was no fixing them. I'm not a big fan of going backwards. Link to post Share on other sites
Nimbus4dt Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 I think it has nothing to do with what they say, it's actions that count. Would I???? I would say "no" but I am aware of how I still feel but she'd have to seriously prove it to me, she won't and therefore I can say NO!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 I would absolutely give it a go. We had a wonderful relationship, in fact by far the best I have had. Obviously there would need to be some very honest discussions from the start regarding the issue that ended the relationship, what changed etc. as it would make zero sense to simply repeat history. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zapbasket Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 I would absolutely give it a go. We had a wonderful relationship, in fact by far the best I have had. Obviously there would need to be some very honest discussions from the start regarding the issue that ended the relationship, what changed etc. as it would make zero sense to simply repeat history. If that's the case, Allumere, then what broke you up? Wouldn't your ex have some explaining to do before you'd take him back? Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 No. If we've broken up, there's a reason for it, and most likely the next relationship will fall apart because of the exact same reasons. Plus, I don't need that kick to my self-esteem and have better things to do with my time than taking back and taking care of desperate people. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Wouldnt want to know at all, could never trust he wouldnt up and leave again. Yet just a few months ago all I wanted was for him to come back.. funny how it changes x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
STM206 Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 It would be a lot more complicated than simply just taking my ex back. He would have a lot of explaining to do for one, and second of all he would have a LOT to prove. It's funny I have moments through the day where I feel like I would take him back in a heartbeat, then I have moments like now where I would tell him he had his chance and project some of the same lines he used on me right back on him. The "you'll always have a place in my heart and the infamous it's not you it's me". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Always Pondering Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 It's odd to hear myself saying this but I would tell her no. There's no way on earth this scenario would happen but that'd be my answer. This may only be my answer consciously but I remember the day I'd take her back in a heartbeat without even any discussion. I do believe the maturity levels are different now but for some reason rekindling that relationship does not seem to interest me anymore. I feel I want to experience new love with someone else and I feel I want to do that whole new exciting journey of getting to know someone from brand new. I know I have the capability to love someone else even more than I did her, so I want to find that person. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
xUnknown Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 There is no end-all solution for it...every situation is different. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HeartinPain Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 I think after grieving a relationship, you realize a lot of ugly things about the person and the relationship. Obviously, it takes two people to make a relationship fall apart. Ex is an ex for a reason. Personally, my relationship ended very badly nearly 9 months ago. I have regained my self respect, so I doubt my ex and I can ever be friends again. Looking at the relationship with clarity, I finally see how unhealthy the relationship was and how selfish my ex was. The best thing for me is to move on without them and not look back. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FaithinIron Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Probably not. She would have to do a lot for me to even want to be friends let alone be together. she was very devious when we were together i didnt find that out until i was madly in love with her. Took me over a year to get over it but now looking back almost 0 chance of me wanting to be with her again. Link to post Share on other sites
Mondmellonw Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 If my ex came back: Ex: I lied to you about not loving you anymore... Mondmellonw: I actually like somebody else right now. The End. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jiivy Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 I don't know. Who does? - The world's a funny place...for most of us here, our breakups turned our worlds upside down. Who's to say someone else won't come and turn it around again? And who's to say that person isn't your ex? ... All I know is that I don't know. People change, couples reconcile and couples don't depending on the situation that lead to well, everything! Let the chips fall where they may and just enjoy the damn ride. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elseaacych Posted May 18, 2014 Share Posted May 18, 2014 Me... eh... I think he would need to have a total personality change and I don't think I would genuinely be able to trust him. If he's going to leave me, he's not good enough for me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
learning_slowly Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 As said before,every situation is different. I think most people have not accepted they may have unwittingly contributed in some way to the breakup and are angry at their ex. I think once you have forgiven your ex for being human, there's a possibility you could take them back, but you'd have to explain to each other why you would want to get back together. Any problems would need a solution or a planned solution before a reconciliation could be contemplated. But a lot of people may have new partners or have changed their life's goals, so reconciliation may be impossible, even with forgiveness. Only you with your ex know the reason for the split, so only you to together could determine if it's possible or worth the effort. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
polynomial Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Hell no, I have already given him so many chances and we're still broken up, so I guess I should take a hint. But I guess he has taken it too and won't be contacting me. Link to post Share on other sites
learning_slowly Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Hell no, I have already given him so many chances and we're still broken up, so I guess I should take a hint. But I guess he has taken it too and won't be contacting me. But that's my point exactly: in your situation, there is clearly no chance. In some peoples there maybe. In mine, I also think there is no chance but that's because of my actions mostly. We live and make choices, often they can be wrong, but we have to live with those choices and move on to something better Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 If that's the case, Allumere, then what broke you up? Wouldn't your ex have some explaining to do before you'd take him back? We broke up because I wasn't Christian enough. He wants Evangelic, I am not. For him to come back or reconsider would take literally an act of God so he indeed would have a lot to explain. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 She always wants to come back. But the end was her choice. Link to post Share on other sites
7yearsbroken Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 I would love to say she'll come back and be loving and submissive and treat me like it was just us. Then she'll have to explain how this other guy came in our relationship and she rolled around in bed with him. Hmm So I'm still trying not to hate her, how can that happen. She wasn't even apologetic. So I romanticized the old her, despise the new her. Not a chance in the world we will work, one day want to see karma hit her so hard.. Time will tell. Until then NC and working on myself to show her what she missed out on. Don't waste your time dreaming, they are not worthy if they left you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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