Should I give up my hobby because my girlfriend doesnt like it?

[andreap]

I am a 30 year old guy that owns a business. From Monday to Friday I work, go to the gym and visit my girlfriend. Saturday and Sunday, I wake up early read a book, newspaper, make breakfast, walk the dog and play videogames.

 

Between two to three hours in the morning each day. At 1 I leave to see my girlfriend and spend all the day with her. Every weekend we come back to my place to watch movies, talk and then go out to eat. At the beggining of our relationship I would play while she was at my place, just to show her something cool. I realized,even it its obvious, that she is my girlfriend and not friend. So I stop doing it because she didnt like it.

 

The other day, while we were at my place, she was with her cell phone all night. I told her to please put it down, because we have to spend time with each other, not with our cell phones. This is not the first time I have told her this. After being done with the movie, and watching her still with her cell phone, I told her that we should go to the sofa just to chill. She didnt want to go with me, she went alone to rest. I came up to her to hug her, she told me to let her rest a bit.

 

I told her that I was going to play then, until she decided to do something with me, either chill or go out to eat. As soon I turn on the playstation she got really angry and left my room. I turn off the PS3 and went after her . I told her that we should get something ot eat, like if nothing happened. She tells me to leave her at her house. That she cant believe I play games, that I am like a little kid. That its ok if we play together, but not me alone. I should quit it.

 

I reminded her that before, I deleted my facebook an instagram because she hated that I have added girls (6 in total during out relationship), and now she is asking me to quit my hobby? I told her that she should write a list of acceptables hobbies or things I can do when she doesnt want to be with me. I dont know what I should do. Any advice please.

Edited May 20, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Keenly]

Absolutely not. DO NOT quit your hobby, especially if she really did say the words "You should quit" .

 

 

What is she going to ask you to give next? Another activity you enjoy ?

 

She is being a little brat by not wanting to do anything, and then when you get bored and go do something, suddenly she acts like she has been waiting for you to go out with her the whole time.

 

This woman is just a princess who is used to getting whatever she wants, whenever she wants it. Find better company. The kind that accepts your hobbies and doesn't try to rip the things that make you happy away from you.

[Poppyolive]

No...absolutely not. She's just being a little brat. You guys should really communicate and not use things to set each other off. Eg. Her: i feel like hanging out on my phone for a bit, you: cool, well then I'll play a video game. Not well because you're on your phone I'll play a video game then....see the difference?

 

My ex used to.play video games, sometimes I'd join him and sometimes not, I never had a problem with it, sometimes I.might say babe come to bed. But never got huffy about it. He would always say I'm just having me time he'd play and I totally respected that. Just like I would like time playing scrabble....

 

I must say though communication comes first over any video game. And as long as it's not completely over the top hours on end playing. It sounds like she had a strop and got huffy. But these simple conflicts can become a big deal. Stop, communicate & listen.

 

You should never give I'll a hobby

[andreap]

She is very understanding and tolerable. She has a big heart. Lately she has been like this though. At the minimum thing she gets angry. Things that are not even important. For me the problem is over in a second. But she stays angry until the next day. It has reach the point where I dont even care why she is angry, I just want her bitchy moment to end. Oh and the new thing when she gets angry is " Then break up with if you want!" I have told her many times if she wants to break up she should do it, and not put it on me.

[andreap]

No...absolutely not. She's just being a little brat. You guys should really communicate and not use things to set each other off. Eg. Her: i feel like hanging out on my phone for a bit, you: cool, well then I'll play a video game. Not well because you're on your phone I'll play a video game then....see the difference?

 

My ex used to.play video games, sometimes I'd join him and sometimes not, I never had a problem with it, sometimes I.might say babe come to bed. But never got huffy about it. He would always say I'm just having me time he'd play and I totally respected that. Just like I would like time playing scrabble....

 

I must say though communication comes first over any video game. And as long as it's not completely over the top hours on end playing. It sounds like she had a strop and got huffy. But these simple conflicts can become a big deal. Stop, communicate & listen.

 

You should never give I'll a hobby

 

I didnt tell her, because your are on your phone then I will play. I told, baby when you want to do something come up to me, I will be playing .As soon as I mentioned playing, she got angry. Its the fact that I had the intention of playing that made her angry. Then, when I turn it on, she left. So you see, I wasnt even playing, and she got all mad about it.

[Targetlock]

no don't up your pastimes to satisfy her, it sounds bitchy and controlling to me with her actions.

[angel.eyes]

Why get together if she's on her phone the whole time and you're off playing videogames? You wouldn't be paying attention to each other.

 

My boyfriend doesn't want me chained to my phone when we're together. He's never actually said anything, but it clearly annoys him. He turns his off and focuses all his attention on me. As a compromise, I leave mine in another room so it's not a distraction, but I won't turn it off. Relationships are about communication, negotiation, and compromise. You both need to figure out a way to make things work. Otherwise your relationship, which seems to be on the rocks already, will just implode.

[xxmusical]

It sounds like there's a deeper issue behind her angry mood.

 

Oh and the new thing when she gets angry is " Then break up with if you want!" I have told her many times if she wants to break up she should do it, and not put it on me.

 

I think she's bored of the relationship. She's leaning toward wanting to end things so that's why she's using every little opportunity to throw a tantrum at you. Talk to her.

 

I'm personally totally ok with my bf playing videogames. I play with him too.

[Els]

She's being excessive. I could understand her throwing a fuss if you were constantly playing it instead of going out with her, or if it were an addiction that were preventing you from functioning like a normal adult. But in your case, your habits seem fine and she sounds rather prejudiced.

 

I told her that she should write a list of acceptables hobbies or things I can do when she doesnt want to be with me.

 

Uhhhh.... No, I REALLY don't recommend handling things in this manner.

[Grumpybutfun]

Hell, you've given up almost everything else...I'm imagining you chained to a radiator in the basement after marriage only being released to clean the gutters, mow the lawn and go to your job for income. This is micromanagement and controlling and should not be tolerated in relationships. Demands to give up things you love are signs to her to see how far she can go to make you prove your devotion...well, you can't go far enough because people who require things like this are dark holes of need that can never be filled.

Geez, run,

Grumps

[KathyM]

I agree with the poster who was saying why get together at all if you are going to be ignoring her to play video games, and she is going to be ignoring you to talk/text other people on her phone? When you're together, then pay attention to each other. It's not that difficult, or at least it shouldn't be. Talk to her, do things with her. Don't get together and then give sporatic attention to her in between video gaming. Just leave the video gaming for times when you are by yourself. And three hours a morning on video games seems excessive IMO.

[whichwayisup]

She is very understanding and tolerable. She has a big heart. Lately she has been like this though. At the minimum thing she gets angry. Things that are not even important. For me the problem is over in a second. But she stays angry until the next day. It has reach the point where I dont even care why she is angry, I just want her bitchy moment to end. Oh and the new thing when she gets angry is " Then break up with if you want!" I have told her many times if she wants to break up she should do it, and not put it on me.

 

Very immature reaction and threat there on her behalf.

 

So, she's allowed to goof off and do whatever on her cell to relax but you're not allowed to play video games? That's bullsh.it!

 

Next time she threatens to break up with you, tell her to go home and think about breaking up over you playing video games a few hours a day and if that really is the issue. And, if she does break up over this then your relationship isn't worth saving.

 

I bought my husband Xbox360. I get "me" time!

 

May I ask how old you two are?

[Smilecharmer]

Hell, you've given up almost everything else...I'm imagining you chained to a radiator in the basement after marriage only being released to clean the gutters, mow the lawn and go to your job for income. This is micromanagement and controlling and should not be tolerated in relationships. Demands to give up things you love are signs to her to see how far she can go to make you prove your devotion...well, you can't go far enough because people who require things like this are dark holes of need that can never be filled.

Geez, run,

Grumps

 

 

This was exactly what I was thinking. ^^^^^ Read carefully OP. Something is amiss here.

[Emilia]

You both need more hobbies if you ask me....

[Lixxy]

Are you wealthy?

 

Because I don't understand why she's with you if she seems to hate everything you do. Possible gold digger?

 

Don't give her any power over you - ENJOY YOUR hobbies!

[todreaminblue]

I would be really upset if my boyfriend asked me to give up something that i enjoyed doing was not harmful to me, so i wouldnt ask my partner or expect that to be done for me

 

she wasnt really rational to go off in a huff when you said when you are ready more or less....but we all have those moments where we are goofs and dotn do or say the right things........you really need to talk to her about what you want from your relationship and what you want from time spent together....

 

 

maybe phones can be turned off for a while........and more quality time than quantity maybe make the time shorter.....maybe outings instead of couch and movies.......make plans the week before on what you want to do or would like to do together...something enriching and fresh alternate on plans so you both end up doing things you love to do together....

 

 

i find having set plans and looking forward all week to having fun with a partner is exciting......something to look forward to and i have never really had a bad date that was planned i have had things go wrong sure .......but somehow it really doesnt matter if things go wrong.....just adds to the memories.like rain for instance..

 

 

 

 

theres nothing wrong with watching movies and couch surfing for a couple of dates not every time though and i have found when you dont have things planned it often ends up to be couch surfing with a dvd.......having plans develops communication strategies and you get to spend time getting to know each others ways...of communicating likes and dislikes......thoughts .....and even ideas...its all bonus...in really knowing someone and how to manage your time together.....you actually need to communicate what you like or put out your ideas and away you go....then.....she will know you arent only about games..didnt sound like she was too keen to watch a dvd either....what is she doing on her phone actually? what is she looking at while you are together........ playing ps3 when you feel like playing isnt such a big deal.....maybe..if you guys do soemthign different she sounds bored....sorry.......i wish you well....deb

[andreap]

Well she apologized next day. She told me she realized she was being bitchy about stuff. She has never been like that, and that probably her problems at her house are affecting her (She is going through a tough time right now, REALLY TOUGH). I told her that I am there to support her, and that all these problems actually makes us grow as a couple if we are willing to learn from them. Problems will never go away. However, we can improve the way we deal with them. We can learn from them. Personally, I would let her know when I dont like something, instead of waiting for her to figure it out. She didnt tell me what she learn haha but the fact that she came to apologize (never happens) shows me that she knows she did wrong.

[CarsAreForNoobs]

Did noone bother to comment on the clear insecurity issues here? Making you delete social media is a little strange. Does she have a Facebook/Instagram?

 

A little jealousy can be kind of hot. The kind that makes you hide from the world to appease someones craziness is worrying.

 

As for the videogames, don't stop doing something you enjoy for a girl. There is nothing wrong with enjoying something a little childish. I still read comic books sometimes. My girlfriend finds it a little funny that a 25 year old bodybuilder with two college degrees likes comic books but she would never tell me to stop doing anything I enjoy.

[central]

She gets upset if you play videogames, yet is addicted to her phone and ignores you.

 

Next time she gets on her phone and won't put it away when you ask, start playing a videogame. If she confronts you about it, tell her that her phone obsession is no different, and if she wants you to stop video games when she's there, she needs to put the phone away when you're doing anything together.

 

Her attitude is controlling, biased, and hypocritical. Call her on it.

[RonaldS]

You should give up your hobby of hanging out with her.

[carhill]

Any advice please.

 

Here's some advice from a fM old fart:

 

Do what you enjoy doing in life.

 

Get used to a woman complaining/venting/ranting about something. Don't take it personally. If the noise becomes intolerable, pull the ejection handle.

[sillyanswer]

Any advice please.

 

There's a saying that goes something like "you shouldn't date someone to change them." Explain it to your gf.

[serial muse]

No, you shouldn't give up a hobby just to please someone. That way lies madness.

 

That said...OP, you've started a lot of threads about this woman over the last year or so. They waver between two themes: 1) she's controlling and jealous; and 2) you're not really into her sexually and maybe want out so you can date other women. I'm guessing that those two themes dominate your relationship and have created a feedback loop. Bottom line, you're not all in and she probably knows it, because she probably has seen you look around, and it feeds whatever existing jealousy tendencies she might already have (i.e. extrapolating your tendency to admire beautiful women who aren't her to your friendships with women on FB and then demanding in a frenzy that you cut all ties with them). Her behavior is over the top but OTOH she probably has reason to actually be insecure...so what're you gonna do?

 

I guess what I'm saying is, maybe this relationship isn't right for either of you. Seems to just produce a lot of anxiety on both sides. Something to think about.