Have you ever wanted to change your personality?

[purplesoccer34]

Almost everybody I know sees me as someone who is extremely nice and sweet. When I meet someone for the first time, they say "Aw, you are just so nice and an extremely sweet person!" My coworkers say the same thing--they tell me that everyone likes me, because I'm just so sweet. They tell me that there's no way anyone could dislike me because of my kind and gentle nature.

 

However, that bothers me and I'm not sure why. Along with nice/sweet/gentle, I'm also told that I am quiet and shy. One of my coworkers told me the other day that I'm "timid and shy." The word "timid" really got to me. I think she was hinting that I need to be more aggressive.

 

On the surface it may seem nice that everyone likes me, but I strongly believe that if everyone likes me, I'm not really being myself. Realistically speaking, it's impossible for everyone to like you. It may also seem like being called nice/sweet/gentle/kind is a good thing, but I'm starting to hate it. I want to be seen as bold and outgoing.

 

One day, I tried to be more like my outgoing and talkative friends, but I failed miserably. Is it possible to go through a personality change?

 

The funny thing is, when I meet a truly sweet and gentle person, I end up loving their personality lol, so I'm not sure why I want to change mine. Maybe the word "timid" really got to me. All of a sudden, I want to be seen as a loud and crazy chatterbox. I wish I had a bubbly and vibrant personality. I'm very quiet by nature though, so what can I do to change?

[johnpatric]

Well I haven't tried to change my personality..

 

 

And yeah one more things "Be Yourself, Because You Were Not To Impress Someone"...

[potsticker]

have you ever met the part of you that isn't all nicey and politey? When I'm in polite company, I could be one of the most well-mannered, polite, and docile guy you've ever seen. But my wild side comes out when I'm not in polite company. I think it's a matter of comfort and I'm sure there is a bold side to you. Just gotta put yourself in different situations and discover all sorts of aspects of yourself. You might be surprised

[Valen]

Oh yes, I have always wanted to change my personality. I think I'm rather dull. I may have the looks to attract females but my personality is a relationship killer.

 

I know it will take time to change personalities. It does change but at a snail pace. For example, I am nothing like myself when I was a teenager. I have change a lot since then. I remember when I once bump into someone from high school and she was like "OMG, you are so different." So people's personality do change. But what affects the change the most is experience. If you want to be more outgoing and bolder. You will have to get out of your comfort zone and do these daring things constantly. Then slowly but surely you're personality will adapt.

 

I'm doing that too. I try to do things I am afraid to do socially. For example, I used to avoid confrontation at work. Like when someone does something wrong, I would not say anything. But now, I will tell them so they can fix it. I always associate being timid and quiet a boyish nature. And I have been that way for far too long. I told myself that it's time I become a man. I try to form this vision of the man I want to become one day. And I will carry myself in that manner consciously until it becomes who I am naturally.

[Grumpybutfun]

I don't know that I ever wanted to change my personality but there are aspects of myself that I have and am working on changing. (I am still a very fallible work in progress at forty three as my kids remind me daily. )

 

In the past I have changed being so controlling, so responsible for everyone else, overachieving, and being rigid in my outlook. I am working on being present, accepting the things I can't change and losing my need to be right...I'd rather be happy.

 

I think of all the things you mentioned, I work hard to be those things...nice and pleasant...I work very hard especially with obtuse or mean people. I really think being kind is an achievement and as long as you have boundaries and don't let others treat you like a doormat, it is a very good trait to have. My wife is extremely happy and people love her, always gravitating towards her and my youngest daughter. They are like joy walking around. I think there are way worse things you could be.

 

Perhaps examine why you have such negative connotations of something so positive and see what stories you tell yourself about nice people.

 

Good luck,

Grumps

[ThatMan]

You can spend forever trying to mold yourself into a different person. At some point we come to learn that the changes we can make to be seen in a certain light are endless. From one person to the next, they'll all regard us in their own way, and it will always be impossible to make everyone have the opinion of us that we want. How people are going to react to you is individually unique, subjective, and you just cannot plan for that. This is why people typically put in the effort to go about things differently for no reason other than it's in their own personal interest regardless of others. Because what other people have to think shouldn't be important as meeting your own needs.

 

Assertiveness and cordialness?

I don't think working towards that is going to be so difficult. There's everything from workbooks in a library, speech pathology because personality is so ingrained in how we express ourselves vocally, therapy, and simply being in social settings. I've known people who worked in sales while moonlighting for no reason other than to practice being sociable and outgoing. Just be careful the next time you feel 'annoyed' by the opinions of other people to motivate change. Normally people work on this stuff just because their lives feel slightly incomplete without these learned skills.

[newmoon]

I don't think you need a different personality, but some self-confidence, to know that whatever you are bringing to the party is a-ok. we are all a mixture of different 'personalities' and even the most introverted person can be the life of the party if they need to, we all have the ability to be what we want. and why do you need to prove to co-workers - or anyone - that you are 'bold?' as long as you know it, it's fine. your post reminds me of that book (now movie) "the secret life of walter mitty." he lived his whole life hoping and pretending to be something he wasn't; he wasn't self-accepting, and he saw himself one way while everyone else saw him differently.

[xxmusical]

Hi there, I'm quite similar to you too People often described me as "nice and shy" and these are people I first met or people I'm not that close to. I kind of got annoyed at one point, especially back in high school where people would often sign my yearbook and say, "nice meeting you, you're so cute and shy!" I found that boring as heck lol. To me, "nice and shy" were such dull descriptions... as if people say it to describe me because they could think of nothing else. I wished I was more outgoing and talkative, but I eventually realized that people who truly know me would know that I'm not "shy" or "quiet" after all. It just takes me a long while to really warm up to someone, that's all. And somehow once I accepted this fact about myself, I slowly changed. I was more outspoken and stood my ground in certain areas.

 

Some people might link "timidness" to being afraid of things or afraid of standing up for oneself. To me, I think being timid just means I'm being caution of things before taking any action. It's not necessarily a bad thing because that's just me being me

 

It's going to be hard to satisfy everyone. Just be happy being yourself because there would be people who would truly value you being "you." And who knows, I feel like only those closest to you would truly see the real you, so why change that?

[jonsnuh]

An ex said that it isn't possible to change one's personality. I figured that this wasn't true, but it would take a lot of work if it's habit driven.

[Targetlock]

hmm, yes sometimes i wish i wish i was more outgoing and confident rather than just slightly shy and awkward, but then again i seem to differ in different social situations.