I can't believe he threw a phone at me!

[phonelady]

Yesterday, I called up my cousin long distance. He was telling me about his brother's divorce. He said that she cheated on him, and she gets $200 a month until she gets a job. I said, "So she gets alimony, even though it's her fault, because she doesn't have a job?" He said, "Yes!" I said, "So if I ever get divorced, quit my job first." and we both laughed. My husband got pissed at me for saying that! I told him that I didn't mean it, and that I loved him. He said, "That's not funny, you idiot!" and went upstairs.

 

I talked to my cousin for 15 more minutes, then went upstairs to talk to my husband. I told him again that I was sorry. He told me to get away from him. I said, "I didn't mean to upset you." He said, "You'd better get away from me!" So I turned to go back downstairs. He said, "Go roll your eyes downstairs!" I said, "I didn't roll my eyes." I honestly didn't roll my eyes at him. He said again, "I SAW YOU ROLL YOUR EYES!" I said, "I did not roll my eyes, don't ACCUSE me of something I DIDN'T DO!" and went downstairs. As soon as I sat on the couch downstairs, I heard him come bounding down the steps. I thought he wanted to say something else, but he came to the doorway, and reared back with a cordless phone. I curled into a ball, and he THREW IT AT ME!!!! It hit my butt, and my toe. I guess the way I was curled up, my foot was close to my butt. He hit me so hard that the battery pack cover fell off, and the battery pack fell out! I have a 2 inch bruise on my behind, and my toe is KILLING ME!

 

I didn't speak to him after that. I just can't believe he did that! I don't want to talk to him. We've been married over a year and a half, and I'm thinking about divorcing him over this >

 

He's thrown things before. He's broken all kinds of things (remote controls mostly) I used to let it bother me, but I just got over it. I figured if he wanted to act like a big baby, that's fine, he's going to be forking over the money to replace whatever he breaks, and as long as he's not hurting anyone (namely me) then I'll let him vent however he needs to.

 

But he can't throw things at ME!!!!

[sunlight]

Some people take things seriously. Had that been me as you hb, I would have ripped the phone that you were talking on and chucked that one. When your talking to someone about something serious, and say something like that. Well ya, expect your husband to get upset. You get married to stay married not throw the word divorce around, everytime you do that its like your hitting him. Think of it that way. Hitting is wrong, but words hurt to.. Damn don't be foolish and think before you say things. Stop trying to get a reaction from your husband cause you know you will get one. Thats why you said it while he was listening to begin with.. Thought it was funny to hurt his feelings. Not nice on both parts.

[roz]

Sunlight don't be so dramatic....people say things like that all the time. Her husband must really have insecurity issues (or anger issues) if he's going to get that upset about something so trivial. It was obviously a joke, even if it was said to get a rise out of him, it was still obviously a joke.

 

phonelady, your hubby totally over reacted. I went to a counsellor because of my hubby's temper when I first got married and she said that you don't 'make' people angry, their anger is a reaction to what you said. You can control your reactions. Different people have different reactions to different things.

 

It sounds like there is some underlying problem here, which could be insecurity that you will leave him maybe? Or it could be something that has nothing to do with you but that your comment was the 'tip of the iceberg' so to speak.

[CoolAunt]

Eavesdropping, no sense of humor, name calling, pouting, unable to accept an apology, accusations, destroying "toys," and throwing toys at others. Are you married to a five year old?

 

Seriously, domestic violence and abuse usually escalates. Now that he's been violent towards you for the first time, he's likely to do it again. Please be careful and don't stay if you feel you are in danger.

[Pocky]

If you can't laugh at life you're taking it way to seriously. I don't think there was anything wrong with the joke she made on the phone.

[Podna]

If I had been her hb I would have been pissed too. I would not have thrown the phone at HER. Hurting a woman is wrong no matter what the verbal provocation (keep that in mind). If it had been me, I probably would have snatched the phone out of your ear and thrown it into the toilet. If you are going to talk $hit on the phone I am going to flush it down where it belongs.

[Jlmic1]

I can't believe that people are saying " If I was her H, I would have been pissed too"

 

OMG it was a joke!!!!! I would have laughed along and never thought about it again.

 

To violently throw and object at your wife because she made a joke is disturbing to put it mildly. I mean, she even tried to apologize even though a little joke like that shouldnt even warrant an apology.

 

My H even said that he saw it as a joke.

 

I don't know if this guy is going to get worse or what... but I'd definetley talk to him and take what he did as a big RED FLAG.

[moimeme]

I would run far and fast from anybody who fails to comprehend jokes and who would do something as asinine as throwing a phone anywhere. I suggest that any poster who thinks this man's actions was justified go seek help now. It is NEVER all right to throw something at someone and it is unfair and stupid to get mad at someone without finding out if there was even anything to be mad at.

 

Actually, the inability to understand jokes is a sign of several mental disorders. Phonelady, this is the beginning of abuse. Worst of all was that you had already left the room and he followed you to throw something at you. It's not as though he did it immediately, but had time to cool of yet still did not cool off.

 

He's not a 'baby'. He's a man with self-control problems and you don't need one of them in your life. If he's not willing to get help, you'll do well to get out because it's only a matter of time until he starts hitting.

[sunlight]

I said they were both in the wrong. She said he has thrown fits before, well then she knows darn well what sets him off, buttons to push, and she also probably knew about that before getting married.

[Podna]

I would like to draw attention to this line.

 

Originally posted by Podna

...Hurting a woman is wrong no matter what the verbal provocation (keep that in mind)...

 

So please, keep your diagnonsense of mental disorders to yourself. Divorce is a serious matter. I would be upset if I thought my wife was cracking divorce jokes with her family over the phone. Having said that, I would still get her side of the story before I did anything rash.

 

Allow me to reiterate. Throwing things at people for the purpose of hurting them is bad!

[moimeme]

She said he has thrown fits before, well then she knows darn well what sets him off, buttons to push, and she also probably knew about that before getting married.

 

He never threw anything before. Nobody should live with a time bomb who has 'buttons' that cause them to explode irrationally. Sorry, I'm not buying it. There is no excuse.

 

I would still get her side of the story before I did anything rash.

 

And hopefully not do anything rash. A joke is just that - a JOKE. It's funny because it's ridiculous. If you get flipped out by it, it would say to me that you're feeling fearful and insecure about the relationship.

[Podna]

Originally posted by moimeme

 

....If you get flipped out by it, it would say to me that you're feeling fearful and insecure about the relationship.

 

Welcome to the other half of the population moimeme. Glad to meet ya.

[JoL]

Your husband sounds like he has control and temper issues..oh yea, and he is abusive.

He doesnt have to raise a hand and slap you to physically abuse you- he threw an object at you that he knew would cause a certain degree of pain. He wanted to inflict pain on you- perhaps not enough to really hurt you seriously- but enough so you could feel it.

If he has thrown fits before and broken things, I would suggest he get some sort of anger management counselling. It is NOT normal to throw fits and break things- a classic sign of abusive behaviour.

To be abusive a person just needs to call you names or try and control you or throw temper tantrums- they dont even NEED to hit you to fall into this catagory.

 

I would seriously consider getting therapy- for him- and for you as well, seperately..being in a relationship like this makes a person numb towards their abuser and the abusers behaviour.

[CoolAunt]

Originally posted by JoL

Your husband sounds like he has control and temper issues..oh yea, and he is abusive.

He doesnt have to raise a hand and slap you to physically abuse you- he threw an object at you that he knew would cause a certain degree of pain. He wanted to inflict pain on you- perhaps not enough to really hurt you seriously- but enough so you could feel it.

If he has thrown fits before and broken things, I would suggest he get some sort of anger management counselling. It is NOT normal to throw fits and break things- a classic sign of abusive behaviour.

To be abusive a person just needs to call you names or try and control you or throw temper tantrums- they dont even NEED to hit you to fall into this catagory.

 

I would seriously consider getting therapy- for him- and for you as well, seperately..being in a relationship like this makes a person numb towards their abuser and the abusers behaviour.

JoL is right. Even if he throws things in your direction, never hitting you with them or even intending to hit you with them, but close enough to startle you or scare you, that's an abusive behavior as well.

 

Frankly, even if he did get pissed off, as some of these folks here say they would have, it doesn't make it okay for him to scare you with threats of violence, spoken or unspoken, or become violent with you.

[phonelady]

Before I came into work yesterday, he brought me a biscuit from McDonalds, and a cappucino from the Texaco down the road. He never does this. I assume that he was either sucking up, or he went to get himself something, and got me something as well.

 

Yesterday evening, when I arrived home from work, there was a lady outside our home looking for her son. I talked to her a moment, then went inside. My husband asked me what that lady wanted, and I told him her story. Then, I told him that I wasn't speaking to him again until he gave me an apology that I could accept.

 

We have a kitten, and it scratches up our leather chair. We recently bought a new car, the same brand as our other one, but it has leather seats. I drive the new one, he drives the old one. I told my husband to take "My car" to work today, because I had to take the kitten to the vet, and we don't want him clawing up the leather seats in our new car. He said, "It's OUR car." I said, "I know..." He said, "Why do you always differentiate between 'yours' and 'mine'? Everything is Ours." I said, "I just referred to it as 'mine' so you'd know which car I was talking about." He said, "One is red, and one is blue." I said, "Ok, take the blue car tomorrow."

 

He was upset about that

 

So a minute later, he came downstairs, and said, "Do you want something to eat?" I thought for a moment, and said, "Sure, where are you going?" He said, "Then go get it yourself."

 

I was like what? I usually call before I drive home from work to see if he wants me to pick something up for dinner. I didn't, because I'm still angry at him. So he went to get HIMSELF something without getting me something out of spite. It's obvious it is out of spite, because why would he say, "Do you want something to eat?" and then tell me to get myself food.

 

Normally, he'd say something smart elec like that and then get me food any way

 

So as soon as he pulled out, I got in my car and went right behind him through the drive through and back home. As I was exiting my car, I made a grunt noise, and he said, "Do you have a problem?" I said, "Yes, my butt is bruised." He said, "How did it get bruised?" I said, "My husband threw a phone at me." He didn't say anything.

 

I went to hang up my coat, and he took my burger upstairs with him. I guess so I'd have to ask him where it is

 

I went upstairs and told him to give me my burger. He made a shocked face and said that he didn't have it. I said, "Fine, don't talk to me until you are ready to apologize."

 

I went back downstairs. He yelled from the top of the stairs, "Here!" I didn't respond. He called me again, then came downstairs with my burger. I ignored him, so he stood right in front of me, and said, "I'm sorry." I didn't say anything. He said, "I'm sorry I threw the phone at you." I said, "YOu don't seem very sorry." He said, "You know me! You know how stubborn that I am...I wouldn't say it if I wasn't really sorry."

 

I told him that I'd think about it.

 

He then told me he'd rented a movie, and I went upstairs and watched it with him.

 

After the movie was over, I started telling him how upset and angry I was. I said, "I'll forgive you right now, if you will throw that phone at your foot as hard as you can, so at least we'll be even." He refused to.

 

I told him that I didn't feel like he was sorry. He said he didn't understand. I told him that he throws things and breaks them all the time, and since it doesn't bother me that he breaks things, he took it up a notch, and started throwing them at me! He joked that I was always telling him that he shouldn't break things. I told him he wasn't funny, and that as long as he didn't hurt me, he could break whatever he wanted, but to know that I'd replace it. He said, "Well the phone didn't break."

 

He told me that I instigated his anger. I said, "So does that mean that I deserve it???" He said, "No, of course not!" I said, "I should be able to stand in your face and scream at you to hit me, and you should have the discipline to turn and walk away!" He didn't say anything. I said, "If you're really sorry, I want some assurance that this won't happen again, and if it does, I want you to get help."

 

He started to get angry, and said, "If you don't like it, you can leave!" (he always says that during and argument, but then after the argument, he'll say that he didn't mean it, and apologize) I said, "That shouldn't even be an OPTION for you!" He immediately apologized. Then, I said, "You should be willing to try! And if you fail, you should try harder! And if you continue to fail, you should say, "I'm going to get help, because I love you, and you're worth it to me." He started to get upset, so he asked to end the conversation. So I turned out the light, and left him alone.

[Selkie]

[color=indigo]PLEASE LEAVE HIM[/color]

[CurlyIam]

Take further steps.

 

HE's making excuses fro himself, he even thinks it's ok to throw things at you because he was angry. Girl, you're putting it wrong.

 

He hit you because he wouldn't know how to take a JOKE. A joke. Remember that.

 

You're married for... how long? YEar and a half?

 

HE'd better be running to see a counselor as we speak. What happenes when you have 2 kids, 2 full time jobs, a cat, and credits to pay? When you'll have pressure, be stresed etc? How will he stand by you and help you then?

 

 

He is a spoiled brat, but, you, girl, are NOT his mom to take it. Don't make any excuses for him, he f*cking hit you.

 

 

 

That's my reality check. I know it's hard, phonelady, no relationship is ever easy. But you needn't be afraid of what you say to your husband or in the presence of your husband. That is not sane. So make him get help A.S.A.P. for his sake and for your marriage's sake.

[Saucy]

Originally posted by phonelady

He started to get angry, and said, "If you don't like it, you can leave!" (he always says that during and argument, but then after the argument, he'll say that he didn't mean it, and apologize) I said, "That shouldn't even be an OPTION for you!" He immediately apologized.

 

In my opinion this is alot worse than what phonelady said on the phone!! AND he apparently "always" says it!

[JoL]

I agree with saucy- it's a method of control. my ex would do it to me all the time. If i actually acted on it he would start to scream about how i dont care and how easy it is to walk away from him and how could i?? When HE was the one suggesting it to begin with! It's the warped world of an abuser im afraid. they dont see logic. EVER

[Selkie]

Yes LOGIC is the keyword here.

And the more you try to explain things calmly and logically to an abuser the more incensed they grow.

[Jerseygirl]

I have a husband that just threw something at me too, that's when I came on here and found your story.

He always throws or punches things in fits of anger. Last night he slapped my 7 year old son for no reason at all. I have been married for 9 years and 6 months, and told him if he ever threw anything at me again I was walking out the door. He said I wasn't going anywhere and laughed at me. I told him to try it and see. He went to throw something else and then put it down, and I walked away. All this because my washing machine broke, and I let him know it was broken. He laughed at me about that too. I won't accept it. He can kiss my @$$ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Some men are large children, and I refuse to be his mother. I have 2 small children that I am a mother to, I refuse to babysit a 38 year old man too. Next time he does anything like that, he gets counseling, or I am outta here.

[Craig]

Originally posted by Jerseygirl

I have a husband that just threw something at me too, that's when I came on here and found your story.

He always throws or punches things in fits of anger. Last night he slapped my 7 year old son for no reason at all. I have been married for 9 years and 6 months, and told him if he ever threw anything at me again I was walking out the door. He said I wasn't going anywhere and laughed at me. I told him to try it and see. He went to throw something else and then put it down, and I walked away. All this because my washing machine broke, and I let him know it was broken. He laughed at me about that too. I won't accept it. He can kiss my @$$ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Some men are large children, and I refuse to be his mother. I have 2 small children that I am a mother to, I refuse to babysit a 38 year old man too. Next time he does anything like that, he gets counseling, or I am outta here.

Jerseygirl, don't wait for next time, you know there will be a next time, force his @$$ to counselling right now and tell him that the next time he hits ANYONE you are calling the police out to the house on a domestic violence complaint and then call the police when it happens.

 

For yourself and your 7 year old son (who is being taught to be an abuser by his father) you need to learn more about domestic violence and abuse. Google "domestic violence" and start reading. Best of luck to you Jersey.

[jmargel]

phonelady you two sound more like brother & sister then husband & wife. His actions all stem from immaturity. You two have communication problems as well. You two don't know how to 'argue' constructivly. I would suggest a marriage counselor. Also check out my link in my signature have him read it as well.

[RecordProducer]

He is aggressive and violent. It's a matter of time when he will start beating you and I will tell you the exact date: when you get pregnant. These type of men will hide their violent nature until the wife is deeply stuck with them with 2-3 children and no job so they can't run away. If I were you...well...YKW.

He hurt you physically over nothing.

Let's analyze the reason why he hurt you. You mentioned the word "divorce." If you even think of divorce, even bring it as a joke you get hurt. Suppose you really want to get divorced. I have a feeling that he would beat the hell out of you. If you want to announce that to him some day, please make sure you're protected and you tell your parents and sisters (if any) to not open the door to him.

He is unpredictable and dangerous.

Do you want to be on of those women who have to murder their husbands in order to get rid of them? Or do you want to end up 6 feet under when you oppose him? (Obviously you're all defensive and can't oppose him no matter what).

How much does it take from throwing a phone to throwing a statue or a big vase that can hit your head and kill you? How long does it take for a violent person to start hitting you with objects that will kill you?

Do you want to live with a man you fear of? If you think I am exaggerating, talk to a therapist about his behavior and ask them to give you an analysis of his profile.

He is the type of men who sits in jail.

[moimeme]

People, if you're going to answer, answer the current questioner.