How Can I Be Head Strong, without being a prick?

[greenhunter]

I see people in my everyday life that seem

so head strong. They don't take any s***, stand

up for what they believe in etc etc. How do they do it?

 

Some people can be mean about it though, and it comes off

obnoxious or rude. But they are getting what they want

and aren't second guessing or feeling bad about their actions.

 

I struggle with being the "nice" guy and being a bit passive

and it bugs the crap out of me. I am a nice guy, polite, ready to

help out, etc. But I'm 30 years old, I shouldn't

be scared of saying "No" to anyone or for making a negative point

about something that makes me feel uncomfortable,

or telling someone how i Really Feel. If I stand up for something

I believe in and it goes against other's beliefs, I feel bad after

because I second-guess my decision, wondering if I made the right

choice, going against the tide, so to speak.

 

I think I have a big problem with people being unhappy with me.

It bugs me knowing that I offended someone. If someone's being rude

well, then, that's a different story.

 

I'm sick of being passive and afraid of speaking up and sick and Tired of

getting nervous if confronted with an argument. I get chills and nervous

and I'll start shaking and my heart starts racing and I stutter and can't get the

words out right. I look like an idiot in confrontations, because I don't know what to say

and I get so Scared s***less that I just want to run away, I feel like a coawrd. I hate it.

 

What can I Do?

[tattoomytoe]

first~ you have to believe what you are saying, i.e...if you say you deserve a raise, you need to feel good about asking for it, not ashamed that who ever will think you are a snivly greedy guy.

 

basically confidence. and some self-centeredness but in a good way.

 

you cannot let other sway you either, so if you are a "can't say no" type person, you will probably need to work on it.

[FolderWife]

Firstly, do you have any examples?

 

I think I have a big problem with people being unhappy with me.

 

You can stand up for what you believe in with FACTS. For instance, you think Bush was a better candidate for President, because *present fact here* He is against gay marriages. Then the other person could argue that America is a free country, and people should be allowed to marry whomever they want. Then you could say that the Bible is where marriage was ordained. The Bible wrote the rules for marriage between a man and a woman, and the Bible is STRICTLY AGAINST being intimate with someone of the same sex, so since marriage is Biblical, and the Bible is against being gay, then why would a gay want to get married any way? " then the other person would say, "For the priveleges and tax breaks awarded to married couples." That is where you can say that you respect their opinion, but you disagree with it, and leave it alone.

 

Don't EVER argue for something with, "That's just how I feel," or, "That's just what I believe."

 

Have an opinion! If someone asks, "Did you see the boss's new haircut?" Then you say, "Yes, I LOVED it!" Then they say, "Really? I think it looks aweful!" State why you loved it. "It flatters her face more in my opinion...why dont' you like it?" and let them be the one defending their opinion.

 

It's ok to have different opinions...

 

Now, if you're asking how to avoid being walked all over....I haven't figured it out yet. I have a boss that will give me nonsense work to do, and I'll do it...but I'll occasionally add a comment like, "WHOA! a whole hour and a half for lunch! Wich I had time to take a long lunch...but *sigh* I'm so busy" to remind her that if she didn't take forever for lunch, she could do her OWN work.

 

I also am short with people if they are putting me off. Like if someone keeps bugging me about getting something done, I won't look at them, and reply with the shortest answers possible. That's a clear message that they need to back off. Then, return to them with a sweet, positive attitude.