Predatory OW... gone too far though?

[Elias33]

Your feeling that child molestation is SO much worse that you'd have to be a "nut job" not to see it contradicts the inference that this betrayed wife was even implying that the OW was a child molester.

 

IF OW is/was a child molester…why would the letter say anything about her being a predator of husband's too???? Wouldn't it be enough to just out her as a child molester???

 

 

Anyway…as I argued above "predator" -->even "sexual predator" doesn't equate to "sexual molester".

 

Predator, molester, in any combination mostly refers to one type of people, not to cheaters though. It's a dysphemsim of the worst kind.

 

As a parent, I find it misleading, and quite frankly, I don't want to know what your wife or husband has done to you, too much info. It is over dramatizing the act of being cheated on. Most of us been there, and most of us dealt with it in a mature and benign manner.

[WasOtherWoman]

The police would only "investigate" if there is an allegation of perhaps harassment or stalking. I believe slander is a civil claim. Police wouldn't get involved in that. )

 

As I said, the police ARE now involved. To what extent (other then wanting the letters) I do not know. On what grounds, again, don't know. But, they are involved at this point.

[WasOtherWoman]

Also, as I have stated, in this state, affairs are irrelevant both in a divorce, in the allocation of property, children and child support. So, the only thing that would ever be investigated (If in fact there is actually an investigation, all I know is that the police want the letters) is the allegations that are being made.

 

To be clear, no one cares in this no fault state if you are a predator of husbands, they DO care if you are a predator of children.

 

Regardless....this is a bad situation all around.

[ladydesigner]

If 1/3 of the triangle's dirty laundry is aired, be prepared for everyone's to be aired. Especially if it ends in a court of law. I have a feeling that the AP isn't the one that will be most embarrassed once all the details come to light. The AP most likely knows a LOT about the BS, the family's finances, the children, the parenting, etc. The whole thing may just backfire and not end up being revenge at all but simply end up being the catalyst to finding out what lurks behind the facade of the BS - and the marriage.

 

I will say it again, it's all childish. People trying to get people to take sides, to feed their emotional fury. If you can't stand on your own with your beliefs then they aren't that strong. But, if the BS wants to open that can of worms, I think she should be very prepared to have her very own bad habits aired out in front of all too, because the WS and the AP are BOTH aware of those and if push comes to shove, it's gonna get ugly and it's not going to be just the AP that walks away with the marks. Not to mention, if BS has children - the dirty laundry that they will be exposed to or exposed as owners of in the process. I would think really long and hard about how I want it to go and how it actually might go (but sounds like it's already too late for that with this BS?).

 

Oh I made sure everyone's laundry was aired. I mean like you said mine already was because of my WH big mouth to MOW, so what concern was it of mine if I drag them both down with me. I don't know, it was my attitude post Dday and nobody could stop me. I was not bothered one bit by the fallout as the exposure of the A was far worse than anything I did pre Dday.

[AmyBamy]

Also, as I have stated, in this state, affairs are irrelevant both in a divorce, in the allocation of property, children and child support. So, the only thing that would ever be investigated (If in fact there is actually an investigation, all I know is that the police want the letters) is the allegations that are being made.

 

To be clear, no one cares in this no fault state if you are a predator of husbands, they DO care if you are a predator of children.

 

Regardless....this is a bad situation all around.

 

It sounds like. Some people just have to create drama where there is none for whatever reason. I sincerely hope it doesn't completely backfire on this person, but it sounds like it very well might. And I can't really feel badly for her since she is bringing it all on herself by her actions. It could get very ugly for her.

[AmyBamy]

Oh I made sure everyone's laundry was aired. I mean like you said mine already was because of my WH big mouth to MOW, so what concern was it of mine if I drag them both down with me. I don't know, it was my attitude post Dday and nobody could stop me. I was not bothered one bit by the fallout as the exposure of the A was far worse than anything I did pre Dday.

 

To each his own. I wouldn't and couldn't feel good about lashing out in such a way no matter how hurt or angry I was. I haven't done so in years because afterwards I always feel so embarrassed and childish for losing control in such a way. I guess if someone feels like they need to "take them down with me" then by all means. I'm sure it's not the end of the world for anyone involved unless it includes murder, so everyone will heal and move on surely. I just don't see the need for it. It just muddles up an already muddled situation and adds a layer of freak-ism (hey everyone, my spouse cheated on me, look at us - look at him/her - look at me - look at their AP) that I just find really, really sad.

[ladydesigner]

To each his own. I wouldn't and couldn't feel good about lashing out in such a way no matter how hurt or angry I was. I haven't done so in years because afterwards I always feel so embarrassed and childish for losing control in such a way. I guess if someone feels like they need to "take them down with me" then by all means. I'm sure it's not the end of the world for anyone involved unless it includes murder, so everyone will heal and move on surely. I just don't see the need for it. It just muddles up an already muddled situation and adds a layer of freak-ism (hey everyone, my spouse cheated on me, look at us - look at him/her - look at me - look at their AP) that I just find really, really sad.

 

Worked wonders for me! And no no need to feel sorry here :-)

[gettingstronger]

My guess, it will blow over. I had a note put on my car in Denver and our OW lives in Atlanta. The police investigated and pretty much said with no witnesses there was nothing that could be done. Ditto all the other anon stuff that happens. All we have is what she attaches her name to. The police are always kind and helpful and always follow up with her, but there's only so much that can be done. That note is horrible but not life threatening so it will probably fade out. The target however can at their own expense hire a PI and file a civil suit which has a lower thresh hold of proof. Yes, it sucks people can get away with being crappy as long as they are cowardly about it.

[WasOtherWoman]

I think everyone just needs to process these issues however they need to do it. I don't feel like I have the right to judge.

 

Had the BS in my situation all those years ago decided to exact revenge, I would have only myself to blame.

[WasOtherWoman]

My guess, it will blow over. I had a note put on my car in Denver and our OW lives in Atlanta. The police investigated and pretty much said with no witnesses there was nothing that could be done. Ditto all the other anon stuff that happens. All we have is what she attaches her name to. The police are always kind and helpful and always follow up with her, but there's only so much that can be done. That note is horrible but not life threatening so it will probably fade out. The target however can at their own expense hire a PI and file a civil suit which has a lower thresh hold of proof. Yes, it sucks people can get away with being crappy as long as they are cowardly about it.

 

I would have to think that it will also: Heck,lol, By now the neighbors have probably forgotten about it, it's been a almost a week.

 

I guess, though, that I would have a hard time getting past someone calling me that, especially since she is a well-known business person in the area. Maybe it's a matter of if you do nothing people may assume that it is true and she is in fact a child predator??

[gettingstronger]

True, if she is a business woman she may find the investment in a PI worth it. This sounds oddly familiar in that our OW was listed on a cheater website. She assumed it was me that did it and threatened me and my husband up and down. I suggested she get a PI to investigate as she claimed it would hurt her mortgage broker business. My guess is it was her BH but who knows, all I can say is I am no coward and would never do anything anon. If I can't attach my name to it, I shouldn't be doing it.

[WasOtherWoman]

True, if she is a business woman she may find the investment in a PI worth it. This sounds oddly familiar in that our OW was listed on a cheater website. She assumed it was me that did it and threatened me and my husband up and down. I suggested she get a PI to investigate as she claimed it would hurt her mortgage broker business. My guess is it was her BH but who knows, all I can say is I am no coward and would never do anything anon. If I can't attach my name to it, I shouldn't be doing it.

 

You bring up a good point... I am assuming that it was the BS, but, as you said, who knows. I did learn that she is divorced (not sure if this was recent or because of said-affair?). I don't know if she is still with her affair partner, but you are right... it could also have been the BH. But I would hope that, considering these are his children, he would not be suggesting his XW is a child predator. Or, maybe he wants custody.. who knows.

 

Looking back on when I was an OW, anyone who knew of the affair said "he will never leave". So, when he did, I did have a few folks who knew of the situation pretty annoyed about it. Someone like that could have written the letter also in this case...