unmotivated college student

[Msrxchef]

hi everyone,

I've felt unmotivated before but this time it's really bad. I believe it's from a few factors (new school, new career change, now living back at home, living with my mom who like to hear her own voice all day, with my dad who enjoys knowing what I am doing every minute of the day)

 

Why I can't just go out there and socialize again? I'm not in school just taking a few online courses. I'd like to volunteer or go socialize but I don't want to. I know once I step into the position I'm going to feel left out. My co-volunteer will have a family to go home to. A loving husband or boyfriend or aunt who listens to their problems. A grandma for Easter weekend. But not me. I've had just my two parents and I'm lucky, yes, but why do I still feel lonely? Why am I not OK with the fact other people will always have more people in their lives than I ever will? That I'll never be able to relate to an uncool uncle or "that one friend" people always talk about? And do I even have friends? How do you know they're your friends?

 

And why do I pretend like my life is OK? I tell people outside my home and family that my parents wanted me to be here at home so I can nurture myself while I figure out what to do. Yet in reality my mom reminds me I'm at home because I have a 3.0 GPA and she constantly shames me and reminds me what a terrible failed daughter I have become. Especially because they don't want to think it's actually happened. My dad really avoids the situation and is really confusing with his statements. One moment he's shaming me on becoming a blue-collared worker (nursing is blue collared?) and the next he thinks I deserve to be better, like become a medical doctor.

 

All I know is my parents care a lot about what they say to other people. They expected me to be a golden child--ivy league (did not happen)--high GPA at a state college(did not happen)--maintain my guaranteed seat to pharmacy school (did not happen)--and now I'm here at my community college. The worst thing a daughter in my family could do. A "nightmare" they called it. And I feel ashamed yes, but at the same time I think God led me here for a reason. I tried liking pharmacy but I really don't like it.

 

And now? Now I don't know what I like. I've wrapped my whole life trying to get my parents to like me. Doing what I was told, never going out with friends, attending extra homework help sessions, doing my chores, etc. It's made me into a complete robot where I feel really lost and now I don't know what to do. I've always had a plan and knew my life 3 months from now or 5 months or a year or 5 years but NOW? I don't even know what I love doing.

Edited May 18, 2014 by Msrxchef

[topaMAXX]

Tell your parents that you don't want to be a doctor because it's a sh*tty job that requires long education, tons of debt, a lot of sacrifice, which ultimately results in long hours, declining pay, an unappreciative and entitled impanelment of patients, and (most likely) at least 1 lawsuit, even if you are the best doctor around.

 

Have them check out the Student Doctor forum if they have any questions about this.