Wife had affair with coworker...Suggestions?

[beach]

Since you didn't kick her out when you found her cheating you won't leave her.

 

Since you didn't kick her out when you found out she had sex with him - you aren't likely to leave her.

 

Since you didn't kick her out when you found out she is planning another trip that involves being in his pro immunity again ( how convenient for her, right?) - you're not likely to end the M.

 

How much abuse are you willing to take from her?

 

She is SUPPOSED to love, honor and cherish you! This is not what was promised!

 

She ended the M when she cheated - yet she still sees him and sleeps in YOUR warm and cozy bed! WHY? WHY haven't YOU changed that?

 

YOU need to take ACTION man - find your courage and stand up FOR YOURSELF today!

[stillafool]

And on top of that, a lot of guys love the inexpensive and easy sex on the sly that a married woman offers. But when she shows up at their door with a suitcase, thrilled that they are be free together, that changes things. :-)

 

Exactly!!!! This is what you do - throw her to him. I can almost guarantee you he will toss her right back. Of course she will be devastated that the man she thought loved her in fact does not. She will find out that she was just his easy side piece and then she will want her marriage back. Don't give it to her but make her crawl to get you back. That will be the only action that will command respect from her. Please listen, I'm a woman and what you are doing right now is making her lose respect for you. Put on your big mans boots for kicking arse (not literally) and take action now! If you have any hope at all of getting her back you have to follow this advice.

[10thengineerharrison]

I'm 46, and I wouldn't hesitate to leave. 30? You're a young lion!

 

You're all a bunch of whipper-snappers! I'm 61 and I told my wife of 38 years that I won't go through what I did after d-day for anybody ever again.

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

[10thengineerharrison]

Chumplady usually has some words of wisdom on the subject: Why Women Cheat?

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

[Achybreakyheart]

Dedicated husband-It seems like you’re in a really bad situation. I’m not sure if the intent of this post was it to validate your feelings or if was it to get advice. This makes me think of the old saying “advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn’t”. I feel bad for you, but I’m also a bit concerned about the comments below. All these people are attacking her character instead of trying to help you change the situation. One person suggests you expose her affair to her family and friends, or have her divorce papers served at work. I think if you are childish enough to act out in this way, you were too childish to get married. An eye for an eye will not make the situation change, and honestly it will not make you feel any better. I’ve been cheated on in the past, so believe me I do know how horrible it is, but as you mentioned before you have not been perfect either. She cheated on you, but clearly the break in the relationship was before that. Happy people don’t cheat, plain and simple. If she wanted to be with you she would. It’s clear she doesn’t feel the same way about you as she did in the beginning, and that sucks, but that’s the reality. I’m not sure why you are clinging on to something that’s not even there.

The marriage you think you’re fighting for is an illusion. I see that you are making an effort; nevertheless, I don’t think you see that you can’t harass her into loving you again. You cannot beg someone to change how they feel. I understand the feeling of wanting to fight for your wife, but trust me man, if she’s not budging you need to stop. Has she ever told you she wants a divorce, or is she just stringing you along? Is there a reason you are still sleeping in the same bed or even the same house as this woman? I suggest you pick up your pride and walk it out the door. Perhaps she’s not a bad wife; rather, she’s a bad wife for you. Move on, get some closure. You will find someone else, and you both can start to heal from what seems to be a marriage that should have never been.

[Achybreakyheart]

"Your marriage is over. You can't blackmale someone into loving you."

 

I completely agree. You can't make someone feel something they don't, it's pathetic to try.

[bubbaganoosh]

Dedicated Husband.

 

You feeling bad? You hurting? You feel like your whole world is crashing down on you? Well, it is and I'm sorry to rub it in but I'm not telling you anything that you don't already know.

 

You like that feeling? Well, it comes down to this. Your looking at your life a month, year and decade from now. This is how your life will be unless you decide to suck it up and fight back.

 

Don't look at her as the poor little woman and my beautiful wife because she's neither.

 

Right now, she's your biggest enemy and she's looking at you with contempt, disrespect and worse, her whipping boy who will take her abuse and come crawling back like a whipped puppy.

 

You can't change her. Not with love, understanding, patience or money. You can only change yourself.

 

The time has come for you to take the gloves off and to fight back with everything you have. In the process of that if she feels like she's losing, then she's going to resort to crying and pleading with words and if that doesn't work, then that's why God made tits and a vagina because that will be the next thing she tries to use.

 

Then you have a choice. Fall for the bull$h!t and go through this again down the road or look at what she has to offer and let her know that no only have you seen better but will be with someone better.

 

Remember she's a fighter and she has no plans to lose so you got a choice my friend. Live or die.

[goumao]

Your situation is similar to mine: recently married, found out wife's true colors.

 

1: do not let her blame you for this. Every marriage has issues, she has pointed out your flaws, don't forget besides being a cheater she also has flaws which you have put up with.

2: do not be so nice to her. She should be trying very hard to win you back.

3: basically just divorce her. Its so disrepectful, painful and unbelievable what she has done to you. I think you will realise soon that at this early stage of your marriage what your wife has done can not be forgiving or forgotten.

4: Do not tell her friends and family or work just yet. No more mr nice guy, file for divorce, go through with divorce and if she resists or try to f%$k you over, then use the threat of telling family and work to get your way.

 

Believe me i know its a sh#t situation to be in, my Dday was just a couple of months after my wedding.

 

There is no point in reconciling because one she is not remorseful and two it would take you years to get your marriage back to where it is now ie two years old. It just doesn't make any sense.

[atreides]

 

Believe me i know its a sh#t situation to be in, my Dday was just a couple of months after my wedding.

 

Wow, so sorry, i mean the polish hasn't even begin to tarnish at a few months out.

 

Sadly, very similar to what my father-in-law did, the tragedy is my very loving mother-in-law put up with him for 13 years, cheating and drunken beatings.

[drifter777]

There are two things you need to do ASAP: find a divorce lawyer and find a counselor.

 

Your marriage is over - don't try to hold on to her. You are only hurting your self-esteem and showing the world that you are a weak, pathetic loser. When you take a stand and do the things you have to do to end this broken relationship you will begin to feel more like a real person. The way to start rebuilding your sense of self is to take action to reclaim your manhood. Start now.

[DKT3]

Infidelity sucks.

 

If you want her back then tough decisions have to be made. You think she is only there for fear of losing her job? Wrong, she is still there because she feels she is in total control of you and the marriage. In being in control, she will string you along until she know if there is a future with her and this other guy, if not she will slide right back into the role of wife until the next guy comes along.

 

Take back the control, start by throwing her out, file for divorce and start living your life for you. By taking yourself out of the picture it will speed up her process either she will end that relationship and re-focus on your marriage know that you will not accept this, or she won't. Either way you won't be lead around by the nose.

 

For six months I tried to understand what was going on, and how I could "WIN" my wife back. Then the next 8 months plotting and building up to my escape. Once I made the chioce to end the marriage it was quick and final. I saw a total change in my wife. I've made the comment before she went from a snotty brat to and bawl snot bubble blow mess in one day with the add of divorce papers. The only regret I had was not doing it 13 months before.

 

She didn't respond to me being nice or understanding, she responded to my strength. Its not easy, but being her backup plan and being disrespected is far worse.

 

To get it back, you have to risk losing it all. Hell you may even figure out its not worth having back.

[JS84]

The one who is most willing to leave a relationship damaged by infidelity is the one who holds control in the relationship. Now it doesn't sound like either one of you want to leave but for two different reasons. You don't want to leave the marriage because you want to keep your cheating, disrespectful wife. And your wife doesn't want to leave the marriage because she wants to keep her job. There is a BIG difference here.

 

You made one of the most common mistakes BS, especially men make, which is trying to forgive too quickly to work on the marriage. I mean the day you confronted her you also decided to stick with the marriage? It's not a shocker your wife was already backsliding into her old behavior after a couple of days, as far as she can tell you clearly aren't going anywhere. Why shouldn't she disrespect you and have her fun on the side??? What exactly are YOU going to do about it? That's what she's thinking now.

 

You need to start taking steps to end the marriage (all of which can be cancelled at another time) so that 1. She knows that she could lose you and that might help clear the fog a bit, 2. She MIGHT start showing you some respect, and 3. If things don't work out in the end you'll already be on your way to ending things.

 

I wouldn't bring up her job situation at all, just make her sweat on the fact that you can hurt her job and she has no idea what you will do.

 

And follow the 180 which someone else posted.

Edited May 15, 2014 by JS84