Toodamnpragmatic Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 (edited) Again on another site and I shake my head at the tangents threads goes..... Yep everyday no if and or buts for 15 years and 2 young kids at home. She is not happy and yes other things going on in the marriage, and heck she is okay with what I think is a very good sex life @3X/wk even with all the responsibilities and other issues. If they don't have sex he pouts and gets upset. What amazes me reading this other site is that no one ever is taken aback or questions the amount of sex people have and nonplussed about people completely obsessed about sex. Some tell her that it is her responsibility and should understand a males needs. To me there is normal and then there are outliers..... I posted another thread where a woman (45) seemed almost resigned and only recently questioned that they were having sex 20-25Xwk and she too wanted it 3-4Xwk. Heck some are asexual too (and if from day one all the power to you)...... Am I the crazy one wondering why people aren't saying "wow that is too much sex, and probably an addiction" and more often asking other questions about other issues that certainly play a part but aren't answering what was a simple question???? So How Much Sex is Enough???? Edited May 16, 2014 by Toodamnpragmatic 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 (edited) Me personally? I guess anything more that twice a day during the week (morning and night) and 3 times a day on the weekends/holidays - every single week of the year... would be the threshold for me having too much sex. but only because I still need to go to work during the week, and get out of the house a little on the weekends/holidays ....... and I don't want to be wearing an frozen jock strap in between sessions I can't speak for others - what ever makes them happy and their partner is okay with it - and it does not take away from the rest of your life, work or family. Edited May 16, 2014 by dichotomy 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Me personally? I guess anything more that twice a day during the week (morning and night) and 3 times a day on the weekends/holidays - every single week of the year... would be the threshold for me having too much sex. but only because I still need to go to work during the week, and get out of the house a little on the weekends/holidays ....... and I don't want to be wearing an frozen jock strap in between sessions I can't speak for others - what ever makes them happy and their partner is okay with it - and it does not take away from the rest of your life, work or family. I'm with dichotomy on this one. Everyone's threshold for how much sex is too much or not enough is different and as varied as there are people. What is fine with one person may not be for another. And unfortunately, that seems to be the case in so many relationships and the cause of so much unhappiness. Personally, I love sex and all that goes with being in love and intimate with someone you love. I'm always in the mood and can usually go at the drop of a hat BUT even I come to that point where sex can be too much sex I mean, sex is great and an important part of any relationship but there is more to relationships than just knocking boots as many times as you can in an hour. The key is to find someone who is sexually compatible, who shares your views on sex and love and intimacy and matches your own sex drive. Kind of like finding a needle in a haystack, I know 6 Link to post Share on other sites
GrandeH Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 dichotomy and michelle nailed it. But I have a question based on two different sides of sex. Can you make too much love? I ask because having sex just for the sake of having it can become "too much", but can you really make too much love if the main reason for having sex is to make love? I hope this makes sense! Grazie Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 If it's a sex related forum you're on, maybe the majority of posters are sex obsessed. Just a thought. Do LS rules allow you to tell us what forum it is? The 'it's a woman's duty to keep her man satisfied' brigade sounds very old fashioned. Is it a religious forum maybe or a 'bring back the 1950's forum perhaps? Enough sex in a marriage is dependent on each individual's sex drive surely. For some that's once in a blue moon, for others it's several times a day. For most it's somewhere in between. Apparently some couples choose a celibate lifestyle. It only becomes a problem if 'enough' means a different frequency to your partner than it does to you. For me, personally, 'enough' means different things at different times but it always means 'when I'm not craving more' and 'when I feel loved and desired'. In numerical terms that might be once this week, three times the following week and twice a day the week after! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Everybody is different and that's why the world is an interesting place... I've seen the thread and I think the husband is a right bastard (pardon my French)... the wife does everything at home, with two small children, and he comes back from work, takes a nap (whilst the wife keeps slaving away) and then he wants sex with her in the afternoon and then again in the evening... I think some couple would be ok with once a day, but realistically, twice a week for busy couple should be more then enough, unless you are in your honeymoon period... Personally, once a week would be fine... maybe another spontaneous session on top (no pun intended) occasionally... not that I get that (far from it). Is it unreasonable to put your wife under so much pressure? Definitely. She will end up hating it at some point (like the poster on that site)... So, how much sex is enough? How much you can agree on without turning the whole thing into an unreasonable and unfair tour de force for one spouse... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted May 16, 2014 Author Share Posted May 16, 2014 Everybody is different and that's why the world is an interesting place... I've seen the thread and I think the husband is a right bastard (pardon my French)... the wife does everything at home, with two small children, and he comes back from work, takes a nap (whilst the wife keeps slaving away) and then he wants sex with her in the afternoon and then again in the evening... I think some couple would be ok with once a day, but realistically, twice a week for busy couple should be more then enough, unless you are in your honeymoon period... Personally, once a week would be fine... maybe another spontaneous session on top (no pun intended) occasionally... not that I get that (far from it). Is it unreasonable to put your wife under so much pressure? Definitely. She will end up hating it at some point (like the poster on that site)... So, how much sex is enough? How much you can agree on without turning the whole thing into an unreasonable and unfair tour de force for one spouse... I know that he is a jerk, but again I am always taken aback by the amounts talked about on the site and no one bats an eyelid. When surveys all put averages @ 2-3x/wk and 80% should be within statistical norm with only few outside (probably less then 3%) the norms (ie. 1X/wk or more or asexual). But the post asked a different question. I am often called sex obsessed (or similar words) by my spouse for reading these sites and wanting a normal sex life 2X/wk (3 if really lucky)..... I don't want wishy washy answers to a simple question. No daily sex (or Thenasdan further proving the problem in his marriage, but he did answer the question) is not expected or needed by the vast majority of married couples. If that is what you have, I wonder what you are doing here, outside boasting:D, but am curious. So thanks Giotto for answering;). Link to post Share on other sites
Candy_Pants Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Before pregnancy.... 20-35X per week. After pregnancy.... 5-10X per week. But that's only PIV, not counting manual or oral stimulation to completion. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Before pregnancy.... 20-35X per week. After pregnancy.... 5-10X per week. But that's only PIV, not counting manual or oral stimulation to completion. That put me in a very good mood... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 I know that he is a jerk, but again I am always taken aback by the amounts talked about on the site and no one bats an eyelid. When surveys all put averages @ 2-3x/wk and 80% should be within statistical norm with only few outside (probably less then 3%) the norms (ie. 1X/wk or more or asexual). But the post asked a different question. I am often called sex obsessed (or similar words) by my spouse for reading these sites and wanting a normal sex life 2X/wk (3 if really lucky)..... I don't want wishy washy answers to a simple question. No daily sex (or Thenasdan further proving the problem in his marriage, but he did answer the question) is not expected or needed by the vast majority of married couples. If that is what you have, I wonder what you are doing here, outside boasting:D, but am curious. So thanks Giotto for answering;). well, some people want it 3 times a day and they think it's normal... the true answer doesn't really exist. As I said before, we are all different. You are not crazy by saying that some sex is too much sex. 3 times a day? How long is that sustainable? My hunch is that, yes, lots of people lie and boast, just for the sake of it. Or surveys are answered by people who are a lot into sex and therefore they take part. I wouldn't consider one specific forum as representative of the real world... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 So How Much Sex is Enough???? It depends on the individual and couple. I hope you're not suggesting to anyone they SHOULD only want this much or that much, such as 2 or 3x a week! During my first marriage, 10x a year was a good year. This time 10x a week (every week) meant a slow week for over 10 years. Our ideal week matched what Dichotomy expressed. Now we're down to an average of daily for the last several years, but with occasional spikes, like last weekend when we had sex at least 7x. There's only a problem when a couple is mismatched in their desires - it's a much more common - and frustrating - problem than is realized. Sometimes it's because of external circumstances, which will usually pass with time and patience, but all too often it's a basic mismatch that will create a constant strain on the relationship. If you do have a mismatch, then it's time for negotiation and compromise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 (edited) I know that he is a jerk, but again I am always taken aback by the amounts talked about on the site and no one bats an eyelid. When surveys all put averages @ 2-3x/wk and 80% should be within statistical norm with only few outside (probably less then 3%) the norms (ie. 1X/wk or more or asexual). But the post asked a different question. I am often called sex obsessed (or similar words) by my spouse for reading these sites and wanting a normal sex life 2X/wk (3 if really lucky)..... I don't want wishy washy answers to a simple question. No daily sex (or Thenasdan further proving the problem in his marriage, but he did answer the question) is not expected or needed by the vast majority of married couples. If that is what you have, I wonder what you are doing here, outside boasting:D, but am curious. So thanks Giotto for answering;). Ok - straight to it. Statistically I have seen 1-2 times per week as average for many long term married couples. So your request of 2-3x a week from your wife would be normal and not asking much at all (assuming she does not have some medical or emotional issue unresolved) I imagine some of the members here on LS will be skewed to the extremes on sex - what brings people here I suppose - sex enthusiasts or sex starved:p To further back this question of yours for validation in your marriage needs for sex - our licensed marriage (and certified sex) therapist asked that we try to make sure we are having sex a minimum of twice a week and make sure we make one of the sessions has some spice. Going back to wishy washy answer - For me there is a wide range between the upper limit level of sex I would/could want (mentioned in my post above) and the minimum I need to be okay - and there is also the quality issue vs quantity - and if the marriage is otherwise fun, respectful, trusting, connected and affectionate. Hope this answers your question. Edited May 16, 2014 by dichotomy Link to post Share on other sites
Fluttershy Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Before pregnancy.... 20-35X per week. After pregnancy.... 5-10X per week. But that's only PIV, not counting manual or oral stimulation to completion. I call bull on this. That is 4 times a day with one day being more. That much sex kept up long term would not even be healthy physically. Unless we are talking back to back sessions which don't usually count when saying how much sex your having. And then with that crazy answer let's add oral and BJs? Yeah, no. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 I know that he is a jerk, but again I am always taken aback by the amounts talked about on the site and no one bats an eyelid. When surveys all put averages @ 2-3x/wk and 80% should be within statistical norm with only few outside (probably less then 3%) the norms (ie. 1X/wk or more or asexual). But the post asked a different question. I am often called sex obsessed (or similar words) by my spouse for reading these sites and wanting a normal sex life 2X/wk (3 if really lucky)..... I don't want wishy washy answers to a simple question. No daily sex (or Thenasdan further proving the problem in his marriage, but he did answer the question) is not expected or needed by the vast majority of married couples. If that is what you have, I wonder what you are doing here, outside boasting:D, but am curious. So thanks Giotto for answering;). I answered your question too! Are you saying my post was wishy washy? If you're asking whether we think you're sex obsessed because you read these sites and want sex two or three times a week, the answer is no. That seems pretty reasonable to me. I think wanting sex most days is reasonable but that's because, personally, I like a lot of physical contact (with or without orgasm! ). My honest opinion is that your wife has a problem with sex, or possibly with how men are in general. Sex obviously isn't a priority for her. Tough luck buddy! Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 The guy in that thread on the other site is a total pig. He treats his wife as his housemaid, nanny and sex toy all rolled into one. He's lucky she didn't leave him years ago. I didn't read much of it but most of the replies I saw were suggesting that he buck his ideas up and pitch in with the household chores. Maybe then his wife wouldn't be so exhausted and her sex drive might come a little closer to matching his own! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
janedoe67 Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Multiple times w day every day would eventually wear me out. However, less than twice a year was NOT enough. Waiting a week, however, is NOT sex starved. Not for an actual grown up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted May 17, 2014 Author Share Posted May 17, 2014 The guy in that thread on the other site is a total pig. He treats his wife as his housemaid, nanny and sex toy all rolled into one. He's lucky she didn't leave him years ago. I didn't read much of it but most of the replies I saw were suggesting that he buck his ideas up and pitch in with the household chores. Maybe then his wife wouldn't be so exhausted and her sex drive might come a little closer to matching his own! Yes he's a pig and an ass and she was still okay @ 3-4X/wk. On top of that he was sexual in every overture to her and it was too much. I am sorry that at my old age I too think after 15 years and 2 young kids at home that daily is a lot..... I was pointing out that daily after 15 years probably (and no I'm not checking) is probably less then 2% of the population, but when posted on these sites, no one bats an eyelid. Heck there's one now here on the Sexual & Reproductive Sub-section where he asks what is too much sex as he can only handle 2-3X/day and she wants it 6X/day and again most seem pretty okay with it..... Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 Heck there's one now here on the Sexual & Reproductive Sub-section where he asks what is too much sex as he can only handle 2-3X/day and she wants it 6X/day and again most seem pretty okay with it..... uh, I've missed that one... Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 Yes he's a pig and an ass and she was still okay @ 3-4X/wk. On top of that he was sexual in every overture to her and it was too much. I am sorry that at my old age I too think after 15 years and 2 young kids at home that daily is a lot..... I was pointing out that daily after 15 years probably (and no I'm not checking) is probably less then 2% of the population, but when posted on these sites, no one bats an eyelid. Heck there's one now here on the Sexual & Reproductive Sub-section where he asks what is too much sex as he can only handle 2-3X/day and she wants it 6X/day and again most seem pretty okay with it..... I agree! Daily is a lot in any relationship that's past the honeymoon phase, never mind 2, 3 or 6 times a day! If these are 'normal' people who have to work for a living, I really do wonder how they find the time! My own opinion is that nobody bats an eyelid (if that is indeed the case) because they don't want to admit on a public forum that they find it excessive - even though the forum is anonymous! For some reason everybody seems to want the rest of the world to think they're at it like rabbits on a daily basis. Maybe because a high sex drive is a sign of virility for men and women with a high sex drive are considered more desirable. I believe the truth is that most of us struggle to find the time and the energy to have sex as often as we would really like. I also believe that most us have 'dry patches' at some point, for a variety of reasons. There are obviously exceptions to every 'rule' but I think a lot of what people say (or don't say) on here should be taken with a pinch of salt! Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 Again on another site and I shake my head at the tangents threads goes..... Yep everyday no if and or buts for 15 years and 2 young kids at home. She is not happy and yes other things going on in the marriage, and heck she is okay with what I think is a very good sex life @3X/wk even with all the responsibilities and other issues. If they don't have sex he pouts and gets upset. What amazes me reading this other site is that no one ever is taken aback or questions the amount of sex people have and nonplussed about people completely obsessed about sex. Some tell her that it is her responsibility and should understand a males needs. To me there is normal and then there are outliers..... I posted another thread where a woman (45) seemed almost resigned and only recently questioned that they were having sex 20-25Xwk and she too wanted it 3-4Xwk. Heck some are asexual too (and if from day one all the power to you)...... Am I the crazy one wondering why people aren't saying "wow that is too much sex, and probably an addiction" and more often asking other questions about other issues that certainly play a part but aren't answering what was a simple question???? So How Much Sex is Enough???? lol, people be lying their asses off online. That's all you need to know. Take what you read with a grain of salt. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted May 17, 2014 Author Share Posted May 17, 2014 lol, people be lying their asses off online. That's all you need to know. Take what you read with a grain of salt. Let's hope:p;).... My issue more so is that no one calls bull...... Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 Let's hope:p;).... My issue more so is that no one calls bull...... Do you call bull yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Million.to.1 Posted May 18, 2014 Share Posted May 18, 2014 Before pregnancy.... 20-35X per week. After pregnancy.... 5-10X per week. But that's only PIV, not counting manual or oral stimulation to completion. Wowzers. 4-5 times a day? Don't you have to work? get groceries? how do you find the time for this? And once a day or more with a baby? That's still an awful lot IMO. I really don't know how you do it. It would seriously get boring for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Beechy1973 Posted May 18, 2014 Share Posted May 18, 2014 Throughout my 25 year relationship all I ever wanted was sex twice a week (ideally this would have been three but we all have to compromise All I generally got was once though - a complete mismatch with my ex-wife who wouldn't agree. I am divorced now and now there's some distance between me and her I can fully appreciate that her rejecting me for so long left me with hang ups related to my physical attractiveness, sexual prowess and self esteem. I didn't fully appreciate the importance of being sexually matched in a relationship. As previous posters have said, being matched in some way is sooo important - sex can be a great healer and rejuvenator in a healthy relationship; unfortunately it can also be used as a weapon and as leverage in a bad one. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabella Posted May 18, 2014 Share Posted May 18, 2014 Prior to pregnancy, I wanted sex about 3 times a week. During pregnancy, twice a day would've been nice! Now at 3 months after baby... I'd settle for 1-2 a week. My husband has never really been able to keep up with my sex drive even at its lowest. He used to try pretty hard, but interestingly, it was never to be enough! The more sex we have, the more into him I am, and the more I want him. Therefore, he is bound to never be able to satisfy me lol. Link to post Share on other sites
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