One shot wonders at Meetups

[irc333]

Me and an organizer were discussing how she should "cull the herd" with her Meetup members after there had been a long list of members that hardly ever (or never) attend events.

 

Some show up one time, but that's it, some have a huge list of Meetups, but never been to a single one.

 

There was this recent Meetup that popped up in my local area, within' minutes from my house....definitely a relief from the one hour drives to most Meetup events I had attended.

 

This may tie into my recent "Online usage of the internet as a social crutch" but it could be reaching.

 

Anyhow, this first Meetup had a huge turn out surprisingly, as most Meetups that get their start here in BFE tend to fail quickly and become relics in the blackhole of the Meetup site.

 

Anyhow, this woman is sitting across from me we get to talking for a while, I had recalled seeing her profile on the Meetup site before that dates back to 2009, but never had seen her attend an event until now.

 

After talking to her for a bit, she said she's a member of the site, but rarely looks at the site for events, updates, etc. I am assuming this was just a one-shot deal for her, but turns out she has no interest in attending future events it seems as she told me she's not attending the next one. She even left a bit earlier than the others that night.

 

Anyhow, the event or meetup didn't seem to float her boat, even though the next scheduled event is closeby.

 

Though she's a member of the site, she prefers to stay in her own town and not do much else.

 

But it sometimes makes me wonder if they go to events to see what's in it for them rather than becoming "regulars" of the group and at least give it a shot.

 

Meanwhile organizers are culling the herd of non-attendees that have been on the site for years.

 

So what's your take, people join these sites just for selfish reasons? Are they thinking "Hm, not enough cute guys/gals here, I better stay home this Sat. night".

 

Would people prefer to stay home on a Sat. night if the opportunity to join a bunch of people for fun if their intentions weren't to meet available people?

I wonder if they are thinking, "What's in it for me, if I go to this event?"

 

I think most of an agenda that's never met, and they wind up becoming reclusive once again?

 

I recall speaking with another Member of Meetup, I had had made mention, as an asst. organizer, I have arranged a Dinner and Movie Meetup this weekend, and also had asked her if she planned on attending the "lake party" at the end of the month.

 

Her response, coyley, "Maybe, I like to keep my options open.

 

In the mean time, I've seen pictures she's posted of friends from the Meetup site where they have randomly had get togehters with each other, leaving the rest of the group feeling excluded.

 

Apparently, she had posted pictures of some of the members of Meetup at a local restaurant and someone , from our group, commented, "Hm, where was this and how come I didn't get the invite?"

 

Apparently, this has ruffled some feathers where people are "going their own way" outside of the Meetups and leaving others feel left out.

 

Anyhow, what's your take? What's your agenda? Of course we can't read minds, but one couldn't help to pick up on these vibes of selfishness?

[PegNosePete]

Why "cull the herd"? As far as I know there is no cost or disadvantage to having a lot of inactive members on a meetup group. In fact it makes the group look bigger, which may draw more new members in.

 

Personally I don't see the problem or the need to analyse people's actions. If they come to your events then good, if not then their loss. I guess if an accurate head count is needed for an event like a restaurant booking, then it could be annoying, so maybe take a deposit if that's the case?

 

Funny story related to this happened a while ago. A couple of guys were discussing non-attendance, one of them was talking about a girl who signs up for every event but never shows up. He was trying to pronounce her name but getting it wrong. I corrected him, and pointed out that she was sitting next to me, sharing my strawberries. Nice girl, had a pretty good date with her last week and hopefully more to come If we'd culled her from the group then I would've missed out.

[xxoo]

The point of meetup is to meet people. Some of those people will have friendships beyond the meetup events. They are building their relationships, not excluding you. You need to focus on building your own relationships, which likewise will not include the entire meetup group.

[iris219]

What do you mean by selfishness? Are social interactions entirely selfishness or selfless?

 

What's wrong with asking yourself "what's in it for me" before going an event, especially one with lots of strangers? I mean, you should be doing it for yourself, not others. I'm not going to do something that isn't going to be fun for me and I assume you wouldn't either.

 

How is it selfish to try one meet up and decide it's not for you?

 

I don't think "selfish" is right word here.

[irc333]

What do you mean by selfishness? Are social interactions entirely selfishness or selfless?

 

What's wrong with asking yourself "what's in it for me" before going an event, especially one with lots of strangers? I mean, you should be doing it for yourself, not others. I'm not going to do something that isn't going to be fun for me and I assume you wouldn't either.

 

How is it selfish to try one meet up and decide it's not for you?

 

I don't think "selfish" is right word here.

 

Okay, an "Agenda" then. I have heard women and men that stopped attending Meetups because well, shallow as it sounds, not enough "cute guys/women" at the events.

 

I mean, if you go to kayaking or hiking event, enjoy the hike or outdoor event, don't worry about what's on the menu.

 

Good example here, I had been a member of an outdoors Meetup for years. One time, one of the organizers decided to hold a non-outdoors event at his house I think it was a Halloween Party and Memorial Day party.

 

Talk about coming out of the woodwork. I met one woman that was a member of the outdoors group, never been to one event, only showed up for THAT event. That's it.

 

Another one, a one-shot wonder, a single woman, never saw her before in my life....shows up...and went home early with a guy for a one-night stand.

 

The guy she went home with, was kind of a regular though, so I give him credit for that, but one of the active members, after they left said, "This is why women stop going to Meetups".

 

The whole ONS thing I guess he was referring to.

 

I think Meetup has gotten a stigma from non-members that it's more of a meat market if anything.

 

When I talk about Meetup, they are like "Oh....that's a singles website, isn't it?" and they make a face or something.

[MixedUpChick]

So what's your take, people join these sites just for selfish reasons? Are they thinking "Hm, not enough cute guys/gals here, I better stay home this Sat. night".

 

Anyhow, what's your take? What's your agenda? Of course we can't read minds, but one couldn't help to pick up on these vibes of selfishness?

 

People join Meetup or any other groups for a variety of reasons. I joined after my divorce, to give me reasons to get myself out of the house & meeting people instead of just sitting at home alone. However, I'm also pretty particular about the types of activities I want to go to because I'm an introvert & don't like big groups, or happy hours, or venturing downtown, etc. I have my own limitations that keep me from attending certain events, I realize it's my loss if I choose to sit at home instead of overcoming some of these.

 

I also belong to about 10 different groups so I have plenty of options, & I've made a couple very good friends through one group & we also do things outside of Meetup events.

 

I run a small Meetup group (about 500 members) & we kick out inactives, & we also instituted a "3 no-shows & you're out" policy because it was causing problems for us. But ultimately my answer to your question of "what's your take?" is - who cares? People do what they do, you just need to learn how to interact with them. If it bothers you that people don't show up, either tighten up your group or quit Meetup so you don't have to deal with it.

[irc333]

Actually , I've found something to counter it. I often don't organize Meetups, but this Sunday I'll be hosting my first. So perhaps that'll offset things a bit. Feels like I'll have some kind of purpose.

 

 

People join Meetup or any other groups for a variety of reasons. I joined after my divorce, to give me reasons to get myself out of the house & meeting people instead of just sitting at home alone. However, I'm also pretty particular about the types of activities I want to go to because I'm an introvert & don't like big groups, or happy hours, or venturing downtown, etc. I have my own limitations that keep me from attending certain events, I realize it's my loss if I choose to sit at home instead of overcoming some of these.

 

I also belong to about 10 different groups so I have plenty of options, & I've made a couple very good friends through one group & we also do things outside of Meetup events.

 

I run a small Meetup group (about 500 members) & we kick out inactives, & we also instituted a "3 no-shows & you're out" policy because it was causing problems for us. But ultimately my answer to your question of "what's your take?" is - who cares? People do what they do, you just need to learn how to interact with them. If it bothers you that people don't show up, either tighten up your group or quit Meetup so you don't have to deal with it.

[SpringBaby]

Actually , I've found something to counter it. I often don't organize Meetups, but this Sunday I'll be hosting my first. So perhaps that'll offset things a bit. Feels like I'll have some kind of purpose.

 

Yeah, it can be frustrating. I was an assistant organizer for a while and people would RSVP and not show up so I decided to just host events that didn't require any type of reservation and let it be what it was going to be. haha

 

I'm a part of some meetups just for the information, which is fine for those groups. I'd like to be more active with the social groups but it's kind of like a catch 22. I want to go if there are many people going and if other people think like this then no one ever goes. I have gone to events with 2 people showing up out of the 20 who have RSVPed. Granted 20 is not a party but it's better than me & one other person I may or may not like. If it's a group for dating then it is annoying if there aren't many prospects in attendance.

 

The professional ones are less pressure and I found more people attend those than the social ones. Maybe there's a stigma with the social meetup groups or something. I like the volunteer meetups too, we don't have enough of those.

 

But it is what it is, I hope more people take advantage of them, it's a pretty good way to learn and experience different things.

Good luck with your meetup!

[FitChick]

The one shot wonders go out of curiosity and decide it's not for them.

[Imported]

Maybe there's a stigma with the social meetup groups or something.

 

 

 

Never gone to any meetup's. Honestly, for meeting women there are plenty of other options where I'd feel I wasn't limiting myself or putting myself in a position where someone expects anything from me just because we are at the same meetup. OP is a good example of why I'd not want to attend meetups.

 

 

I am considering some team sports related meetups though. Sounds fun and I will have more free time soon that I'd like to fill with sports related activities outside of the gym.

[irc333]

Actually our "Social" meetup does play softball/kickball once a month, though it's not exclusively a "Team sports" meetup, we do recreationally play team sports.

 

Would you attend a social group such as this if they had a variety of activities?

 

One of our organizers got an email from a local Christian Singles Meetup about combining forces with the other to do bigger group events some times she was kind of reluctant because the word "single" may scare people off, but said if she would make other people aware that a "singles" meetup may want to join us for said events if she decides to approve a "co-mingling" of Meetups.

 

But our organizer met her now husband on a dating site, then invited him out to a Meetup event...and got to know him THAT way....so how's THAT for combining the "real world" vs. the online, eh? LOL

 

To be honest, and this is another thing to not....I've joined a variety of groups, both social, single, and even exclusive special interest groups that focus on certain activities.

 

Needless to say, it's rather moot because I would see the SAME faces across these Meetup groups that are in the same groups I'M in.

 

"Oh, there's Judy, she's joined the Team Sports Meetup and the Speed Dating Meetup just like I did, but I better get to know her in the Team Sports Meetup just for the sake of it NOT sounding too 'meat market-like'". lol

 

 

Never gone to any meetup's. Honestly, for meeting women there are plenty of other options where I'd feel I wasn't limiting myself or putting myself in a position where someone expects anything from me just because we are at the same meetup. OP is a good example of why I'd not want to attend meetups.

 

 

I am considering some team sports related meetups though. Sounds fun and I will have more free time soon that I'd like to fill with sports related activities outside of the gym.

[Emilia]

It's not smart to 'cull' meetup membership because some people search groups by their size. ie they want groups with large number of members. 'Culling' sounds pretty controlling, who cares whether the number is 500 or 2,000 even if some are inactive?

[Emilia]

where I'd feel I wasn't limiting myself or putting myself in a position where someone expects anything from me just because we are at the same meetup.

This is why I got tired of it fast. It's like you can't enjoy events because of people's expectations. Of course it's great if you meet someone but it gets tiring when you get treated as a 'potential' constantly even though it's clear it's not a singles event.

[PegNosePete]

Would you attend a social group such as this if they had a variety of activities?

Personally I find that a targetted, niche group is a better way to attract members than a generic social group. There are so many generic social "make friends and do stuff" groups that you're entering a very competitive market. And those other groups already have a lot of members, established social groups, etc.

 

If your group is say for underwater donkey riding then you'll get people who have an interest in underwater donkey riding, and they'll be more committed and loyal to your group because it caters for their needs better.

 

There are a million generic social groups so if they don't want to return (for whatever reason, not enough hot chicks, whatever) then there's a whole load of others for them to go to. If you're the only underwater donkey riding club in your local area, they're much more likely to stick with you because you're the only other dudes in the local area to go underwater donkey riding with.

 

Just my opinion

 

"Oh, there's Judy, she's joined the Team Sports Meetup and the Speed Dating Meetup just like I did, but I better get to know her in the Team Sports Meetup just for the sake of it NOT sounding too 'meat market-like'". lol

LOL... dictionary definition of "over analyzing"!

[Emilia]

Personally I find that a targetted, niche group is a better way to attract members than a generic social group. There are so many generic social "make friends and do stuff" groups that you're entering a very competitive market. And those other groups already have a lot of members, established social groups, etc.

 

If your group is say for underwater donkey riding then you'll get people who have an interest in underwater donkey riding, and they'll be more committed and loyal to your group because it caters for their needs better.

Very true. The only group I have belonged to for years is quite specific and lot of the members are active.

[irc333]

Personally I find that a targetted, niche group is a better way to attract members than a generic social group. There are so many generic social "make friends and do stuff" groups that you're entering a very competitive market. And those other groups already have a lot of members, established social groups, etc.

 

If your group is say for underwater donkey riding then you'll get people who have an interest in underwater donkey riding, and they'll be more committed and loyal to your group because it caters for their needs better.

 

There are a million generic social groups so if they don't want to return (for whatever reason, not enough hot chicks, whatever) then there's a whole load of others for them to go to. If you're the only underwater donkey riding club in your local area, they're much more likely to stick with you because you're the only other dudes in the local area to go underwater donkey riding with.

 

Just my opinion

 

 

LOL... dictionary definition of "over analyzing"!

 

 

Hey, if it's to make a point. ;-)

[irc333]

Funny thing, there was this woman that joined Meetup and had been attending events, occasionally, but won't do any event unless it involves some kind of physical activity or dancing (ie physical).

 

She's not much to go to a potluck where people stand around and mingle.

 

Anyhow, she's pretty cool, and one time she brought some female friends with her to the event. Upon getting to know her +2's to the event, I find out they aren't members of said Meetup. I encouraged them to join. But...well, they never got around to it.

 

Apparently, she has quite a few cute, (at least to me) single friends that COULD join up, but I think she's thrown that option their way, and they didn't bite.

 

I get to talking to the actual member and their personal friend about "Hey, I got a meetup I'm hosting, see if you can get your friends to come".

 

Yeah, so that's the only way I can get people OUTSIDE of Meetup, that had previously attended events as guests to come..if any.

 

But in this case, not so much....she said, "Well,I can try, but they aren't much for that Meetup scene"

 

Apparently, they've had discussions about actually signing up to become a member and then be notified and aware of events, but I think they feel it'll be too intimidating for them.

 

I find it a bit unusual if you feel that way AND live in a backwater town as a single woman...figured the DRIVE to meet others would be there, but apparently not.

 

My recruitment attempts haven't been too successful with those that attend Meetups, but would rather not register with the site. lol

[PegNosePete]

Have you tried free beer?

 

Seriously that's something my club does to get event hosts and committee positions filled.

[MixedUpChick]

It's not smart to 'cull' meetup membership because some people search groups by their size. ie they want groups with large number of members. 'Culling' sounds pretty controlling, who cares whether the number is 500 or 2,000 even if some are inactive?

 

It's not an accurate representation of how big the group is, if half of the membership doesn't ever attend any events. Meetup automatically kicks people for inactivity, & we also kick people out periodically if they haven't even visited the site in 6 months. Some people get busy in life, or move away, or whatever, & don't even remember they're in your group. We send a nice message telling them "hey, if you're interested in being an active member, we'd love to have you back"

 

If you joined a group because it was a "large" group by your standards, then found out only a few people actually attend events, I think you might be disappointed. I'd rather have a small group of people who are reasonably active, than a group that looks like a big group but only has small numbers attending events.

[iris219]

Apparently, she has quite a few cute, (at least to me) single friends that COULD join up, but I think she's thrown that option their way, and they didn't bite.

 

So, you wanted to recruit this woman's cute friends for Meetup.

 

Isn't that having an "agenda?"

 

How is that different than not wanting to attend Meetups where there aren't attractive people? Everyone has some sort of agenda. Yours is not "better" than anyone else's.

 

And, no, it's not odd that these women don't want to join Meetup. Some people, like myself, would have no interest in doing so.

[PegNosePete]

It's not an accurate representation of how big the group is, if half of the membership doesn't ever attend any events.

What advantage is there to having an accurate representation of how big the group is?

 

I'd rather have a small group of people who are reasonably active, than a group that looks like a big group but only has small numbers attending events.

So say you have an event. Would you rather that 20 out of 100 turn up, or 20 out of 2000?

Either way you've got 20 people at the event so what's the difference?

[sillyanswer]

Anyhow, what's your take? What's your agenda? Of course we can't read minds, but one couldn't help to pick up on these vibes of selfishness?

 

The only Meetups I've been to have been ones where I wanted to do the activity they were doing at that particular time. That wasn't a lifelong promise to keep wanting to do that activity with them, or even a suggestion that I might want to try it a second time. I also wasn't scouting for cute women, although I gather from the number of meetups that seem to be actively making a point of not being meat markets that some people clearly treat some of them as such even when they aren't marketed as being 'singles groups'.

Edited May 15, 2014 by sillyanswer
typos

[Emilia]

It's not an accurate representation of how big the group is, if half of the membership doesn't ever attend any events. Meetup automatically kicks people for inactivity, & we also kick people out periodically if they haven't even visited the site in 6 months. Some people get busy in life, or move away, or whatever, & don't even remember they're in your group. We send a nice message telling them "hey, if you're interested in being an active member, we'd love to have you back"

 

If you joined a group because it was a "large" group by your standards, then found out only a few people actually attend events, I think you might be disappointed. I'd rather have a small group of people who are reasonably active, than a group that looks like a big group but only has small numbers attending events.

I join them based on interest but I know they are often listed according to size. I understand why no-shows are a nuisance but if you want to keep attracting new members I think getting rid of inactive ones is a mistake because of your listing.

[ThatMan]

Have you ever thought about reading the local news paper, looking through pamphlets tacked onto the walls of coffee shops, visiting bookstores, or even community functions posted on the entryway of grocery stores?

 

There are alternatives to meetup.

[irc333]

Have you ever thought about reading the local news paper, looking through pamphlets tacked onto the walls of coffee shops, visiting bookstores, or even community functions posted on the entryway of grocery stores?

 

There are alternatives to meetup.

 

There are no pamphlets tacked to walls at coffee shops around here.

 

Meh, been there done that. Mostly retirees tend to attend events that are posted or advertised in such a fashion, at least in my neck of the woods.

 

Anyhow, if it isn't Meetup, the other good alternative or Facebook invites to summer time fun pool/beach parties.

 

 

community functions posted on the entryway of grocery stores?

 

No, I Have something called a computer.