stillafool Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 The new girl and I are dumbfounded how she knew anything? We don't have mutual friends and we aren't even dating? The new girl asked how the ex knew we were connected, the ex claims she could see my friends list...which it impossible since I have had her blocked since January. I kind of feel bad for her BF, I wouldn't be happy if the girl I was dating was meddling in an ex's business... Did you already talk to the ex? Who cares if the ex was trying to illicit a response from you or not. Just leave her alone and continue on as usual. The best way to hurt someone is with complete silence. Don't contact her and give her the satisfaction that she upset you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FortunateSon Posted May 14, 2014 Author Share Posted May 14, 2014 Did you already talk to the ex? Who cares if the ex was trying to illicit a response from you or not. Just leave her alone and continue on as usual. The best way to hurt someone is with complete silence. Don't contact her and give her the satisfaction that she upset you. No haven't had any contact with ex since December. Nothing. Zip. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 She absolutely was trying to get a rise out of you. If you respond in any way at this point she WINS. If you ignore her, most likely she will get the hint that you aren't coming back & her petty games won't work. If you contact her, even to say stop contacting me or the people in my life, she holds all the power. If she repeats the pattern you continue to collect evidence. Then you pay a lawyer to send a cease & desist letter. If that doesn't work you go to the cops & file a civil suit armed with the evidence. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FortunateSon Posted May 14, 2014 Author Share Posted May 14, 2014 She absolutely was trying to get a rise out of you. If you respond in any way at this point she WINS. If you ignore her, most likely she will get the hint that you aren't coming back & her petty games won't work. If you contact her, even to say stop contacting me or the people in my life, she holds all the power. If she repeats the pattern you continue to collect evidence. Then you pay a lawyer to send a cease & desist letter. If that doesn't work you go to the cops & file a civil suit armed with the evidence. I like winning, I refuse to lose!! Why do you think she is trying to get a rise out of me, what's the point? I don't want to reconcile, she is in a relationship, I just don't get it? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 I like winning, I refuse to lose!! Why do you think she is trying to get a rise out of me, what's the point? I don't want to reconcile, she is in a relationship, I just don't get it? To f--k with you and to know that she has the ability to make you squirm. To quote Michael Caine in The Dark Knight "Some men just want to watch the world burn". 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FortunateSon Posted May 15, 2014 Author Share Posted May 15, 2014 Woah, psycho! What's up with the new girl? Is she ok? Things were cooling off with the new girl, but obviously something like this doesn't help. New girl said she didn't know what to think and didn't really care. It feels tainted to me now. The more I thought about this last night, the more it bothered me. I am NOT going to give in and contact my ex, but to me it really crossed a line that my ex contacted someone she didn't know and felt the need to portray me in such a false, negative light and "warn" the new girl about me. In the messages I saw it was clear that my ex was lying about everything, even how she found the new girl's connection to me. I had been strict NC, moving on well, minding my own business, and this feels like a set back. It really irks me that my ex can be in a relationship and will not let me move on. Any other advice in this? Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 Yeah, that's actually creepy and stalkerish. I don't know much about legal stuff so other people should chime in on this, but I wonder if you'd be able to find a lawyer to do a cease and desist letter to send to her? Technically it's slander and harassment... Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 . I don't know much about legal stuff so other people should chime in on this Son, what state are you from? Are you really considering any legal action? Or are you just going to let it be Link to post Share on other sites
Author FortunateSon Posted May 15, 2014 Author Share Posted May 15, 2014 I am not considering any legal action at this point. I saved the screen shots of the FB messages the new girl sent me. I am not going to contact my ex, but it is taking every ounce of discipline and willpower not to. I really want to ask her why she would do such a thing and why, if she is so "happily" moved on, is she spending any energy to interfere with my life after all this time? I have to think that she did this hoping to get a reaction and if I engage her she will know that it bothered me. I do want her to know how unacceptable and underhanded it is to act like that. Everyone I have told about this has said it is crazy... Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 I do have to ask, what is the point of taking a screenshot though, brother? Those cannot be used in court. Hell, I'm not sure even the message itself could be presented, unless the law changed regarding the use of social media messages in courts. Though, alas, it's quite simple that she did this because her relationship isn't going great and she wants yours to fail too. Possibly a misguided attempt at reconciliation, as farfetched as that seems... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SomeHeart Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 Like other people have advised , keep a copy of whatever she's sending you just in case it does get out of hand. It sounds like a one off bitter backlash to me. She's just looking for a reaction from you. If you start messaging her current partner it's going to turn into one big nasty mess. The best revenge is moving on and being happy. Hopefully it hasn't impacted things with you and your new partner too much! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mary Oak Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 This same thing happened to me about two months ago, except it wasn't my ex talking it was her new gf. I toyed with the idea of a motive for a while, but then realized it didn't matter. What mattered is what was being spread around. And one direct call was made to the girl I was currently seeing. I was so angry that I almost broke contact, but instead I sat on it for a month or so, to see how things would pan out. To see exactly who heard what. I didn't want to stir the pot. I didn't want to become a player in that game. A couple of weeks ago my ex contacted me about something completely different and I brought it up. I will tell you it wasn't worth it. I wish I would have never said a word. I didn't hear what I wanted to hear, all i felt like I was hearing were excuses and "maybe this" or "maybe that". And all that did was pissed me off more and hurt me more. Nothing good will come from it. Mostly likely you will not hear the truth. The truth is a tall order when it comes to saving face. Just my two cents... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 OH! I SO WISH YOUR NEW GIRL WOULD HAVE RESPONDED WITH THIS!! "Wow, that's funny. Because when he's with me; he's kind, loving, caring, generous, in touch with my feelings and goes out of his way to help me if I ever need it. Weird. Maybe it was just you." 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FortunateSon Posted May 15, 2014 Author Share Posted May 15, 2014 I do have to ask, what is the point of taking a screenshot though, brother? Those cannot be used in court. Hell, I'm not sure even the message itself could be presented, unless the law changed regarding the use of social media messages in courts. Though, alas, it's quite simple that she did this because her relationship isn't going great and she wants yours to fail too. Possibly a misguided attempt at reconciliation, as farfetched as that seems... I'm not sure screenshots of the messages do any good, but I thought it would be wise to hold on to them incase of any other issues. I am not sure if she is happy or not, but she is the kind of person that always puts up a front that she is and that her life is perfect. After I told my sister about this, she check my ex's FB page and apparently she just got back from a vacation with her BF and posted all kinds if pictures. Based on the things my ex messaged this new girl about, my ex seeking seeking reconciliation is highly unlikely. She said things along the line of being "scared of me", "happy to be out the the relationship", "she tried to change me but couldn't" and me being "unable to have a healthy relationship"...all lies and fabrications. She even went into detail with my previous ex who I have a son with and we get along great together. I guess I am feeling like a lot of my hard work of moving on and NC has been ruined through no fault of my own. I have been minding my own business, living life and now this... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 I guess I am feeling like a lot of my hard work of moving on and NC has been ruined through no fault of my own. I have been minding my own business, living life and now this... Don't you dare feel a set back from this. She's the one who's stupid, not you. If you let this set you back you aren't over her yet. Keep moving forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FortunateSon Posted May 15, 2014 Author Share Posted May 15, 2014 Don't you dare feel a set back from this. She's the one who's stupid, not you. If you let this set you back you aren't over her yet. Keep moving forward. Thank you everyone for the kind words of support. I don't know why this is bothering me so much? The new girl is no longer in the picture(not from the ex's messages, although I am sure they didn't help). I feel like my ex is now happy she was able to do this, and is able to continue her happy relationship, while I now feel hurt, set back, and alone. I have talked to all my close friends about this and they said she is crazy and not let it bother me...but it is bothering me. I feel like my ex is getting away with a crime by doing this, like she put one over on me. Link to post Share on other sites
jbelle6 Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 I know it doesn't help now, but be sure to set your friends list privacy setting to "only me", not "friends". I'd keep it totally private. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mondmellonw Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 She wants control. And of course, I don't think her new boyfriend will be happy to know that she is interfering that much on an ex's life. On the other hand, do you really feel 100% ready to be in another relationship? For your past threads, I have the image of that the relationship with her was a toxic one, and if this (her current behavior) is still making you feel bad, maybe you're not on the best place to give yourself to another person, tough, I really do understand that she is trying very hard to make this.... However: I do believe that you don't have to contact her at all. Just ignore her (by now). If she insists on ruining you, then maybe you should do something. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FortunateSon Posted May 15, 2014 Author Share Posted May 15, 2014 I know it doesn't help now, but be sure to set your friends list privacy setting to "only me", not "friends". I'd keep it totally private. Thanks for the tip, if I set it to "only me" can my current friends see anything? Link to post Share on other sites
Author FortunateSon Posted May 16, 2014 Author Share Posted May 16, 2014 She wants control. And of course, I don't think her new boyfriend will be happy to know that she is interfering that much on an ex's life. On the other hand, do you really feel 100% ready to be in another relationship? For your past threads, I have the image of that the relationship with her was a toxic one, and if this (her current behavior) is still making you feel bad, maybe you're not on the best place to give yourself to another person, tough, I really do understand that she is trying very hard to make this.... However: I do believe that you don't have to contact her at all. Just ignore her (by now). If she insists on ruining you, then maybe you should do something. You are absolutely right in that our relationship was toxic. I am not ready for a relationship but I have been casually dating. Part of what's so frustrating is the the "new girl" was just a girl I was casually talking to until my ex contacted/harassed her. I am not 100% ready for a relationship, but have felt that I have made incredible progress in the last couple months, following a lot of advice on this site. I am considering a month or two dating hiatus to purge any feelings. Your other point I think is spot on as well, she wants control. She is a self professed "control freak" and this was very detrimental to our relationship. I have resisted the recent urge to contact her after this recent event and feel stronger for it. One of the things that frustrates me the most about this recent event is that I feel the NC I worked so hard at and helped so much has been wasted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mondmellonw Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 You are absolutely right in that our relationship was toxic. I am not ready for a relationship but I have been casually dating. Part of what's so frustrating is the the "new girl" was just a girl I was casually talking to until my ex contacted/harassed her. I am not 100% ready for a relationship, but have felt that I have made incredible progress in the last couple months, following a lot of advice on this site. I am considering a month or two dating hiatus to purge any feelings. Your other point I think is spot on as well, she wants control. She is a self professed "control freak" and this was very detrimental to our relationship. I have resisted the recent urge to contact her after this recent event and feel stronger for it. One of the things that frustrates me the most about this recent event is that I feel the NC I worked so hard at and helped so much has been wasted. I see. I guess I told you that because when I met my ex he was recently out from a terrible experience, and I don't want anyone who experience the same things I did. But you replied that you're self-aware that you're not ready, so that is a good thing. Don't feel like your efforts were wasted. She is the one having issues now, but she doesn't wants to own them. Don't make her issues yours. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FortunateSon Posted May 16, 2014 Author Share Posted May 16, 2014 I see. I guess I told you that because when I met my ex he was recently out from a terrible experience, and I don't want anyone who experience the same things I did. But you replied that you're self-aware that you're not ready, so that is a good thing. Don't feel like your efforts were wasted. She is the one having issues now, but she doesn't wants to own them. Don't make her issues yours. This is true. It frustrates me that I think I am doing the right thing as far as moving on, staying NC, and working on myself for the most part. After this incident I feel upset and alone, while she never really addressed her issues, jumped into a "seemingly" happy relationship and is interfering in my life to boot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FortunateSon Posted May 16, 2014 Author Share Posted May 16, 2014 Is there a way that I can let her know that she is doing this and that I don't appreciate it without contact her? I do want her to know that I know she is doing it, but I don't want to contact her or let her know it's bothering me. Would sending her BF a message about it be a bad thing? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Is there a way that I can let her know that she is doing this and that I don't appreciate it without contact her? I do want her to know that I know she is doing it, but I don't want to contact her or let her know it's bothering me. Would sending her BF a message about it be a bad thing? Go ahead, because it doesn't seem like you will get any rest until you do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FortunateSon Posted May 16, 2014 Author Share Posted May 16, 2014 Go ahead, because it doesn't seem like you will get any rest until you do. Do you honestly think this would be a bad thing? I don't know why it is bothering me so much? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts