Disillusioned Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 The relationship coach who hosts meetups (the one who told me I'm basically doing everything right, but he's never dealt with asexuals) sent me an invitation to join him and about 2 dozen group members for a hike in a local park with a speed dating party at the end of he hike. Sounds great, I thought... so I clicked the RSVP button to count me in. Then I got to the announcement page for the event and saw that about 60% of the attendees are men, and most of the women who are going are ones I've met before at the host's previous events... then I thought, the chances of me meeting a woman who's both straight and openly asexual are slim enough, but the chances of me meeting one I'm compatible with are so slim it's pitiful. So I changed my RSVP to "not going". I'd rather stay home, work on my renovation project (which is mostly done anyways), and plan for starting my own group. TBH I think much of the reason why I've been meeting so few women I'm compatible with has to do with ambition. Most of the women I've been meeting at these singles & dating events, seem satisfied to be stuck in a dead end job living from paycheck to paycheck... OTOH I'm not out looking for a job right now because I'm tired of working for someone else, I've gone back to school to take the tests required for a job where I'll be self-employed... and even that is partly to subsidize publishing the 5 books I'm working on. Also, I'm totally DIY since I inherited the house... I fixed the place up, I cook, I sew, I wash, all that stuff. So yeah, I'm a very difficult guy to satisfy... I have no use whatsoever for sex (AFAIK it won't pay my taxes), but a little love and appreciation would be nice... even if she does end up feeling like a fifth wheel. If not, hey... at least I stopped dating women I didn't like. Link to post Share on other sites
ayala Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Always good to avoid dating people you don't like. Instead of a relationship coach (I don't know what that is?), maybe you could join groups that support asexuals? Chances of meeting someone there might be a little higher. Even starting online is a good start to meeting someone as there might be someone in New Zealand or something (I don't know, it was the first place that came to mind! I didn't mean anything by it!) Just tossing an idea into the salad bowl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Disillusioned Posted May 16, 2014 Author Share Posted May 16, 2014 Yes, a meetup group for asexuals already exists here in SoCal, but its primary focus isn't romance... I eventually want to start a group that is. (It will also be open to celibates, virgins, childfree, and other stigmatized types.) One thing I've learned about dealing with other asexuals is they don't BS about love... they tell it like it is. I've already got a couple of themes figured out, too... everyone likes potlucks, and costume parties are fun too. I'm not going to do boozefests though, because 1) everyone and their dog already does those, and 2) if you end up hosting events that serve alcohol, your liability insurance will go through the roof. Link to post Share on other sites
ayala Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 Ah yeah but just because their primary focus isn't romance, doesn't mean it's impossible to find a connection with someone that attends. Sometimes love isn't planned. It just happens. Nothing wrong with starting your own group though! Maybe you guys could also go somewhere as a group just for fun. Everyone could pitch in and get tickets or whatever and just have fun. Just a suggestion. I find that when it comes to love, it's always more fun when things happen spontaneously so long as everyone's morals are still attached haha. That's just me though, so don't take my word for it. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Arclight Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 Always good to avoid dating people you don't like. Instead of a relationship coach (I don't know what that is?), maybe you could join groups that support asexuals? Chances of meeting someone there might be a little higher. Even starting online is a good start to meeting someone as there might be someone in New Zealand or something (I don't know, it was the first place that came to mind! I didn't mean anything by it!) Just tossing an idea into the salad bowl. As a New Zealander I say: No offence taken. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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