Macylacy Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 Hi, this is my first post but I have been lurking for 6 months or so. I am a MW and I have been having an emotional affair with a MM for about a year even though he would not think it was one. Brief background, we met at the gym and starting having coffee as friends, he never mentioned any partner but I accidently found out he was about to get married a few months in. I am in unhappy marriage so he was a welcome distraction and by the time I found out he wasn't single I was already in love with him. We have discussed the sexual attraction and he said he would never do anything which was fine by me as I liked having him around. I currently haven't seen him for 7 months but we chat on messenger every couple of weeks or so up to about 3 hours at a time. In between he is very hot and cold, sometimes ignoring messages but I guess when he is bored or needs his fix of me he engages. Of late he has suggested many times that we have 'just one night only' together to see. Again he blows hot and cold saying he wants to meet up but doesn't want to ruin anyone's lives. I would be happy just to meet for coffee!! So most of the time I am an emotional mess and don't think I can go on like this even though I do enjoy our chats and I miss him. I feel the need to tell him I can't do it anymore but I read so much about going NC on here I don't know what to do. He keeps insisting he wants to be friends but we are not really, we are not even friends on FB. I feel it would be so final to block him from messaging me without any kind of goodbye note but is this the best way to go? At present time he would not think anything wrong at all, we chatted two nights ago and all was happy and usual sex chat. What has brought on this posting is he didn't even wish me a happy birthday on my birthday and I am ridiculously upset by it. Do men get these emotional up and downs or are they immune to it? Any advice would be welcome as I am very teary today. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 Did he even know it was your birthday? I've never been in your shoes but if a guy wanted to try me out one night for sex I'd be pretty offended by that, a lot more than him not saying Happy Birthday. Especially if he was hot and cold with me all the time. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 He's a jerk and you don't owe him anything. I woud block him and act like he never existed especially since you don't really exist for him. He's playing a cat and mouse game with you and only you can stop it. So please, grow a pair and stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Macylacy Posted May 15, 2014 Author Share Posted May 15, 2014 Thank you for your honest replies. Yes he knew it was my birthday. I know I need to grow a pair but I am feeling so hurt by all of this I want to tell him that, I have said to him many times should we just move on. I feel like blocking him would be too much of an obvious thing to do. Is it a bad thing to send one last email saying everything I feel and then block? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Macylacy Posted May 15, 2014 Author Share Posted May 15, 2014 I just wanted to say something like 'you made me feel uncomfortable with the asking for a one night stand so I wish you all the best, we're not really friends I am blocking you now don't contact me again' 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 Just send him a simple text/email. "We've crossed boundaries, and it should stop. Please, respect my wishes and do not call/IM/text/etc... me again. I wish you well." Then remove him from your contacts, block his calls/emails/texts/etc... It'll hurt...but it's the only way to end this. I'd also suggest that you retrain your focus on getting your emotional needs met within the confines of your marriage. Improve/end that relationship before starting any others. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 Sounds like all this is between you two is an ego stroke, yet you fell for him. He ignores you sometimes, didn't wish you a happy birthday, so that does say something. You're wasting time and effort on a MM who isn't worth it. I know this post isn't about your marriage, but if you are so unhappy in it, why not talk to your husband, do marriage counseling? Do something to either make it better or divorce? Chasing a MM, or any man when you're married is not fixing the real issues, it'll just make it worse and complicated. Do end this emotional affair, it's damaging you and your marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 I see it thrown on here all the time: "he says he wants to be friends." First off, friends are people who meet and hang out and communicate and say goodbye with no emotional longing and sexual talk/innuendos between the two with tension building....that's past friends and no, you two are not friends. The fact that he is going to be married and ends up asking you basically for a one night stand should show you that don't even owe him an explanation and that you should just drop from his life. He doesn't care, you're there for when he's bored, and I bet when you hear from him something is wrong at home and so he uses you as an escape and a way to get some excitement.... Leave him behind and focus on you and your marriage, you might find why it's failing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Macylacy Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 Thank you for all your blunt replies, it has helped me end whatever this friendship was. Had a difficult few days of ups and downs but know I have done the best thing for me. Just need to hang on to not contacting again as he didn't seem to get my final email which I will paste now: My email to him: 'I wasn't sure whether to email this but have decided to now rather than leaving it hanging. I have felt a bit rubbish with the one night only stuff, I don't want a one night stand or half a friendship, I did want a friendship but I think too much has been said for that to be possible now I guess. I hope everything works out for you and you are really happy and you have everything you wanted for you and that gorgeous daughter of yours. Take care. His reply: ' I can understand everything, to be honest I would not want to cheat or be unfaithful as it has never been the way I have acted before and is not in my nature and would never want to hurt anyone!!! I certainly can remain friends and if you are ever over at the mad place that is 'kids play centre' I will see if I can get over! Or coffee? Xx I didn't respond to that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 I didn't respond to that. Good. Don't. You can't go back to just being friends after what's gone on. At this point, I'd suggest turning your focus towards your husband and your marriage. Either fix your marriage, or take steps to end it. That'll take up all the focus that you spent on OM. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Macylacy Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 I would like to leave my marriage but I am a stay at home mum in a foreign country with no family at all here. I have no income and nowhere to go and I cannot take my children back to where my family is. Link to post Share on other sites
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