"Gaming" vs just chatting to girls in bars

[LordVader]

Just started trying to meet girls last summer, and I'm 33, so of course I have lots of mental problems to work on and things to learn. Usually when I'll talk to girls in bars, I'm on boring interview mode, and I'm usually way to introverted to be fun or create any attraction, and it doesn't last 5 minutes.

 

Something I know well is crushes. I will talk about that with some girls next time, hoping that will be more interesting to them. So I will try it for sure. Do 18-30 yo's find that interesting I wonder ?

 

So thats not really gaming, and it will turn some girls right off anyways if I tell them I get a lot of crushes but no GFs. Now I'm not going to get into my problems with them, most girls are there to have fun. If she's pretty I'll be smiling ear to ear looking into her eyes, so I'm not going to be depressing or anything.

 

So yeah does it make sense to tell girls things in bars, that reveal my utter clueless-ness with girls ?????? In the hopes they will just be friendly and talk longer so I can get more used to it ? I could say "I have this friend...." but what girl won't see through that...I suppose for my own fun I should try that too (thats the self-amusement spirit)

 

I go alone too, and I barely approach, so its not like I'm popular, so most girls realize anyways when I talk to them that I'm no threat.

[Potz4prez]

Sounds like you need to work on improving yourself and your confidence. Women should want to talk to you, and feel lucky that they're talking to such an interesting guy. Go out and get some hobbies and interests so that you have something to talk about. Make yourself the best person you can be... THEN start worrying about women.

 

When you do, forget the bars. Bars put too much pressure on everyone. Start conversations with women you meet day-to-day... it could be the clerk at the grocery store or whoever. Start talking to them with no expectations and no goals in mind. Just enjoy having a conversation with a fellow human being, who just so happens to be the opposite gender. It doesn't matter how long the conversation lasts, or what it's about. Just get used to talking to women and keep the conversation light. Eventually it'll be no big deal.

[LordVader]

Yup I am doing self-imp. but its a slow process and so I'm talking to girls at the same time. Wasted most my adult life as a loner, no friends, no GFs....so I have to star from the bottom up.

 

Oh I have hobbies and interests, but most girls don't want to talk about them (science guy). And I have no social network. No science clubs around here.

[Potz4prez]

Yup I am doing self-imp. but its a slow process and so I'm talking to girls at the same time. Wasted most my adult life as a loner, no friends, no GFs....so I have to star from the bottom up.

 

Oh I have hobbies and interests, but most girls don't want to talk about them (science guy). And I have no social network. No science clubs around here.

 

I totally understand. I was in a similar situation not too long ago (I actually still haven't had a serious relationship at 24). So, let's break this down into chunks.

 

How are you on friends right now? You're going to need a close friend you can talk to about these things and get advice. Also, before you start worrying about dating, just worry about making more friends that share similar interests with you.

 

Hobbies: I'm a chemist... that doesn't mean all my hobbies have to be chemistry related. Don't limit yourself! Is there anything you've always wanted to try, but haven't?

 

Things you didn't bring up, but I will:

 

Exercise: Do you go to the gym regularly?

 

Drinking: How often and why do you drink? Stop drinking alone if you do.

 

Mental health: How are you feeling? Are you seeking any professional help? Even after I got over my depression myself, there was still something holding me back in life. For me, it was my ADHD. After years of hell, I finally took the initiative this year to get medicated, and my life has improved 10-fold since then... hence why I just started dating.

[TigerLilly78]

Yup I am doing self-imp. but its a slow process and so I'm talking to girls at the same time. Wasted most my adult life as a loner, no friends, no GFs....so I have to star from the bottom up.

 

Oh I have hobbies and interests, but most girls don't want to talk about them (science guy). And I have no social network. No science clubs around here.

Sounds like your a bit geeky nothing wrong with that intelligent is attractive for the right women my advice don't try so hard lets things happen as they will..

[LordVader]

How are you on friends right now? You're going to need a close friend you can talk to about these things and get advice. Also, before you start worrying about dating, just worry about making more friends that share similar interests with you.

 

Hobbies: I'm a chemist... that doesn't mean all my hobbies have to be chemistry related. Don't limit yourself! Is there anything you've always wanted to try, but haven't?

 

Things you didn't bring up, but I will:

 

Exercise: Do you go to the gym regularly?

 

Drinking: How often and why do you drink? Stop drinking alone if you do.

 

Mental health: How are you feeling? Are you seeking any professional help? Even after I got over my depression myself, there was still something holding me back in life. For me, it was my ADHD. After years of hell, I finally took the initiative this year to get medicated, and my life has improved 10-fold since then... hence why I just started dating.

Next to none, I know that doesn't help things much as far as most girls like socially cool guys....but I am just talking to random girls, and just say my friends don't come. But yeah overall I want/need friends again too.

 

I'm a shred guitarist, play video games, like lots of different subjects....I'm capable of talking about most things.

 

I workout, hopefully by the end of summer I'll be around 10-2% bodyfat

 

I don't drink much, and most of the winter I only drank water in bars........but yeah I'm a lot more extroverted and fun when drinking.

 

I'm not on pills or anything for a bit of depression, SA. But for most my problems I'm figuring once conditions improve with girls and friends, then I should be a lot closer to the average person with a life anyways. The more good experiences I have, the more I'll forget all lthe bad ones years and years ago. So thats my reprogramming plan.