Divorced 6 months, but just learned ex had GF for the last year of our marriage

[RedZin]

I had a shoot-out via text with ex-H. We had been very civil to each other up until this point, perhaps too civil. We spent 40 minutes in mediation for the divorce - a record I'm told. There just wasn't much to discuss. We have had a commuter marriage for the last ten years, so everything was pretty much split up. I got the house; he got the condo. I didn't want any of his stuff; he didn't want any of mine. There were no minor children- a very clean split.

 

 

I think we said, what we should have said when we were splitting up, via text last night. It was a little weird. I had just wanted everything to go smoothly for all concerned, but I was fooling myself. Ex-H was complaining about financial matters. Recently, he had a windfall from a lawsuit and the sale of his condo, so how could he be having financial problems? The kids made me privy to some of his extravagant spending as of late, so I had no sympathy. He had always lived beyond his means, but he really went over the top after the divorce.

 

 

So I hit him with it, and he hit me back. Real venomous stuff, but oddly enough I found resolution in it. I woke up today and felt energized. I got a lot done. That paralysis I was feeling seems to have lifted. I guess I just needed to get it out. He's been acting like a jacka$$, spending money like crazy to impress some chick (he bought her a BMW), while bragging to his kids about it. He expected them to be just as exuberant about it as he is -not happening. He lost their respect.

 

 

Mr. Lucky - I get that you feel grown kids are owed nothing, but that's not the way it goes in my family. It's not the way I was raised, and it's not the way I raised my kids. Family watches out for you. If you are in trouble, they help. I think Frost said it best - "Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in." The way my ex has been acting in front of the kids has been tactless and insensitive.

[Mr. Lucky]

Mr. Lucky - I get that you feel grown kids are owed nothing, but that's not the way it goes in my family. It's not the way I was raised, and it's not the way I raised my kids. Family watches out for you. If you are in trouble, they help. I think Frost said it best - "Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in." The way my ex has been acting in front of the kids has been tactless and insensitive.

Certainly your right to feel that way .

 

What they receive from me financially will be based on my choice and not their expectation. Every other form of support - emotional, spiritual, etc. - is limitless and ongoing.

 

And financial matters aside, in rubbing his new relationship in your kid's faces, your ex is acting like an azzhat...

 

Mr. Lucky

[ashleyjohn]

With all due respect, you should focus on moving on now

[RedZin]

Well Ashley, I haven't been divorced all that long. However, I've been dating, if that's what you mean about moving on. Right now I am seeing a widower with one grown son. He's a good guy, a stand-up guy, and the relationship definitely has long term potential. It's early yet. Time will tell.

 

I have not mentioned him to my family and I do not talk on the phone, with him, if my children are near. I will not bring him, or any date, into the house as long as my son is living with me. No kid, no matter what age, likes to see a parent replaced by someone else, unless they are a widow/widower, then it seems the kids are pulling for their parent to find someone that will make them happy. At least, this has been my experience thus far.

 

 

I realize people are different and may have different feelings about this. This is just one woman's opinion.

[darkmoon]

wait until they have their first row...

no relationship lasts a lifetime

[RedZin]

To ashleyjohn,

 

 

With all due respect, you should focus on moving on now

I noticed that you are with a law firm that specializes in, among other things, family law - divorce, etc. Why exactly are you here? Do you have anything constructive to add to this conversation? With all due respect, I think it is you that should be moving on.

[RedZin]

Know what Darkmoon, I hope they stay together. I've actually had a change in perspective since starting this thread. I was angry at first because he wasn't very nice to me the last year of our M, but I now realize why he was so agreeable to the terms of the divorce. If she hadn't been in the picture, things wouldn't have gone as well for me as they did. If she stays in the picture, he will have to keep working.

[ashleyjohn]

RedZin, I think what you are doing, is surely gonna help you.

P.S. Be sure about the guy before getting into any long term relation.