An old friend...

[Mondmellonw]

I dunno where to post this; so I am going to do it on this section.

If it needs to be moved to another one, then please do it.

 

So, this is the thing.

 

 

I have been out from a relationship (not a good one) for 6 months, it lasted 7 months. I am definitely not interested onto having anything for a while, just because I want to be more independent and need to focus on my stuff (college, piano, etc).

 

 

But, there is one person.

I am not really that sure of what to do about him.

We were friends before, but then he got a girlfriend, and I got a boyfriend too (it was funny cause it happened almost at the same time, but we NEVER discussed anything romantic/relationship related)... and I (not him) backed off.

This happened about two years ago.

 

We used to get along pretty well and he is someone I really admire.

I do not want to "pursue" him or anything romantic. I don't even know if he is single nowadays, or is still with his gf. But I am interested into becoming his friend again. It has been always my "fault"/responsibility to chose to stay away from my male friends when I got into a relationship.

The thing is: He knows my ex. They're not close friends, but they do know each other. And turns out that his gf (or ex, I dunno) was a person who always molested me during highschool. And since I was the one who stopped all contact I guess it can be seen as if was "too interested" on him. Wich, I gotta admit, was kind of true.

 

I dunno. It's a complex situation. There was a guy at the time who always tried to make me hate him (my old friend) and he kind of got what he wanted. However, now I don't think I would have any problems with being honest about it. I really find him as a good person to be in contact with, but I dunno.

 

Should I forget about this completely? I see him everyday, but I have never been the kind of girl to start anything with guys, so I dunno. I don't want to seem weird and the situations seems just terrible.... Hah.

 

 

Any advice/point of view will be really appreciated.

[preraph]

First, I would say it's too soon. You need to wait awhile more until every situation doesn't seem this complex. With time will come more perspective. You will probably become less emotional and everything won't seem loaded with emotional pitfalls.

 

Right now, concentrate on your friends who stuck with you through your relationship and tell them you want to go do things and visit with them. Take up new interests. Find something to immerse yourself in that you've always wanted to do, whether it's taking swimming lessons or learning to make jewelry or working at the shelter.

 

Once you begin feeling grounded again and less emotional, more casual, then take a look at this estranged friend with new eyes. Clearly there is something else there besides friendship or you wouldn't be overanalyzing giving an old friend a call. But I do get that he has connections to your ex -- and if it were me, that might be my deciding factor, just to keep talk to a minimum. Wait until you feel casual and comfortable before doing anything with anybody, that's my advice. Hope that comes soon for you.

[Mondmellonw]

First, I would say it's too soon. You need to wait awhile more until every situation doesn't seem this complex. With time will come more perspective. You will probably become less emotional and everything won't seem loaded with emotional pitfalls.

 

Right now, concentrate on your friends who stuck with you through your relationship and tell them you want to go do things and visit with them. Take up new interests. Find something to immerse yourself in that you've always wanted to do, whether it's taking swimming lessons or learning to make jewelry or working at the shelter.

 

Once you begin feeling grounded again and less emotional, more casual, then take a look at this estranged friend with new eyes. Clearly there is something else there besides friendship or you wouldn't be overanalyzing giving an old friend a call. But I do get that he has connections to your ex -- and if it were me, that might be my deciding factor, just to keep talk to a minimum. Wait until you feel casual and comfortable before doing anything with anybody, that's my advice. Hope that comes soon for you.

 

 

Thanks for the insight, preraph.

I think you're right: I am over analyzing things and I don't feel prepared for anything right now, just to work on myself. Thanks again.