Wait for someone intelligent enough to truly understand you or remain single?

[AnyaNova]

This is my dilemma right now and I'm curious about your input.

 

This probably wouldn't be so much of a dilemma if I were even 10 years younger, but I am not.

 

I am 36, so my options are already limited. I was also blessed with a high degree of intelligence.

 

Now, please understand that in asking this, I'm not being some kind of intellectual snob, or claiming that IQ is the only thing that makes someone worthy, or some such nonsense. I am saying no such thing.

 

To me, to even begin to feel loved, I need to feel like the person I am with really understands me.

 

I am not asking if I should conduct an IQ test and if they are even 2 points under me, not consider them.

 

What I am asking, is it better to be alone than be with somebody who you know may be a fantastic person, but can't truly understand you, and hence, you never feel truly loved?

[Legatus]

Sounds to me like you need to know that the love isn't just purely emotional but has an intellectual side. I think we all have our reasons, the reasons we need to love and to be loved. I can relate to you in a way, I also think it's crucial for me to meet someone who can intellectually "get" me. Without proper understanding potential happiness could be short-lived. I've always believed that understanding can lead to everything you need, love, passion, dedication..

 

I don't think being alone would be the answer... on the other hand being with someone wrong is even farther from it.. If you don't try you won't know. I guess it doesn't hurt to try, you can't really expect Mr right to be just around the corner..

[Potz4prez]

Concrete intelligence? Emotional intelligence? Or that abstract intelligence where someone just seems to understand the world? If it's the later, I've only met a select few that fall into that category (gender nonspecific) and all of them live in different states and countries than I.

 

The problem is that rarely does someone posses all three to a high degree. Usually only two at a time in "intelligent" people, and usually only one in most people. Most emotionally intelligent people I know are **** in the concrete and abstract department. Alternatively, concrete-ly intelligent people always seem to lack severely in either the emotional and/or abstract department.

 

I'd rather be single and free to meet as many intelligent people as I can.

[d0nnivain]

You can be in a half a relationship. If you don't feel loved, you can't fake that forever.

 

 

You can & should perhaps be more open minded when initially talking to people & give a # of people a chance for a 1st date. They may surprise you.

 

 

However, in the long rune you will be more unhappy settling then being alone.

[carhill]

IMO, the test comes at the end, when one reflects upon whether they felt understood.

 

People can be of disparate intellectual levels and still understand and feel understood. In fact, intelligence, even if of a markedly disparate dimension, can be quite an effective lubricant to understanding.

 

I would opine to remain single until getting to know someone where there is equal desire to understand and grow together.

[Babolat]

I am 36, so my options are already limited. I was also blessed with a high degree of intelligence.

Seriously?! You are young, and have an amazing life ahead of you. I am 47, and use to think like you, but not anymore.

 

What I am asking, is it better to be alone than be with somebody who you know may be a fantastic person, but can't truly understand you, and hence, you never feel truly loved?

Yes, better to be alone. If your needs are not met, you should not settle, period. What you are talking about is the word we toss around here all the time: compatability. If it's not there, move on. You can make compromises, but only if it works for both of you.

[Valen]

 

To me, to even begin to feel loved, I need to feel like the person I am with really understands me.

 

 

Most people don't even understand themselves for the most part so how would you expect someone else to really understand you? The subject "you" is not static, it changes constantly. Therefore, getting to know someone is a life long quest. You can't expect someone to know you from the start. That's not how it works. A relationship is a journey where two people take time to know one another and develop a strong emotional bond (love).

 

Also what you think you want in a partner, isn't what you need in a partner. That's something I have learn in my life. The person that will make you feel complete is the one who is bringing something you lack into the relationship. For example, I'm also very intelligent but my personality is rather reserve and I tend to be quiet around people. So the girl that fits me most is someone who is more assertive and full of life. It doesn't matter if she's not as smart because that's what I bring. When two people balance each other out, the relationship is wholesome.

Edited May 16, 2014 by Valen

[salparadise]

You probably would never be happy with too much disparity in intellectual ability, but the ability to understand you is more a matter of emotional intelligence. As Valen said, it's important to find someone who complements you in certain ways rather than thinking in quantitative terms. I've dated some highly intelligent women and found little correlation between raw intelligence and emotional intelligence. In fact, the one who was probably the smartest, most competent was noticeably deficient in relationship/emotional realm. I say focus on the emotional side and just hope for close enough on the cognitive.

[Joyfirst]

I think, you want from your partner something just you can give to yourself - understanding and loving yourself unconditionally. Partner is not for making you whole -you already are. Partner is for fun, enjoyment, and sharing. Of course you have to be able to enjoy your conversations, but he doesn't have to be able to fully understand you and make you feel secure. That is your job.