Guys, what type of man he is? URGENT...

[samantha0111]

 

I know this man. He is my friend but I just cannot understand him.

He is 29 years

old

. Reasonably good looking.

He was an engineer before and has completed his engineering. But now he acts in theatres and shows as an actor.

He is from a very small village and comes from a poor family. Though now he earns by himself.

 

He is a very different kind of person. He has worked in

so

many shows with

so

many beautiful females- co actresses working as his on-screen wife/girlfriend but he never got involved with them romantically. He focusses on his career a lot.

 

He just does not get affected or budged by beautiful women. He is extremely professional and though he is friendly with his male co stars, he keeps less contact with the females. He does appreciate beautiful women though. Like he follows a porn star turned actress in Indian film industry on Instagram.

 

He is more intellectual. Likes to read books, concentrate on his work and improving himself and likes to read and stay updated with the news. He even reads spiritual books.

He is also of reserved and serious nature. even on sets, sometimes I have seen him all by himself, immersed in his own world and reasonably quiet.

Sometimes he likes to have fun. But he seldom looks truly happy or free. has a few friends but says he likes to stay indoors, at home and sometimes meets his friends.

 

He has no mother. His mother died many years ago. He has a father and an older sister who is married and has a child.

 

I am sure he is not the type to fall for a girl solely on her looks or personality. He is nice towards women. He treats them well and is friendly towards them but not really moved by their flirting or looks.

A reporter from Indonesia was repeatedly hitting on him and flirting with him while interviewing him but all he was doing was smiling and answering her questions.

She even kissed him twice on both of his cheeks. Later she said she loves him in a joking sort of way and he was blushing and smiling but did not do anything more than just talk and laugh.

She kept placing her hands on his legs and initially he moved back against the wall but later when she did it again, he did not flinch guess he was already by the wall.

 

He seems pretty shy and less experienced in terms of getting girls even though he has been surrounded by pretty co actresses.

 

He cares a lot about his fans. He talks to them as if he is their friend and not an actor. I have seen girls showing each other screen-shots of their conversation with him and he sounds

so

humble and like a friend. Nothing flirty or raunchy. Just talks about his work or if there is something related to his fan-pages or his fans asking him questions.

 

I have noticed he seems to have a dual personality. On one side he seems simple and humble but the other side, he is always wearing these stylish aviators. He even shows off a little bit of chest by unbuttoning his button down shirts. And he posts pictures of himself from his professional shoots or just normal pictures.

 

How to attract such a person? What type of person is he?

[todreaminblue]

Why is this urgent?

[samantha0111]

I really need to know

[todreaminblue]

I really need to know

 

 

i think th ebest way to find answers you really need to know is follow your heart and search it often and let your heart guide you.......you know him no one else does.....not on here anyway......so if you search your heart and the guide you get doesnt work.....it isnt and was never meant to be.....and that is what you really needed to know and actually learn from your heart and not your head.........often the answer that you are looking for comes back mirror style and backwards.....its the only way we can "learn" to trust our heart and understand our hearts are actually never wrong.......have you ever thought that he might be gay it could be possible...search yoru heart and......best wishes....deb

[littleplanet]

Sounds like the plot of a Bollywood movie...........................

 

But seriously -

in answer to your question:

What sort of man?

Probably quite different than any you've known before.

It sounds to me like he's quite serious about his career.

And it also sounds like he's quite serious about leading a decent, moral life.

Not bad qualities.

 

I take it that your urgency has to do with figuring out how to attract this fellow...

That's fine.

Think on it though. If he's constantly surrounded by beautiful actresses and other women.....and not budging - perhaps there is someone in his life that he cares deeply about - who is very well-hidden.

If he lives a public life (as an actor) then why wouldn't he want to keep that part of his life private? (to protect her.) Could be......................

 

Or it could also be that romance is just something he's put on hold - for the time being.

 

How to attract?

Be attractive.

Get to know him (if that's possible.)

 

Consider this: if he fascinates you - what fun it might be to find out why? I mean - all these traits you describe that strike you as so......unusual, strange - different.

You mention that he is already your friend. That's a start.

Continue the friendship.

Maybe he doesn't have so many women friends. Perhaps this may come to mean a great deal to him.

Forget this "friend-zone" phobia. Kick it to the curb.

Obviously - if he seems so immune to glamorous women......this isn't what he's looking for.

He probably (possibly?) is looking for something more than just glamour.

Could that be you? (Only one way to find out.)

 

As to not understanding him......that's fine, too.

There is really only one way to do that. Get to know him.......better.

 

And finally, from the point of view of a guy......what sort of man is he?

Ultimately, I don't know - but he still sounds like someone worth finding that out.

[samantha0111]

Sounds like the plot of a Bollywood movie...........................

 

But seriously -

in answer to your question:

What sort of man?

Probably quite different than any you've known before.

It sounds to me like he's quite serious about his career.

And it also sounds like he's quite serious about leading a decent, moral life.

Not bad qualities.

 

I take it that your urgency has to do with figuring out how to attract this fellow...

That's fine.

Think on it though. If he's constantly surrounded by beautiful actresses and other women.....and not budging - perhaps there is someone in his life that he cares deeply about - who is very well-hidden.

If he lives a public life (as an actor) then why wouldn't he want to keep that part of his life private? (to protect her.) Could be......................

 

Or it could also be that romance is just something he's put on hold - for the time being.

 

How to attract?

Be attractive.

Get to know him (if that's possible.)

 

Consider this: if he fascinates you - what fun it might be to find out why? I mean - all these traits you describe that strike you as so......unusual, strange - different.

You mention that he is already your friend. That's a start.

Continue the friendship.

Maybe he doesn't have so many women friends. Perhaps this may come to mean a great deal to him.

Forget this "friend-zone" phobia. Kick it to the curb.

Obviously - if he seems so immune to glamorous women......this isn't what he's looking for.

He probably (possibly?) is looking for something more than just glamour.

Could that be you? (Only one way to find out.)

 

As to not understanding him......that's fine, too.

There is really only one way to do that. Get to know him.......better.

 

And finally, from the point of view of a guy......what sort of man is he?

Ultimately, I don't know - but he still sounds like someone worth finding that out.

 

He does not have a girlfriend. Some people are in his personal facebook in which he does not add many people and they know that he is single.

 

And if he had a girlfriend, it wouldnt be hidden so well. All romance stories cannot be hidden so well because he has been gaining popularity.

 

So thatss on his gf part.

[samantha0111]

Does he seem like someone who prefers intelligent and family oriented girls?? because he pays a lot of attention to news, books, general awareness and such qualities are usually lacking in women in the entertainment field

[littleplanet]

I don't quite get why it is that you don't understand him. What's there to 'understand?'

One hundred years ago, in England - a girl who 'went on the stage' was considered a floozie. (loose morals.)

Is it because he's an actor you have this bias?

 

From eveything you've described, he doesn't sound like the kind of man who would use his position, fame or fortune - to chase women. Doesn't sound like he's living a wild lifestyle (which often will appeal to someone in that line of work.)

As I said - your description seems to portray someone who is serious about his work.

 

His work just happnes to be acting.

 

But......you're his friend. You see him and know him in real life. For me, it's just guesswork.

You're asking if he prefers intelligent and family-oriented girls. Well, he doesn't seem to prefer the opposite kind, does he?

One thing about actresses: they often get serious about their work, too. Being family-oriented can get in the way of their career.

I'm assuming you know women in the entertainment field. Do they display such lack of general awareness?

 

But as you said - if he pays a lot of attention to news, books, current events, etc. - and you do too - then you have a lot you can discuss together.

That can be a strong suit. So play it.

Obviously, from what you've described - batting your eyelashes at him doesn't seem to work. (Okay - so he's not that shallow.)

If you find him interesting because he doesn't seem to fit a particular mold or stereotype......what's not to like?

It's easy enough for a serious woman to dismiss a man who appears to have a job in which pretty women throw themselves at him....

but everything you describe strongly suggests that he's immune to that.

In other words, he has his life under control, and a strong moral code.

 

If you engage in conversation with him, would not all this stuff be revealed? If he liked you enough to want you to get to know each other - well then, you'd find all this out, wouldn't you?

 

If your problem is that you don't understand him - there's only one way really, to fix it. Get to know him.

I suspect you may be laboring under the misconception that his line of work seems to typecast him into a particular mold......yet he doesn't seem to fit the mold.

This could well be because he's his own man......doesn't follow the crowd, or give in to the usual category of how an actor is supposed to 'act'.

 

Even though you are friends - are you nervous around him? or relaxed?

In a way, you're lucky. You're not dating him. So there's no pressure, no agenda.

You can take your time and find out what you need to know.

It just takes a little time.

If you engage him in intelligent conversation, (about things that go deeper than just conventional chitchat) this can solidify a warm friendship. That in itself, is a big plus.

Friends........are people who genuinely like each other. That in itself, can be a great way to get to know and understand someone...of course.

 

Remember - you're not a star-struck girl admiring him from the silver screen.....like thousands of others. You're an insider, who sees him in real life. That is an advantage.

Again. Dismiss preconcieved notions and ideas......if the fascination in there - treat him like a valued person. It all starts with liking. If you find him likeable - the rest follows a natural path.

I suspect there are probably many women who have crossed his path - who don't 'undersand' him, either. He doesn't fit their assumptions of men, in general.

 

But again - as a guy - he doesn't sound so unusual to me. If I knew such a man (and I actually do.....not actors, but musicians) - I'd be yakking up a storm about current global topics and issues. Creative people are often fascinating to talk to about such things. They tend to think outside the box. They tend to have strong opinions. They also tend to have great sensitivity about things that matter. And they often are people who like people. Social. Gregarious. Charming.

This doesn't make them untouchable....or otherwise scary. They're just as human as anyone else. Not larger than life. But just like anyone else - living a life.

(It may happen to be.....an interesting life!)

[M30USA]

You're surprised that he is a man who doesn't sleep around, womanize, and live based on his hormones? I don't see anything unusual about him. Women often claim men only have one thing on their minds--yet when you meet men who aren't like this, you act like there's something wrong with him. Relax a bit. The guy probably just puts more value on his interests than dating.

[samantha0111]

I don't quite get why it is that you don't understand him. What's there to 'understand?'

One hundred years ago, in England - a girl who 'went on the stage' was considered a floozie. (loose morals.)

Is it because he's an actor you have this bias?

 

From eveything you've described, he doesn't sound like the kind of man who would use his position, fame or fortune - to chase women. Doesn't sound like he's living a wild lifestyle (which often will appeal to someone in that line of work.)

As I said - your description seems to portray someone who is serious about his work.

 

His work just happnes to be acting.

 

But......you're his friend. You see him and know him in real life. For me, it's just guesswork.

You're asking if he prefers intelligent and family-oriented girls. Well, he doesn't seem to prefer the opposite kind, does he?

One thing about actresses: they often get serious about their work, too. Being family-oriented can get in the way of their career.

I'm assuming you know women in the entertainment field. Do they display such lack of general awareness?

 

But as you said - if he pays a lot of attention to news, books, current events, etc. - and you do too - then you have a lot you can discuss together.

That can be a strong suit. So play it.

Obviously, from what you've described - batting your eyelashes at him doesn't seem to work. (Okay - so he's not that shallow.)

If you find him interesting because he doesn't seem to fit a particular mold or stereotype......what's not to like?

It's easy enough for a serious woman to dismiss a man who appears to have a job in which pretty women throw themselves at him....

but everything you describe strongly suggests that he's immune to that.

In other words, he has his life under control, and a strong moral code.

 

If you engage in conversation with him, would not all this stuff be revealed? If he liked you enough to want you to get to know each other - well then, you'd find all this out, wouldn't you?

 

If your problem is that you don't understand him - there's only one way really, to fix it. Get to know him.

I suspect you may be laboring under the misconception that his line of work seems to typecast him into a particular mold......yet he doesn't seem to fit the mold.

This could well be because he's his own man......doesn't follow the crowd, or give in to the usual category of how an actor is supposed to 'act'.

 

Even though you are friends - are you nervous around him? or relaxed?

In a way, you're lucky. You're not dating him. So there's no pressure, no agenda.

You can take your time and find out what you need to know.

It just takes a little time.

If you engage him in intelligent conversation, (about things that go deeper than just conventional chitchat) this can solidify a warm friendship. That in itself, is a big plus.

Friends........are people who genuinely like each other. That in itself, can be a great way to get to know and understand someone...of course.

 

Remember - you're not a star-struck girl admiring him from the silver screen.....like thousands of others. You're an insider, who sees him in real life. That is an advantage.

Again. Dismiss preconcieved notions and ideas......if the fascination in there - treat him like a valued person. It all starts with liking. If you find him likeable - the rest follows a natural path.

I suspect there are probably many women who have crossed his path - who don't 'undersand' him, either. He doesn't fit their assumptions of men, in general.

 

But again - as a guy - he doesn't sound so unusual to me. If I knew such a man (and I actually do.....not actors, but musicians) - I'd be yakking up a storm about current global topics and issues. Creative people are often fascinating to talk to about such things. They tend to think outside the box. They tend to have strong opinions. They also tend to have great sensitivity about things that matter. And they often are people who like people. Social. Gregarious. Charming.

This doesn't make them untouchable....or otherwise scary. They're just as human as anyone else. Not larger than life. But just like anyone else - living a life.

(It may happen to be.....an interesting life!)

 

 

No. I am.not biased because he is an actor. I just find it a bit strange how he is not like how men uaually are.

 

He does follow a pornstar turned actress (even as an actress she does a lot of sexy scenes and exposes her assets) on Instagram ( though she does not post cheap pictures on IG)

 

And he did a little bit of blindfolding and touching on shoulder, holding her hand and other sweet gentleman stuff with the Indonesian reporter at her dinner birthday party which his show members had hosted for her.

 

But otherwise he seems fine. I also have this feeling that his mothers death may have him emotionally damaged too as she died when he was in his early twenties.

 

He has this mysterious vibe and i want to know how he is

[preraph]

Honey, he's either a gay person or he's sick of women falling all over him. That happens to people with any fame eventually. But I'm saying gay.

[littleplanet]

Nah. My spidey sense says he's not gay. Even I'm straight as an arrow, and I've fooled a few in my time.

Gay is what happens in the bedroom.

Everything else is just twirly batons and fish stew.

(but what do I know?)

 

Back to the question:

For some reason, this story sort of intrigues me.

You're trying to figure this guy out - you probably have good reasons to want to - and he's probably worth the effort (as far as that goes.)

But seriously - there is no quick fix way to do it.

If he isn't a walking stereotype, an open book......then you have to take the long road.

If your own intuition tells you that this may be dangerous, or cause bad consequences - then don't do it.

 

But I can tell you (as a guy, and from a LOT of experience) that (some) women (sometimes) make the mistake of assuming that a man is an open book, and the easiest thing in the world to understand. Maybe some men are. Maybe a lot of men are......but not all men. Perhaps you've made friends with one of that kind.

 

To be fair - men make this mistake about women, too.

 

Back to the plot:

He comes from a small village, and a poor background. That can have a way of instilling good core values in a person. They have seen a side of life from an early age that perhaps they never forget.....a side that teaches them that life is not all song and dance, party and carnival. It is also struggle and hardship.

 

Perhaps this has taught him that the bright lights and fame and fortune are mere fleeting things - compared to the real valuable things in life.

Perhaps this has taught him that you can have something of great value - and lose it in an instant. Perhaps he has learned some true humility, and that the greatest is no better than the lowest in the eyes of the deity. These are fascinating traits.

Was he very close to his mother? Was she a big influence on him?

 

Do you have the kind of friendship where you can just easily sit and chat with him? - about things that matter?

Studying, analyzing, scrutinizing from a distance - not only won't gain you deeper understanding - it would probably put him off.

Genuine interest in topics that mean something....shared.....can bridge the gap to understanding.

 

Is his culture one that promotes or accepts friendship between men and women? Or are they supposed to remain virtual strangers to one another, except in courting circumstances?

(I'm speaking here, of course, from a cultural background in which easy communication between men and women is as natural as the rain.) Praise be! I wouldn't have it any other way!

 

So he follows a pornstar turned actress. But I take it he follows her....as an actress.

Did he follow her porn career?

(I"m almost inclined to think not...)

 

But hey. It's the mysterious vibe that grabbed your attention.

So why not indulge in a little mystery? (if that is what attracts)

Because think on it a minute:

You may meet a thousand other men in your life who don't have that vibe.

You might even miss it, one day.

(and find yourself wondering....)

 

But you said it: He's not like men usually are (in your experience.)

What does this mean?

He's different!!!!!!!!

 

So allow yourself to savor that.

Does different mean worse?

Or does different mean better?

 

And what does your sense of urgency tell you?

That you wish to understand the true nature of the kind of man he is.

The next question of course.....is why.

 

(and THAT - is where all the fun is.)

[samantha0111]

Nah. My spidey sense says he's not gay. Even I'm straight as an arrow, and I've fooled a few in my time.

Gay is what happens in the bedroom.

Everything else is just twirly batons and fish stew.

(but what do I know?)

 

Back to the question:

For some reason, this story sort of intrigues me.

You're trying to figure this guy out - you probably have good reasons to want to - and he's probably worth the effort (as far as that goes.)

But seriously - there is no quick fix way to do it.

If he isn't a walking stereotype, an open book......then you have to take the long road.

If your own intuition tells you that this may be dangerous, or cause bad consequences - then don't do it.

 

But I can tell you (as a guy, and from a LOT of experience) that (some) women (sometimes) make the mistake of assuming that a man is an open book, and the easiest thing in the world to understand. Maybe some men are. Maybe a lot of men are......but not all men. Perhaps you've made friends with one of that kind.

 

To be fair - men make this mistake about women, too.

 

Back to the plot:

He comes from a small village, and a poor background. That can have a way of instilling good core values in a person. They have seen a side of life from an early age that perhaps they never forget.....a side that teaches them that life is not all song and dance, party and carnival. It is also struggle and hardship.

 

Perhaps this has taught him that the bright lights and fame and fortune are mere fleeting things - compared to the real valuable things in life.

Perhaps this has taught him that you can have something of great value - and lose it in an instant. Perhaps he has learned some true humility, and that the greatest is no better than the lowest in the eyes of the deity. These are fascinating traits.

Was he very close to his mother? Was she a big influence on him?

 

Do you have the kind of friendship where you can just easily sit and chat with him? - about things that matter?

Studying, analyzing, scrutinizing from a distance - not only won't gain you deeper understanding - it would probably put him off.

Genuine interest in topics that mean something....shared.....can bridge the gap to understanding.

 

Is his culture one that promotes or accepts friendship between men and women? Or are they supposed to remain virtual strangers to one another, except in courting circumstances?

(I'm speaking here, of course, from a cultural background in which easy communication between men and women is as natural as the rain.) Praise be! I wouldn't have it any other way!

 

So he follows a pornstar turned actress. But I take it he follows her....as an actress.

Did he follow her porn career?

(I"m almost inclined to think not...)

 

But hey. It's the mysterious vibe that grabbed your attention.

So why not indulge in a little mystery? (if that is what attracts)

Because think on it a minute:

You may meet a thousand other men in your life who don't have that vibe.

You might even miss it, one day.

(and find yourself wondering....)

 

But you said it: He's not like men usually are (in your experience.)

What does this mean?

He's different!!!!!!!!

 

So allow yourself to savor that.

Does different mean worse?

Or does different mean better?

 

And what does your sense of urgency tell you?

That you wish to understand the true nature of the kind of man he is.

The next question of course.....is why.

 

(and THAT - is where all the fun is.)

 

Yes he was very close to his mother. he told me I have no idea how much he misses her

His replies are also very weird. When i asked him if he wants anything in life, he said craves nothing.

Once again were playing a game and I askes him about his favourite destination and he said nowhere or no place in particular.

 

He neither celebrated the harvest festival with us while all his close friends did.

[littleplanet]

He sounds very private.

If he has dreams.......he keeps them to himself.

As if something inside is asleep.

 

It sounds like you will have to be very patient.

He doesn't want to be known (the interior person.)

Self-protective.

Strange - for an actor?

(I know musicians like that.)

In the midst of such 'social' activity - but still so private.

 

Some people just take a long, long time to get to know.

[samantha0111]

He sounds very private.

If he has dreams.......he keeps them to himself.

As if something inside is asleep.

 

It sounds like you will have to be very patient.

He doesn't want to be known (the interior person.)

Self-protective.

Strange - for an actor?

(I know musicians like that.)

In the midst of such 'social' activity - but still so private.

 

Some people just take a long, long time to get to know.

 

No he is not so private. He tells a lot about himself. He opened up about the death of his mother and his education.

 

But he seems like he has no love or interest in worldly things.

He reads spiritual and philosophical books.

[johnpatric]

He sounds like inside he is a pretty shy and self deprecating person. He came from humble roots, probably was told he was unimportant as a child, and grew to believe it.

 

He pushed himself above it all by acting out a facade. He's been acting for years. Like an engineer should behave, like a professional should behave. Acting has taken him over.

 

Inside, why should anyone care about him? He's the same poor kid he always was. What woman would truly want me? He's channeled so much energy into his persona, some of his other drives may have diminished. Sex drive, money drive, etc. Maybe..!!

[littleplanet]

No he is not so private. He tells a lot about himself. He opened up about the death of his mother and his education.

 

But he seems like he has no love or interest in worldly things.

He reads spiritual and philosophical books.

 

 

I'm rather enjoying this little conversation.

I find it intriguing.

 

To summarize:

 

He is not so easy to summarize, is he?

There are no simple categories to put him into.

 

Perhaps the spiritual and philisophical life sum him up more than appears on the surface.

Can you, or do you....talk spirituality and philosophy with him?

Perhaps this is more the way to uncover what sort of man he is...........

by uncovering what sort of human being he is.

 

Spirituality and philosophy suggest depth.

 

Does he actually talk about his art? (work)

The work he actually does......can be a serious devotion.

 

My thing is music. There is endless philosophy of life in that. This is one of the things I love about music.

When I was in high school and first learning how to be a musician - all my musical friends wanted to use it as a method to chase girls. (Sex, drugs and Rock&Roll - you know?)

I was the weird dude who actually happened to like the music - for the music.

 

Perhaps your friend pursues his craft in the same way.

 

But consider:

 

You say you don't understand him. Perhaps it does not matter so much exactly why you don't. Perhaps it just means that he is not so very easy for anyone to understand. It could be.....

 

But you are friends anyway. Your friendship offers golden opportunities for conversation of all sorts

[littleplanet]

No he is not so private. He tells a lot about himself. He opened up about the death of his mother and his education.

 

But he seems like he has no love or interest in worldly things.

He reads spiritual and philosophical books.

 

 

(Continued..........)

 

Darn!

Hit the wrong button.

I was just on a roll, there....

 

 

(as I was saying)

 

His answers seem to constantly surprise you. Or frustrate you. Or perplex / confuse you......

Because he does not say the things you expect to hear.

They do not conform to your normal expectations of what you think he should say.

 

A question: Do you have your conversations in person? Or social media?

I ask because this can make a difference, I think.

A person reveals more when talking face to face - than on a screen.

(anyway - I'm guessing that your conversations happen in real life.)

 

It could be that he does indeed, have very little love or interest in worldly things.

But what sort of worldly things? Romance? Marriage? Children? Wealth?

 

Then perhaps acting takes the place of all of that - for him.

 

Perhaps he made a decision some time ago......that he happens to work in an industry that is full of smoke and mirrors.....that appeals to the human sense of fantasy and unreality......that is the fans' escape from the drudgery of their real lives.

Hollywood / Bollywood does exactly that.

 

So he acts. He plays a part. He becomes a fantasy.

Yet (unlike with many) the unreality of it - the game of it.......the shallowness of it - doesn't really touch him.

Because he chooses not to let it.

 

I don't know if any of this is on the right track or not.

But it seems to me.....that the spiritual and philisophical occupy more of his life than is readily apparent.

Could be................................

[preraph]

You guys are projecting all this stuff onto this guy. He's probably much simpler than all that and certainly giving it less thought than you are. It might be a good thing for you to watch the series "My So-Called Life" through to the end, because that is closer to the truth. The main character falls for this remote, aloof guy because he is "mysterious" and she imbues him with all these deep qualities because he's so quiet and aloof. In the end, turns out he's dumb as a post with very little on his mind.

[littleplanet]

You guys are projecting all this stuff onto this guy. He's probably much simpler than all that and certainly giving it less thought than you are. It might be a good thing for you to watch the series "My So-Called Life" through to the end, because that is closer to the truth. The main character falls for this remote, aloof guy because he is "mysterious" and she imbues him with all these deep qualities because he's so quiet and aloof. In the end, turns out he's dumb as a post with very little on his mind.

 

 

Could be.........could be...........