FortunateSon Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 My experience with this subject is that no matter how much more I tried to help, do things around the house, and ask how I could make her happy, it was always met with resentment and animosity. If I tried to communicate and find out what more I "should be doing" I was often told that I "should already know" and "not have to be told." Nothing was EVER enough. There was always something I did or didn't do that didn't meet expectation. I think it was some type of resentment and anger from her manifesting itself in this way. Either way, I do not miss this aspect of that relationship at all, it didn't feel healthy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aussietigerwolf Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 This is just insane... I haven't heard of anyone doing that let alone it being common. I am in Australia though. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Seriously. And why did you marry them? Lol duh because they were tricked into it of course. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Lol duh because they were tricked into it of course. With all due respect...In many cases, you never know who you are really married to until long after the wedding cake was thrown out...People on both sides are pretty good at putting on a show during the dating/courting stage.. Just sayin' TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Seriously. And why did you marry them? While i can understand the bewildering, you will not see many ppl join this forum because they led normal lives, surrounded by normal caring ppl. Many men are on this site because they first of all married these women. [and for the sake of not having this post labeled mysoginist -which will probably happen anyway-, the reverse is also valid] Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 (edited) While i can understand the bewildering, you will not see many ppl join this forum because they led normal lives, surrounded by normal caring ppl. Many men are on this site because they first of all married these women. [and for the sake of not having this post labeled mysoginist -which will probably happen anyway-, the reverse is also valid] True...but I also tend to see a lot of posts that suggest women are to blame for the poor state of dating because they incessantly choose to date "bad boys". And such posts are often by the SAME people who have married/dated these women! Funny, that. I guess when those men pursue "bad girls" to partner up with it's still the women's fault. Just seems like accountability should work both ways. Edited May 19, 2014 by serial muse 3 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 With all due respect...In many cases, you never know who you are really married to until long after the wedding cake was thrown out...People on both sides are pretty good at putting on a show during the dating/courting stage.. Just sayin' TFY Oh please. This happens to people who rush into marriage or ignore red flags along the way. Take your time to carefully get to know someone and you won't find out omg they are secretly a whole different person! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Oh please. This happens to people who rush into marriage or ignore red flags along the way. Take your time to carefully get to know someone and you won't find out omg they are secretly a whole different person! You are naive....sorry to say... Thats one of the reasons that the divorce rate is so high...If you dont think some people put on a fake persona to land a mate, then settle into their "real" self later on you are delusional.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 You are naive....sorry to say... Thats one of the reasons that the divorce rate is so high...If you dont think some people put on a fake persona to land a mate, then settle into their "real" self later on you are delusional.. TFY Nobody can be such a good actor for a long time, especially if the couple moves in together. If someone has their eyes and mind open will notice the red flags and will know that everything is fake. You are calling Veggirl naive but I think naive is the one who will ignore all red flags and go on with marrying this person. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 True...but I also tend to see a lot of posts that suggest women are to blame for the poor state of dating because they incessantly choose to date "bad boys". And such posts are often by the SAME people who have married/dated these women! Funny, that. I guess when those men pursue "bad girls" to partner up with it's still the women's fault. Just seems like accountability should work both ways. True, and while misogynists tend to be more vocal and more numerous, there is and will always be a small population of misandrists on this forum who keep soldiering on with the strength that would make the Energizer Bunny pale in comparison. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Nobody can be such a good actor for a long time, especially if the couple moves in together. If someone has their eyes and mind open will notice the red flags and will know that everything is fake. You are calling Veggirl naive but I think naive is the one who will ignore all red flags and go on with marrying this person. What about the one who still remains in the marriage despite their spouse showing their true selfish face later on, because of various reasons ? Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 I don't see how this is such a controversial subject; it happens. To me in fact. I spent 3 hours walking behind a mower Saturday, mowing a little over 2 acres. When I was done, I dropped off the trash and recyclables, and stopped by the office to check a couple of things and got on LS for a bit. Why? Because I was tired but I knew that if I had a seat at the house, my wife would start finding things for me to do. This sort of thing is pretty common for us old married guys to joke about, actually. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Nobody can be such a good actor for a long time, especially if the couple moves in together. If someone has their eyes and mind open will notice the red flags and will know that everything is fake. You are calling Veggirl naive but I think naive is the one who will ignore all red flags and go on with marrying this person. This is what you guys dont understand.....And as women I am quite surprised you are disagreeing...Quite frankly, because many women are idealistic and starry eyed when it comes to relationships, quite often its them that get snookered into finding out their Prince Charning is just a plain old frog with a busted leg.. Yes, people CAN be good actors..And theyll do it for a long time..Not everyone studies everything...Maybe their spouse has a lot on their plate and work long hours and dont pick up on all of the signals...How many times do you have to read stories about people who say stuff like..."I would never thought she could have done that...its so out of character"... People morph all the time..If what you guys are saying is true, then the divorce rate wouldnt be as high as it is...No one can vet everything out.. Think about it.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 This is what you guys dont understand.....And as women I am quite surprised you are disagreeing...Quite frankly, because many women are idealistic and starry eyed when it comes to relationships, quite often its them that get snookered into finding out their Prince Charning is just a plain old frog with a busted leg.. Yes, people CAN be good actors..And theyll do it for a long time..Not everyone studies everything...Maybe their spouse has a lot on their plate and work long hours and dont pick up on all of the signals...How many times do you have to read stories about people who say stuff like..."I would never thought she could have done that...its so out of character"... People morph all the time..If what you guys are saying is true, then the divorce rate wouldnt be as high as it is...No one can vet everything out.. Think about it.. TFY This is why at the first sign of nagging I bail. Immediately. ...keep in mind I'm 40 and never been married...not sure my strategy is the best one... Link to post Share on other sites
Untouched Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 I always read these threads, and I'm like - where the hell do you guys meet these women? O_o I know! I can't figure it out! The guys obviously choose these women and it must have taken some doing to find them! And then "warn" all other guys that all women are like this. I really do not get it. I do understand that a man who has a wife who gets enraged if he naps has a serious problem and probably needs support! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Untouched Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 I don't see how this is such a controversial subject; it happens. To me in fact. I spent 3 hours walking behind a mower Saturday, mowing a little over 2 acres. When I was done, I dropped off the trash and recyclables, and stopped by the office to check a couple of things and got on LS for a bit. Why? Because I was tired but I knew that if I had a seat at the house, my wife would start finding things for me to do. This sort of thing is pretty common for us old married guys to joke about, actually. But does she cry, go "berserk" and run to her parents house to complain about you??? Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 But does she cry, go "berserk" and run to her parents house to complain about you??? Nope. She knows she'd have a harder time with The List if she's not there to supervise. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 (edited) True, and while misogynists tend to be more vocal and more numerous, there is and will always be a small population of misandrists on this forum who keep soldiering on with the strength that would make the Energizer Bunny pale in comparison. Sigh. I don't know how to take this post, or if it's meant as a personal dig or not. So I'll just sigh, since I didn't insert a dig at you in mine and certainly didn't call you a misogynist. Oh well. No doubt that there are misandrists around. But since this is a thread that has brought out some misogynistic overtones, it seems more relevant to discuss that topic. We can discuss misandry in that thread about why married men cheat, if you like. But that's not the topic here. Edited May 20, 2014 by serial muse Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 A rolling stone gathers no moss. A man's role in life is to do, or die. We're socialized into that role, to focus, to be goal-oriented, to ignore pain and death, to provide and protect. Failure is not an option. So, properly, women assist men in this process by encouraging them to keep moving. The neck directs the head. Without it, the head would flop about uselessly. Nature has provided us with these features to ensure the survival of the species. Those who are outlier die, meaning their genetics are timed out of existence. It all works out! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted May 20, 2014 Author Share Posted May 20, 2014 A rolling stone gathers no moss. A man's role in life is to do, or die. We're socialized into that role, to focus, to be goal-oriented, to ignore pain and death, to provide and protect. Failure is not an option. So, properly, women assist men in this process by encouraging them to keep moving. The neck directs the head. Without it, the head would flop about uselessly. Nature has provided us with these features to ensure the survival of the species. Those who are outlier die, meaning their genetics are timed out of existence. It all works out! Surviving in America is easy. It's not about surviving anymore, it's about selfish ambition and greed. Scripture says that godliness with contentment is great gain. It also says that if we have food and clothing, with these we should be content. Wow. How far different from our culture. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouched Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 Maybe the wives are raging from a biblical point of view? Proverbs 6:9 ESV How long will you lie there, O sluggard? When will you arise from your sleep? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
janedoe67 Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 I dunno....I fully agree that it is better to live on the corner of a rooftop than with a contentious woman. I've known a few of those. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EasyHeart Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 A man's role in life is to do, or die. We're socialized into that role, to focus, to be goal-oriented, to ignore pain and death, to provide and protect. Failure is not an option. I dunno about anyone else, but when I'm napping, I'm doing something. I'm sleeping, dammit! So keep it down. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 Yes, even the most aggressive and effective battle tank needs to be refueled and serviced. So, you are allowed an occasional nap and to eat. Don't dawdle though! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 A rolling stone gathers no moss. A man's role in life is to do, or die. We're socialized into that role, to focus, to be goal-oriented, to ignore pain and death, to provide and protect. Failure is not an option. So, properly, women assist men in this process by encouraging them to keep moving. The neck directs the head. Without it, the head would flop about uselessly. Nature has provided us with these features to ensure the survival of the species. Those who are outlier die, meaning their genetics are timed out of existence. It all works out! This made me laugh Thank goodness you guys have us to keep you moving in the right direction! To add levity, I commonly make a joke at bedtime, when my hardworking h is expressing how tired he is and how ready he is for sleep, that the good news is he has just one more thing to do before sleep: me 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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