R3d Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 I am 16 and I'd love to have a girlfriend. I have tried going for a few girls but all of them rejected me/responded indifferently/flaked. But now I am thinking - is dating in high school even feasible without being able to drive? I heard it's a massive turn-off to girls. I probably won't have a license until sometime in college (that's just how my parents are). The way it would have to work is my parents would have to drop me off and she would have to drive or get dropped off herself. And that's how we would return. Not to mention, my parents would be hard to deal with and I am shy in front of them about these topics. I also don't know if my parents would be okay with me dating at this age and how much they would control me - which could lead to some massive fights. I feel like it might be too much of a hassle to have a girlfriend while I am living under my parents' roof - they still sort of are getting used to me growing up. I wouldn't even be allowed to have sex. The problem is I am worried I won't get the experience and get good at talking to girls and that will be detrimental to my dating potential in college. And I have been hoping for a much better dating life in college (because grade school has sucked for me in terms of dating - I haven't been on a single date yet). What should I do? Should I now abstain from going after girls until high school is over? The thing is, I WOULD love to have a girlfriend - and not just a fling or a hook-up, but an actual meaningful relationship. It's definitely something I want and have wanted for quite some time now, and Jad T Jones says that you shouldn't put off your dreams. "Live every day like it's your last," kind of idea. What should I do? Also, it's not that I am feeling pressured by my friends or any external influences. I am actually attracted to girls and would actually love to have a girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Always Pondering Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 I dated and had lengthy (for HS anyways) relationships when I was in high school and I'm sure at least one of them I didn't have a car at the time. In my personal opinion I feel 16 is a young age to be having sex anyways and you've got plenty of time for that in your life. Same thing goes for LTRs, you're extremely young. I don't know very many relationships that actually last a long time starting at that age but who knows. But yes, plenty of my friends during HS dated their classmates/etc and it wasn't that much of an interference about having a car or not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 The bigger problem isn't getting used to sex, it's getting used to women. Anyone you have sex with at 16 will be a sexual offence, so get used to not having sex for a couple more years. The time before sex when you're just learning to get to second base and stuff is some of the best "sex" you'll ever have in your whole life. It's actually better than intercourse for most people, plus NO pregnancy! So don't think if you can't have sex, you can't have a girlfriend. Get a girlfriend, learn how to get along with her and make her happy and get to second base and you'll be prepared just fine for college. As far as the car, depends where you live. But there's girls who don't require a car in a man. Not all women are materialistic. Maybe you can both ride bikes and go on nice walks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author R3d Posted May 20, 2014 Author Share Posted May 20, 2014 The bigger problem isn't getting used to sex, it's getting used to women. Anyone you have sex with at 16 will be a sexual offence, so get used to not having sex for a couple more years. The time before sex when you're just learning to get to second base and stuff is some of the best "sex" you'll ever have in your whole life. It's actually better than intercourse for most people, plus NO pregnancy! So don't think if you can't have sex, you can't have a girlfriend. Get a girlfriend, learn how to get along with her and make her happy and get to second base and you'll be prepared just fine for college. As far as the car, depends where you live. But there's girls who don't require a car in a man. Not all women are materialistic. Maybe you can both ride bikes and go on nice walks. Well actually, in my state Age of Consent laws are very lenient. Actually in theory, it would be legal for a 4 and 6-year old to be in a sexual relationship due to close-in-age exceptions. And the official Age of Consent here is 16. It's not the law; it's the parents. Though I heard most teenagers' parents don't let them have sex and they sneak it... Anyway, I am more worried about the car issue. I can abstain from sex (I just masturbate). Would it look pathetic for my parents to drive me to the movies for example? The nearest movie theater is like 20 minutes away. My main question was: do you think it is necessary to get dating experience in high school or should I wait until college to avoid conflicts with parents? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 Most people date in high school. The right girl won't mind if your parents have to drive you. Not all girls are that demanding. A lot of them would just be so glad to have a boyfriend, no matter if he had a car or not, I promise you. Just choose a nice girl, not a girl every guy in the school is after who can take her pick. Don't choose a girl who is known to have sex either. Just date a nice person and she won't be mean about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 She doesn't have to know you're getting driven by your parents. Just ask her to meet you somewhere and have them drop you off where she probably can't see you. The main issue seems to be with your parents though. Why won't they let you learn how to drive until you reach college age? That strikes me as incredibly dysfunctional on their part and something you should press them toward changing their minds on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author R3d Posted May 20, 2014 Author Share Posted May 20, 2014 They're going to ask me "why"? I do want to confront them on this issue but don't know how to do so. If I could drive, it would make things so much easier. By the way, in your opinion, when should I start driving? Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 You cant start learning to drive in the UK till your 17 and if your wondering if everyone waits patiently till then to date...they dont! Get on with living your life!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 To answer your question, OF COURSE!!! From the perspective of a mother of a teenage son, I do think having sex at 16 is still a bit too young BUT dating and enjoying the company of a girl you fancy is perfectly normal and healthy! My son is around your age. Although he is very popular with guys and girls, he doesn't have a driver's license yet either. That has never stopped him from having girlfriends and going out and socializing with his friends or even taking a girl out. Often times he'll just make arrangements to meet his friends wherever they're planning to hang out. With some of his closer friends, we parents arrange carpools so that one parent drops the kids off and another picks them up. It all works out fine. I will agree with another poster that reminded you that not all girls have issues with boys without licenses. If she really likes you, that will be a non-issue, honestly. If you feel a need to explain yourself to anyone, just throw your parents under the bus. Why not? Who better to understand the strife of an eager teenager held down by their overly controlling and anal parents than another teenager? :D Seriously, don't worry about it. Go for it and enjoy yourself but be sure to be discerning when picking the girl you spend time with. The right girl will understand. Good luck!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 By the way, in your opinion, when should I start driving? When you feel ready...doesn't matter what age. I got my license at 22. As for the deal-breaker issue, you're only 16...I don't think it would be a turnoff to not have a car. It's not like you're a guy in your 30's or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author R3d Posted May 20, 2014 Author Share Posted May 20, 2014 When you feel ready...doesn't matter what age. Well of course, I would say that I am ready now. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 Part of growing up is doing things on your own, without your parents' help. Sure you should respect their rules, but don't expect them to rubber stamp and facilitate everything you want to do. For example, have you looked up the process of getting a driver's permit? Have you gotten the book and studied? Have you look up driving classes? Do you have a job? Do you want one? Have you seriously considered ways to earn your own money? If you earn your own money, you earn more leverage in how it can be spent. Do you go to school and have friends? Have a group of friends that includes boys and girls? Go to extracurricular activities or participate in sports? These are all ways to connect with a girl and have a girlfriend which may not even require formal dates. Part of getting your parents' respect as a young adult is acting like one, which includes taking initiative and problem solving. Show them that you are mature and able to responsibly handle a small social life, and they will slowly get more comfortable with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author R3d Posted May 20, 2014 Author Share Posted May 20, 2014 Actually, if I was to start dating a girl, I would have to tell my parents because like I said, they are my only form of transportation. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 You could see her at school, at basketbsll and football games, at movies on group dates. My teen isn't allowed to go on dates yet, but I know that they go to events in groups of boys and girls. I drop her off and pick her up. Link to post Share on other sites
littleplanet Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Okay. Let me guess. You live in suburbia? Exurbia? (otherwise known as autopia) Great for adults (supposedly) Lousy as sin for kids. Schlepped all over God's green acres by motor, only. That's bloody hell. Back to the ranch. (raunch?) I started at your age. Serious girlfriend between ages 16-18 (we were actually engaged at 17 - yeah, it was awful cute.) Before I met her, I had every single one of your issues, too.... except for these: - I left home at 16 and was answerable to no-one - certainly not parents. - a car was un-necessary. I rode the magic bus to her house. - sex was out of the question; she was a good girl (and sensible, too) - but we fooled around some, that second year. Seems to me your biggest issue is with the parents. You're 16, not 6. Not even 12. Huge difference. They need to give their heads a wee bit of a shake. Your second big issue is the transportation thing. As others have spoken - a girl who actually likes you won't really care if you don't have wheels. What she will care about is access: you to her. And if y'ain't got no magic bus to ride, you're kinda beat (if the parents won't cough up the ride......) Funny thing. In my little town (of 6 million) huge suburban swaths roll around what used to be countryside - just swarming with motivatin' kids - all roaring around with young licenses. It is a sort of national pastime, a virtual religious devotion: the parents finally get a break when the kids can drive themselves. This is pushed - like bad drugs next to a ghetto schoolyard. Your parents seem to not fit this mold. So be it. Is where you live even.....bikeable? That could be a possibility......... I dunno - I wouldn't throw in the towel. You seem like a nice romantic chap. (I was one once, too - still am) It started young. It was stupendous! But I had resources that seem to be beyond you. So that's where you need to get creative. Here's a thought. If you're lucky enough to catch a girl's eye, and things seem.......possible, you might try making friends with someone a year or two older - or possibly not even older..... who actually has something to drive. Who might not mind giving you a lift from time to time - just because they have a soft heart when it comes to romance..................... shucks. If I lived in your town I might even pitch in on a Saturday night. Good luck to you. It's a long way to college. A lot can happen between now and then. Link to post Share on other sites
jonsnuh Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 If there was one thing I would've wish I did in high school, it would be to getting to be comfortable being around girls and girls who turn into women. Networking will be a lot more interest, and sex can wait. Picking up girls will be so much easier for you come university/college. Don't think with your hormones and penis, Romeo. We both know how that ended. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author R3d Posted June 7, 2014 Author Share Posted June 7, 2014 The main issue seems to be with your parents though. Why won't they let you learn how to drive until you reach college age? That strikes me as incredibly dysfunctional on their part and something you should press them toward changing their minds on. I was talking to my dad yesterday and originally he had planned for me to get my permit once I graduate high school, but I told him that I'd like to be driving for a year before I go to college so I can get used to driving in different conditions. So he has agreed to let me start driving and get my permit next summer (the summer before senior year) when I am 17. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 I was talking to my dad yesterday and originally he had planned for me to get my permit once I graduate high school, but I told him that I'd like to be driving for a year before I go to college so I can get used to driving in different conditions. So he has agreed to let me start driving and get my permit next summer (the summer before senior year) when I am 17. that sounds like a wonderful compromise. Glad you could work that out. To answer your original question, I had a bicycle ( and yes I biked ALOT!) Certainly helped my health and keeping in shape. Also rode the bus, took a train and even had friends who drove. So between those forms of transporation, dating seemed to work out. My niece was 22 when she got her license. They lived in a city that was High accidents and looney speed zones. Needless to say, even the adults were half scared to get on some of the free ways and main roads. So there are times that its best to wait for a license. Seen too many kids at 16 carry POOR judgment calls in driving. And it cost them dearly. Makes ya wonder how folks dated when cars and transporation were less available, somethng tells me they found a way! Otherwise none of us would be here Link to post Share on other sites
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