A Letter to All Dumpees

[Elle1975]

True. To their defense they're probably as eager as I was to see their pain relieved. It's good to find a group of people going through the same thing I'm going through.

[FortunateSon]

Maliciously Assassinated?

Character Assassination. My ex somehow found I was talking to someone and sent her unsolicited FB messages "warning" her what a bad guy I am. The girl and I have no idea how she found anything of this...

[Natsume21]

Character Assassination. My ex somehow found I was talking to someone and sent her unsolicited FB messages "warning" her what a bad guy I am. The girl and I have no idea how she found anything of this...

 

That's borderline stalkerish. Stay the **** away from that.

[organizedchaos]

Character Assassination. My ex somehow found I was talking to someone and sent her unsolicited FB messages "warning" her what a bad guy I am. The girl and I have no idea how she found anything of this...

 

Might want to change your fb password.

[Natsume21]

UPDATE ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UPDATE ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE INTERRUPT THIS THREAD TO BRING YOU SOME AMAZING NEWS!

 

 

So guys, the weirdest thing just happened. A month ago I was friends with this girl I liked. We had some flirting back and forth, but because of the distance, she declared, that we would be just friends. After a few months of getting to know each other as friends, I sensed her getting a tad bit more distant. I was extremely impulsive due to the "red flags" going on in my head, at least that is what it seemed, and I went dark on her for a month. Blocked her on every social media imaginable so she couldn't reach me, nor could I reach her. Why? I didn't want to get attached to a girl that didn't like me back. I assumed she was seeing someone else. And then, I went by my business: I talked to other girls, I flirted, got social, though nothing much came of it.

 

Today, I decided to unblock her and she how she was doing. I figured by now she had a boyfriend, and by this time, I had talked to enough other girls that hearing the news of her having a boyfriend would not destroy me.

 

Essentially the conversation went down like this

"I'm back."

"Natsume!!!! You jerk! You disappeared on me!!!! You've been gone for 3 weeks, *******!

"What? Is it THAT big of a deal?" I snidely remarked, snickering at how a few weeks ago, she acted somewhat distant.

"Yes. You being gone, I realized just how empty my life was without you there. I REALLY missed you. Why didn't you call me to let me know that you were all right?"

"Must've slipped my mind."

"Well, it doesn't matter. You and I are going on a date(she asked me out) in 2 weeks."

 

And the conversation went from there. Next thing I knew this girl was showing CLEAR signs of interest...flirting, expressing emotions, smiling, acting nervous but still cute, and then she insisted on a skype date...

 

^So many clear signs of interest....and the fact of the matter is, I gained this by going COMPLETE NC on a girl who I sensed waning interest in.

 

The thing was, I had almost forgotten about her up until today when I decided to check up on her...

 

and now I have a date. A freaking date, from a girl I went completely NC with.

 

Moral of this story...NC can be a VERY GOOD THING.

 

 

^Update Complete!

 

--Natsume21

[Natsume21]

Her words: Because you were gone for so long and there was no way I could reach you, I spent a month thinking about you, wishing you were here.

 

It made me miss you more.

 

^Take note, fellas. There's some truth to these statements. That includes you, AHthepain!

Edited May 19, 2014 by Natsume21

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

UPDATE ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UPDATE ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE INTERRUPT THIS THREAD TO BRING YOU SOME AMAZING NEWS!

 

 

So guys, the weirdest thing just happened. A month ago I was friends with this girl I liked. We had some flirting back and forth, but because of the distance, she declared, that we would be just friends. After a few months of getting to know each other as friends, I sensed her getting a tad bit more distant. I was extremely impulsive due to the "red flags" going on in my head, at least that is what it seemed, and I went dark on her for a month. Blocked her on every social media imaginable so she couldn't reach me, nor could I reach her. Why? I didn't want to get attached to a girl that didn't like me back. I assumed she was seeing someone else. And then, I went by my business: I talked to other girls, I flirted, got social, though nothing much came of it.

 

Today, I decided to unblock her and she how she was doing. I figured by now she had a boyfriend, and by this time, I had talked to enough other girls that hearing the news of her having a boyfriend would not destroy me.

 

Essentially the conversation went down like this

"I'm back."

"Natsume!!!! You jerk! You disappeared on me!!!! You've been gone for 3 weeks, *******!

"What? Is it THAT big of a deal?" I snidely remarked, snickering at how a few weeks ago, she acted somewhat distant.

"Yes. You being gone, I realized just how empty my life was without you there. I REALLY missed you. Why didn't you call me to let me know that you were all right?"

"Must've slipped my mind."

"Well, it doesn't matter. You and I are going on a date(she asked me out) in 2 weeks."

 

And the conversation went from there. Next thing I knew this girl was showing CLEAR signs of interest...flirting, expressing emotions, smiling, acting nervous but still cute, and then she insisted on a skype date...

 

^So many clear signs of interest....and the fact of the matter is, I gained this by going COMPLETE NC on a girl who I sensed waning interest in.

 

The thing was, I had almost forgotten about her up until today when I decided to check up on her...

 

and now I have a date. A freaking date, from a girl I went completely NC with.

 

Moral of this story...NC can be a VERY GOOD THING.

 

 

^Update Complete!

 

--Natsume21

 

While your story sounds great and everything, and glad you feel well about it, it does bring up some points.

 

First, the NC you used compared to most people on here is different. Yeah, you didnt contact for your reasons, but you were never were dating. I feel that it's a misleading terms of No Contact. You did it to move on (which is right), and the girl (maybe) has decided to come back around. The things I highlighted in bold. If distance is a problem then, why is it not now? Red flags are now just going away? If she did say no once, why say yes now? Just a little suspicious.

 

In terms of Athepain, I think the LAST thing he needs is hope that going NC will magically make her come back. That's the the use for it. I understand what you're saying, and you do too (as you are the one who said it lol), but I dont think he is going to get that. He will use that to manipulate her (in his head) to thinking that she made a mistake. A few weeks pass and she actually doesnt do anything, he would freak out and start contacting her again. Just my .02

 

Hope things work out.

[Michael 93]

Brilliant post Nat.

 

Excellent read.

[Natsume21]

While your story sounds great and everything, and glad you feel well about it, it does bring up some points.

 

First, the NC you used compared to most people on here is different. Yeah, you didnt contact for your reasons, but you were never were dating. I feel that it's a misleading terms of No Contact. You did it to move on (which is right), and the girl (maybe) has decided to come back around. The things I highlighted in bold. If distance is a problem then, why is it not now? Red flags are now just going away? If she did say no once, why say yes now? Just a little suspicious.

 

In terms of Athepain, I think the LAST thing he needs is hope that going NC will magically make her come back. That's the the use for it. I understand what you're saying, and you do too (as you are the one who said it lol), but I dont think he is going to get that. He will use that to manipulate her (in his head) to thinking that she made a mistake. A few weeks pass and she actually doesnt do anything, he would freak out and start contacting her again. Just my .02

 

Hope things work out.

 

With this woman, the idea was not to start a long term relationship. It was, and I quote, to enjoy myself with her. Sorta like a fling. I still really liked her, and when I realized I was connecting with her, I made the decision to cut it off cause I was focusing too much on one girl.

 

Disclaimer: We never dated. Essentially, I accidentally peaked her interest without actually trying. I was moving on when I wasn't feeling I was getting anywhere(Btw, she has family here that she sometimes stays with. While it is long distance, we have met while I still lived in her city and was friends for a while. I am planning on moving back up there for said job opportunities that I lack here.)

 

Men, when I said that NC was a good thing, that doesn't mean that your ex's will magically come back into your life. DO NOT TAKE AWAY FROM THIS...but it does mean this.

 

If you have any chance with a woman in the future, one of the best things you can do, strangely, is to make yourself not too available

 

And that's what I took from this. If you're not getting what you want from a woman, don't pursue here. You might be surprised at the results.

 

Bottom Line: Use NC for you. Cause chasing a girl never goes well if you overdo it.

 

Thanks for the pre-warning for everyone, confusedhumanbeing

[Natsume21]

While your story sounds great and everything, and glad you feel well about it, it does bring up some points.

 

First, the NC you used compared to most people on here is different. Yeah, you didnt contact for your reasons, but you were never were dating. I feel that it's a misleading terms of No Contact. You did it to move on (which is right), and the girl (maybe) has decided to come back around. The things I highlighted in bold. If distance is a problem then, why is it not now? Red flags are now just going away? If she did say no once, why say yes now? Just a little suspicious.

 

In terms of Athepain, I think the LAST thing he needs is hope that going NC will magically make her come back. That's the the use for it. I understand what you're saying, and you do too (as you are the one who said it lol), but I dont think he is going to get that. He will use that to manipulate her (in his head) to thinking that she made a mistake. A few weeks pass and she actually doesnt do anything, he would freak out and start contacting her again. Just my .02

 

Hope things work out.

 

Oh, I'm suspicious of all women, but I never turn down a date unless I absolutely have no chance. In my small town, options are pretty limited.

 

I'm celebrating the success of getting one purely on the notion that I got one without even TRYING.

 

If it flops, I know exactly what to do. But that doesn't mean I can't have some fun while I'm at it.

[forever_lost]

Great post. I really enjoyed it, and find truth in everything you say. It does take a while, though, and as much as I know that I need to let things go, I'm now six months into it and unable to. I figure that until I can find someone else that I fall in love with, I will undoubtedly still be in love with my ex. With that in mind, I've learned to love pretty unconditionally, and while it still makes me sad, I've been able to still be happy and live life at the same time.

[Natsume21]

Great post. I really enjoyed it, and find truth in everything you say. It does take a while, though, and as much as I know that I need to let things go, I'm now six months into it and unable to. I figure that until I can find someone else that I fall in love with, I will undoubtedly still be in love with my ex. With that in mind, I've learned to love pretty unconditionally, and while it still makes me sad, I've been able to still be happy and live life at the same time.

 

What was the relationship like?

[forever_lost]

What was the relationship like?

 

It was a good one. We dated for 2.5 years and lived together for two of them. She had been dating for quite a while though (~10 years), and wanted to be single, so when I left for a job and we were in a LDR, she broke up with me.

[Natsume21]

Not to be the bearer of bad news, but I don't think she had a problem being

single.

 

I think she just wanted someone else. That's life, bro. All good things come to an end.

 

"If you caught one, you can catch another one"--a song from this band named Karmin.

[forever_lost]

Not to be the bearer of bad news, but I don't think she had a problem being

single.

 

I think she just wanted someone else. That's life, bro. All good things come to an end.

 

"If you caught one, you can catch another one"--a song from this band named Karmin.

 

Heh, you think you're the first person to tell me that? Hardly. But I don't think so, because six months out and she hasn't been in another relationship yet. But even if she were...learning to love unconditionally helps.

[Natsume21]

1. Never believe what an ex tells you.

2. Never believe what an ex tells you.

[organizedchaos]

1. Never believe what an ex tells you.

2. Never believe what an ex tells you.

 

Why do you say that?

[Natsume21]

Why do you say that?

 

While I'm not saying they ALL lie, most of them will try to make the parting as easy on you(well actually themselves) as they can, so they lie.

 

In a way, they see themselves as trying to protect you, but in reality, they don't want to see themselves because many of them probably got what they wanted in a dirty way.

 

So once they break up with you, take what they say with a grain of salt and only hear this...it's over.

 

Whatever you do afterwards is all on you, but I doubt it'll change their minds.

[Natsume21]

I had posted my story of how I got here in a separate thread, but it was too long for people to take the time to read. I'm also kinda hypoglecemic so it's difficult for me to focus when im starving. So here it is, condensed in it's sad glory.

[Natsume21]

I had posted my story of how I got here in a separate thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/474284-feel-so-betrayed-how-deal-loss

 

However if it's too long, I'll break it down for you:

 

I dated this girl for 3 years when we met in college. One day she got her first job and suddenly got some newer, much younger friends that was just getting into college. Next thing I knew she was distancing herself from me, hanging with them, picking fights with me, and constantly talking about her male co-worker.

 

Before I knew it, she had cheated on me with him for months and it wasn't until she broke up with me that I found out the cheating, from him. He said that she said we broke up cause I was crazy and paranoid a month ago, when we were still together...the whole time she lied to my face about it.

 

She offered friendship and I took it. Took me 3 weeks to realize that I didn't mean **** to her. We fell out, and she treated me like a stalker. Got a restraining order in the mail. Police couldn't find enough evidence to actually condemn me for it, but said that the action came from her(though she told me her parents filed it) and that I was dealing with an emotionally unstable woman, and it's best to just move on. So I did, but not without 4 months of pure emotional agony.

 

It was an interracial relationship. Her mother was vehemently against it unless I was rich. Thanks Alabama.

 

This story brought me here, so I'm telling you, dumpees, it's gonna get TERRIBLE...before it gets better.

 

It will, however, get better.--Natsume21

[Natsume21]

Update.

 

Apparently going on another date.

 

This woman, though, is extremely picky.

 

This should be fun.