Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted May 18, 2014 Author Share Posted May 18, 2014 Prior to pregnancy, I wanted sex about 3 times a week. During pregnancy, twice a day would've been nice! Now at 3 months after baby... I'd settle for 1-2 a week. My husband has never really been able to keep up with my sex drive even at its lowest. He used to try pretty hard, but interestingly, it was never to be enough! The more sex we have, the more into him I am, and the more I want him. Therefore, he is bound to never be able to satisfy me lol. While not 2X/day I do fondly remember those days:p;)...... I also keep thinking too that more sex (within reason:p) leads to more attraction too. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted May 18, 2014 Share Posted May 18, 2014 (edited) Let's hope:p;).... My issue more so is that no one calls bull...... Do you call bull yourself? Since you didn't answer my question TDP, I assume the answer is 'no'? If you're not calling bull.... yourself, why do you have an issue with the fact that nobody else does? Edited May 18, 2014 by LittleTiger Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted May 18, 2014 Share Posted May 18, 2014 Unless we are talking back to back sessions which don't usually count when saying how much sex your having. This was about to be my point: The statistics of what 2-3 times a week probably don't include back to back sessions but then people, when asked, normally do hence their figure is always higher than the average! Link to post Share on other sites
Fluttershy Posted May 18, 2014 Share Posted May 18, 2014 This was about to be my point: The statistics of what 2-3 times a week probably don't include back to back sessions but then people, when asked, normally do hence their figure is always higher than the average! Maybe if a woman has multiple orgasms those count too? That could help get the numbers up. Honestly, I think this is the case of the penis. You see, penis size statistics were take from people self measuring. But then that was realized to be a stupid idea and the average size dropped. But everyone who posts on the interent has a larger than average one. Statistically speaking 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 Since you didn't answer my question TDP, I assume the answer is 'no'? If you're not calling bull.... yourself, why do you have an issue with the fact that nobody else does? Not a member on that site and I get in trouble when I do question people. My issue is how people seem so laissez-faire about these situations and think that if the husband changes a bit they should be right back to daily. Link to post Share on other sites
mitchell Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 What is this other site you are frequenting? Link to post Share on other sites
WrinkledForehead Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 (edited) For my partner and for myself, our previous relationships were sexually unfulfilling. He had sex maybe 2x p/w and it was extremely vanilla, with foreplay very rarely happening. I was with a man who had pre-e. It was very frustrating for me as I rarely got off, and was rejected sexually on a regular basis. He likely was happy with once a week, and the issues in our R led to a point where we had a 9 month dry spell. Finding my current partner was a godsend. We are very happy being intimate within and outside of the bedroom. I describe it as sexual liberation with respect to monogamy. We've been enjoying each other sexually for over a year, and have sex ~10x per week. Is that too much? Maybe for some, but considering that 2x p/w with our previous partners led to frustration and resentment, what we have works well for us. It's something that needs to be discussed within the context of any R to ensure compatibility. Wanting sex once a day (at the least) does not make one a sex addict. I just wrote a 13 page paper on that very subject, and I assure you it is not indicative (in and of itself) of a hypersexual person. Edited May 19, 2014 by WrinkledForehead Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 My issue is how people seem so laissez-faire about these situations and think that if the husband changes a bit they should be right back to daily. Is there some part of your indignation that relates to your own situation or that of other posters here? I'm still missing the point... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 (edited) Is there some part of your indignation that relates to your own situation or that of other posters here? I'm still missing the point... Mr. Lucky Of course I'm sure some is based on my situation, but then no one I know has a lot of sex (sing these others posts as a baseline). We have busy lives, some younger kids, some allude to it (a lack of) and just knowing them. Then I read how much others have and some spouses (almost always females) being forced in to an uncomfortable amount of sex and feeling powerless to say otherwise. Yes this is in contrast to my spouse who rolls her eyes at my preoccupation with sex, which I resent and is not true and looking at these sites, explaining that no one has a lot of sex (yes I'm extrapolating) after x # of years...... Yes to me it is old and tired...... Edited May 19, 2014 by Toodamnpragmatic Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Of course I'm sure some is based on my situation, but then no one I know has a lot of sex. We have busy lives, some younger kids, some allude to it and just knowing them. Then I read how much others have and some spouses (almost always females) being forced in to an uncomfortable amount of sex and feeling powerless to say otherwise. Yes this is in contrast to my spouse who rolls her eyes at my pre-occupation with sex and looking at these sites, explaining that no one has a lot of sex (yes I'm extrapolating) after x # of years...... Yes to me it is old and tired...... Maybe it would help you to remember that people who post on the internet about their sex lives, whether they're getting too much or not enough, are not 'average' people. They are people with an above average interest in relationships and how they operate - which means that what you read is not 'average' either. The reason that 2 to 3 times a week sex is quoted as 'average' is because, statistically, that's what it is. Which means that there are still going to be plenty of people who have lots of sex and plenty who have none or almost none. Some are getting more than they want, some aren't getting enough and a few will be getting just the right amount. The people who are getting too much or not enough, are the one's who are going to post about it on the internet. The 'just right's have nothing of interest to post about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 Yes this is in contrast to my spouse who rolls her eyes at my preoccupation with sex, which I resent and is not true and looking at these sites, explaining that no one has a lot of sex (yes I'm extrapolating) after x # of years...... Yes to me it is old and tired...... You and others have posted that, despite the sexual disconnect, you have a "good" marriage. This would imply some spirit of cooperation, compromise and ability to successfully negotiate traditionally tough issues like finances, spending, parenting, career, etc. Why does sex become the single area that resists this approach? Mr. Lucky Also, for my wife and I, the above wasn't true. When we struggled sexually, the tension overwhelmed the other parts of our relationship... Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 Why does sex become the single area that resists this approach? Mr. Lucky Very good question... I wish I knew the answer... although I suspect that sex - being primarily a physical manifestation - lends itself a lot less to compromise... of course there is a lot to rationalise before sex, but when you allow somebody to stick a piece of your body in yourself, well, that can be very hard to swallow (pun intended)... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 of course there is a lot to rationalise before sex, but when you allow somebody to stick a piece of your body in yourself, well, that can be very hard to swallow (pun intended)... Would agree if we were talking about intimacy with a stranger. But this is your spouse, right? The one you've supposedly chosen from "all others". I don't understand how one can be part of the team in every area except this... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Poppygoodwill Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 For me it's all about quality. I mean, who wants sex twice a day if it's boring? The same old thing, like scratching an itch, doing an old dance, where not one step changes? I couldn't be bothered with that. I like variety, imagination, spontaneity, and when everyone is working long hours and there's kids and other demands on time and energy, it's challenging to get into a mental space where imagination thrives. So I'd rather have better sex less often, than dull sex all the time. Hands down. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted May 20, 2014 Author Share Posted May 20, 2014 (edited) Would agree if we were talking about intimacy with a stranger. But this is your spouse, right? The one you've supposedly chosen from "all others". I don't understand how one can be part of the team in every area except this... Mr. Lucky And I don't either..... Maybe because I do think I bend over backwards in most of these other areas and she thinks otherwise? Big blow-up the other day when I brought up sex in a non-threatening fashion and was told it was the last thing on her mind. This is a typical answer where the wife feels 100% justified to say it (as it is probably true). I then suggested that we take things that stress her off the plate, one being the cut back some on the part-time work she does and does love (and money not the issue) so sex can move up a few notches and the fight was on...... Don't feel sorry or look at other issues (as we can always say there are issues), as I am convinced that this is too often the norm between even loving couples. Edited May 20, 2014 by Toodamnpragmatic Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 Would agree if we were talking about intimacy with a stranger. But this is your spouse, right? The one you've supposedly chosen from "all others". I don't understand how one can be part of the team in every area except this... Mr. Lucky mmm... neither do I... but apparently, my wife doesn't think so... she told me a few times that her body is hers and she does whatever she likes with it... like, not sharing it with me... I do understand to a certain point - and I'm definitely not a rapist - but she takes it to the extreme sometimes... I don't know... I'm her husband, but there are certain areas I'm not allowed into (no pun intended this time)... I guess we are all different and we see marriage in a different way... my wife's is definitely not mine... Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 And I don't either..... Maybe because I do think I bend over backwards in most of these other areas and she thinks otherwise? Big blow-up the other day when I brought up sex in a non-threatening fashion and was told it was the last thing on her mind. This is a typical answer where the wife feels 100% justified to say it (as it is probably true). I then suggested that we take things that stress her off the plate, one being the cut back some on the part-time work she does and does love (and money not the issue) so sex can move up a few notches and the fight was on...... Don't feel sorry or look at other issues (as we can always say there are issues), as I am convinced that this is too often the norm between even loving couples. That's why I've given up... it's just too much... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted May 20, 2014 Author Share Posted May 20, 2014 This incident happened after she went to a wedding with the girls, where they all drank ate had a great time (I played chauffeur happily). I was not at all feeling sorry for myself as I got to catch up on reading a Movie and a Documentary I wanted to watch. BTW we as explained are far from sexless and had gotten into a better rhythm of late too (and no I don't pester her for sex though may remind her after 10+ days;))..... I could add more details but they really don't want to add to the story. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 she told me a few times that her body is hers and she does whatever she likes with it... I guess what's missing is that you don't want her body, you want the sharing. Two different things... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 To answer the original question... Once or twice a week is enough for me. When I was younger, I would have answered three times at most. . she told me a few times that her body is hers and she does whatever she likes with it... like, not sharing it with me... My response would be that since I committed to being faithful with my body, then she should honor that and be committed the other way which is being giving of her body. If her body is hers and she does with it what she wants, then she is implying that she can cheat if she wants. And if she says no, then she must answer why she can then withhold sex since both are written in the marriage vows. Link to post Share on other sites
Beechy1973 Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 One of the main reasons I walked out of my 20 year marriage was the non-fulfilling sex. Found out she jumped into bed with another man within two weeks (if not before) which hurt a lot given she never wanted sex with me. For me it went to show how being sexually compatible is so important. You have to work at it obviously. So many couples go off it when kids, works stresses, money troubles, lack of affection and complacency creep in. Got to always work at it. Because I wanted sex twice a week I was made to feel like an unreasonable pervert. Not good when one person out of a couple holds such power from being able to withhold a basic need. Since splitting have been in a few relationships and the sex has been so fulfilling. Lovely to feel wanted and attractive for the first time in decades. Interestingly I found that great sex alone cannot hold a relationship together (for me anyway). Had consistent mind blowing sex with a woman (she said she felt it too) but after 3 months (and the sex was still going very strong) we agreed we had nothing in common and went our separate ways amicably. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 I guess what's missing is that you don't want her body, you want the sharing. Two different things... Mr. Lucky yes... I don't want to own her body, but I guess she doesn't see it like that... Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 My response would be that since I committed to being faithful with my body, then she should honor that and be committed the other way which is being giving of her body. If her body is hers and she does with it what she wants, then she is implying that she can cheat if she wants. And if she says no, then she must answer why she can then withhold sex since both are written in the marriage vows. yes, sure... she knows... for this precise reason she also told me I can leave if I don't like it... ok, maybe not in a such blunt way, but the substance was this... Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 And I don't either..... Maybe because I do think I bend over backwards in most of these other areas and she thinks otherwise? Big blow-up the other day when I brought up sex in a non-threatening fashion and was told it was the last thing on her mind. This is a typical answer where the wife feels 100% justified to say it (as it is probably true). I then suggested that we take things that stress her off the plate, one being the cut back some on the part-time work she does and does love (and money not the issue) so sex can move up a few notches and the fight was on...... Don't feel sorry or look at other issues (as we can always say there are issues), as I am convinced that this is too often the norm between even loving couples. Maybe I'm misunderstanding again TDP, but are you saying that you suggested she does less of something that she loves (ie her part-time work) so that you get more of something you love (ie sex)? As she's already made it clear she doesn't want more sex, how did you see this as non-threatening? How could you expect this not to result in a 'blow-up' or a 'fight'? I'd sure as h*ll be p*ssed at my guy if he suggested I give up something I enjoyed so that I'd be more available to meet his (in my eyes) already excessive needs. Your wife already thinks that things are unevenly balanced in your favour, so what would be in it for her if she agreed to do this? You seem like a really good guy TDP. You're always battling to understand what's going on in your marriage and I find that commendable. At times though, I'm just baffled by the way your brain works. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 Maybe I'm misunderstanding again TDP, but are you saying that you suggested she does less of something that she loves (ie her part-time work) so that you get more of something you love (ie sex)? I'm not TDP but he also said that her job is stressful ("I then suggested that we take things that stress her off the plate, one being the cut back some on the part-time work she does and does love (and money not the issue)"... So, he is looking for some balance. She loves her job, but it's also stressful, and this is impacting on the quality of their relationship... or at least I read it like this... Link to post Share on other sites
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