Why can't she tell me?

[Mondmellonw]

Hey.

I've been having an issue with a classroom mate for the past two weeks.

The thing is: we both wanted to be presenting a work on a congress for psychology that will have place at our college at the end of this semester.

Our assessor made a raffle to leave it lo luck, and everyone was present.

So, I became the one who will be presenting this work.

 

Since, she has been really passive-aggressive, telling everyone comments about how she is better at presenting, how "things are not the way they should be" and bla bla, many comments about how she won't accept that I will present it, and not her.

She has to be there that day too anyways (it's "obligated") but she isn't very motivated now to go.

 

I don't want her to clap at me or anything, but it's getting annoying that she can't just tell me that she dislikes the result, she is just throwing "naive" comments at me and everyone is following her.

Also, this seems pretty immature (we're on our 20's) and I am getting tired.

I am acting the normal way, but she is starting to get manipulative about this, like if she wanted to make me feel bad about my capacities, and to eventually give up so she can be the one who will present this work.

 

 

Do I keep on ignoring her/ at the same time, getting ready for my presentation/ avoid her?

 

Or do I confront her about it?

 

It is getting boring. Thanks.

[preraph]

If she's supposed to be a friend of yours, I'd confront her. If she's just a jealous classmate, I'd ignore her because everyone knows she's just jealous. Sore loser.

[Mondmellonw]

If she's supposed to be a friend of yours, I'd confront her. If she's just a jealous classmate, I'd ignore her because everyone knows she's just jealous. Sore loser.

 

 

She is a friend, I suppose. We have helped each other trough hard times, and this is the first time she ever does something like this, but I am not sure if I should confront her or not (still).

I will wait and see if the "weather" somehow gets better.

If not, then I guess I will tell her.

 

Thank you.

[todreaminblue]

If it were me, i would try to talk to her and just explain how its making you feel, and urge her to come along,another way i deal with someone who has done something or said something i dont like and i am wary of them,so,

 

someone who is difficult to understand or read motives, i involve them somehow to make them interact try and let them relax around me.....ask them questions about their life or advice even though you dont need any, tell them goofy stories make them smile is huge......as soon as soemone smiles their shoulders are no longer around their ears its a release of tension......

 

 

 

 

if they have their shoulders up you are going to have to work at it..... ...people actually love to use their brains and if they can do it smiling ......big bonus..... and unless you are dealing with a total grump.......most people react positively when you show an interest in them.........talk....if they dont talk back, or snap, you know to just leave them alone and let them come around or not.....its not a reflection on you if they dont..you are not their mirror ........talk to them like nothing has happened...yeah it isnt easy to put aside any feelings you have but it often works......

 

 

if they snap at you or she snaps at you......say i hear that you really dont feel like talking now..thats ok..ill catch up with you later maybe you have a good day now....and walk away ......

 

i wish you well on your presentation, hope its wonderful, and dont let people deflect negativity onto you.....so dont take on her attitude.........if you do.....thats your fault and your doubts not theirs.......you can do this and you can do it well....you will only do the best you can......have that positivity in you.......best wishes....deb

Edited May 15, 2014 by todreaminblue

[Mondmellonw]

If it were me, i would try to talk to her and just explain how its making you feel, and urge her to come along,another way i deal with someone who has done something or said something i dont like and i am wary of them,so,

 

someone who is difficult to understand or read motives, i involve them somehow to make them interact try and let them relax around me.....ask them questions about their life or advice even though you dont need any, tell them goofy stories make them smile is huge......as soon as soemone smiles their shoulders are no longer around their ears its a release of tension......

 

 

 

 

if they have their shoulders up you are going to have to work at it..... ...people actually love to use their brains and if they can do it smiling ......big bonus..... and unless you are dealing with a total grump.......most people react positively when you show an interest in them.........talk....if they dont talk back, or snap, you know to just leave them alone and let them come around or not.....its not a reflection on you if they dont..you are not their mirror ........talk to them like nothing has happened...yeah it isnt easy to put aside any feelings you have but it often works......

 

 

if they snap at you or she snaps at you......say i hear that you really dont feel like talking now..thats ok..ill catch up with you later maybe you have a good day now....and walk away ......

 

i wish you well on your presentation, hope its wonderful, and dont let people deflect negativity onto you.....so dont take on her attitude.........if you do.....thats your fault and your doubts not theirs.......you can do this and you can do it well....you will only do the best you can......have that positivity in you.......best wishes....deb

 

 

 

Thanks a lot. there are three weeks left before this happens...

But is really important, since my team and I worked on this for the past year.

 

 

I think she is not ready to talk now. (She isn't willing to do so, she has already shown it with her comments and putting distance - all of the sudden - between us).

However, tomorrow I will see her again. I will put up the normal face... well, the face I usually have when I go to school (college) and have to be interested in classes.

 

I have always been a good student, so I am not that worried about the presentation, but I am kind of nervous now and I feel like instead of supporting me, she is trying to un-motivate me. (If that word even exists...)

 

But you're right, you reminded me of my mom's advice.

"Her attitude is her mistake. Don't make it yours. And don't fall onto the trap and be rude to her, she probably wants you to do so. Don't".