UK Man Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 (edited) Hello I posted here before about this , but things have changed abit To Summarise......... My wife left me 10 weeks ago , The first 5 weeks I constantly text and harassed her . Then the bext 3 weeks left her alone For the first 6 weeks she said the marriage is definately over . Then 4 weeks ago she had a change of tune and said she needs to be on her own to have time to think about us. So she said she can move onto the army base where she works as a civillian and go and live in the officers accomodation. I agreed to this and said it would do her good to have space by herself to think . She is still living at her friends and moves this weekend Then last monday I drove around to her friends house at 2am and her car wasn't there . I phoned her up and asked her was she with a man . She said yes she was. She said it was a man who works on the army base who she has known for a while Then in the last 7 days she has not been at her friends house in the middle of night 5 times out of the 7 I spoke to her saturday and she said that what she does when we are apart is her business is no concern of mine and if after she has had time to think that she wants to come home we would never discuss what she has been up to during the spilt . I like a fool agreed with her. She said its not even serious between them and most of the time they just kiss and cuddle and talk !!! Since saturday she has been with him for the last 2 nights . I dont know what to to do ......... 1) talk to her AGAIN and tell her its over unless she gives him up . but she could still live on the army base for space to think . I think she would say its ok then its over as she is quite stubborn By the way when she lives on base this man will be living in the same block as her 2) Not do anything , let her carry on and wait for her to think about us and give me her decision in time . but then will I be able to trust her when / if she came home ? and be thinking about what she had done all the time The trouble is I still love her very much indeed Your thoughts would be welcome Edited May 19, 2014 by UK Man Link to post Share on other sites
TiredFamilyGuy Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 She left you. She is sleeping with another guy (really, no way this is not happening: 'most of the time they just kiss and cuddle and talk', yup and the rest of the time they are shagging. As for 'if after she has had time to think that she wants to come home we would never discuss what she has been up to during the spilt'. Well, f*ck that. She shows you no respect. You show yourself no respect. Hard 180 now - and be glad this woman is out of your life. No way would or should you be able to *dream* of trusting her afterwards. If you want to be a fool for love, pine away. But fool would be too mild a term. I hope you snap out of the funk, and get the strength to focus on yourself and your life, not driving out at 2am to wait for your wife to be shagged somewhere. Sorry if that's harsh. I have great sympathy for your pain, you are knocked for six. But snap out of it. You cannot 'Nice' her back, and even if you could, she would show you no respect. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author UK Man Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 She left you. She is sleeping with another guy (really, no way this is not happening: 'most of the time they just kiss and cuddle and talk', yup and the rest of the time they are shagging. As for 'if after she has had time to think that she wants to come home we would never discuss what she has been up to during the spilt'. Well, f*ck that. She shows you no respect. You show yourself no respect. Hard 180 now - and be glad this woman is out of your life. No way would or should you be able to *dream* of trusting her afterwards. If you want to be a fool for love, pine away. But fool would be too mild a term. I hope you snap out of the funk, and get the strength to focus on yourself and your life, not driving out at 2am to wait for your wife to be shagged somewhere. Sorry if that's harsh. I have great sympathy for your pain, you are knocked for six. But snap out of it. You cannot 'Nice' her back, and even if you could, she would show you no respect. so shall i not confront her and take it thats its over or do i confront her to get answers ? thanks Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 I wouldn't bother with a confrontation. Instead, I'd focus my energies on putting her in my rear-view mirror and getting on with my life. Finances are totally and wholly separated, right? 8 Link to post Share on other sites
FredJones80 Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 UK Man, I remember your story and was keeping up with it until you vanished, I had wondered what had happened. Sadly, I think this other man was the reason she left. Time to accept the truth and move on 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author UK Man Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 I wouldn't bother with a confrontation. Instead, I'd focus my energies on putting her in my rear-view mirror and getting on with my life. Finances are totally and wholly separated, right? yeah finances are separated but she said to me saturday that she just needs time to think alone and space in the army mess . yet she has been with this army man 6 out of 8 nights . he is around 12-15 years younger than her by reading between the lines what she was saying she cant be thinking about me can she ? Link to post Share on other sites
TiredFamilyGuy Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 1) talk to her AGAIN 2) let her carry on........and give me her decision in time How about option 3) -Hard 180 (it's in one of the forum FAQs if you don't know what I mean) -Focus on you, not on her. -Thank your lucky stars the cheating confused woman is off skanking elsewhere, gives you the room to extricate her from your life. -Expose to all and sundry - particularly her family, that is why you are getting divorced. I think your aim should be, go for a divorce and get as much of the detail agreed before your wife comes down from la la dream cloud rainbow cuckoo land where the grass is greener, back to reality. Don't be waiting for her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author UK Man Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 UK Man, I remember your story and was keeping up with it until you vanished, I had wondered what had happened. Sadly, I think this other man was the reason she left. Time to accept the truth and move on Fred , I dont believe he was the reason she left . why has she had a change of heart in the last 3 weeks or so about coming home ? and also her car has always been at her friends house up until 8 days ago . then last 8 days been out all night she did say that she has known this man through work for the last few years , so when she split , i suppose she thought she may start something with him please tell me what to do guys im going out of my mind here Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 yeah finances are separated but she said to me saturday that she just needs time to think alone and space in the army mess . yet she has been with this army man 6 out of 8 nights . he is around 12-15 years younger than her by reading between the lines what she was saying she cant be thinking about me can she ? It's a pretty safe bet that she's not spending a hell of a lot of time thinking about you, that's for sure. Best move is to return the favor. Armydouche will dump her shortly. By that time I hope you're emotionally past her and dating a few hot women yourself. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 so shall i not confront her and take it thats its over or do i confront her to get answers ? thanks Her actions are showing you something, pay attention to it. If she wanted to be with you, she would be. If she wanted to put effort into you and the marriage, she would. Sadly she hasn't. You love her but until she misses you and feels real consequence of her actions nothing is going to change. Please find it in you to tell her you're filing for divorce. And actually DO file, don't just say you are. That could scare and wake her up that you've given up and she could change her tune, or it'll confirm that your marriage is over and as sad and as hard it'll be to go through, it's better you end it and not waste any more time on someone who isn't committing to you on any level. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 please tell me what to do guys im going out of my mind here Work out to utter bloody exhaustion every day. Light on booze, heavy on water. File for divorce. Meet women. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author UK Man Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 It's a pretty safe bet that she's not spending a hell of a lot of time thinking about you, that's for sure. Best move is to return the favor. Armydouche will dump her shortly. By that time I hope you're emotionally past her and dating a few hot women yourself. why would he dump her ? i wonder if she has told him the truth . i reckon that she has said she has separated , but bet she hasnt said she is taking time out to think about us....... unless that isnt the truth I just dont know what to do ....... confront her or just leave her be ? im going crazy here Link to post Share on other sites
Author UK Man Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 Her actions are showing you something, pay attention to it. If she wanted to be with you, she would be. If she wanted to put effort into you and the marriage, she would. Sadly she hasn't. You love her but until she misses you and feels real consequence of her actions nothing is going to change. Please find it in you to tell her you're filing for divorce. And actually DO file, don't just say you are. That could scare and wake her up that you've given up and she could change her tune, or it'll confirm that your marriage is over and as sad and as hard it'll be to go through, it's better you end it and not waste any more time on someone who isn't committing to you on any level. here in the UK you can only file for divorce for unreasonable behavour or adultry . she wasnt any of the two during the marriage . or else you have to be separated for 2 years to file for divorce Link to post Share on other sites
TiredFamilyGuy Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Leave her be. Disengage. You are evidently in a mess but instead of being angry or pleased to be rid of the loveless skank, you are being a confused whiny douche. I say that with warm feelings of sympathy for a sufferer. "Time out to think about us' equals 'I want to keep my options open for a while while banging a few guys' Why you would dream of playing along is beyond me. No love there, mate. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 why would he dump her ? Your wife is 49 or 50, he's 35 to 38. To be blunt, she's an easy lay (please don't take too much offense, I'm just trying to shoot straight here). But I'm betting dollars to doughnuts that he is NOT looking for a long-term relationship. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
FredJones80 Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 please tell me what to do guys im going out of my mind here I know this is hard on you and I really feel for you. But listen and think long and hard on this... If she is really "thinking" about you and her, why is she "kissing" and "cuddling" with someone else. You're thinking with blinkers on, think rationally. If you were in her position would you be "thinking" in the arms of another man? Would you be "cuddling" and "kissing" someone else? I bet damn sure the answer is : NO. So why is she? Take a step back, as someone else said, look at her actions, don't listen to her words. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author UK Man Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 Your wife is 49 or 50, he's 35 to 38. To be blunt, she's an easy lay (please don't take too much offense, I'm just trying to shoot straight here). But I'm betting dollars to doughnuts that he is NOT looking for a long-term relationship. I think he even may be married Link to post Share on other sites
FredJones80 Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Sorry pal, you're being played like a fiddle. Do as the others suggest, make moves, appear as if you're letting her go. It may be the only way to jolt her out of her mid life crisis when SHE realises she may lose YOU. If she doesn't then she obviously isn't worth it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 here in the UK you can only file for divorce for unreasonable behavour or adultry . she wasnt any of the two during the marriage . or else you have to be separated for 2 years to file for divorce Then let her do her thing and separate yourself emotionally from her. She wants space and wants to do as she pleases (which she is doing now with or without your blessing) whenever she wants. Detach and focus on you and your life. Get busier, meet friends, join a gym so you can punch the crap out of a punching bag to let off steam. Tire yourself out as someone else said. Use this time to work on you and put emotional distance between you and her. She has no interest connecting with you. I'm sorry this probably hurts to read, but it seems right now the reality is, your wife isn't the wife/woman you once knew and loved. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TiredFamilyGuy Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 here in the UK you can only file for divorce for unreasonable behavour or adultry . she wasnt any of the two during the marriage . or else you have to be separated for 2 years to file for divorce Someone has been feeding you porky pies, my son. 'The duration that it may take to get a divorce in the UK varies. In a straight-forward case where the two parties consent the grounds for divorce, a case takes on average 4 - 6 months, and neither party has to appear in court at any stage. If the parties cannot agree or delays are made in the conclusion and return of papers to the Courts, this can lengthen the time it takes' Step 1:File a divorce petition - you have to apply to the court for permission to divorce, and show reasons why you want the marriage to end. Plenty of places to do this. You can start it online! Get cracking! Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 I think he even may be married Then do what you can to find out who his wife is, marshal your evidence, and have a chat with her. Blow his f*cking armydouche world up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author UK Man Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 so what do i do exactly from here ? what way to go please give me details guys . confront or ignore etc ? thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author UK Man Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 Then do what you can to find out who his wife is, marshal your evidence, and have a chat with her. Blow his f*cking armydouche world up. impossible to find out . not a clue who he is . lives on army base thats all i know i may be wrong he might not be married . Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 so what do i do exactly from here ? what way to go please give me details guys . confront or ignore etc ? thanks Ignore. Your kids are grown, finances are separated, no point in talking to her about anything. Go dark on her. Radio silence. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author UK Man Posted May 19, 2014 Author Share Posted May 19, 2014 here in the UK you can only file for divorce for unreasonable behavour or adultry . she wasnt any of the two during the marriage . or else you have to be separated for 2 years to file for divorce Someone has been feeding you porky pies, my son. 'The duration that it may take to get a divorce in the UK varies. In a straight-forward case where the two parties consent the grounds for divorce, a case takes on average 4 - 6 months, and neither party has to appear in court at any stage. If the parties cannot agree or delays are made in the conclusion and return of papers to the Courts, this can lengthen the time it takes' Step 1:File a divorce petition - you have to apply to the court for permission to divorce, and show reasons why you want the marriage to end. Plenty of places to do this. You can start it online! Get cracking! thanks for this . what reasons would i give as she only started with this man after we separated . im certain of this Link to post Share on other sites
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