wife wants time to think but seeing someone else

[UK Man]

Fred

 

I know the wifes number off by heart , so that is no good , but I wont be tempted anymore

 

It's no side what the wife's friend said . All she said was that she is very happy , which I'm sure is true . It confirms what the wife said to me last week and that was " he is a very nice man "

 

Any man would be glad of her company . He's being seeing her now for at least 9 weeks now , so can't be bored yet . I think this may last , their relationship

 

But it doesn't matter if it does or not , as she doesn't want me. When we spoke last week all she said was that we are over and that she has moved on . Pretty easy to understand

 

She is adamant that she never started dating him until 7 weeks after our split and I really do believe this , even though it's quite soon

 

The wife and her friend said it's not the other mans fault and not to blame him . I hate him but have never met him and probably never will

 

I have to move on but don't know how to . I am consumed by her and what she is doing with him every minute of my waking day

 

I am in a very dark place and want it all to be better .

 

She is lovely , funny , great personality and she was my world

[Beechy1973]

Many of us have been exactly where you are UKMan and we know it's horrible.

 

Please stick to NC and 180. Even though you may feel bad, pretend to her otherwise. Show her you are fine without her, even though you may not be at this moment in time.

 

Be strong and don't do anything impulsive. At these times when we're emotionally wounded we show very poor behavioural controls and this can feed into the chaos and actually make things worse.

 

If you're able to, visit a therapist so you can talk through how you're feeling. This can make a huge difference.

 

Consider a visit to your GP and discuss going on antidepressants for a bit. These can often dull the pain, help you get through the day and decrease the painful merry-go-round of obsessive ruminations, as well as lift some of the physical symptoms you may be experiencing. Some may disagree and say it's best to go straight through the pain; I took them for a year and they helped me quite a bit.

 

Remember you are stronger than you think and things will get better.

 

Most if this is NOT about her. It's about YOU and your fears of change, the future and self-esteem and identity. In some ways she is irrelevant, although to you that may sound ludicrous.

 

Be kind to yourself and take care.

[Trimmer]

Most if this is NOT about her. It's about YOU and your fears of change, the future and self-esteem and identity. In some ways she is irrelevant, although to you that may sound ludicrous.

Just to clarify this point a little bit, and I hope I'm hearing in in the spirit that Beechy intended...

 

Her behavior and her sudden and cruel departure from your life really is all about her and what she (thinks she) needs. She is striking out and making a sudden, drastic, impulsive change (if it really only has been weeks in which she has changed course so dramatically.) Her journey and her behavior is all about her.

 

The part that is not at all about her is your recovery. What she is doing day-to-day and why she is doing it and why she chose to make this change is the part that is irrelevant to you now. At this point, dwelling too much on these issues will just drag you backward and down. You really need to keep a focus on moving and looking forward - yes, I know: easier said than done, but it is the key.

 

You can either fold up on yourself, under the questions of why it all happened and weight of what might have been, or you can look at this as an opportunity to start building something new without constraints. Again, I know: easier said than done, but these are the types of frameworks that will help you focus your vision forward, and just as in riding horses, you need to look in the direction you want to go.

[PegNosePete]

This army man is supposed to be posted away soon , about a 6/7 hour drive away

Dude you need to get your divorce petition in BEFORE this happens. Trust me. DO IT!!!

 

And yes stop asking about her and stop texting her! What are you hoping to achieve here? It's just making it harder for yourself.

 

She is lovely , funny , great personality and she was my world

Dude. Lovely women with great personalities do not cheat on great guys. There are many words I could use to describe her more accurately but they would get censored by this forum's software filters. You have to take off the rose-tinted glasses and see what she is REALLY like. She has shown you that she has no morals or qualms about having an affair and abandoning a 25 year marriage. Lovely and great personality? You need a new dictionary man!

Edited June 30, 2014 by PegNosePete

[Trimmer]

I was participating in another thread, and it had similarities to yours, and I confused your comment that you wouldn't delete her contact because you remember her number anyway. So I responded to this point in that other guy's thread (which I think was actually still decent advice, in the context of his thread, ha ha...) but I'll duplicate the pertinent parts here, and perhaps some of my advice that was more directly for him may resonate with you as well:

 

To the OP, a very important point in the passage above [in that other thread] is that you are getting your power back for you. This is not a power struggle with her, so it doesn't do you (or your recovery) any good to make a point or an impression, or land a blow or anything like that in relation to her. Cut off any communications - disconnect, and focus on you. Gathering your power involves what you are doing within your life, how you are feeling about yourself, and you taking control of disconnecting from her.

 

I can totally understand wanting to send that message, even if it's just a final goodbye or something, and if you were already feeling super strong, I'd not even argue too much against you doing it. But you aren't; you are still climbing out of this hole and I'm concerned that it might lead to another interaction that you wouldn't handle well, or one that would likely set you back further. This does nothing to serve your purpose, which is to look forward, and begin to move forward.

 

You need to sever your connections with her - there's no "kind of" or "maybe" or middle ground on this. This is total, complete disconnection. You're going to have an impulse to half-way it - like not erasing her phone number from your contacts, because you know it by heart. Well, take the step of erasing her from your contacts anyway, as a symbolic gesture, if nothing else. Take every opportunity - every available step you can - to disconnect, and don't allow yourself any excuse to cheese it and do it halfway.

 

Here's where you start being strong, in small ways: don't allow yourself to make excuses to do a halfway job. Even if it's something like erasing her from your contacts even though you know her number - ERASE IT anyway. Take her out of your EMail contacts, block her on Facebook or whatever other social media connections you have. Don't wonder what she will think; don't wonder if it's "OK" or not - it doesn't matter what she thinks about any of it; this is for you. Take every possible step - small and large - to exercise your ability to disconnect and build your strength in moving forward.

[Chi townD]

Dude, I said it before and I'll say it again. As soon as this asshat gets his new post 6-7 hours away, she wants to follow him out there. That's why she wants this house thing taken care of ASAP! When you said to the mutual friend that their relationship will probably end when he moves and she responded with "If they really like each other, they'll find a way." To me that screams that your Ex has already discussed moving with him with her and she didn't have the heart to tell you straight out.

 

 

If she's hell bent on going with him, then she's not thinking straight and strike while the iron is hot! She's trying to tie up loose ends and will probably agree to anything just so she can leave with him.

 

 

I'm tellin ya, dude. I got a feeling she's going with him. Test her and see if I'm wrong. Draw up something with the lawyer that puts things in your favor (but not something completely absurb). If she signs off with a quickness, then I speculate she just wants this done so she can leave with him. If she tells you that the proposal is unfair, then I would say she plans on staying in the area after he leaves.

Edited June 30, 2014 by Chi townD

[Imported]

You should contact his commanding officer and ask him why does he have people under his command that ****s and has affairs with another mans wife. If this guy is an officer, it's very unbecoming of him to behave this way.

 

Do they work together? Does he have any supervisory role over her? This can be very bad for him.

Edited June 30, 2014 by Imported

[PegNosePete]

Dude, I said it before and I'll say it again. As soon as this asshat gets his new post 6-7 hours away, she wants to follow him out there. That's why she wants this house thing taken care of ASAP!

Yep, and that's why OP needs to get the divorce petition in ASAP. Get the petition delivered to her, and if she doesn't return the acknowledgement within 2 weeks, have it served on her BEFORE she does a David Copperfield.

 

Yes may also be able to get an advantageous financial split due to her timetable, but the more important thing is to get the petition done while she is able to be located.

 

If she disappears off the face of the planet without leaving a forwarding address before the divorce petition is served, then you'll be royally screwed.

 

You should contact his commanding officer and ask him why does he have people under his command that ****s and has affairs with another mans wife.

No I would not recommend that at all. Breaking up their affair will cause the wife to come back to the FMH which will cause all kinds of stress and a worse financial split for the OP. Letting her swan off into the sunset (or whatever...) with this guy is in his best interests.

[Chi townD]

You should contact his commanding officer and ask him why does he have people under his command that ****s and has affairs with another mans wife. If this guy is an officer, it's very unbecoming of him to behave this way.

 

Do they work together? Does he have any supervisory role over her? This can be very bad for him.

 

 

 

 

If this guy was in the US military, he would get spanked hard because adultery of any sort is against the UCMJ. But, this guy is in the British military. Different set of rules with them.

[UK Man]

OP Here

 

Thanks for replies . I have taken them onboard

 

My daughter , wife and friends were at a small party on the weekend

 

The wife asks the daughter would she like to meet her boyfriend , daughter said ok

 

He drove from the army base 20 miles away to come and see them

 

Daughter said he is only 33/34 !! The wife was drunk and when he arrived he sat down and wife sat in his lap and was cuddling him and acting like a school girl . A mutual friend told me who was there

 

I'm torn apart she could act this way in front of my daughter

 

The big news that I found out is that this Army boyfriend of hers has a wife / Girlfriend and a kid . He goes home to them every weekend

 

Makes me sick that the wife can be with him in the week then she is ok for him to go back to his wife ?

 

Reading between the lines his marriage may not be great and he may only go home to see his kid . but every weekend ? but that might be crap that his marriage isn't great

 

But my son in law spoke to him at the party and he told him that he told his wife last week that it was over between them ( him and his wife )

 

All I think about is that they love each other and he has left his wife and very young child to be with my wife . The wife said that he likes her a lot

 

I phoned the wife last night when I found out that he had a wife / partner and what the hell was she doing acting in such a manner ( I know i was stupid )

and she answered the phone at midnight real drunk

 

She had been drinking in the seargents mess bar downstairs

 

I asked her did she love him and she said yes , don't know if that was to wind me up . Also said that he was kind , considerate and funny

 

She said they do alot together and I said , Im sure as you both work days , have your food cooked for you and have the evenings free . Whereas I work nights and weekends and only have sundays off and I was always tired

 

I asked her what she is going to do when he gets posted . She said she will see when that happens ( still talking drunk )

 

I asked her would she move away from her family and friends here to be with him and she said why not , to escape me . She said she could get a transfer ( works as a civilian for government on the army base ) . But I think this may have been the drink and trying to hurt me. Don't think she would ever leave her kids. grand child and parents and her home town here

 

I just cant get it through my head why she is with a man 15/16 yers younger than her and how could she trust him ? Even if he was in an unhappy relationship with his partner and child , he cheated on her with my wife ?

 

She was never like this before , now it is so cheap

 

I feel so inadequate being replaced by a younger man . I want to snap out of it but I don't know how . Im in pieces

 

All I think about is what she is going to do, stay , go with him etc. but I know I shouldn't be bothered as it's no concern of mine anymore , but all this crap is driving me nuts , big time

Edited July 2, 2014 by UK Man

[Trimmer]

OK, this may be the point in the thread where we have to start beating you on the sides of your head with a short piece of lumber (that's wood used for construction - I don't know if you Brits have some other charming term for it...)

 

You've got a guidebook up above in the thread here. Please refer back to it for review of the important concepts as needed.

 

Please take PNPete's advice to get yourself educated about the legal details of divorcing. NOW! What are you waiting for? Waiting is passive and painful. Take action, take control, take the initiative to move in a forward direction. (Note that this precludes calling her to badger her about her behavior. That is moving backward, and clearly does nothing to help your situation in any way.)

 

Please look back over my comments about your STBX's (soon-to-be-ex) behavior NOT being about you or your value, but about whatever she is missing and whatever she feels is wrong in her life. SHE owns that - it's not your responsibility to fill the empty spaces in her life and her soul. She feels something is wrong and she's striking out to fix it without you. She may well try to blame it on you, but don't fall for that: you were apparently good enough to raise a family with for many years; if she's got a suddenly developed problem and has decided to push you away without working together on it, well that's on her.

 

And please, please, stop trying to figure her out. This may sound a little insulting, but I'm trying to shock you to break through your self-pity: isn't it a little egotistical to think it's all about you? Be a little more humble here, will ya? This is her vortex she has jumped into; step back a safe distance, put your arms around your adult kids (as they are likely to be confused too - they aren't buying this either, I bet...) and support each other in moving forward.

 

Now there's an important point: your kids. I think you said they are adults. But still, they are likely to have some difficulty dealing with this as well. My strong advice is to NOT put them in the middle in any way. Even if it makes it a little more difficult for you, please don't lean on them for support, don't try to convince them how horrible your ex is, don't put them in a position to declare their loyalties on one side or the other. Don't use them to achieve a victory. This is a responsibility of you as a good father; it may be a burden, but it's a good one.

 

Speaking to your kids: "Your mom is doing whatever she is doing, and I don't understand it either, but I hope she gets it all figured out. I hope you find a way to still have a great relationship with her, and most important to me is that I want you to know that I'm always here for you, and nothing has changed about that." Dwell on the current, the positive, the future, moving forward, and on your relationship with them. Don't use them as spies, messengers or anything like that.

 

All of this makes it safe for them to be with you, near you, and open with you - to continue to have a good relationship with you. Believe me... believe me, this is more important than anything else about your kids right now. Be the safe parent for them - safe haven. This can even help you get yourself stabilized a little bit: you need to shape up and be the parent, the stable one, because they need you. So pull it together, man!

 

And please, please... Stop making contact with her. Do you get that now? Assume the worst, and assume you won't know how or why about any of it, and work on breaking loose, and moving forward on the basis that you need to leave all that behind you. Understand that her decision to jump into that vortex is all about her, and don't make it at all about you. Stop wasting your energy standing on the edge of her vortex, fighting the swirls and currents, trying to figure out what is going on. It's time for you to step back, disconnect, and put your energy into moving forward on your path.

Edited July 2, 2014 by Trimmer

[PegNosePete]

Yes smacking people upside the head with a piece of 2x4 is equally acceptable this side of the pond.

 

OP how did the consultation with the solicitor go?

 

Is the divorce petition filed yet?

[Chi townD]

I hate to say it, but I told ya! She's going to move with him, ask for a transfer. She was going to blindside you with it in the last second. But, there's some good news here. The British military can give a damn what you do during your free time just as long as it's not illegal, so going to this dude's command is fruitless.

 

 

However, if this asshat is going home every weekend to see his wife and kid. Then, you have someone to expose to. I'd bet dollars to donuts that everything is fine in his marriage and there are no problems or even talks of separation. Your WW is his piece on the side at the post. I would find out who his wife is and make contact with her. Inform her of the affair. You wouldn't be doing this out of revenge, you're letting her know what kind of man she's married to so she can make an INFORMED decision on what she wants to do with her own marriage and her life and the life of her kid. Plus, even if they are going to get separated and divorce, I'll also bet that he hasn't informed her of your WW and their relationship. Therefore, this woman might be torturing herself wondering what went wrong? What did SHE do wrong to make him want to leave. My point is, if the shoe was reversed and you had no idea that an affair was happening and she did, wouldn't you want to know the truth?

 

 

Do not tell your wife you are doing this, just do it. I speculate after you make contact, your wife is going to blow up your phone. Let it all go to voicemail. If any of the messages are threating, save them.

Edited July 2, 2014 by Chi townD

[Trimmer]

I think there are two paths to choose from here. One is to continue engagement, per Chi townD's points above, and the other is to break off and specifically not engage.

 

My tendency would be the latter, to disengage, but you'll have to decide for yourself which is best. I guess my thought about continuing to engage is that you should ask yourself: what will you accomplish? Is there really any thought of bringing her back? It seems pretty clear that this isn't in the cards, right? So if your goal is to strike a blow, to make her life hard, to get revenge, etc. then a few clever, well-placed blows would certainly accomplish that. But in the big picture, what does that get you? An aggravated adversary when it comes time to sit down and hammer out the divorce?

 

So again, my tendency would be to cut your losses now, break off and disconnect, and start your own process of moving forward; what she does is really not that important, and anything you do to her really doesn't help your process of recovery and moving forward. (Unless you believe that moving forward means you need to land blows to get revenge, and then I understand, even if I don't agree.)

[UK Man]

I hate to say it, but I told ya! She's going to move with him, ask for a transfer. She was going to blindside you with it in the last second. But, there's some good news here. The British military can give a damn what you do during your free time just as long as it's not illegal, so going to this dude's command is fruitless.

 

 

However, if this asshat is going home every weekend to see his wife and kid. Then, you have someone to expose to. I'd bet dollars to donuts that everything is fine in his marriage and there are no problems or even talks of separation. Your WW is his piece on the side at the post. I would find out who his wife is and make contact with her. Inform her of the affair. You wouldn't be doing this out of revenge, you're letting her know what kind of man she's married to so she can make an INFORMED decision on what she wants to do with her own marriage and her life and the life of her kid. Plus, even if they are going to get separated and divorce, I'll also bet that he hasn't informed her of your WW and their relationship. Therefore, this woman might be torturing herself wondering what went wrong? What did SHE do wrong to make him want to leave. My point is, if the shoe was reversed and you had no idea that an affair was happening and she did, wouldn't you want to know the truth?

 

 

Do not tell your wife you are doing this, just do it. I speculate after you make contact, your wife is going to blow up your phone. Let it all go to voicemail. If any of the messages are threating, save them.

 

Thanks for the reply . There is no way I can find out what the mans name is . My daughter knows his first name but It wouldn't be fair to ask her

 

Even if I knew his first name how would I get a second name?

 

Wouldn't it be best for them to do what they are going to do and are doing and if it works out between them it does and if it doesnt it doesnt ?

[UK Man]

I think there are two paths to choose from here. One is to continue engagement, per Chi townD's points above, and the other is to break off and specifically not engage.

 

My tendency would be the latter, to disengage, but you'll have to decide for yourself which is best. I guess my thought about continuing to engage is that you should ask yourself: what will you accomplish? Is there really any thought of bringing her back? It seems pretty clear that this isn't in the cards, right? So if your goal is to strike a blow, to make her life hard, to get revenge, etc. then a few clever, well-placed blows would certainly accomplish that. But in the big picture, what does that get you? An aggravated adversary when it comes time to sit down and hammer out the divorce?

 

So again, my tendency would be to cut your losses now, break off and disconnect, and start your own process of moving forward; what she does is really not that important, and anything you do to her really doesn't help your process of recovery and moving forward. (Unless you believe that moving forward means you need to land blows to get revenge, and then I understand, even if I don't agree.)

 

 

I totally agree with you . They are going to do what they do. I will leave her alone now for sure , which she will probably be glad of so carry on a normal life with him

 

Her life isn't real is it ? living in the sergeants mess is like a hotel . Like a hotel room , you don't have to cook or wash up and there is a bar in the evenings where you can go and get drunk . She also has her dog living with her in her room also

[UK Man]

I hate to say it, but I told ya! She's going to move with him, ask for a transfer. She was going to blindside you with it in the last second. But, there's some good news here. The British military can give a damn what you do during your free time just as long as it's not illegal, so going to this dude's command is fruitless.

 

 

However, if this asshat is going home every weekend to see his wife and kid. Then, you have someone to expose to. I'd bet dollars to donuts that everything is fine in his marriage and there are no problems or even talks of separation. Your WW is his piece on the side at the post. I would find out who his wife is and make contact with her. Inform her of the affair. You wouldn't be doing this out of revenge, you're letting her know what kind of man she's married to so she can make an INFORMED decision on what she wants to do with her own marriage and her life and the life of her kid. Plus, even if they are going to get separated and divorce, I'll also bet that he hasn't informed her of your WW and their relationship. Therefore, this woman might be torturing herself wondering what went wrong? What did SHE do wrong to make him want to leave. My point is, if the shoe was reversed and you had no idea that an affair was happening and she did, wouldn't you want to know the truth?

 

 

Do not tell your wife you are doing this, just do it. I speculate after you make contact, your wife is going to blow up your phone. Let it all go to voicemail. If any of the messages are threating, save them.

 

 

I Still dont believe she will move with him . All her family is here who she loves a lot , she isn't that stupid . Her job here is great and if she did transfer she would know he may not stay with her I suppose . Could she really trust what he says about thngs if he cheated on his wife with her ? then she would be stuck 6 hours from home and family

 

But does it really matter , she isn't coming back , I couldn't take her back now no matter how much pain Im in . I would never relax that she wouldnt be thinking about him or missing him when with me , would they still be in contact , would I be able to handle being intimate with her ever again , I would no doubt be thinking of him ... NO

 

I think that even If I could find out who he was and where he lived what would come of it . The wife may be happy that he isn't going to leave his wife , that's if he isn't and its just a bit of fun . But I do think they must be getting closer

 

What kind of a woman is she that she may potentially force his hand to leave his wife and kid for her ? He may have told her he goes home just to see his kid every weekend and doesn't sleep with his wife ? or he may have told her that he has a normal married life and just wants fun ? who knows

 

But he did tell my son-in-law at the party that he told his wife last week that he is leaving her ? who knows ?

 

The thing that grips me is that she was happy to play happy families with him at the party when she was drunk , sitting on his lap and acting so in love . all this was done in front of my daughter , grand child and friends . But the wife did ask my daughter is she ok meeting him and she said ok , which I hate

 

So things must be progressing for her to introduce him to family and friends

[UK Man]

Yes smacking people upside the head with a piece of 2x4 is equally acceptable this side of the pond.

 

OP how did the consultation with the solicitor go?

 

Is the divorce petition filed yet?

 

 

went well thanks . not filed yet as solicitor said to hold on for a while . cant say why here, but its in my interests

[Trimmer]

There is no way I can find out what the mans name is . My daughter knows his first name but It wouldn't be fair to ask her.

First of all, you have my great respect that you recognize this. Being able to separate your kids from the mess will really help you maintain good relationships with them in the future.

 

The thing that grips me is that she was happy to play happy families with him at the party when she was drunk , sitting on his lap and acting so in love . all this was done in front of my daughter , grand child and friends . But the wife did ask my daughter is she ok meeting him and she said ok , which I hate

Yeah, that's so classless of your wife, but I think the people who matter will see through it. It's almost like she's trying too hard, like the loud person who always intends for others to hear the important things she is saying, and that's pretty transparent when it all comes down to it.

 

As far as your daughter, I totally understand your discomfort, but do your very best to separate the various dynamics and relationships here. Don't take your daughter's "OK" as a judgment on you, or a measure of her relationship with you or her loyalty to you.

 

Realize that - separate from you - your daughter has her own relationship with her mother, and she may well be pretty frightened about what is going on and what all this means to that relationship. She may not be very accepting of it inside, but when your EX puts her on the spot like that, asking if she's OK meeting him (again, a classless move on your ex's part), your daughter may have been caught in a bind, frightened of damaging whatever uncertain relationship she has with her now-unhinged mother if she took a stand.

 

So don't assume your daughter is accepting or approving of all this - she was put in a difficult position at a time when she may well be pretty confused and conflicted as well. Be steady - be confident in your relationship with your daughter. Allowing her the space to figure out her new relationship with her mother without having it be a test of her loyalty to you will reduce her stress (she certainly must be worried about you, too), and this will allow your father/daughter relationship to remain solid. Your kids may need an anchor through this mess - be there for them, accept them, and be confident that your relationships with them don't depend on how they work things out with their mom.

 

went well thanks . not filed yet as solicitor said to hold on for a while . cant say why here, but its in my interests

I'm so glad to hear this, because it means you are getting solid information about what is in your best interest, and it also means that you have taken an affirmative forward step, which means you are taking control of your life and not just waiting around for things to happen. In the midst of all this crap, I'm very pleased for you.

Edited July 3, 2014 by Trimmer

[PegNosePete]

went well thanks . not filed yet as solicitor said to hold on for a while . cant say why here, but its in my interests

Good man. Make sure you explain all the relevant facts (eg. she may be moving away with the other guy in 6-7 months etc) but don't use your solicitor as a therapist, it gets very expensive. You have us for that

 

I would not expose the affair even if you could. At least, until the divorce is settled. After that, go for it if you want to (but more than likely by that time you won't give a rat's ass).

[Beechy1973]

How's it going UkMan?

 

I hope you are feeling better about things and have a more positive perspective

 

Be kind to yourself please.

 

Beechy

[UK Man]

OP Here

 

Well whats happened.............

 

Filed for divorce 2 weeks ago

 

Wifes boyfriend has left his wife and child , I presume for my wife , who knows

 

the big thing that hurt me was 2 weeks ago , My wife and her boyfriend , my daughter and her husband , and two of our closest friends ( 2 couples ) who we used to do holidays with , all got together for a meal and drinks and playing happy families

 

They were out in a country pub . I worked out they would be there and drove out . I was calm and told them that I was very upset how they could betray me so quick when they knew what pain I was in still

 

I want nothing to do with the friends any more , but have forgiven my daughter and she said she will not see her mums boyfriend for 2 months

 

It's as if the wife wants to get him accepted by everyone and to replace me

 

I told my friends that I would never have done that to them if the shoe was on the other foot .

 

I saw her boyfriend and just said ........ so you are sleeping with my wife then........ she took his hand and walked inside the pub . He is fifteen years younger than her

 

They are very serious now by the looks of things . But I suppose it's no concern of mine anymore

 

I still miss her even though I shouldnt .

 

Im starting therapy in 2 weeks time

 

I have my ok days and my bad days .

 

I should be divorced before Xmas I reckon .

 

I just want the pain to go away . I'm working 6/7 days a week to keep the house afloat . Being alone is the hardest thing

[ThorntonMelon]

Good for you for getting the filing done.

 

As for showing up unannounced and not only addressing your ex's new boyfriend but it seems like perhaps getting upset at long time friends, not so good.

 

You're still in full distressed insanity mode. I don't say that to be mean to you, I only say it so you know that anything your brain is telling you is a reasonable action...probably isn't.

 

When you calm down (months, not weeks), you'll probably want to write your friends a note explaining that the stress of everything has made you very wary of the intentions of everyone around you, that you understand they don't want to be in the middle and that you hope they understand.

 

Your friends didn't commit an act of disloyalty to you. I'm sure it was awkward for them, but they probably value both of your friendship, and whether you like it or not being friends with your ex means accepting the people in her life.

 

I look forward to better, happier updates.

[USMCHokie]

Your friends didn't commit an act of disloyalty to you. I'm sure it was awkward for them, but they probably value both of your friendship, and whether you like it or not being friends with your ex means accepting the people in her life.

 

Those friends chose their side. They are expendable.

[Trimmer]

Those friends chose their side. They are expendable.

Really... And is it also that obvious and simple with his daughter?