getting rid of the pain

[girl's view]

hi all,

 

i suppose there are some of you out there that have read my responses to rob's "i got a problem" (5 February).

 

i guess i have a problem too.

 

my problem is that i have never been so heartbroken over the end of a relationship as i have with this one. it ended almost 4 months ago now, and i still feel so empty. i loved him with all my heart, and i know he felt the same way about me. it was plainly obvious to everyone who knew us, just how much he felt about me. hte only problem was how much my past tore him. he split up with me because he said he couldn't handle it anymore - the images, the constant thoughts of me with someone else, the way my past was so out of character for me, not eating and sleeping properly etc.

 

then a week after we split up, he started to see someone else. this absolutely tore me in two. i told him i couldn't be friends with him, which i think was the right thing to do. the last time i spoke to him, which was a couple of weeks after we split, he said he still misses me etc, but just needs to try so hard to get over me. he said he doesn't think about this girl as much as he used to think abut me etc and that he feels empty without me. however, he didn't know if he'd ever be able to deal with my past.

 

just the thought of him with someone else and doing the things that we did together and especially intimacy, tears me apart.

 

i have learnt my lesson about opening my mouth, i tell you that much.

 

it still devestates me that he is with someone else (assuming that he still is, i don't know). i keep thinking things like "this time last year we were....", if you know what i mean? i had never even come close to feeling as strongly about someone as i did with him. he was so wonderful to me, we had so much in commmon, we were great together.

 

he was my best friend and boyfriend, adn since the day we split, i feel like a big part of me has gone missing.

 

i feel so lost and i don't know what to think. i thought i was going well, but the last few days, i have been so incredibly depressed.

 

how can i become strong again? how can i help the pain to subside?

[fishbulb]

hi all,

i suppose there are some of you out there that have read my responses to rob's "i got a problem" (5 February). i guess i have a problem too. my problem is that i have never been so heartbroken over the end of a relationship as i have with this one. it ended almost 4 months ago now, and i still feel so empty. i loved him with all my heart, and i know he felt the same way about me. it was plainly obvious to everyone who knew us, just how much he felt about me. hte only problem was how much my past tore him. he split up with me because he said he couldn't handle it anymore - the images, the constant thoughts of me with someone else, the way my past was so out of character for me, not eating and sleeping properly etc.

 

then a week after we split up, he started to see someone else. this absolutely tore me in two. i told him i couldn't be friends with him, which i think was the right thing to do. the last time i spoke to him, which was a couple of weeks after we split, he said he still misses me etc, but just needs to try so hard to get over me. he said he doesn't think about this girl as much as he used to think abut me etc and that he feels empty without me. however, he didn't know if he'd ever be able to deal with my past. just the thought of him with someone else and doing the things that we did together and especially intimacy, tears me apart. i have learnt my lesson about opening my mouth, i tell you that much. it still devestates me that he is with someone else (assuming that he still is, i don't know). i keep thinking things like "this time last year we were....", if you know what i mean? i had never even come close to feeling as strongly about someone as i did with him. he was so wonderful to me, we had so much in commmon, we were great together. he was my best friend and boyfriend, adn since the day we split, i feel like a big part of me has gone missing. i feel so lost and i don't know what to think. i thought i was going well, but the last few days, i have been so incredibly depressed. how can i become strong again? how can i help the pain to subside?

Four months is a long time, but I understand completely. I know it sucks, I'm there myself at the moment, and I wish I could tell you something that COULD take your pain away. The best thing I've found is keeping a totally honest journal, meant to be seen by no one but you, and be as brutal and hurtful and pain-inducing as you possibly can. This is good therapy, trust me on this. Plus, it gives you a reference point for your future growth. I find that the more I write, the more comes out, and I can analyze it and read it back as many times as I need to reach a deeper conclusion, even months later. It works for me, at least. Good luck.

[Ninja Extrodinare]

hi all, i suppose there are some of you out there that have read my responses to rob's "i got a problem" (5 February). i guess i have a problem too. my problem is that i have never been so heartbroken over the end of a relationship as i have with this one. it ended almost 4 months ago now, and i still feel so empty. i loved him with all my heart, and i know he felt the same way about me. it was plainly obvious to everyone who knew us, just how much he felt about me. hte only problem was how much my past tore him. he split up with me because he said he couldn't handle it anymore - the images, the constant thoughts of me with someone else, the way my past was so out of character for me, not eating and sleeping properly etc.

 

then a week after we split up, he started to see someone else. this absolutely tore me in two. i told him i couldn't be friends with him, which i think was the right thing to do. the last time i spoke to him, which was a couple of weeks after we split, he said he still misses me etc, but just needs to try so hard to get over me. he said he doesn't think about this girl as much as he used to think abut me etc and that he feels empty without me. however, he didn't know if he'd ever be able to deal with my past. just the thought of him with someone else and doing the things that we did together and especially intimacy, tears me apart. i have learnt my lesson about opening my mouth, i tell you that much. it still devestates me that he is with someone else (assuming that he still is, i don't know). i keep thinking things like "this time last year we were....", if you know what i mean? i had never even come close to feeling as strongly about someone as i did with him. he was so wonderful to me, we had so much in commmon, we were great together. he was my best friend and boyfriend, adn since the day we split, i feel like a big part of me has gone missing. i feel so lost and i don't know what to think. i thought i was going well, but the last few days, i have been so incredibly depressed. how can i become strong again? how can i help the pain to subside?

Sorry to hear about your break-up, and I totally agree with you on how much it hurts. I know how it feels to feel like a part of you just tore itself from you and walked away.

 

Just give it time, and I agree with fishbulb, keep a journal, write truthfully and the pain will begin to subside. I keep a journal only for relationships, I write everything I feel, and even write poetry (you might suprise yourself on how you were a poet and didn't know it ) If you play a musical instrument, play as often as you can, I play acoustic guitar and man, does it ever let you vent.

 

This is just my opinon, but I find when you are in a relationship, you practically meld with the other person and become one. I just try not to forget that there is only one me, and when it comes to an end, I don't feel as bad because I still know who "I" am.

 

Good luck.

 

Peace.

[Sabrina]

I know exactly how you feel. Me and my 2 and a half yr boyfriend have broken up for the 3rd time. This time around things were great with us. then out of noplace he decides he cant handle the fighting (which didnt really happen) or workin all the time and not being happy with me. I still think he is only making himself believe he never loved me. We were great to. Best friends and lovers and all that. He def. loved me. But everybody says that things change and that people grow apart. Im like you , I dont believe that if the person looks like they are where they need to be. We always got back together. He just never grew up enough to know if I was what he wanted. I feel used to. I am so Heartbroken still. If ya ever need to talk . respond to me sometime.

hi all, i suppose there are some of you out there that have read my responses to rob's "i got a problem" (5 February). i guess i have a problem too. my problem is that i have never been so heartbroken over the end of a relationship as i have with this one. it ended almost 4 months ago now, and i still feel so empty. i loved him with all my heart, and i know he felt the same way about me. it was plainly obvious to everyone who knew us, just how much he felt about me. hte only problem was how much my past tore him. he split up with me because he said he couldn't handle it anymore - the images, the constant thoughts of me with someone else, the way my past was so out of character for me, not eating and sleeping properly etc.

 

then a week after we split up, he started to see someone else. this absolutely tore me in two. i told him i couldn't be friends with him, which i think was the right thing to do. the last time i spoke to him, which was a couple of weeks after we split, he said he still misses me etc, but just needs to try so hard to get over me. he said he doesn't think about this girl as much as he used to think abut me etc and that he feels empty without me. however, he didn't know if he'd ever be able to deal with my past. just the thought of him with someone else and doing the things that we did together and especially intimacy, tears me apart. i have learnt my lesson about opening my mouth, i tell you that much. it still devestates me that he is with someone else (assuming that he still is, i don't know). i keep thinking things like "this time last year we were....", if you know what i mean? i had never even come close to feeling as strongly about someone as i did with him. he was so wonderful to me, we had so much in commmon, we were great together. he was my best friend and boyfriend, adn since the day we split, i feel like a big part of me has gone missing. i feel so lost and i don't know what to think. i thought i was going well, but the last few days, i have been so incredibly depressed. how can i become strong again? how can i help the pain to subside?

[fishbulb]

Sorry to hear about your break-up, and I totally agree with you on how much it hurts. I know how it feels to feel like a part of you just tore itself from you and walked away. Just give it time, and I agree with fishbulb, keep a journal, write truthfully and the pain will begin to subside. I keep a journal only for relationships, I write everything I feel, and even write poetry (you might suprise yourself on how you were a poet and didn't know it ) If you play a musical instrument, play as often as you can, I play acoustic guitar and man, does it ever let you vent. This is just my opinon, but I find when you are in a relationship, you practically meld with the other person and become one. I just try not to forget that there is only one me, and when it comes to an end, I don't feel as bad because I still know who "I" am. Good luck. Peace.

I agree completely. Were it not for the pain, I would probably never have picked up a paint brush, but the minute I did, I knew I had a tool to fight back at the pain with. Little did I know it would blossom into a full-time career! I guess my whole point is that if you discover something new and powerful about yourself because of the pain you are now feeling, then you've conquered it - you've made pain your bitch. You can channel it, at will, toward something that makes you grow as a person, and guaranteed, you will.

[girl's view]

hi sabrina,

 

if you want to email me, my address is <e-mail address removed>.

 

I know exactly how you feel. Me and my 2 and a half yr boyfriend have broken up for the 3rd time. This time around things were great with us. then out of noplace he decides he cant handle the fighting (which didnt really happen) or workin all the time and not being happy with me. I still think he is only making himself believe he never loved me. We were great to. Best friends and lovers and all that. He def. loved me. But everybody says that things change and that people grow apart. Im like you , I dont believe that if the person looks like they are where they need to be. We always got back together. He just never grew up enough to know if I was what he wanted. I feel used to. I am so Heartbroken still. If ya ever need to talk . respond to me sometime.