jen03 Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Hey To All Who Can Help Me Figure Out This One-- Ok. So this guy Erik who's been semi-stalking me somehow got my SN through my old guy friend Josh from way back when - by the way, who wanted friends w/ benefits & then I said Bye Bye. Too conservative for that **** I guess. And I thought if I gave him time he'd grow up (haha, eventually). So anyway I've loosened up to Erik and we had coffee last night, and he started telling me all the stuff Josh was telling him about me, like how I'm a really good girl and that I'm a real looker and a keeper if you get past my high standards and into the 'dating' phase. So I asked Erik why the heck he didn't ask Josh why Josh didn't stay with me then if he thought I was good (because frankly I'd really like to know!!!!!! and I still have a semi-thing for Josh, so...yeah) And Erik said he'll ask him next time. Yeah and Josh lied to Erik saying he didn't have my number because he most DEFINITELY does (he called me asking if I needed a ride home some while ago). And Josh was like I haven't talked to her in a while but we used to be really good friends... SO WHY HASN'T HE MADE AN EFFORT TO TALK TO ME? He has my freaking number. If he really thinks I'm good, why doesn't he try coming back for me? Oh yea some background info, he started dating this chick w/o telling me and hid a lot of stuff from me and supposedly he feels bad about it. BUT STILL. If you know you got someone good is it really that easy to just LET THEM GO like he did?? Anyone got a clue? Am I just blind here or what? Thanks in advance.... Link to post Share on other sites
haywood Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 whoa. slow down. take a breath. just call josh and ask him what's up. enough of this going through erik crap. take control of the situation instead of it controlling you. he said she said he said. it'll be okay. erik obviously still likes you. maybe josh too but who knows. just relax. things will sort themselves out. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Josh was just being nice, and saw this as an opportunity to pawn you off on another guy, so he doesn't have to feel guilty about "Just not being into you." Josh doesn't like you...he liked to screw you. Erik asked Josh about you, and Josh doesn't hate you, so he gave you a good recommendation. Example: We have a new manager here at work. None of us can stand her. Ironically, her last job gave her a RAVE recommendation. We were all sitting around scratching our heads as to why anyone would recommend this beotch, when it hit us...they wanted rid of her, and what better way to get her off their hands, than to tell someone else how great she is so they'd hire her! I mean, if they'd told the truth, our company wouldn't have hired her, and she'd still be with them So you see, Josh felt guilty about using you. Erik wanted to know about you. So Josh thought this could be his way of making it up to you. Another Example: I was seeing a guy. He got back with his ex, and wanted to be "friends" with me. Then, one of his buddies, got a crush on me, so this guy gave his buddy my number, and then called me raving about what a great couple we'd be. I didn't want to be pawned off on his friend because he felt guilty for dumping me So you see, my dear, Josh isn't REALLY interested in you, as you so desperately hope, he's just telling Erik that you're great, so you'll date Erik, you'll be happy, and he won't feel responsible for you any more. This Josh is a real loser, but Erik sounds sweet...unless Josh told Erik what a great lay you are, and is just trying to get a peice if that's the case, then they're both losers. Either way, you need to call Josh up, and tell him to mind his own business, and stay out of your love life...better yet, tell Erik you aren't comfortable with him talking about you with your ex behind your back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen03 Posted February 9, 2005 Author Share Posted February 9, 2005 Hey Wow thanks for your great insight. It's just that Josh never got a piece of me... We were just friends and didn't do anything. Lots of uh tension I guess though. Supposedly he always asks my friends about me and his roomie told me he has Buddy Alerts up on me and stuff, and I've seen him in the Engineering department even though he is an ENGLISH major and has no business in Engineering...but I ignore him consistently so maybe he had just given up (?) until Erik came along? Do you think he may be using Erik to get back through to me? I know one thing for sure, he's a really lazy guy, even when we were friends he made little effort to get together unless it was absolutely convenient for him, he does this w/ his other friends too though. Link to post Share on other sites
very-confused-girl Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Why do you care? If Josh wanted you, he would come to you and make a move or do something to show it. So he either is dating still another chick or maybe he wants you but does not have balls to make the move. Either way he is not worth it and you should move on. Would you want to date somebody whose mind is into different girl or who is not mature enough to confess his feelings to you? I would not trust Erik very much, though. Who knows whether Erik is really telling you the truth about what Josh said about you. Erik can be just envious and he could be purpousefully telling you crap in order to discourage you from Josh. If I was you I would stay away from both of them and if Josh wants you he will get his courage and look up for you Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Not calling someone or making time/plans to see them isn't being lazy, it's being UNinterested. Josh didn't have to/need to tell you he was dating someone else.. the 2 of you were friends, from what You said you weren't *Really* dating.. he wanted to have sex *only* and be friends. Someone who would ask you for a FWB isn't going to be now all of a sudden to shy to call you and ask you out if thats what he was interested in doing. Unless Josh is like 12.. IF he wanted to get in touch with you, he would.. I don't think there is any reason to believe that Josh is "using" Erik to get to you. Sorry.. I just don't think Josh has an interest here. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen03 Posted February 9, 2005 Author Share Posted February 9, 2005 Hey, I care because Josh and I had something good going on. I'm not just going to give up on this kid. Some people say "He's just not that into you" or "He's not worth it" but my intuition is stubborn as hell. Another reason I'm still thinking about this guy all the time (but he doesn't know it) is because I just DON'T understand why he wouldn't want to go out with me. I'm smart, sexy, been called hot by his friends, and really faithful and not slutty. We used to have AWESOME conversation like all the time. Yet if I approach him directly and ask him, certain things on a person's heart refuse to come out of their mouth due to pride, immaturity, etc - so I can't expect a complete answer I can just take at face value, you know what I mean? I can't just be like HEY why don't you make an effort to talk to me anymore? Whenever we do chance into each other, he stares really deep into my eyes and gets really close to me and blushes a lot and stutters. Still now! Even after like what, 4 years? Geez. Does anyone know guys like this? Is he just a strange one or is this normal?? Question 2, Is he like saving me for later or something when he's ready to get serious? Thanks again... Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by jen03 Hey, I care because Josh and I had something good going on. I'm not just going to give up on this kid. Some people say "He's just not that into you" or "He's not worth it" but my intuition is stubborn as hell. Another reason I'm still thinking about this guy all the time (but he doesn't know it) is because I just DON'T understand why he wouldn't want to go out with me. I'm smart, sexy, been called hot by his friends, and really faithful and not slutty. We used to have AWESOME conversation like all the time. Yet if I approach him directly and ask him, certain things on a person's heart refuse to come out of their mouth due to pride, immaturity, etc - so I can't expect a complete answer I can just take at face value, you know what I mean? I can't just be like HEY why don't you make an effort to talk to me anymore? Whenever we do chance into each other, he stares really deep into my eyes and gets really close to me and blushes a lot and stutters. Still now! Even after like what, 4 years? Geez. Does anyone know guys like this? Is he just a strange one or is this normal?? Question 2, Is he like saving me for later or something when he's ready to get serious? Thanks again... Jen, thats all good to go that you care about him.. and from what you said (again) the 2 of you had a good FRIENDSHIP but that isn't the same thing as dating. He wanted a FWB, you didn't.. so obviously the 2 of you weren't on the same page there. I'm sure you're all those things.. smart, sexy, faithful.. but a person can have all of those things and what may appeal to one person, may not appeal to another. So even if ALL of his friends say you're hot in the bigger picture of things it doesn't matter, because you're not trying to date one of his friends. Last thing.. you've said YOU CAN'T ask him why he doesn't make the effort to talk to you anymore.. well, I guess I would ask YOU the same thing.. IF you're so crazy about this guy, and you feel certain that he has some rockin feelings for you, then WHY CAN'T YOU call him, or ask him why he doesn't want to talk with you anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen03 Posted February 9, 2005 Author Share Posted February 9, 2005 Oh another thing is-- Erik told me Josh keeps trying to contact and Instant Message him now, like keep talking with Erik. Which is weird since Erik was the one who first tried to contact Josh..... or is it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen03 Posted February 9, 2005 Author Share Posted February 9, 2005 Last thing.. you've said YOU CAN'T ask him why he doesn't make the effort to talk to you anymore.. well, I guess I would ask YOU the same thing.. IF you're so crazy about this guy, and you feel certain that he has some rockin feelings for you, then WHY CAN'T YOU call him, or ask him why he doesn't want to talk with you anymore? Perceptive gal....You are so right Merin. I've often thought about it but I think deep down I'm really just scared and/or it's a pride thing Sometimes I hope that's just what's keeping him from doing the same thing... He's got an awful lot of pride like me... Part of me is also half-hoping that Erik's pursuit of me will initiate some kind of flame back in Josh again... REMIND him or something how I *am* ideal and how he's majorly missing out if he doesn't take any action.. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by jen03 Perceptive gal....You are so right Merin. I've often thought about it but I think deep down I'm really just scared and/or it's a pride thing Sometimes I hope that's just what's keeping him from doing the same thing... He's got an awful lot of pride like me... Part of me is also half-hoping that Erik's pursuit of me will initiate some kind of flame back in Josh again... REMIND him or something how I *am* ideal and how he's majorly missing out if he doesn't take any action.. 4 Things Jen.. 1) When someone thinks you're amazing.. they don't forget or need to be reminded. 2) Don't wait for Erik to stir things up, screw things up, or talk to Josh FOR YOU.. 3) IF you're to afraid to talk to Josh and you allow Erik (who IS interested in YOU) to do this.. it's going to get ugly. 4) Have more confidence here and take *some* initiative.. even if it's trying to re-establish the frienship. Good Luck with things Girl Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Using Erik to get to Josh...flitzanu, where are ya man!? You need to read this! Girls will use anybody to get the guy they want! and if I hear one more person say, I just DON'T understand ... I might just scream. I understand that people want answers, but when they stubbornly refuse the suggestions, and the answers that people give them, HOW DO THEY HOPE TO UNDERSTAND!? If a person comes here, and says, "Why won't they call me?" and I'm like, "Because...they don't want to..." and then they're like, "But why don't they want to?" and I'm like, "Because...they aren't interested in you..." then theyr're like, "BUT I DONT' UNDERSTAND..." People lose interest for a lot of reasons people! A man wanted to understand why his wife cheated on him...uh...ask her! How can I help you with this? Maybe she thinks you're a jerk, maybe you're not endowed enough. Maybe you're too endowed. Maybe this guy is hot...I DON'T KNOW. One guy wants to know how his girlfriend can love him one day, and not the next...I DON'T KNOW. Now you want to know why this guy you like acts like he likes you, but won't ask you out...IIIIIIIII DOOOOOOOOON'T KNOOOOOOOOOW!!!!" All I can do is guess, and tell you from an unbiased point of view how it LOOKS, and it LOOKS like this guy wants to be your friend, but he doesn't want to date you. That's just how it looks. Feel free to stubbornly refuse to believe that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen03 Posted February 9, 2005 Author Share Posted February 9, 2005 Hey sorry y'all for putting up with my whining I know you must hear this stuff alot. But it's important to me.. thanks for your advice & Merin for your kind and encouraging words... Maybe it's just human nature, some of you don't understand why I don't understand, I don't know why I don't understand... you think these stubborn feelings like mine (which may not be so true, like my feelings for Josh) would disappear from human nature over time since they don't really HELP us all that much Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Monday, you are wise. thanks for pointing this one out...this is definitely a girl chasing a guy that isn't into her...and apparently i've now become the guy chasing the girl that isn't into me (but my friend.) face it Jen03, they're telling you the truth...if said guy WANTED you, he'd make every effort to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen03 Posted February 9, 2005 Author Share Posted February 9, 2005 Hi flitzanu, I am sorry you're going through the same thing. I guess time will tell like they say, the only source of hope maybe. Maybe I'm just delusional but I'll always have this weird sense of faith in the relationship. Sure it doesn't benefit me, and I haven't made any efforts to get back in touch with him (and maybe perhaps never will, we'll see) but as of now I'll have to stop trying to think about this guy all the time (it may be obsessional or something. Maybe it's a problem I have..) Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted February 10, 2005 Share Posted February 10, 2005 i understand how you feel on that...i want to give credit to the "relationship" i have with this girl, like she's going to change her mind admit that she's in love with me...but now it's time to convince myself that i don't want her anyway. we miss situations with people more than we miss THEM. just remember that. we have memories of doing things WITH people...and that memory could just as easily included anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
blue17 Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 Originally posted by flitzanu we miss situations with people more than we miss THEM. just remember that. we have memories of doing things WITH people...and that memory could just as easily included anyone else. hehe I totally agree. My thinking is that if you are having trouble getting over someone, whatever activities you did with them....do it with SOMEONE ELSE. Are there any particular things that you did or talked about with ONLY him? So for example, let's say you and him talked about a certain topic or interest, only you two. Well.....find someone else and talk about that with them! Find whatever makes that person 'unique' in your eyes, and I'm sure you'll stumble across someone who shares the same quality. Speaking from personal experience, if you do this...you'll wonder why you were so hooked in the first place.... And oh btw, I think this is also another case of 'wanting something you can't have..." I think the more he avoids you and doesn't talk to you, the more you want him because he is a challenge. Link to post Share on other sites
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