FortunateSon Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 (edited) Background story, split with ex almost a year ago from 6 year relationship/engagement. I have been no contact since December, blocked her on FB, everything. No contact at all. None. Zip. She apparently got into a relationship 4 months after we split and is still with the guy and "happy" This morning I got a call from a person I have been talking to casually. She asked who @&$#+%^ was and I told her that she was my ex fiancé. She then asked what the deal with her was, to which I replied "what do you mean?" The new girl proceeded to tell me that my ex messaged her at 6am telling her what a terrible, bad person I am, how she tried to change me, and that I can't have a healthy realtionship. The new girl sent me screen shots of the messages for my confirmation. To make the situation stranger, neither of us have any idea how this ex new of ANY connection between the new girl and I. I have her blocked on FB and never mentioned her name to the new girl. Should I just ignore this? I really have no desire to talk to her, but it upsets me she is saying slanderous, untrue stuff to people...it's like she is trying to sabotage me, from moving forward. My other thought was to message her BF and tell him to stop her from harassing people I know and to worry about her own life Edited May 14, 2014 by FortunateSon Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 I'd keep a copy of the message & file away contact info for this new girl. Other than starting a file, I'd do nothing at this point. If you don't react perhaps the EX will go away. If not keep copies of all such drama started by the EX so you will have the evidence you need to charge her with harassment and or obtain a civil judgment for defamation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 She's doing it because things aren't great with her current relationship, and she doesn't want yours to work either. You can ignore her. I, personally, would contact her and threaten her with harassment, telecommunication harassment, menacing by stalking, slander, and defamation. Tell her your proof is saved on facebook, which is now saved permanently and can be obtained with a subpoena if you file charges (Even though I believe facebook messages can't really be used in court). Then block her before she even replies. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Babolat Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 See my posts on stalking/spying. Unless you have some kind of proof she is stalking you and/or spying on you, there's not a lot you can do here but to document it and then ignore her. I would NOT contact her or do anything that shows you know about this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Background story, split with ex almost a year ago from 6 year relationship/engagement. I have been no contact since December, blocked her on FB, everything. No contact at all. None. Zip. She apparently got into a relationship 4 months after we split and is still with the guy and "happy" This morning I got a call from a person I have been talking to casually. She asked who @&$#+%^ was and I told her that she was my ex fiancé. She then asked what the deal with her was, to which I replied "what do you mean?" The new girl proceeded to tell me that my ex messaged her at 6am telling her what a terrible, bad person I am, how she tried to change me, and that I can't have a healthy realtionship. The new girl sent me screen shots of the messages for my confirmation. To make the situation stranger, neither of us have any idea how this ex new of ANY connection between the new girl and I. I have her blocked on FB and never mentioned her name to the new girl. Should I just ignore this? I really have no desire to talk to her, but it upsets me she is saying slanderous, untrue stuff to people...it's like she is trying to sabotage me, from moving forward. My other thought was to message her BF and tell him to stop her from harassing people I know and to worry about her own life ; I wapproacht bother entertaining it. Don't say anything and keep on moving along. If you apriach her or her new boy you are just doing the same thing. Be thd better person and all that & ignore it. Take care of your new girl and blocking her from anymore messages from your ex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
STM206 Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Background story, split with ex almost a year ago from 6 year relationship/engagement. I have been no contact since December, blocked her on FB, everything. No contact at all. None. Zip. She apparently got into a relationship 4 months after we split and is still with the guy and "happy" This morning I got a call from a person I have been talking to casually. She asked who @&$#+%^ was and I told her that she was my ex fiancé. She then asked what the deal with her was, to which I replied "what do you mean?" The new girl proceeded to tell me that my ex messaged her at 6am telling her what a terrible, bad person I am, how she tried to change me, and that I can't have a healthy realtionship. The new girl sent me screen shots of the messages for my confirmation. To make the situation stranger, neither of us have any idea how this ex new of ANY connection between the new girl and I. I have her blocked on FB and never mentioned her name to the new girl. Should I just ignore this? I really have no desire to talk to her, but it upsets me she is saying slanderous, untrue stuff to people...it's like she is trying to sabotage me, from moving forward. My other thought was to message her BF and tell him to stop her from harassing people I know and to worry about her own life The only 2 things I can think of are either A.) You have a mutual friend sharing information with your ex or B.) Your ex created a fake Facebook account to keep tabs on you. It sounds to me like she's not over you yet lol! I know it sucks to be slandered but I'm sure it feels good to know that she's still pining for you. If she was truly happy in her new relationship, she wouldn't be trying to destroy a potential relationship with another girl. It's a tricky situation as this new girl is probably second guessing you. I would sit her down and reassure her that she's making up some stuff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Babolat Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 I, personally, would contact her and threaten her with harassment, telecommunication harassment, menacing by stalking, slander, and defamation. Tell her your proof is saved on facebook, which is now saved permanently and can be obtained with a subpoena if you file charges (Even though I believe facebook messages can't really be used in court). Then block her before she even replies. Bad idea, mentally sick people do not work by the same reasoning we do. Save this stuff for the authorities if it gets to that point. Document and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Bad idea, mentally sick people do not work by the same reasoning we do. Save this stuff for the authorities if it gets to that point. Document and move on. When going through the academy, I was trained all about special needs individuals, mentally challenged individuals, blah blah, but unfortunately, her trying to sabotage him does not qualify her as what you're saying. Otherwise, every jaded bf and gf is mentally sick. That's a slippery slope mentality. Nail her, we do it every day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 By all means don't contact her. Stay away from this nutjob, else she'll be at your heels. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FortunateSon Posted May 14, 2014 Author Share Posted May 14, 2014 I appreciate everyone's very much! This has been very upsetting, I have felt pretty good lately moving on. I have no intention of contacting her, I am very happy being NC. As I mentioned in previous threads she is a control freak and shown many signs of Borderline Personality Disorder. It upsets me to now have worry about her maliciously trying to sabotage my future relationships...I haven't even known the new girl 2 weeks and it isn't necessarily going anywhere, but the fact she did this is upsetting. I can't understand why she would do this? If she is SO happy with her new guy, why is she even worried about me? Why be so slanderous? I plan to keep the screen shots of the message she sent that the new woman forwarded me as documentation if anything further happens. I have no desire to communicate with my ex again, but the mischievous side of me wants to message her BF and tell him to have her stop harassing people I know along with the screenshots... Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Woah, psycho! What's up with the new girl? Is she ok? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wings Of Love Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 B.) Your ex created a fake Facebook account to keep tabs on you. This. My ex did this and at the time I had no idea that most of my posts were set for public viewing. I would suggest making sure you change everything you can to the Friends Only setting, and unfriending anyone you don't know. If you've done this already, there may be a mutual friend involved. I can't imagine how else she found out about this new girl. I wouldn't contact her though. She sounds like a nasty piece of work, but I think she wants to know she's getting to you. Don't give her the satisfaction. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Babolat Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 When going through the academy, I was trained all about special needs individuals, mentally challenged individuals, blah blah, but unfortunately, her trying to sabotage him does not qualify her as what you're saying. Otherwise, every jaded bf and gf is mentally sick. That's a slippery slope mentality. Nail her, we do it every day. Not sure what academy you went to, are referring to. I do consider myself versed on this subject as I recently lived it and heard the backstory before I met her. The point is something is a little off with this woman to be acting this way 4+ months later. IMHO, the OP should not try to manage that. At a minimum it could backfire on him and next thing you know he is getting arrested for harassment for contacting her. At this point, as best I can read, this woman has not contacted the OP; I suggest he not contact her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Not sure what academy you went to, are referring to. I do consider myself versed on this subject as I recently lived it and heard the backstory before I met her. Sorry I didn't clarify. The police academy. Well, he isn't gonna contact her at all. All's well that ends well I suppose. I just like nailing people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 (edited) FS, the night I found out my ex-fiancé was pursuing my best friend, I sent my friend's aunt (who was FB friends with my ex) a message, telling her that her niece was my best friend and that #*U%*#U*% was my ex-fiance and having inappropriate conversations with her and I requested that she delete/block him, that he'd given me years of heartbreak. That was cruel of me, even though I'd been so angry and hurt. I shouldn't have done it. I'd never even spoken to her aunt before. But I wanted to show my ex that his actions had consequences. I felt like such a horrible person for doing this. Over two months later, I am still embarrassed, even after having apologized both to my ex and to the aunt the next day. Reading this post by you makes me think that maybe my ex was thinking I was trying to sabotage him to. Maybe I really am a terrible person. I didn't mean to hurt him, but I couldn't handle the disrespect I'd been given. Sorry for hijacking your thread. Your post brought back feelings of guilt and remorse. I didn't get positive feelings about your ex reading this, and I just see what I did, and I can't feel positive about that either. Maybe I really am unworthy and undeserving of his friendship. Blah-hers. Edited May 14, 2014 by sooshi Link to post Share on other sites
Author FortunateSon Posted May 14, 2014 Author Share Posted May 14, 2014 This. My ex did this and at the time I had no idea that most of my posts were set for public viewing. I would suggest making sure you change everything you can to the Friends Only setting, and unfriending anyone you don't know. If you've done this already, there may be a mutual friend involved. I can't imagine how else she found out about this new girl. I wouldn't contact her though. She sounds like a nasty piece of work, but I think she wants to know she's getting to you. Don't give her the satisfaction. The new girl and I are dumbfounded how she knew anything? We don't have mutual friends and we aren't even dating? The new girl asked how the ex knew we were connected, the ex claims she could see my friends list...which it impossible since I have had her blocked since January. I kind of feel bad for her BF, I wouldn't be happy if the girl I was dating was meddling in an ex's business... Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 I'm for confronting her personally. I wonder if leaving the problem alone will only make it get worse. I wouldn't talk to her bf, just to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 The new girl and I are dumbfounded how she knew anything? We don't have mutual friends and we aren't even dating? The new girl asked how the ex knew we were connected, the ex claims she could see my friends list...which it impossible since I have had her blocked since January. I kind of feel bad for her BF, I wouldn't be happy if the girl I was dating was meddling in an ex's business... Do you have anybody on your friend list in touch with her? Have you recently added anybody you don't really know? I agree with Healing, her relationship probably isn't working as well as she thought it would.. Link to post Share on other sites
Zapbasket Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Gosh. Well, like I suggested on another thread, she's clearly has unresolved issues about your broken engagement. I don't know your whole backstory, but there are two possibilities for how to respond, imo: 1. Do nothing. Tell your friend not to respond to the ex, or if she has already, to cease further communication. Set every online presence you have to the most private setting possible and be sure your good friends know about this, so that they take care to be extra tight-lipped around mutual friends / her. Just let it lie; she can't do more if she has no grist. 2. Only if you think you can do it calmly, with no anger or condescension, reach out to her and suggest you two get together to talk. Maybe even suggest going to a counselor together to work out some lingering issues. Suggest doing so would honor what you two had, and allow you both to move forward. (Don't say "move on"; it implies indifference and your purpose here is to be as loving and kind as possible.Suggest this in a short, simple way and give her time to consider her response. Sorry this happened. Sounds like your friend is understanding, though, which is great. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FortunateSon Posted May 14, 2014 Author Share Posted May 14, 2014 I really don't want to talk to her, I just don't want something like this to happen again. I am happy the new girl was forthcoming about this and talked to me about it, but would if she wouldn't have and believed the slander and lies? I don't want to worry about this happening anytime I have been on a few dates with someone. I actually contacted a couple girls I have dated the last few months to see if she has contact them some how too, but she hasn't. The only reason I wanted to contact the bf was out of vindictiveness, it upsets me that she was interfering with my personal life when I have been NC for months. Link to post Share on other sites
Zapbasket Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 The only reason I wanted to contact the bf was out of vindictiveness, it upsets me that she was interfering with my personal life when I have been NC for months. Whatever you do, don't do that. You're better than that. BE better than that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FortunateSon Posted May 14, 2014 Author Share Posted May 14, 2014 Gosh. Well, like I suggested on another thread, she's clearly has unresolved issues about your broken engagement. I don't know your whole backstory, but there are two possibilities for how to respond, imo: 1. Do nothing. Tell your friend not to respond to the ex, or if she has already, to cease further communication. Set every online presence you have to the most private setting possible and be sure your good friends know about this, so that they take care to be extra tight-lipped around mutual friends / her. Just let it lie; she can't do more if she has no grist. 2. Only if you think you can do it calmly, with no anger or condescension, reach out to her and suggest you two get together to talk. Maybe even suggest going to a counselor together to work out some lingering issues. Suggest doing so would honor what you two had, and allow you both to move forward. (Don't say "move on"; it implies indifference and your purpose here is to be as loving and kind as possible.Suggest this in a short, simple way and give her time to consider her response. Sorry this happened. Sounds like your friend is understanding, though, which is great. I think I will choose option 1, part of me wonders if she did this so I would communicate with her? I really don't want to talk to her or give her the satisfaction to know that this bothered me. Despite the false image she portrays, she clearly can't be in that good of place if she is resorting to this kind of stuff... Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 I think I will choose option 1, part of me wonders if she did this so I would communicate with her? I really don't want to talk to her or give her the satisfaction to know that this bothered me. Despite the false image she portrays, she clearly can't be in that good of place if she is resorting to this kind of stuff... That's pretty pathetic of her, indeed. A few years back I had a girl doing the same thing to me, as I had started talking to someone. Funny thing is, this guy and I weren't even dating. I threatened her with legal actions, that was enough to scare her away. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FortunateSon Posted May 14, 2014 Author Share Posted May 14, 2014 So the consensus is not to contact the ex or her bf? It bothers me that she might be gloating to herself the fact she might have ruined or at the very least complicated a possible relationship for me and that I am none the wiser. I want to take the high road and stay out if it, but I also want her to know I am aware of her pettiness. Will it likely bother her and make her feel guilty about this if I stay silent? Do you think she was trying to indirectly illicit a response from me? Link to post Share on other sites
Babolat Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 The girl I was trying to start dating recently had her ex arrested, 3 times in 2 weeks. He kept stalking her. She had a no contact order and a restraining order out on him. He could care less. He showed up once where we were having dinner. He got arrested the next day for it. So even arresting them sometimes does not work. Document events as they occur, don't try to figure out "how & why" she is doing this as you never will. Do the best you can (maybe get off of FB for a while) to take care of you and move on. Get the authorities involved if it escalates. To the FB thing, why do so many people FB someone they just met so soon? I hear all the time "we dated for a week or two, we are FB friends now too". Really? I have less than 200 FB "friends" and should probably reduce my list by more. OP, maybe stop doing that so your ex will not know your life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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