I also getting back at my cheating gf

[FernyUPile]

This is really my own RA situation. I know most of you might disagree with this but getting cheated on by someone who claims to love you can affect you too. I was inspired by a post here and well I kind of did the same thing but I've been a hurt guy for a long time until I decided to take actions.

 

This is how my story goes:

I feel stronger now and planning to break up sometime this week. I blame her for making me take this action. I used to be a kind, somewhat shy guy and well her cheating really affected me. It made me feel so worthless as a man.

 

She cheated 7 months ago with one of my friends. I found out through because I was already suspecting something wasn't right and one time she left her inbox open. I read it all there. Stupid me decided to listened to her pleads for a second chance, how I'm the only man she loves, that she's sorry, etc.

 

Around 2 months ago, I started talking to her pretty female supervisor Nelly (got introduced to her a long back at a reunion). Things moved so quickly and 4 days ago (actually a week ago), we slept together for the first time. Thing is this got me even more stronger. Meanwhile lol, my gf is still expressing remorseful and thinks she's the only one that cheated. I have to say initially it was just done as a way to seduce a specific woman, one that she either is closed to or has to see on a daily basis but at the same time she had to be more attractive too. Now I actually liked Nelly and plan to continue seeking her.

 

I really want to break the news to her and see her in pain to be honest, just like the same thing she put me through when I was weaker at the time. Or should I just break it up and then just have her wondering when I started seeing Nelly that it'll drive her crazy? What do you all think of this?

Edited May 14, 2014 by FernyUPile

[ThatGirl213]

Well everyone want to see the cheater hurt. I am sure you are feeling very good about yourself. But there is still a possibility in the future that you may regret cheating on your gf (even if she cheated) before ending things with her.

 

If I were you, I would have ended things with my gf before cheating with Nelly and told her I am leaving her for Nelly with my reason being I couldn't forgive her cheating. You could let her know you are leaving her for Nelly and let her wonder. If she ever gets to know you slept with Nelly from someone else before the BU, that will hurt her more. I am talking from experience. She will definitely get jealous and all emotional.

 

I would like to know what Nelly thinks about this? Because if I were in Nelly's position I am not sure if I would take you serious.

[FernyUPile]

I know breaking up and then dating Nelly would be the right thing to do but at that moment, I wasn't really thinking logically at all. My mind was preoccupied with having a RA, sleeping with another woman just like she let my another man enter her. It's only been recently since I've gotten stronger. Even when I first started having an EA with Nelly, I still somehow wanted my relationship. Now, I'm ready to break up.

I would like to know what Nelly thinks about this? Because if I were in Nelly's position I am not sure if I would take you serious.

Overall she's ok with dating me and knows I'm going to break up with my gf. I just haven't told her when exactly but I will pretty soon.

[Chi townD]

Why didn't you break up with her when you first discovered that she cheated on you? You caught her and she apologized that was remorseful and beg for a second chance. You gave it to her. That's on you. YOU decided to forgive her. But the rub is, you never did. You kept her around and waited for an opportunity to do it to her. You found an "in" through her supervisor and got inspired by another thread here (gee, wonder which one that is) and you slept with her.

 

 

Now, your getting ready to get your rocks off by telling her. and the cherry on top? Oh! I'm leaving you for your immediate supervisor. Nice!

 

 

Does the term douche rocket mean anything to you? If you couldn't handle her cheating on you and forgiving her, then you should have had the balls to end it with her in the first place.

 

 

Oh, and do you think that you're going to ride off into the sunset all happy with her supervisor? This relationship is doomed. The supervisor knows and is ALWAYS going to be reminded that you used her to get back at your Ex. The foundation of your relationship was built on the pain of others and the perverse pleasure you think you're going to get from it.

 

 

So, good luck!

Edited May 14, 2014 by Chi townD

[RemainUnchanged]

way to compromise your morals and integrity.. I hope it was worth it

[Zahara]

I really want to break the news to her and see her in pain to be honest, just like the same thing she put me through when I was weaker at the time. Or should I just break it up and then just have her wondering when I started seeing Nelly that it'll drive her crazy? What do you all think of this?

 

What a douchey thing to do. Not only did you sink to cheater, you're now contemplating ways to hurt someone, who by the way you supposedly forgave and accepted back which makes you a faker and then you used this Nelly to get back at your ex, which also makes you a master manipulator. Your ex didn't make you who you are. You made you who you are. It's all about choices. You made bad ones on your own free will.

 

Now your soon to be ex gets to go around telling people you're a cheater and a manipulator as well. Now you have a big X for cheater on your This Is Ferny Checklist. Maybe Nelly will get wind of this as well.

Edited May 14, 2014 by Zahara

[FernyUPile]

People the reason I didn't break up when she first cheated is because I was both still in disbelief and weak at that moment; also so much in love too. When she cheated it was really a knee-jerk reaction to take her back and work it out. Initially I was really trying to work things out but as the months went by, my shocked and sadness turned into anger. It's when everything started kicking in that I suddenly had RA in my mind.

 

In comparing to my soon to be ex gf, Nelly has great qualities such as:

She's prettier

She's 5'10 (only an inch shorter than me), was very athletic during her HS years and knows kickboxing

She is very smart and can talk about political science

She is outgoing and was dominant in bed

Overall has a great personality, very assertive and is funny; she's what I would call an alpha female

 

With Nelly, this makes me think why I even chose my gf in the first place. She's everything my gf isn't.

[Zahara]

People the reason I didn't break up when she first cheated is because I was both still in disbelief and weak at that moment. When she cheated it was really a knee-jerk reaction to take her back and work it out. Initially I was really trying to work things out but as the months went by, my shocked and sadness turned into anger. It's when everything started kicking in that I suddenly had RA in my mind.

 

That's on you. It still wasn't reason for you to use Nelly in the early stages to get at your ex. You should have processed your feelings with your ex, made the determination that you're over it and then go out there and date, instead of cheat.

 

Hopefully Nelly doesn't catch wind of all this.

 

Good luck to you.

[Chi townD]

Yeah, whatever helps you sleep at night.

 

 

Yeah, and you also stated that you were/are weak and easily gob smacked. Those qualities you listed with Nelly makes you ripe to get walked all over. She's going to be the Alpha in this relationship and you've already demonstrated Beta like qualities.

 

 

Just remember, if she was willing to cheat with you, then she'll have no problem cheating on you.

[central]

Revenge can be sweet. However, now that you have it, don't be a a-hole. Try to rise above creating as much pain as you were dealt.

 

As for moving forward with this new relationship, it is very possible that it won't last, so realize that and resolve to enjoy it while it does. She may cheat on you if she's being the other woman for you, knowing your situation. If you go in knowing this, don't be surprised or angry if it happens - just move on. She has served the initial purpose of helping you get your revenge.

 

Maybe - just maybe - this new relationship can work, but you have to move past the cheating, and build this new relationship with better understanding and honesty. Then perhaps, it can last.

Edited May 14, 2014 by central

[painfullyobvious]

Well now that you posted Nellies great qualities I guess it is okay to cheat. Nellie may be great but why drag an innocent person into the chaos of relationship falling apart. You should just keep your mouth shut on your master plan to hurt your soon to be ex because if word gets around about how you ended things will make most well adjusted people think about taking you serious. Just break up with her and say nothing of your exit cheating.

[Darren Steez]

Lol so "Nelly"has no problem banging a taken guy?

 

When you two hook up don't be surprised if she goes off with another guy...after all what's good for the goose and all that.

 

Douche move. It's not cool, so what if she cheated? It takes a bigger man to say that's it it's over and move on. What you're doing is just running from the issue because guess what, you dump your girl, your issues will still be there with "Nelly" and you'll both be crazy insecure wondering what you are both up to, after all she slept with a taken guy what's to stop her doing it again..you slept with her while you had a girlfriend, what's to stop you doing it to her.

 

Your relationship foundation is built on quicksand.

[deelite77]

Ferny. I understand your pain. I know what you're going through. I chose to end it at the moment I saw that girl. I know I still love him, but how could it work after seeing him with that girl. You've been stewing for months now. I understand that the pain for you is not subsiding. You've done what you've done. I urge you to stop. You're not thinking in a clear way. You're still angry. Ok, you had your RA. You do have a person now who you like. Ask yourself, would I like this person if my GF didn't cheat on me? You felt feelings that you weren't good enough, your ego was bruised and you're hurt. I think what you're doing is taking these feelings you had and are now projecting them on your GF. Comparing her to another because you felt that's what she did. Honestly the relationship you're flirting with right now has little chance of working out. Also look ahead. If you can right now? Think to yourself what is the end result you want for yourself? Is this really going to get me there unscathed? Do you really want this new girl because you "really" like her? Or is she serving a purpose. I see that you may set yourself up for self defeat. I urge you not to tell your GF. Stop with this supervisor. Especially since she probably knows the situation. I don't think this is a person you'll ever be able to trust. Also she may be associated with a bad time of your life and you could grow to have resentments. I think you do need to break up. You're not moving on. That's ok, too. You need a break to clear your head. You're too hurt and angry still. You need time.

Edited May 14, 2014 by deelite77

[drifter777]

I say do whatever it takes to regain your self-esteem - it's worth it in the end. A taste of her own sh*t will do her good - and it will do wonders for you. It already has. The key is that you are going to tell her what you did and then dump her. No bullsh*t about trying to "work it out" and that your so sorry - it's just "I got even - have a nice life". Once you dump her you will feel more like a man than you have in a long time - and that's awesome. Cheating when the reason is to throw it in her face and walk away isn't cheating in my book; it's karma. Yeah, now everyone can harpoon me for my opinion, but I don't care. Cheaters need to pay the price of losing their relationship; and betrayed SO's need to realize that the betrayal will not just go away. It will haunt them and hurt them for as long as they stay with him/her. I firmly believe that a betrayed SO needs to do whatever they have to do in order to regain their self-esteem, and a RA is one of the easiest ways to start to take back their life.

[campfire]

I say do whatever it takes to regain your self-esteem - it's worth it in the end.

I fully agree with this.

 

Doing the RA is a selfish move but a necessary move for some people, myself included.

 

I think OP should be careful about starting anything serious with this new girl. Just have fun for now:)

[Omei]

Now you're just some other cheater too in the basket of cheaters just as bad as her at first I was like oh I'd never date her but now im like eh I'd never date you ither you're both terrible at relationships and equally as bad. See to me your no longer a victim no longer the good guy.

Edited May 15, 2014 by Omei

[campfire]

Omei, why should it even matter to him what he is to you?

[ThatMan]

How serious are you about reclaiming at least one shred of self-respect and self-esteem?

 

You aren't alone in this and you certainly aren't the only person who pursued a revenge affair. Being cheated on is the ultimate form of betrayal and makes you doubt yourself and experience an immense pain. There's actually a lot of people who deal with pain by trying to get even, going for that next job promotion, buying that next car, and look for external things to make everything better. But the sort of changes you're searching for can only come from within yourself and not external things like revenge.

 

 

People the reason I didn't break up when she first cheated is because I was both still in disbelief and weak at that moment; also so much in love too. When she cheated it was really a knee-jerk reaction to take her back and work it out.

How secure are you in these beliefs? Until the day you learn how to empower yourself, and you put an end to these antics right here, nothing will change for you.

 

The pain of infidelity is an entirely different monster than what you're doing. You put your penis inside of somebody else while refusing to leave a poor relationship. Acting in reflex is what happens when people are burned on the kitchen stove. You did not act in reflex. What you've done is point towards other people and blame them for your own actions. That's a horrible way to go through life and you'll constantly find yourself slighted, in pain, and incapable taking the initiative to do the right thing for yourself. If you were able to empower yourself then you would have left that horrible woman who cheated on you, rather than simply go through the motions only to experience more pain. Enjoy the high from your ego boost while you can because it will not last.

 

 

There are people who've broken free from letting life simply happen to them and you can do the same. Don't look towards the poor behavior of other members here to set yourself up for failure.

Edited May 15, 2014 by ThatMan
phone...

[FernyUPile]

Just broke it off a couple hours ago and told her I'm seeing someone else. Off course she flipped out as expected and asked if I had cheated (LOL) that's when I said And what if I did, like you have any values. Says the worthless cheater who cheats with my friend and I simply rubbed it all in her face, everything I wanted to say in those weak moments that somehow I didn't have the balls to. I made cry off course and thing is I found it funny and started laughing. I didn't care anymore. I told her she was a POS and how much I regret even wasting time being with her, how I wish I had never even met her.

 

Also I didn't told her is who the woman is. I guess it won't take too long before she finds out but so what. I don't care anymore.

 

Nelly is the girl for me: very attractive, smart and assertive.

[FernyUPile]

See to me your no longer a victim no longer the good guy.

Maybe I got fed up with being a victim and the good guy that always turned the other cheek around. What did it serve me being the good guy? The shy, geeky guy?? I've been that guy forever during my junior and HS years. It got me nowhere. We finish last.

 

Thing is when someone shatters you, it can make you into someone you never thought you would become. However, at first you suppress those feeling and pretend you're ok but you're not. Once anger takes you, it's like you want to do something about it instead of crawling into that wall and continue being weak as usual.

Edited May 15, 2014 by FernyUPile

[Omei]

Omei, why should it even matter to him what he is to you?

 

It was an example of what other future woman would view him like when he tells the story of his old relationship to new gfs (the ones with self worth anyway). I am sure he will be able to get any random girl who wouldnt think nothing of it.

 

Sorry but you're not special OP many of us have been "shattered" here and or cheated on, I was cheated on numerous times by my first bf I didn't decide to throw myself and my morals away over one person to get revenge or feel better why on gods earth would I want to be just like them? I did do something with my anger I got stronger and knew what to look for and im saying someone like you who takes pain and lets all hell break lose because of it and gives up and decides to be just as bad over 1 person wouldn't be something a lot of people would look for.

 

Nice guys finish last is a excuse to give up there are many nice guys out there that have been through what you've been through but decided to march onward and decided that person is no longer worth their time and have gone onward to find woman that share their values of loyalty as much as they do.

 

You arnt the first to be cheated on nor the last but the only thing you have done is made it that in relationships you are a revengeful person.

 

Yes she cheated first but you took her back, she was sorry and was trying to make amends with taking her back that was you offering forgiveness and a willingness to move on if you were not interested in doing so you shouldn't of taken her back, if you were not happy you should of just simply broke up with her.

Edited May 15, 2014 by Omei

[Omei]

You also speak of her not having any values, yet you're the one Loling rubbing it in her face as if it was a joke while you described her being remorseful for when she did it. You betrayed her into making her believe that this was something you wanted to work on as a couple instead of being honest with her.

 

Your values are just as low as hers you're exactly the same type.

 

You shouldn't be entering a new relationship what if this new girl does something you don't like are you going to lash back with something equal to that hurt? You need to heal and work on yourself.

Edited May 15, 2014 by Omei

[FernyUPile]

You also speak of her not having any values, yet you're the one Loling rubbing it in her face as if it was a joke while you described her being remorseful for when she did it.

 

Your values are just as low as hers you're exactly the same type.

I know others who have undergone the pain of being betrayed don't take this route I chose but you have to understand everyone reacts differently towards getting cheated on. Some people react by walking away immediately, others forgive and forget and there is those like me who eventually gets even with the cheater and in doing that makes them feel human again.

 

Yes, she was remorseful when she cheated but it doesn't changes the fact that not only did she still do it but she wasn't even going to confess herself and would have probably still cheated if I haven't found out. I didn't deserve this at all. No one who started at good does.

 

You didn't get back at your cheating first bf because your reaction is just different from mine. Again, not everyone will react the same.

[rester]

Maybe I got fed up with being a victim and the good guy that always turned the other cheek around. What did it serve me being the good guy? The shy, geeky guy?? I've been that guy forever during my junior and HS years. It got me nowhere. We finish last.

 

Thing is when someone shatters you, it can make you into someone you never thought you would become. However, at first you suppress those feeling and pretend you're ok but you're not. Once anger takes you, it's like you want to do something about it instead of crawling into that wall and continue being weak as usual.

 

The way you handled your anger was weak. A strong man would have broken it off when she cheated. She would have had to live with the guilt of cheating on you. Now you are the weaker one and she will soon realize you did her a favor.

[Omei]

You use her as a horrible excuse for your actions, you did NOT have a reaction you got back together with her and remaind so for some time then planned out a revengeful cheat on her then brought it to her attention and laughed when she felt the pain like I said you betrayed her into thinking your relationship could be salvaged she didn't make you this way this is how you are and how you deal with your issues within your relationship you need to stop using her as an excuse for " I once was bla bla bla.." were you ever really? What you did was a planned course of action it wasn't a reaction.

 

I got back at my cheating bf I kicked him out and he was left with nothing, I didnt cheat back because I am not that type of person and that wasn't going to change for an *******, what im saying here is that you ARE the cheating type like her but you're using her as an excuse to justify yourself and your actions instead of accepting your very much the same.

 

You did something with the intent to hurt, that's not a reaction sorry. Reactions are something that happens after something occurs not after much time has passed. If you had gone off and cheated the night you found out in your pain then I would agree it was a reaction this whole thing is just who you are and how you've chosen to deal with it.

 

After being hurt for so long you "decided" that this course of action was something that she deserved.

Edited May 15, 2014 by Omei