wife wants time to think but seeing someone else

[GorillaTheater]

I still don't know what to do about the family babtism in 4 weeks time

 

go to the church , stay for photos and leave

 

or go to the church and go to the party afterwards . will be hard seeing her there if i do this

 

........... another thing , she isn't telling anyone about her and this man . family or friends . wonder if thats because she knows he leaves soon and theres no point and they may think bad of her ? She told me if I told our 21 year old son she would never forgive me

 

I would love to tell her parents , who have been divorced also years ago , but is it really worth the aggrevation ?

 

I've already told you what to do about the baptism, and I think the guys here will back me up:

 

Go, stay for the party, look your best (hell, bring a date), and treat her politely but distantly.

 

As for telling other people, why the hell not? It's not your job to protect her anymore, she fired you from that gig. And that's the best she can come up with, that she won't forgive you? Who the hell cares?

 

Don't keep this bottled up. Tell friends and family what's going on. She'll go ballistic, sure, but she created this mess, not you.

 

Put armydouche up on the Cheaterville site.

[UK Man]

Hello OP Here

 

My Mother died 5 days ago . I can't believe the year I am having

 

The wife is still seeing the man on the army base , she has also moved onto the base now

 

I presume she is still with him , she is staying tight lipped to everyone

 

My wife is going to the funeral with my daughter , my wife's parents and my grand daughter . It is held 150 miles away . I dont think they will stay long at the wake a drink and possibly go

 

I really don't want her there , but she knew my Mum for 26 years and my Mum was fond of her even after what she done

 

I suppose I am going to have to man up and struggle with seeing her on the day ( next week )

 

I am in a lot of pain right now and want it all to stop

Edited June 2, 2014 by UK Man

[hfp]

My heart really goes out to you. But you _will_ get better! Get help, reach out to your family and friends. Focus on you. Get out of the house, exercise, laugh. Cry if you feel like it, it's cathartic, it's helps you move on. Read about the stages of grief. Read the stickies in this forum every week. You will get better!

[No Limit]

I'm so, so sorry. But never forget-- there's always a light in the darkness.

[UK Man]

I'm so, so sorry. But never forget-- there's always a light in the darkness.

 

Thank you . I just don't know how to get through this

[UK Man]

Wife just text me

 

asked me how I was , I suppose with my mum dying and all . She said even though we aren't together doesn't mean she doesn't care

 

I though about what to reply or even replying at all

 

But I did I said........... What does it matter to her how I am , and that she doesn't think about me when she is laying with him. I said that the love fog for her has lifted from my head and now I feel disgust at what she has done and is doing so quickly with him

 

I said that I don't want to know anything about her life anymore as thats her business and will help me get over her . Said that she has made her new bed and must now lie in it

 

Told her that my trust and respect for her has gone and that is a major foundation in a marriage

 

Said that this isnt a nasty text , its just how I feel ...............

 

I'm wondering if I done the right thing by sending this or should have I ignored her

 

Your thoughts would be welcome

 

Thanks

[GorillaTheater]

I'm very sorry about your mom, UK. The hits just keep coming, don't they? But you can handle this.

 

I think your response was fine. Even better would have been not responding at all, but that'll be for next time.

 

Keep going; you WILL get through this and be the better man for it.

[UK Man]

I'm very sorry about your mom, UK. The hits just keep coming, don't they? But you can handle this.

 

I think your response was fine. Even better would have been not responding at all, but that'll be for next time.

 

Keep going; you WILL get through this and be the better man for it.

 

 

Thank you my friend

[Beechy1973]

UK Man - I am really sorry that life is so tough at the moment. Please remember that you WILL get through this and life WILL get easier.

 

I've been where you are relationship wise. Despite all the excellent advice given on your link, I guess you will ignore most of it and do your own thing. I did the same; I made excuses for my wayward spouse as I couldn't accept what was happening as it was painful.

 

Looking back EVERYTHING my friends and family advised me was true, and I ignored ALL of it. In doing so I sacrificed so much of my dignity and self respect over a woman who didn't deserve it and who didn't care about me one bit.

 

If out haven't already please read all about the 180. I wish I had a time machine and returned to when we split and followed the 180; I could have kept my self respect and dignity as I feel embarrassed and aggrieved that I lost it all over a person who would throw me breadcrumbs to feed her own needs.

 

I think we sometimes misunderstand these breadcrumbs as evidence they care; the reality is it is more about feeding their narcissistic need for control and to be adored rather than any real concern for us.

 

I am going to paste something I came across recently which I thought was brilliant and true. Some of it may not be relevant for you at present, but I suspect it may do very soon.

 

Be kind to yourself please. I am very sorry for your recent loss.

 

 

...There are differing types of divorce and each one has it's own emotional and psychological intensity. There is the bilateral agreement divorce where both spouses are unhappy and conclude that they will be happier being apart. In a divorce like this the couple is often able to come to a mutual agreement and settle their affairs amicably and stay connected as friends with little emotional upset.

 

Then there is the unilateral divorce where one spouse makes the decision to divorce to the utter shock of the other spouse. This type of divorce means more emotional and psychological intensity for the spouse who was unaware of the problems in the marriage. The one choosing to leave has had time to think about, reflect upon and weigh the options and to emotionally detach themselves from the marriage while the other spouse is caught by surprise, is normally mistreated and left to feel abandoned. There is a huge imbalance of power with the one leaving being the one in control of all aspects of whether or not the marriage will continue.

 

Add to this a third party, another woman or another man and the emotional intensity is compounded. Not only will the left behind spouse feel abandoned but he or she will also feel replaced by someone better, younger, more attractive. The pain in this type of divorce comes from losing a position of importance in the life of a spouse, from beliefs about immorality, betrayal and feelings of failure as a spouse.

 

When a third party enters a marriage and a spouse in that marriage becomes romantically involved with this person certain psychological things start to happen in the mind of the unfaithful spouse in order to justify their actions.

 

At first they lavish in the attention and feel energized by the adoration of someone new. In time they begin to compare their feelings for their spouse with those they have for this new person. If a decision is made the break up the marriage and move onto a life with this new person several psychological stages will be gone through which only exacerbate the pain of this type of divorce.

 

Normally a spouse who falls prey to infidelity is a decent person that is aware of their behavior and how it is frowned upon by society. Even though they are aware of the immorality of their actions they continue with the relationship, which means dealing with feelings of guilt. These feelings of guilt motivate to demonize the faithful spouse in an attempt to justify their behavior. They will attribute many negative and unforgivable traits and behaviors. The faithful spouse may be portrayed as an inadequate wife and mother and even accused of being evil.

 

Not only will the faithful spouse be demonized, history will be rewritten to make it appear that he/she has been faulty for the entire duration of the marriage. The unfaithful spouse will recreate the marriage and what happened during the marriage to make it appear that they have suffered much pain and unhappiness throughout the entire marriage. They may say things such as, "I was forced into marrying you" or, "You've never loved me the way I needed to be loved" or, "I have lived in hell for 20 years." He/She will say anything as long as it will enable him/her to appear to have been the victim of the marriage and fully justified in abandoning the family.

 

The unfaithful spouse will tell their story often and to anyone who will listen, to the point that they will finally begin to truly believe that the left behind spouse deserves to be punished. The faithful spouse is the offender and the persecutor and needs to be dealt with harshly. Punishment will come in the way of financial withholding or, even worse, fighting over custody for any children of the marriage. They may begin to believe that the faithful, demonized spouse is not entitled to receive any future benefits from them, sometimes not even those allowed by law. In many cases the children will be used as tools to punish the faithful spouse, which leads to bitterness and emotional detriment to the children.

 

No matter how much the faithful spouse is demonized and mistreated by the errant spouse, he/she still feels the need of the approval of family and friends and, strangely enough even the spouse they have hurt so tremendously. He/She needs the faithful spouse to start to believe that they truly are the responsible party and to realize that the unfaithful spouse had no choice but to leave the family.

 

The unfaithful spouse will expect the left behind spouse to accept their new life and to even be happy for them. They want the faithful spouse to take full blame for their need to escape an "unhappy marriage." In their mind, for this to be done properly the left behind spouse should also accept the other man or woman and make peace with them. Since the left behind spouse does not share any of these views with the unfaithful spouse, he/she is often unwilling to embrace and bestow their well wishes on this new life. If you have been a party to this type of divorce or know someone who has you are well aware of the emotional turmoil that takes place.

 

It doesn't matter who leaves the marriage, the wife or the husband, the person left behind to deal with the betrayal experiences a hellish nightmare. Next I will discuss the stages the left behind spouse will go through during the process of this type divorce.

 

Being demonized will produce feelings of shock and dismay. They will question their own sanity and replay their marriage in their mind trying to find some hint of all the unhappiness they are told of. They will question how their spouse, someone they have loved and trusted could betray them in such a way. First to have an affair and then to rewrite the history of their marriage in such a way as to try and lay blame at their feet.

 

They will wonder how their spouse could not only blame them for having to have an affair but also how they could defame their character after many years of being given love, respect and trust. They will wonder how their spouse cannot see how their words and blaming does damage to the children by depicting their mother in a bad light.

 

The faithful spouse will question her own memories of what they thought were years and years of a happy marriage. He/She will wonder if the marriage was never anything but a sham and a figment of htheir imagination. They will wonder why the unfaithful spouse never complained if they were really that unhappy or why they never made a request for changes in the relationship. Being punished for your spouse's misery is a mind-boggling state to find yourself in.

 

If all this isn't bad enough the unfaithful spouse now demands that their partner accept this other man or other woman and rejoice in their well-deserved happiness. They also expect their spouse to encourage the children to embrace and love this new person and welcome her into the fold…so to speak.

 

Just reading such a scenario is painful, imagine actually living it? If you are reading this article you may be living it yourself at this moment. It is a crazy making time isn't it? Such severe distortions of what the marriage was actually like can cause the left behind spouse to question their sanity and every action they take. Recovery from such a profound emotional trauma is slow.

 

What can a left behind spouse do under circumstances like these?

 

Most importantly they can realize that all the distortions have nothing to do with them and everything to do with the leaving spouse and their need to justify their actions.

 

Understand that these distortions and negative behaviors are your partner's way of dealing with their guilt. It's his/her perceptions that are wrong and not yours.

 

Surround yourself with a support group that can affirm your view of what your marriage was and that the distortions you are being fed are for your partner's self-exoneration. Surround yourself daily with people who love and care for you.

 

Remember that every parent earns his or her separate relationship with the children of the marriage. Children will ultimately process these events appropriately and make their own choices and come to their own conclusions based on their memories and moral beliefs.

 

This nightmare will end!! With time, healing does come and you will laugh again and love again and the sun will shine again; All you have to do to survive is trust your memories and never forget that, this insanity is not of your making.

[UK Man]

UK Man - I am really sorry that life is so tough at the moment. Please remember that you WILL get through this and life WILL get easier.

 

I've been where you are relationship wise. Despite all the excellent advice given on your link, I guess you will ignore most of it and do your own thing. I did the same; I made excuses for my wayward spouse as I couldn't accept what was happening as it was painful.

 

Looking back EVERYTHING my friends and family advised me was true, and I ignored ALL of it. In doing so I sacrificed so much of my dignity and self respect over a woman who didn't deserve it and who didn't care about me one bit.

 

If out haven't already please read all about the 180. I wish I had a time machine and returned to when we split and followed the 180; I could have kept my self respect and dignity as I feel embarrassed and aggrieved that I lost it all over a person who would throw me breadcrumbs to feed her own needs.

 

I think we sometimes misunderstand these breadcrumbs as evidence they care; the reality is it is more about feeding their narcissistic need for control and to be adored rather than any real concern for us.

 

I am going to paste something I came across recently which I thought was brilliant and true. Some of it may not be relevant for you at present, but I suspect it may do very soon.

 

Be kind to yourself please. I am very sorry for your recent loss.

 

 

...There are differing types of divorce and each one has it's own emotional and psychological intensity. There is the bilateral agreement divorce where both spouses are unhappy and conclude that they will be happier being apart. In a divorce like this the couple is often able to come to a mutual agreement and settle their affairs amicably and stay connected as friends with little emotional upset.

 

Then there is the unilateral divorce where one spouse makes the decision to divorce to the utter shock of the other spouse. This type of divorce means more emotional and psychological intensity for the spouse who was unaware of the problems in the marriage. The one choosing to leave has had time to think about, reflect upon and weigh the options and to emotionally detach themselves from the marriage while the other spouse is caught by surprise, is normally mistreated and left to feel abandoned. There is a huge imbalance of power with the one leaving being the one in control of all aspects of whether or not the marriage will continue.

 

Add to this a third party, another woman or another man and the emotional intensity is compounded. Not only will the left behind spouse feel abandoned but he or she will also feel replaced by someone better, younger, more attractive. The pain in this type of divorce comes from losing a position of importance in the life of a spouse, from beliefs about immorality, betrayal and feelings of failure as a spouse.

 

When a third party enters a marriage and a spouse in that marriage becomes romantically involved with this person certain psychological things start to happen in the mind of the unfaithful spouse in order to justify their actions.

 

At first they lavish in the attention and feel energized by the adoration of someone new. In time they begin to compare their feelings for their spouse with those they have for this new person. If a decision is made the break up the marriage and move onto a life with this new person several psychological stages will be gone through which only exacerbate the pain of this type of divorce.

 

Normally a spouse who falls prey to infidelity is a decent person that is aware of their behavior and how it is frowned upon by society. Even though they are aware of the immorality of their actions they continue with the relationship, which means dealing with feelings of guilt. These feelings of guilt motivate to demonize the faithful spouse in an attempt to justify their behavior. They will attribute many negative and unforgivable traits and behaviors. The faithful spouse may be portrayed as an inadequate wife and mother and even accused of being evil.

 

Not only will the faithful spouse be demonized, history will be rewritten to make it appear that he/she has been faulty for the entire duration of the marriage. The unfaithful spouse will recreate the marriage and what happened during the marriage to make it appear that they have suffered much pain and unhappiness throughout the entire marriage. They may say things such as, "I was forced into marrying you" or, "You've never loved me the way I needed to be loved" or, "I have lived in hell for 20 years." He/She will say anything as long as it will enable him/her to appear to have been the victim of the marriage and fully justified in abandoning the family.

 

The unfaithful spouse will tell their story often and to anyone who will listen, to the point that they will finally begin to truly believe that the left behind spouse deserves to be punished. The faithful spouse is the offender and the persecutor and needs to be dealt with harshly. Punishment will come in the way of financial withholding or, even worse, fighting over custody for any children of the marriage. They may begin to believe that the faithful, demonized spouse is not entitled to receive any future benefits from them, sometimes not even those allowed by law. In many cases the children will be used as tools to punish the faithful spouse, which leads to bitterness and emotional detriment to the children.

 

No matter how much the faithful spouse is demonized and mistreated by the errant spouse, he/she still feels the need of the approval of family and friends and, strangely enough even the spouse they have hurt so tremendously. He/She needs the faithful spouse to start to believe that they truly are the responsible party and to realize that the unfaithful spouse had no choice but to leave the family.

 

The unfaithful spouse will expect the left behind spouse to accept their new life and to even be happy for them. They want the faithful spouse to take full blame for their need to escape an "unhappy marriage." In their mind, for this to be done properly the left behind spouse should also accept the other man or woman and make peace with them. Since the left behind spouse does not share any of these views with the unfaithful spouse, he/she is often unwilling to embrace and bestow their well wishes on this new life. If you have been a party to this type of divorce or know someone who has you are well aware of the emotional turmoil that takes place.

 

It doesn't matter who leaves the marriage, the wife or the husband, the person left behind to deal with the betrayal experiences a hellish nightmare. Next I will discuss the stages the left behind spouse will go through during the process of this type divorce.

 

Being demonized will produce feelings of shock and dismay. They will question their own sanity and replay their marriage in their mind trying to find some hint of all the unhappiness they are told of. They will question how their spouse, someone they have loved and trusted could betray them in such a way. First to have an affair and then to rewrite the history of their marriage in such a way as to try and lay blame at their feet.

 

They will wonder how their spouse could not only blame them for having to have an affair but also how they could defame their character after many years of being given love, respect and trust. They will wonder how their spouse cannot see how their words and blaming does damage to the children by depicting their mother in a bad light.

 

The faithful spouse will question her own memories of what they thought were years and years of a happy marriage. He/She will wonder if the marriage was never anything but a sham and a figment of htheir imagination. They will wonder why the unfaithful spouse never complained if they were really that unhappy or why they never made a request for changes in the relationship. Being punished for your spouse's misery is a mind-boggling state to find yourself in.

 

If all this isn't bad enough the unfaithful spouse now demands that their partner accept this other man or other woman and rejoice in their well-deserved happiness. They also expect their spouse to encourage the children to embrace and love this new person and welcome her into the fold…so to speak.

 

Just reading such a scenario is painful, imagine actually living it? If you are reading this article you may be living it yourself at this moment. It is a crazy making time isn't it? Such severe distortions of what the marriage was actually like can cause the left behind spouse to question their sanity and every action they take. Recovery from such a profound emotional trauma is slow.

 

What can a left behind spouse do under circumstances like these?

 

Most importantly they can realize that all the distortions have nothing to do with them and everything to do with the leaving spouse and their need to justify their actions.

 

Understand that these distortions and negative behaviors are your partner's way of dealing with their guilt. It's his/her perceptions that are wrong and not yours.

 

Surround yourself with a support group that can affirm your view of what your marriage was and that the distortions you are being fed are for your partner's self-exoneration. Surround yourself daily with people who love and care for you.

 

Remember that every parent earns his or her separate relationship with the children of the marriage. Children will ultimately process these events appropriately and make their own choices and come to their own conclusions based on their memories and moral beliefs.

 

This nightmare will end!! With time, healing does come and you will laugh again and love again and the sun will shine again; All you have to do to survive is trust your memories and never forget that, this insanity is not of your making.

 

 

 

Thanks for taking the time to post this

[PegNosePete]

here in the UK you can only file for divorce for unreasonable behavour or adultry . she wasnt any of the two during the marriage . or else you have to be separated for 2 years to file for divorce

Hey dude, sorry I haven't read the rest of your thread but I saw this and feel qualified to correct you.

 

Almost ANYONE can use the "unreasonable behaviour" clause to get out of a marriage they don't want to be in. The only exception is that you must be married for 12 months before you can file for divorce. Unreasonable behaviour doesn't have to be that bad at all, and it is totally subjective.

 

Your wife left you, that is unreasonable.

She is having an inappropriate relationship with another man, that is unreasonable.

She wants to move onto the army base without you, that is unreasonable.

She lied about her living situation, that is unreasonable.

She leaves the toilet seat down after you told her many times that you prefer it left up, that is unreasonable!!!

 

Whatever you do, do NOT file under adultery or wait for 2 years separation. You should see a lawyer immediately, many will do a FREE initial consultation at which they will confirm everything I am telling you.

 

Good luck dude...

 

 

EDIT: OK reading through this thread it seems you've been given a lot of BAD advice regarding the divorce system in England and Wales. You DO need grounds even if the divorce is "undefended" (that term isn't even relevant to UK divorce). You should NOT use adultery because that requires complete co-operation of your wife which I VERY much doubt would be forthcoming. The ONLY grounds you should even consider is unreasonable behaviour, and believe me you DO have enough evidence for this as I have pointed out above. It would be very wise to get a REAL (not online) solicitor to draft the petition for you since online divorce packages also require the co-operation of your spouse. It's very cheap (a few hundred quid) to hire a solicitor to do the actual divorce paperwork, and it's well worth it - if you do it yourself and make a mistake, or use an online package that goes wrong, it could cost many thousands to fix.

Edited June 5, 2014 by PegNosePete

[PegNosePete]

I might be mistaken, but I'm just going off of British posters from the past. Yeah, they can file under adultery, but the only thing that does is move the process along more quickly, no mandatory waiting period. Doesn't really help them with a settlement.

 

I could be wrong, but that's my take on it. Any British folks here that would like to clear this up?

There are two "waiting periods" in a UK divorce.

 

First you must be married for at least 12 months to file for divorce. This is an absolute rule, it makes no difference what grounds you file under, you can't get around it. But it's not relevant in this case anyway.

 

The second waiting period is that you must wait at least 6 weeks in between granting of decree nisi and decree absolute. Again this is not affected by what grounds you use. There are some very special circumstances that can get around this rule, for example if one spouse is being deported, has a terminal illness, or would otherwise be uncontactable after the 6 week period; but adultery is not one of them.

 

So no, using adultery makes absolutely no difference to the timescale whatsoever. The only thing it does is move the burden of proof from the defendant onto the petitioner. Using unreasonable behaviour the petitioner outlines the behaviour he feels is unreasonable in his opinion, and if the defendant wants to contest the divorce she must prove that her behaviour was NOT unreasonable. Whereas if the petition is based on adultery, if the defendant chooses to contest it, all she has to say is "prove it". How will he do that, unless he has a signed confession, or some very intimate photos?

 

It is very rarely a good idea to use adultery unless you have been through solicitors and have a signed document confirming that the defendant will not contest a petition based on adultery.

Edited June 5, 2014 by PegNosePete

[UK Man]

There are two "waiting periods" in a UK divorce.

 

First you must be married for at least 12 months to file for divorce. This is an absolute rule, it makes no difference what grounds you file under, you can't get around it. But it's not relevant in this case anyway.

 

The second waiting period is that you must wait at least 6 weeks in between granting of decree nisi and decree absolute. Again this is not affected by what grounds you use. There are some very special circumstances that can get around this rule, for example if one spouse is being deported, has a terminal illness, or would otherwise be uncontactable after the 6 week period; but adultery is not one of them.

 

So no, using adultery makes absolutely no difference to the timescale whatsoever. The only thing it does is move the burden of proof from the defendant onto the petitioner. Using unreasonable behaviour the petitioner outlines the behaviour he feels is unreasonable in his opinion, and if the defendant wants to contest the divorce she must prove that her behaviour was NOT unreasonable. Whereas if the petition is based on adultery, if the defendant chooses to contest it, all she has to say is "prove it". How will he do that, unless he has a signed confession, or some very intimate photos?

 

It is very rarely a good idea to use adultery unless you have been through solicitors and have a signed document confirming that the defendant will not contest a petition based on adultery.

 

 

Thank you . Very good reading

[Owl]

Never mind...changed my advice after reading further.

Edited June 5, 2014 by Owl

[Chi townD]

 

 

So no, using adultery makes absolutely no difference to the timescale whatsoever. The only thing it does is move the burden of proof from the defendant onto the petitioner. Using unreasonable behaviour the petitioner outlines the behaviour he feels is unreasonable in his opinion, and if the defendant wants to contest the divorce she must prove that her behaviour was NOT unreasonable. Whereas if the petition is based on adultery, if the defendant chooses to contest it, all she has to say is "prove it". How will he do that, unless he has a signed confession, or some very intimate photos?

 

It is very rarely a good idea to use adultery unless you have been through solicitors and have a signed document confirming that the defendant will not contest a petition based on adultery.

 

 

That's kind of weird. Because in the courts they would ask him what he constitutes as unreasonable behaviour from his wife.

 

What's he supposed to say? "Well, your Honor, I'm not a big fan of my wife's boyfriend!"

 

To UK Man, I'm so sorry for your loss. Hang in there, dude.

[PegNosePete]

That's kind of weird. Because in the courts they would ask him what he constitutes as unreasonable behaviour from his wife.

He would already have stated his case on the divorce petition. The legal side of divorce hardly ever goes to court because it's such a ridiculous thing, to contest a divorce petition based on unreasonable behaviour (the financial side is another matter!). But if it did, he probably wouldn't even need to say anything except confirm his name. They would ask his wife, "your husband has shown that he has grounds to have this marriage dissolved. Can you tell us why you think the marriage is not over?". Even if she can disprove everything he wrote, it doesn't matter, that's not what the judge is asking; he only wants to know whether the marriage is over or not. If it is then he will grant decree nisi regardless of who said or did what.

 

But if it's based on adultery she just needs to say "I didn't do it" and the whole case falls apart. She could do this for any reason in the world. Maybe she just wants to piss him off, maybe she gets some financial benefit to being married, maybe she's just crazy. Who knows? Better not to take the unnecessary risk - use UB, every time.

[Chi townD]

Okay, that makes sense. Thanks for the clarification.

[road]

Fred , I dont believe he was the reason she left . why has she had a change of heart in the last 3 weeks or so about coming home ?

 

 

 

 

 

To keep you as her back up incase things do not work out with the OM. This is what she is doing to you as she bangs the OM.

[UK Man]

To keep you as her back up incase things do not work out with the OM. This is what she is doing to you as she bangs the OM.

 

She told me after 10 days of the physical affair staring that we were over ?

 

she couldn't have made her mind up that quick about the OM ? Unless I pissed her off with the argument we had and she had enough of me

 

if she wanted me as the back up plan , you would have thought she would have kept me on the burner for a month or more

 

She told my daughter the other day that she wouldn't have me back , even if there wasn't anyone else involved . and that she was doing this for her , in this I presume leaving me and having her own life

 

I'm doing no contact now , but wife will be at my Mothers funeral next week , so will have to see her there

 

Then my grand childs christening is in a few weeks time . still dont know if I should go to the church then go home so I dont have to see her at the party and break NC as such , or go to the party after the church and show her life moves on without her ?

 

I hate what she is doing with the other man . It actually disgusts me now . But I still miss her !

[UK Man]

I have had a drink and i want to text her . I know I shouldnt , help guys Im in bad shape

[Schooner]

I have had a drink and i want to text her . I know I shouldnt , help guys Im in bad shape

 

I guess by now you have either texted her or gone to bed, but just in case you haven't, why not post here what you want to text to her? Might help a bit to get it out of your system.

[beach]

Please don't drunk text her.

 

It only shows her she still holds all the power.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting. She's just not a nice woman.

[UK Man]

didn't text her , went to sleep thank god

 

will see her in a few days at the funeral . dreading it

[TiredFamilyGuy]

OP

 

I feel for you. The loss of your mother. The loss of the person you thought was your wife. To see her again when you are emotionally vulnerable will be unpleasant if you let it get to you: and how can it not? But there are ways to prepare yourself. I don't suggest they include a stiff drink. I do suggest you disregard her quite directly other than minimal politeness, in order not to be drawn in to a discussion that will have no upside for you.

 

Keep strong, OP, and keep it together. A funeral is a meeting of all the family: your STBXW is going to want to occupy some moral high ground. Don't allow her to rile you into making it easy for her.

[Beechy1973]

Great advice TFG

 

Hope all went well

 

B