I also getting back at my cheating gf

[Survivor12]

I know breaking up and then dating Nelly would be the right thing to do but at that moment, I wasn't really thinking logically at all. My mind was preoccupied with having a RA, sleeping with another woman just like she let my another man enter her. It's only been recently since I've gotten stronger. Even when I first started having an EA with Nelly, I still somehow wanted my relationship. Now, I'm ready to break up.

Overall she's ok with dating me and knows I'm going to break up with my gf. I just haven't told her when exactly but I will pretty soon.

 

So, let's get this straight--you admit that what you did (and why you did it) was "just like" what your gf did.

 

But it is NOT the same. You did it KNOWING how it felt to be cheated on. You thought/decided that it was WRONG. You did it with full knowledge of the fact that doing so would inflict pain and was wrong.

 

Look, you CHOSE to stay with your gf after learning of her infidelity. No one forced you. So using what she did as an excuse for your behavior doesn't fly. You cheated for the same reason you stayed with your gf--because it's what you WANTED.

 

Of course your gf was wrong for cheating, but it doesn't give you the right to a hall pass. Two wrongs don't make a right. Stop making excuses and own it. Regardless of what your gf did, why you did it or who you did it with--you are a cheater.

[ThatMan]

I know others who have undergone the pain of being betrayed don't take this route I chose but you have to understand everyone reacts differently towards getting cheated on. Some people react by walking away immediately, others forgive and forget and there is those like me who eventually gets even with the cheater and in doing that makes them feel human again.

 

This is exactly what I'm talking about. Who cares what other people do? You're what's important now. How you choose to behave is entirely your own responsibility. Do not look towards the poor behavior of others to set yourself up for failure. This sort of thinking is exactly why you weren't able to make a clean break away from that awful woman. This sort of thinking will keep you shambling on through life without ever taking the initiative to do the right things for yourself.

 

What you're essentially saying to all of us is that this woman had so much control over you that she made you cheat. We're not talking about how other people react. We're not about the pain of other people. We're talking about an awful, horrible, miserable excuse for a human being who committed the ultimate betrayal of you. This is a woman who you outright permit to influence your life so much that you would stoop this low because of her and not because this was something you wanted.

 

Do you really want to life like this? Why? You have the whole future ahead of you know that this relationship has ended. Instead you want to validate your poor decisions, argue with everyone else, try to be right in your beliefs, and give that horrible woman even more power over you in blaming her for becoming a bad person. What the heck, Ferny.

 

You can do better than this.

Edited May 15, 2014 by ThatMan

[No Limit]

Did you break up with your "GF" already?

[FernyUPile]

The way you handled your anger was weak. A strong man would have broken it off when she cheated. She would have had to live with the guilt of cheating on you. Now you are the weaker one and she will soon realize you did her a favor.

Maybe but what's done is done. I was at a very low point in my life. Have never felt this hurt before. I mean, we're all human and capable of reacting out of desperation of not wanting to be the victim someone else can take advantage of and you getting made a fool out of.

[FernyUPile]

Did you break up with your "GF" already?

Yes, I sure did. I updated it. I just didn't told her it's with Nelly but she'll eventually find out for sure.

[Omei]

Maybe but what's done is done. I was at a very low point in my life. Have never felt this hurt before. I mean, we're all human and capable of reacting out of desperation of not wanting to be the victim someone else can take advantage of and you getting made a fool out of.

 

Please stop calling your planned infidelity a reaction.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I feel like I'm the only person in this thread who doesn't have a problem with revenge affairs nor what OP did. I mean, admittedly I'm morally bankrupt as it is but seriously, being cheated on hurts and sometimes the only way to overcome that pain is to pay the cheater back in kind.

[Darren Steez]

That's on you. Getting cheating on sucks sure, but have the guts to end things and do whatever you want.

[campfire]

I feel like I'm the only person in this thread who doesn't have a problem with revenge affairs nor what OP did. I mean, admittedly I'm morally bankrupt as it is but seriously, being cheated on hurts and sometimes the only way to overcome that pain is to pay the cheater back in kind.

 

I have been cheated on twice. The first time was devestating and I suffered myself through a long healing period that for me was a year long depression and eventually reconsiled with my GF. The second time she cheated I realized she wasn't understanding the hurt she put me through, so I decided to revenge cheat and that did 3 things for me and us:

 

1) She got devestated and looked to understand what she previously put me through

2) My self esteem got back to where it used to be

3) The dynamic between us actually got better, as I was no longer in a position to point fingers from a moral high ground. We were leveled.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I have been cheated on twice. The first time was devestating and I suffered myself through a long healing period that for me was a year long depression and eventually reconsiled with my GF. The second time she cheated I realized she wasn't understanding the hurt she put me through, so I decided to revenge cheat and that did 3 things for me and us:

 

1) She got devestated and looked to understand what she previously put me through

2) My self esteem got back to where it used to be

3) The dynamic between us actually got better, as I was no longer in a position to point fingers from a moral high ground. We were leveled.

 

 

 

This is something I think a lot of people overlook. Cheating is bad yes, of course, but there are some people who genuinely cannot value a partner without the sting of an affair.

 

I recently learned this lesson the hard way. Mutual cheating means neither one of you gets to throw affairs in the other one's face AND, as an added bonus, it helps both parties know where they stand AND understand where the other is coming from.

 

 

Sick and twisted as it may sound, when BOTH parties are aware the other can and will attract a mate at will, surprisingly, each mutually are on their best behavior and their respective value increases. When both parties both not only suspect, but are DAMN SURE the other could attract another, it serves to make them equally invested in keeping the other happy.

 

Am I advocating cheating? Hell f*ing no. Cheating or being cheated on hurts like hell. Do I see how for certain couples, affairs and revenge affairs can actually be beneficial? Absolutely. Also, a revenge affair can indeed restore one's self-esteem.

[dragon_fly_7]

Welcome to the Cheaters Club OP, that's what you have become as of now and it's nothing to be proud of at all. You have turned into someone's capable of cheating, someone that hardly any decent women who never cheated and has morals actually would seek for in a partner.

 

Have fun being a person of low standards and values. Also, I really doubt a relationship with Nelly would last. What good values does a woman that sleeps with a taken man have?

[Omei]

I have been cheated on twice. The first time was devestating and I suffered myself through a long healing period that for me was a year long depression and eventually reconsiled with my GF. The second time she cheated I realized she wasn't understanding the hurt she put me through, so I decided to revenge cheat and that did 3 things for me and us:

 

1) She got devestated and looked to understand what she previously put me through

2) My self esteem got back to where it used to be

3) The dynamic between us actually got better, as I was no longer in a position to point fingers from a moral high ground. We were leveled.

 

This might of worked for you but I think for most people it would shatter everything entirely with no comeback.

 

Are you still with this person without any trust issues?

[bubbaganoosh]

People the reason I didn't break up when she first cheated is because I was both still in disbelief and weak at that moment; also so much in love too. When she cheated it was really a knee-jerk reaction to take her back and work it out. Initially I was really trying to work things out but as the months went by, my shocked and sadness turned into anger. It's when everything started kicking in that I suddenly had RA in my mind.

 

In comparing to my soon to be ex gf, Nelly has great qualities such as:

She's prettier

She's 5'10 (only an inch shorter than me), was very athletic during her HS years and knows kickboxing

She is very smart and can talk about political science

She is outgoing and was dominant in bed

Overall has a great personality, very assertive and is funny; she's what I would call an alpha female

 

With Nelly, this makes me think why I even chose my gf in the first place. She's everything my gf isn't.

 

All you have done is stoop to the level of your girlfriend and that's not real cool.

 

Maybe Nelly has all these qualities but if she's willing to go along with this stupid plan of yours, then I would wonder if she's all that you make her out to be because a woman who does something like this doesn't have what I would call very good qualities.

 

Not to mention, I got a feeling that good old Nelly is going to have you jumping through hoops like a circus clown until she grows tired of you and then you'll be out on your ass.

 

All in all, I think she going to be the dominate one in this relationship. Good luck

[tlegend]

Best way to get back at a cheating girlfriend?

 

Find a new one.

[Chi townD]

Why do I have a feeling we're chasing after bunnies here? Like some dude is living out a revenge story fantasy and wants to gage our responses.

 

 

On the off chance this is real, what you did was heartless and cruel. Yeah, she was wrong for cheating on you but you had the opportunity to walk away. And you didn't. Now, you got back at her and you definitely wanted to add insult to injury and took great pleasure in doing so.

 

 

But, how are you going to feel if you found out that she hurt herself and ended up in the hospital over your cruelty. Or even worse, kills herself. How you going to feel then? Vindicated? Justified?

 

 

You think my example is way out there? Google bullies that are facing trial for terrorizing there victims into killing themselves. These bullies are facing manslaughter charges.

[No Limit]

You think my example is way out there? Google bullies that are facing trial for terrorizing there victims into killing themselves. These bullies are facing manslaughter charges.

 

Not intending to undermine your argument here but I think that this Nelly is actually going to have much more of a rough time ahead of her than the guy.

His ex will probably go nuts on her.

[rester]

Not intending to undermine your argument here but I think that this Nelly is actually going to have much more of a rough time ahead of her than the guy.

His ex will probably go nuts on her.

 

That's what makes the OP's actions even more despicable. He claims he likes this woman, but he's also using her as a pawn in his revenge game. What's going to happen when she wakes up and realizes this? More revenge?

[Chi townD]

Personally, I'm starting to think there are bunnies hopping around here.

[No Limit]

Personally, I'm starting to think there are bunnies hopping around here.

 

:bunny:

[stillafool]

I hope this makes you happy OP. Please don't come back here talking about wanting your ex back and dumping Nelly. Good Luck!

[topaMAXX]

I feel like I'm the only person in this thread who doesn't have a problem with revenge affairs nor what OP did. I mean, admittedly I'm morally bankrupt as it is but seriously, being cheated on hurts and sometimes the only way to overcome that pain is to pay the cheater back in kind.

 

I agree with this and I applaud OP's method.

 

Personally, I've been cheated on before and I cheated back (though, it wasn't as long and drawn out as OP's saga). Basically, I found out and I went out that weekend and cheated back. Then I told her and dumped her.

 

This was many years ago. It felt good then and it feels good now.

 

If this is what OP needs to recover, then all the power to him. Hopefully, his ex will think twice about cheating next time.

[FernyUPile]

On the off chance this is real, what you did was heartless and cruel. Yeah, she was wrong for cheating on you but you had the opportunity to walk away. And you didn't. Now, you got back at her and you definitely wanted to add insult to injury and took great pleasure in doing so.

I represent a former good man that can turned mean when pushed to the end. Her cheating at the time felt worse than the time I got humiliated in my early school years long ago. I would say 10x worse. She basically mock not only me as a man but our whole relationship and my manhood.

But, how are you going to feel if you found out that she hurt herself and ended up in the hospital over your cruelty. Or even worse, kills herself. How you going to feel then? Vindicated? Justified?

She wouldn't go to that extreme. If she was trying to hurt herself, well then that's why there are cops to inform this to. From then on that depends on a therapist to deal with her. I'm not her therapist.

You think my example is way out there? Google bullies that are facing trial for terrorizing there victims into killing themselves. These bullies are facing manslaughter charges.

So I'm a bully for responding back to her disgusting betrayal and total mockery towards me?

[FernyUPile]

I hope this makes you happy OP. Please don't come back here talking about wanting your ex back and dumping Nelly. Good Luck!

If things don't work out with Nelly, I'd rather stay single than go crawling back to a worthless cheater. I ain't going back to her. No way.

[Omei]

Why do I have a feeling we're chasing after bunnies here? Like some dude is living out a revenge story fantasy and wants to gage our responses.

 

 

On the off chance this is real, what you did was heartless and cruel. Yeah, she was wrong for cheating on you but you had the opportunity to walk away. And you didn't. Now, you got back at her and you definitely wanted to add insult to injury and took great pleasure in doing so.

 

 

But, how are you going to feel if you found out that she hurt herself and ended up in the hospital over your cruelty. Or even worse, kills herself. How you going to feel then? Vindicated? Justified?

 

 

You think my example is way out there? Google bullies that are facing trial for terrorizing there victims into killing themselves. These bullies are facing manslaughter charges.

 

Anyone that tries, kills them self over a ending relationship or a guy that cheats tho already has issues going on and needs help it would mean they're prob the type of person who already get's this way over anything hard in life.

 

 

OP I wouldn't exactly call you a former good man what you did again was planned no one made you no one forced you this is how you pick to deal with your problems THIS IS WHO you are and how you act.

 

You can't blame someone else for your wrong doing's.

 

And she prob won't come crawling back to you, you're also a cheater but worse you do it purposely but people keep telling you this over and over and you still blame her.

 

You shouldn't be in relationships if people have this much power over you that they in your **mind** make you do or be things that you don't want to be.

Edited May 17, 2014 by Omei

[firmness]

RA's make total sense. It is a real betrayal of trust and emotionally devastating.

 

But it is devastating more often than not because you are being deprived of your favorite and most powerful oxytocin, serotonin, and testosterone fix. Cheating is a threat to your chemical addiction, and people act just like an addict looking for a fix when they get cheated on or left. It is horrible and a perhaps one of the worst human weaknesses.

 

That being said, it may make you feel good to get revenge, but you have only proven to yourself that you are the same type of person. The best revenge, as the saying goes, is a life well lived. I would try for that next time.

 

A good woman will know what to do with you and will take good care of you and not cheat. There are just so few of them left in the US.