Els Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Here's what I think you guys should do. Get legally married. I REALLY don't think she should do this. 13 Link to post Share on other sites
Medium.Lumo Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 I REALLY don't think she should do this. He earns 4 times more than her. I'd have to get all the details from them to be sure, but I'm pretty sure this would help them tax wise. There are also some other benefits. Of course if you're talking about the relationship status, that's something only they can properly gauge. To me it seems she is in love with him else she would have broken up with him already. He sounds messed up with money but that can be handled by removing or minimising his involvement with the financial side of the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 He earns 4 times more than her. I'd have to get all the details from them to be sure, but I'm pretty sure this would help them tax wise. There are also some other benefits. Of course if you're talking about the relationship status, that's something only they can properly gauge. To me it seems she is in love with him else she would have broken up with him already. He sounds messed up with money but that can be handled by removing or minimising his involvement with the financial side of the relationship. Now just transfer this assertiveness to the ladies and you will be just fine 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Medium.Lumo Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 I REALLY don't think she should do this. If you mean they shouldn't just do it legally and they should have a full wedding ceremony, I disagree. If they are down to such a low amount of usable funds and he has such high debt, they should just get cheap rings and get legally married, and have a white dress renewal in 10 years once they are in a better financial position. Link to post Share on other sites
Medium.Lumo Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Now just transfer this assertiveness to the ladies and you will be just fine Well, I haven't had good luck with ladies so I need to keep them happy Money on the other hand... I can't even imagine reaching $40. And I actually hatedon't finance talk for a long time. My brothers and dad are all MBAs and I got so sick of money talk I was physically ill at the sound of it when I was young. I'm really not a genius when it comes to money like they are, I studied technology, but I know the basics very well and can't believe how some people end up in the situations they do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 He earns 4 times more than her. I'd have to get all the details from them to be sure, but I'm pretty sure this would help them tax wise. There are also some other benefits. Of course if you're talking about the relationship status, that's something only they can properly gauge. To me it seems she is in love with him else she would have broken up with him already. He sounds messed up with money but that can be handled by removing or minimising his involvement with the financial side of the relationship. If you mean they shouldn't just do it legally and they should have a full wedding ceremony, I disagree. If they are down to such a low amount of usable funds and he has such high debt, they should just get cheap rings and get legally married, and have a white dress renewal in 10 years once they are in a better financial position. Uhhhhh... I think it's pretty obvious to anyone who has read Phoe's posts, why I think your suggestion was a bad idea. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Medium.Lumo Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Uhhhhh... I think it's pretty obvious to anyone who has read Phoe's posts, why I think your suggestion was a bad idea. Sorry, I'm not really familiar with all her posts being new here and mainly needing advice on my own relationship so I could easily be missing a lot. From a financial point of view I will back the advice I gave, though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Sorry, I'm not really familiar with all her posts being new here and mainly needing advice on my own relationship so I could easily be missing a lot. From a financial point of view I will back the advice I gave, though. Sure, you don't see me disagreeing with the other parts of your post, do you? Marriage isn't just a financial venture, though. There are other costs in life than money. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Medium.Lumo Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Sure, you don't see me disagreeing with the other parts of your post, do you? Marriage isn't just a financial venture, though. There are other costs in life than money. Very true. Good point I found that out the hard way in my current relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 I only read first 5 pages and all comments about bf aside, I really don't get this. Phoe has savings and a credit card. Surely she can use some of savings money instead of starving?? Yeah, yeah, she would rather not use savings but seriously wtf? Or even CC which gives her about a month interest free and surely won't give her bad credit. With having all these options she is choosing to starve? From a practical stand point, this doesn't make any sense. 13 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 I really don't understand why the money in savings can't be used for food and gas. Is the money tied up in stocks and bonds? Take out what you need to survive, and when he pays you back, then you can put the money back in. Honestly, the fact that you are putting in a bunch of money towards the place you are going to live in together, and that he's put in nothing is a terrible sign. Do you really believe that you guys can cover rent with the money you two are making minus expenses? Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 A healthy relationship is not one where one partner feels afraid to speak up and request the money back that he owes her when she's about to go hungry for the next couple of weeks. I agree. And I'm going to turn this a bit. I won't criticize your BF, OP. I'll ask you: You already know that what he’s done is not good. So why do you fear telling him? Are you afraid to have an open honest relationship? Don’t be. It truly is easier. Learning how to be open is well worth the effort. Unless you learn to speak up comfortably and easily, there will always be turbulent emotional undercurrents in your relationship(s). It's NOT better to be passive and fearful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Untouched Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 You really should just ask for the money. You say you have a great relationship. So you should be fine being open about what you need to communicate to him. That is what I think is important in any relationship. Don't you? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 I REALLY don't think she should do this. That post doesn't have enough likes. Getting married would be a huge mistake. Maybe in a year or two down the line if they are still together. For now, there seems to be a general lack of trust and understanding between them, and even moving in together in the near future will be a very big mistake. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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