Dating: A unique situation.

[Wes765]

So I suppose a little background on me first:

I'm 23, live in Colorado. I've always been the shy guy. Once I warm up to someone, then I'm ok. I don't do well with crowds, and a bunch of people I don't know.

I've had relationships in the past, but they've all gone south.

I suppose the big reason for this is the fact I'm blind. I don't let it affect me, at least as much as I can help it. I think when I ask girls out, or they see me, I get the "oh he's blind, so I feel sorry for him", type of deal, or I get the "you're a great friend but...." thing. I guess I really don't have a question, it's more of a vent really. I guess I'm just hoping that all girls aren't like that and one of them one of these days will look past it, and not think it's a big deal at all. Do you guys have any advice? Thanks, and sorry for the long post.

 

TL;DR: I'm blind, and I can't seam to find girls who will look past it.

 

 

Edit: I've tried online dating, kinda got me nowhere

Edited May 19, 2014 by Wes765

[angel.eyes]

First, all guys face repeated rejection. It's one of the difficult aspects of finding a relationship. You aren't alone in your struggle.

 

Second, understand your strengths as a dating partner, and play those to your advantage. Lead with those rather than what you don't have.

 

Third, in addition to regular dating avenues, have you considered dating sites and options geared to those with disabilities? If not, include those in your search for someone special.

 

Fourth, you seem upbeat and optimistic despite having been dealt an unfair hand. Kudos on that! A positive attitude will take you far in life and love.

 

You don't have to answer, but why are you blind? I'm just curious.

[Omei]

He's blind because he cant see

 

Okay so I might just be ignorant but I get how blind people prob have keyboards for the blind maybe...I have never seen one but uh how is he supposed to read your reply ?

 

I wanna know

 

Unless you are not 100% blind?

[Andy_K]

Screen reader software. It's pretty common.

 

Also he might not be totally blind, your vision only needs to be under a certain percentage of normal to be registered blind. I forget what, but probably 10 or 20 percent.

[Just-A-Normal-Guy]

As the previous copier answered rejection is common to all guys. But man I truly believe you will find someone. I have heard stories of plenty of people with much worse disabilities that found someone special. Honestly it is all about confidence. Just act like you know what you are doing and girls will believe it. I would advise you to check out simplepickup on youtube. I know you can't see but the sound might help. The videos are just guys picking up girls with a bunch of barriers. Examples are using a costume, a wheelchair, a fat suit, only pokemon pick-up lines. Just ridiculous stuff but they still get the girls numbers. I believe in you buddy. Best of luck!

[Poppygoodwill]

Your lack of success iwth the ladies might have very little to do with being blind. I think a lot of guys make the mistake of confusing "respectful" with "passive" and get punted into the friendzone only because they don't make their intentions clear enough.

 

This is not about coming on strong, but about coming on, period. Like it or not, women are taught to let the guy do the pursuing. That doesn't mean the whole chase, but largely it means that girls will hang back and let the guy put himself out there as proof that he's interested.

 

If a guy doesn't put himself out there - in more than a "I want to be your friend" way, but in a sexy, romantic "I'm having impure thoughts about you" kidn of way, then women will think he's not really interested.

 

Blind or not, if you aren't clear with the ladies that you're interested in romance, then they will assume you're only friend material.

[angel.eyes]

He's blind because he cant see

 

Oh, thank you so much for defining the word "blind" for me! I had no idea what the word actually meant.

[topaMAXX]

So I suppose a little background on me first:

I'm 23, live in Colorado. I've always been the shy guy. Once I warm up to someone, then I'm ok. I don't do well with crowds, and a bunch of people I don't know.

I've had relationships in the past, but they've all gone south.

I suppose the big reason for this is the fact I'm blind. I don't let it affect me, at least as much as I can help it. I think when I ask girls out, or they see me, I get the "oh he's blind, so I feel sorry for him", type of deal, or I get the "you're a great friend but...." thing. I guess I really don't have a question, it's more of a vent really. I guess I'm just hoping that all girls aren't like that and one of them one of these days will look past it, and not think it's a big deal at all. Do you guys have any advice? Thanks, and sorry for the long post.

 

TL;DR: I'm blind, and I can't seam to find girls who will look past it.

 

 

Edit: I've tried online dating, kinda got me nowhere

 

Definitely an interesting situation.

 

First off, as others have said, props on the positive attitude.

 

So there's a few things you can do in my opinion. You could either act as if it's not a problem or you could joke about it and play it off like it's no big deal.

 

Also, you sound like you've done pretty well with women thus far. Props again.

 

Overall though, it sounds like you're already good and don't really need any advice. In fact, I think you could give about half of the people on this site solid advice!

[Omei]

Oh, thank you so much for defining the word "blind" for me! I had no idea what the word actually meant.

 

You're welcome hahaha sorry sometimes I like a good trolling.

[Assasda]

As my man Just-a-Normal-Guy said. Its all about confidence.

I personally dont even think it matters if you're blind.

 

They real crutch for you, is probably that you're shy, and what you do to cut that out, is fake it till you make it.

 

I have personally seen a blind guy, dance up a storm at a club. and have girls buying him drinks, and believe you me, none of it was for pity. He was just sure of himself and totally in his element.

No one could tell him that, that wasnt his reality.

 

Any keep on, keeping on, fake it till you make it to get out of being shy, and you'll be just fine

[Koopa]

I would consider your blindness a strength because one day you WILL find a woman and you will love her because of who she is, and not because of what she looks like.

 

Those of us with sight pre judge people because of looks and because of that, many of us have probably missed out on some truly great people.

 

Not to mention since your other senses are enhanced to compensate for your lack of sight, you are probably a great lover.

[Wes765]

You don't have to answer, but why are you blind? I'm just curious.

 

I was 24 weeks premie. They gave me a 10% chance of making it.

[Wes765]

Screen reader software. It's pretty common.

 

Also he might not be totally blind, your vision only needs to be under a certain percentage of normal to be registered blind. I forget what, but probably 10 or 20 percent.

 

What this guy said.

I'm not totally blind, I can see light. If it's bright enough.

[Wes765]

As the previous copier answered rejection is common to all guys. But man I truly believe you will find someone. I have heard stories of plenty of people with much worse disabilities that found someone special. Honestly it is all about confidence. Just act like you know what you are doing and girls will believe it. I would advise you to check out simplepickup on youtube. I know you can't see but the sound might help. The videos are just guys picking up girls with a bunch of barriers. Examples are using a costume, a wheelchair, a fat suit, only pokemon pick-up lines. Just ridiculous stuff but they still get the girls numbers. I believe in you buddy. Best of luck!

 

I will check that out, sounds fun!

[happywithlife]

While your being blind may turn some girls off, it is not a death sentence to dating. I knew a blind man who was quiet the player and could get almost any woman he wanted to! I also know a parapalegic who met his wife after he sustained his spinal injury. They've been married for almost 20 yrs and are still in love with each other. Dating is all about finding the right person. There is a lot of trial and error no matter who you are.

[angel.eyes]

I was 24 weeks premie. They gave me a 10% chance of making it.

 

Congrats on being such a fighter! You'll eventually win at dating too.

[Wes765]

Congrats on being such a fighter! You'll eventually win at dating too.

 

Thanks! The doctors told my mom that she should let them take all the machines off because I wouldn't make it anyway. She wouldn't let them, and when I started breathing on my own, they told her they'd never seen anything like it

[Wes765]

While your being blind may turn some girls off, it is not a death sentence to dating. I knew a blind man who was quiet the player and could get almost any woman he wanted to! I also know a parapalegic who met his wife after he sustained his spinal injury. They've been married for almost 20 yrs and are still in love with each other. Dating is all about finding the right person. There is a lot of trial and error no matter who you are.

 

I think being blind and becoming blind are two totally different things. Becoming paraplegic and being paraplegic are completely different, IMO.

As for the blind guy who could get any girl he wanted, how would you suggest picking up on body language, because it's such a visual thing.

I suppose the sound of her voice, inflection, tone, ETC ETC.

[morrowrd]

The magic word is patience. Introverted and shy guys biggest threat is not being true to themselves. Don't get lost in the online dating (which in my *experienced opinion is the best resource for private people) and let situations you're uncomfortable with take you over. Relax, and wait. They will come to you.

 

* I am in a relationship with a very pretty blonde 15 years younger girl I met on OKcupid. I see myself as no prize, just a man who is pretty secure with themselves, financially, emotionally, and otherwise. Sure she has children, but I treat them well, and she's mine.

 

My advice, be yourself. Put up on online profile and one or two dating sites and wait. It will be worth it.

[Koopa]

I think being blind and becoming blind are two totally different things. Becoming paraplegic and being paraplegic are completely different, IMO.

As for the blind guy who could get any girl he wanted, how would you suggest picking up on body language, because it's such a visual thing.

I suppose the sound of her voice, inflection, tone, ETC ETC.

 

Use your strengths to your advantage, like you said voice inflection and tone is a good starting point. But don't forget you have an enhanced sense of smell too, so that is good reason to compliment her on the perfume she is wearing and one trick that Ray Charles would do is he would grab a womans arm to size her up and make sure he is not flirting with a giant, this also establishes contact which is an important part of flirting and do not forget to smile but I would advise against face touching, that could make people uncomfortable.

[Wes765]

The magic word is patience. Introverted and shy guys biggest threat is not being true to themselves. Don't get lost in the online dating (which in my *experienced opinion is the best resource for private people) and let situations you're uncomfortable with take you over. Relax, and wait. They will come to you.

 

* I am in a relationship with a very pretty blonde 15 years younger girl I met on OKcupid. I see myself as no prize, just a man who is pretty secure with themselves, financially, emotionally, and otherwise. Sure she has children, but I treat them well, and she's mine.

 

My advice, be yourself. Put up on online profile and one or two dating sites and wait. It will be worth it.

 

Like I said, I tried that, and it got me nowhere. I'd get one or two responses from girls, but when they found out I was blind, they ran. It's in my profile, so it's just a case of them not reading.

I ended up taking my profile down because I felt like it was getting me nowhere.

[Wes765]

Use your strengths to your advantage, like you said voice inflection and tone is a good starting point. But don't forget you have an enhanced sense of smell too, so that is good reason to compliment her on the perfume she is wearing and one trick that Ray Charles would do is he would grab a womans arm to size her up and make sure he is not flirting with a giant, this also establishes contact which is an important part of flirting and do not forget to smile but I would advise against face touching, that could make people uncomfortable.

 

I don't do the face touching thing, it makes me uncomfortable too. I've thought about doing the compliment perfume thing, but I just haven't grown enough balls to do it. LOL. I suppose I have to do what another poster said a few posts back. Fake it till you make it.

I didn't know about the Ray Charles thing, that's actually a really good idea, and I have a valid reason to be touching their arm. Sighted guide

[pteromom]

Your blindness may limit your potential partners, but there is definitely a girl out there for you - someone very strong and special who will see you as the courageous fighter you are, and not just as your disability.

 

Rather than take down your profile, I would put up MORE profiles. Don't get discouraged... you are looking for a girl who is a diamond, and she isn't easy to find. But she has to be able to find YOU, so you have to put yourself out there.

 

Put profiles up EVERYWHERE, go out, ask friends if they know anyone... hell even ask friends of your parents, your teachers, whoever! Let the universe know you are looking, and open yourself up to possibilities.

 

Don't be discouraged by the girls who can't see past your blindness... they do not matter, and it will all be worth it when you find your diamond girl.

[Wes765]

Your blindness may limit your potential partners, but there is definitely a girl out there for you - someone very strong and special who will see you as the courageous fighter you are, and not just as your disability.

 

Rather than take down your profile, I would put up MORE profiles. Don't get discouraged... you are looking for a girl who is a diamond, and she isn't easy to find. But she has to be able to find YOU, so you have to put yourself out there.

 

Put profiles up EVERYWHERE, go out, ask friends if they know anyone... hell even ask friends of your parents, your teachers, whoever! Let the universe know you are looking, and open yourself up to possibilities.

 

Don't be discouraged by the girls who can't see past your blindness... they do not matter, and it will all be worth it when you find your diamond girl.

 

I appreciate this, and I think you're right. I put up an OKC profile. I don't do POF, and besides I've heard it's horrible.

I also have a Youtube, Instapaper, Instagram, Facebook, Google Plus, and Twitter. So I guess I'm everywhere. LOL.

[hasaquestion]

You've got a good attitude.

 

My advice would be don't look at it as a weakness. Look at it as an opportunity.

 

Yes, your blindness might be a deal breaker for 90% of women right off the bat.

 

But you have the potential do very well with the 10% left over. The ones that don't see your eyesight as a deal breaker will find you, at your best, fascinating.

 

You know how it could be worse? You could be equally bland to 100% of women.