Why do some women not let their men rest?

[contact1]

Here's how it all sums up:

 

When a man takes a nap at home (other than his alloted 6 hours sleep per night), a woman views this as sleeping on company time. Literally. Men, you need to understand this. Home may be your resting place, but your woman views it as a business site.

 

Maybe a very shrewd woman, but not my wife. I nap all the time and she lets me nap, watching our kid in the mean time. But the thing is, when I'm not napping, I was either at school (or was, just finished the semester ) taking 6 classes, or watching our child, or working about 30 hours for the week, or at the gym, or grocery shopping, getting dinner, etc....

 

In other words, she knew I wasn't napping because I was lazy, but because I was doing a lot. On the same note when she sleeps in extra, I let her sleep, unless we have something to do.

[Grumpybutfun]

This is why your ex is your ex M30. All of this sounds bizarre to me. My wife and I nap all the time, sometimes just to get some peace from the crazy outside world. I like my peace and quiet and so does she. You married a drama queen, so you have ideas and a viewpoint that can be only related to by other men who have married drama queens. Time to remember that just as all men aren't lazy idiots, not all women are tyrannical shrews.

Are you thinking of dating again or something or is this nostalgia for the hell time in your life?

Best,

Grumps

[Robert Z]

My own ex-wife got mad at me for having a stomach virus where I was throwing up. She ran to her parents house to complain about me. I mean, seriously, when it comes time for me to die, will they allow me to die in peace?

 

 

 

I had a serious reaction to an event which caused me to pass out and go into convulsions. This was back when I was very unhealthy and on a downward spiral. The last thing I remember hearing as everything faded to black was my wife screaming at me - "You can't do this to me!"

Edited May 18, 2014 by Robert Z

[Robert Z]

I'm not a fan of general woman bashing. I love women! But I do think there is value is men talking about their experiences. For one, I wish there was a place like this back before I got married. I would have been much more aware of the dangers of bad marriages. If reading these threads makes young men stop and think then I think that's a good thing. Be warned! A bad marriage can ruin or rob you of your life. There are women out there who are conniving and manipulative and think nothing of ruining a man's life as long as they can get what they want - even the man they allegedly love. Worst of all, I think they often believe their own lies.

 

 

Next, for those of us who endured years or decades of a living hell, there is a lot of pent up pain and anger. I tolerated far too much for over 25 years. Looking back now I can only wonder why. But what's done is done and you don't get over that quickly, if ever. It has been a huge part our lives that we can never escape. And it takes a lot of time to come to terms with the damage done. There are hundreds of stories and for each one anger that got tucked away in order to go on.

Edited May 18, 2014 by Robert Z

[Smilecharmer]

I'm not a fan of general woman bashing. I love women! But I do think there is value is men talking about their experiences. For one, I wish there was a place like this back before I got married. I would have been much more aware of the dangers of bad marriages. If reading these threads makes young men stop and think then I think that's a good thing. Be warned! A bad marriage can ruin or rob you of your life. There are women out there who are conniving and manipulative and think nothing of ruining a man's life as long as they can get what they want - even the man they allegedly love. Worst of all, I think they often believe their own lies.

 

 

Next, for those of us who endured years or decades of a living hell, there is a lot of pent up pain and anger. I tolerated far too much for over 25 years. Looking back now I can only wonder why. But what's done is done and you don't get over that quickly, if ever. It has been a huge part our lives that we can never escape. And it takes a lot of time to come to terms with the damage done. There are hundreds of stories and for each one anger that got tucked away in order to go on.

 

 

I think you are 100% correct that you should share stories! This thread went from a very neat thread on women not letting their husbands rest and why to one in which women are tyrants....calling Phoe out on not being truthful with her thread and making jabs at women on here who can't answer truthfully because it isn't the answer some posters want. I don't do this but if I say that, I am an untruthful shrew because all women do this. It makes me crazy that women can't post here without being accused of telling fibs or not being honest about themselves or their relationships.

I'm sorry for your marriage and M30s, both sound abusive in different ways, but my posts were more to turk who have no luck getting women so they vilify them all. Your experiences are valid as is m30s as you both had exes who were awful. My apologies if I didn't make it clear Mr. Turks post was what I was referring to.

[regine_phalange]

Honestly, I never heard of this before. The only reason I can think of the nap-blaming happening, would be a problem transference. Maybe these women were unhappy with other things and not the napping. But I don't know women who don't cuddle and feed chicken broth their men when they are sick, even when the men are overreacting

[dichotomy]

From 10 thousand feet, many women admire and are attracted to strong in charge guys, my wife is. When I have shown or expressed weaknesses or helplessness or simply having to step away from the wheel, she is not quite sure how to deal with it and sometimes is not able to be supportive or comforting.

[Iguanna]

I've had migraines for the last 15 years or so on a monthly basis, haven't found what causes them yet. These days are awful, there are days that I only sleep and I can't even talk from pain. Plus I've gone through two big surgeries that I don't want to talk about. I'd say I'm often in pain and I've come to become tolerant at it. Cause of this I dislike people who have a small headache and create a big drama out of it. My bf is like this, the moment he has a small headache he starts taking pills to get better. When he does this I kind of get mad, not that I want him to hurt (of course not!) but I can't help but think "yeah let me tell you about real pain!". So if I see him lay in bed or on the couch in the middle of day and sleep and seem miserable cause he has a small headache I do get annoyed, but this is the only reason. When he's sick I'm the one who insists on him staying in bed and making him soup and bringing him medicine etc. I'm just intolerant with people who create drama cause of a small pain, like women who can't function with period pains. I never complain about pain anymore, I've gotten used to it.

[dichotomy]

Also some women have a visceral reaction to those moments of mommy'ing their man - especially if they have had a past relationship (or know of one) where the woman was the mom to some douche who was always needing it.

[Robert Z]

Your experiences are valid as is m30s as you both had exes who were awful. My apologies if I didn't make it clear Mr. Turks post was what I was referring to.

 

 

Not at all. I wasn't taking anything personally but was just speaking to my own experiences.

 

It is funny actually how reading these threads can stir up memories of things that I had all but forgotten consciously but still feel the anger.

 

And for people who have never been in a catastrophically bad marriage, it may be hard to understand what it's like. For me the hardest regret to move beyond is wasting the best part of my life. 25 years gone that I can never have back. All of those years that I could have been happy. It is heartbreaking to think about.

 

 

Thank god for my sb.

Edited May 18, 2014 by Robert Z

[Smilecharmer]

M30, My husband wouldn't put up with this behavior from me. I think people who try to control others to be unhealthy and selfish. I don't know why women do this, maybe it has something to do with control, with trying to emasculate them, or maybe they feel overwhelmed and aren't very good at multitasking so they take it out on their spouse because they can't get everything done they need to get done in one day. I love my man, if he wants to nap, I like to join him and cuddle or have lovemaking sessions. Nothing beats middle of the day naps for lovemaking and raw passionate sex.

[Smilecharmer]

Not at all. I wasn't taking anything personally but was just speaking to my own experiences.

 

It is funny actually how reading these threads can stir up memories of things that I had all but forgotten consciously but still feel the anger.

 

And for people who have never been in a catastrophically bad marriage, it may be hard to understand what it's like. For me the hardest regret to move beyond is wasting the best part of my life. 25 years gone that I can never have back. All of those years that I could have been happy. It is heartbreaking to think about.

 

 

Thank god for my sb.

 

 

I'm so sorry, RobertZ. Breaks my heart to read. You are free now though, and that is better than some poor guys.

[FortunateSon]

I can really relate to this thread, I dealt with a lot of this in my last relationship. She was a self described "nurturer" but also a self described "control freak" (can you be both?!). I have my own business and anytime I slept later than she did, came home earlier than she did, or did not "mind read" exactly what she wanted done, I was considered lazy and unmotivated. Never mind that I payed for just about everything, did a lot of work around the house, was willing to just about anything she asked. If I didn't do it the minute she asked I was lazy. However, she was able to take weekend naps when she wanted and heaven forbid I bother her and want to do anything...

[iris219]

Here's how it all sums up:

 

When a man takes a nap at home (other than his alloted 6 hours sleep per night), a woman views this as sleeping on company time. Literally. Men, you need to understand this. Home may be your resting place, but your woman views it as a business site.

 

This isn't a common problem. I've never heard of it. This sounds like an individual problem you had with a woman. I'm not sure why you'd put up with it.

 

I'm always trying to get my FI to take a nap!

 

The only way I'd understand a woman getting upset is if her partner is very lazy, never does anything to contribute to the household, and never pays attention to her.

[sumathi]

A Woman are basically very possessive by nature.She wants her husband to be at her beck and call to prove his love. This is where she goes wrong as a man always needs his space. She thinks she is showing love by being clinging which a man can never tolerate. I know a girl who felt highly strung up whenever her husband talked with his parents. She would call him in office to complain about his parents and also inquire about his whereabouts. The poor boy felt really bored with her.I think women should change in this matter to make her husband love her.

[Els]

My gut reaction is that you're only hearing one side of the story. If the woman in question is working full-time and still doing 95% of the housework, and he naps instead of doing his 5% - sure, they'd get pissy. And for good reason.

 

Assuming that is not the case, well, she just has a control issue. Probably not the best partner to have around, and if the issue gets severe enough it may warrant them leaving.

 

My issue is kinda the other way around. I usually try and convince my guy to get some rest, but he seems to think that he's an effing machine. Last time he got sick he tried to go to work anyway after puking repeatedly the night before (despite my best convincing efforts) and finally collapsed at work. When we got his BP measured, he was 70/50. The person who measured it was surprised that he had still managed to walk around with that. I forced him to rest and take some liquids, and he improved quite rapidly after that.

 

Next time I will probably physically restrain him. :/

Edited May 18, 2014 by Elswyth

[thefooloftheyear]

The minute anyone ever b!tches about me taking a rare nap, they better know where the nearest Holiday Inn is beforehand......Cause thats where they are going to take their next nap....

 

 

TFY

[xxoo]

Maybe a very shrewd woman, but not my wife. I nap all the time and she lets me nap, watching our kid in the mean time. But the thing is, when I'm not napping, I was either at school (or was, just finished the semester ) taking 6 classes, or watching our child, or working about 30 hours for the week, or at the gym, or grocery shopping, getting dinner, etc....

 

In other words, she knew I wasn't napping because I was lazy, but because I was doing a lot. On the same note when she sleeps in extra, I let her sleep, unless we have something to do.

 

That's how we functioned when the kids were small and the workload was big. He'd get up early on weekends and let me sleep in, and I'd take the kids out in the afternoon so he could nap.

 

If a wife is getting angry about naps, my first question is how often is she getting enough sleep?

 

This was a bad flu season here, too. H was in bed for 5 days, and I was worried sick. I was also having worrisome symptoms, but never told him until he was better. I muscled through, getting kids to and from school and games and practices all week, plus working and caring for h, all while in pain and exhausted. I fell apart when he finally got better.

[Untouched]

I! This thread went from a very neat thread on women not letting their husbands rest and why to one in which women are tyrants....calling Phoe out on not being truthful with her thread and making jabs at women on here who can't answer truthfully because it isn't the answer some posters want. I don't do this but if I say that, I am an untruthful shrew because all women do this. It makes me crazy that women can't post here without being accused of telling fibs or not being honest about themselves or their relationships.

I'm sorry for your marriage and M30s, both sound abusive in different ways, but my posts were more to turk who have no luck getting women so they vilify them all. Your experiences are valid as is m30s as you both had exes who were awful. My apologies if I didn't make it clear Mr. Turks post was what I was referring to.

 

I agree with you and I think it's weird. If somebody wants to share their experience I think that is great. I know many people do troublesome things. If a man feels picked on by his wife if he is sick or wants to take a nap though that sounds like something between those people and not a problem with women in general even though he did say "some women." Why not "some people."

[ThatMan]

I've had migraines for the last 15 years or so on a monthly basis, haven't found what causes them yet. These days are awful, there are days that I only sleep and I can't even talk from pain. Plus I've gone through two big surgeries that I don't want to talk about. I'd say I'm often in pain and I've come to become tolerant at it. Cause of this I dislike people who have a small headache and create a big drama out of it. My bf is like this, the moment he has a small headache he starts taking pills to get better. When he does this I kind of get mad, not that I want him to hurt (of course not!) but I can't help but think "yeah let me tell you about real pain!". So if I see him lay in bed or on the couch in the middle of day and sleep and seem miserable cause he has a small headache I do get annoyed, but this is the only reason. When he's sick I'm the one who insists on him staying in bed and making him soup and bringing him medicine etc. I'm just intolerant with people who create drama cause of a small pain, like women who can't function with period pains. I never complain about pain anymore, I've gotten used to it.

 

Your story coincides with what I see at the workplace. Unlike you, the chatterboxes I'm familiar with probably have depression and not physical pain. They believe that their pain is most important, most severe, and everything else that their poor husbands experience is inconsequential. Not that I blame anyone for feeling that way after enduring years of pain. But it's still miserable to be around.

[Radu]

I'm not a fan of general woman bashing. I love women! But I do think there is value is men talking about their experiences. For one, I wish there was a place like this back before I got married. I would have been much more aware of the dangers of bad marriages. If reading these threads makes young men stop and think then I think that's a good thing. Be warned! A bad marriage can ruin or rob you of your life. There are women out there who are conniving and manipulative and think nothing of ruining a man's life as long as they can get what they want - even the man they allegedly love. Worst of all, I think they often believe their own lies.

 

 

Next, for those of us who endured years or decades of a living hell, there is a lot of pent up pain and anger. I tolerated far too much for over 25 years. Looking back now I can only wonder why. But what's done is done and you don't get over that quickly, if ever. It has been a huge part our lives that we can never escape. And it takes a lot of time to come to terms with the damage done. There are hundreds of stories and for each one anger that got tucked away in order to go on.

 

I sometimes think what would have happened had i not dropped out of school, and went into my depression. Basically financially independent enough to be worth marrying, and not passed through a few yrs of reading LS ... i would probably be divorced and with 1-2 kids, just like many of my friends are right now.

Maybe it was better that i ended up on this path [as long as it starts having an upwards move].

[anne1707]

Help me! My husband is having a nap and I have not tried to wake him or complain. In fact I encouraged him to get some rest. Is there something wrong with me?

[MidwestUSA]

Help me! My husband is having a nap and I have not tried to wake him or complain. In fact I encouraged him to get some rest. Is there something wrong with me?

 

Yes. It's Sunday, for heaven's sake! Don't your gutters need to be cleaned out or something? You've obviously dropped the ball on your list making.

[Radu]

Help me! My husband is having a nap and I have not tried to wake him or complain. In fact I encouraged him to get some rest. Is there something wrong with me?

 

You MONSTER !!!

[FortunateSon]

Help me! My husband is having a nap and I have not tried to wake him or complain. In fact I encouraged him to get some rest. Is there something wrong with me?

As long as you don't also resent him or plan on using it against him at a later point too!