We both cheated but I know we love each other.

[syn321]

My girlfriend and I have been talking for roughly a year now. We are not "officially" together, but my heart does officially belong to her. We met online and have spent every day all day talking to each other and developing such a beautiful relationship. Since we live very far away from each other we didn't end up hanging out in person until roughly 9 months into our relationship. We spent four days together and to be honest it was one of the happiest moments in my life. I absolutely love this girl and I do want to spend the rest of my life with her. She knows this. Unfortunately, becuase of school, we cannot actually be together for another year and a half. A few weeks after we hung out for the first time, we both made a horrible decision. There are no excuses for our actions, but I believe that the thought of having minimal physical contact for a year and a half scared us and led to us making these horrible mistakes. After my error, I decided that I wasn't going to tell her immediately. I felt such pain and regret with my actions that I absolutely KNOW that I will never make that mistake again. I think that she is such a precious girl and I didn't want to hurt her. I absolutely love her and was willing to carry that burden on my shoulders so that I was the only one to feel the pain of my mistake... a mistake that I know I will never make again. She, however, felt as if she needed to tell me about her encounter. She seemed to have the same pain and remorse for her actions as well. I was completely understanding and immedately forgave her. I told her that everybody makes mistakes... All I asked of her was to learn from her mistake so that she would never make it again in the future. I didn't want to leave her feeling like she was the only one that can make mistakes in our relationship so I confessed as well. I told her that I completely trust her not to make that mistake again, becuase if she feels anything like I feel, I know she will not. I personally think that even though this is a hard obstacle to face as a couple, it can provide a positive outcome for our future for years to come. I think that it's better to learn this lesson early on in our relationship rather than later; we both realize that nothing is worth hurting one another. By hurting her, I am only hurting myself. I asked her if I made the same mistake she made, could she forgive me. She told me yes. I told her to think about what she would expect me to do to achieve her forgiveness. I told her that I trusted her to make those same decisions she would expect of me and I would do the same for her. I personally will not hang out or communicate with the person I betrayed her with... I will always think of her in any situation regardless of the circumstances... I will give her my full devotion and attention... the list can go on. I hope she has a similar list to what I have in mind. I feel like if we can get past this as well as the year and a half we have ahead of us, we will be able to get past anything. I hope she knows how much I love her. I hope that years from now we can look back at our past and say, "we stayed becuase we love each other." If I had to choose between breathing and loving her, I would use my last breath to tell her how much I love her. I apologize for such a long read, but I truly do appreciate any comments on our situation. I am having trouble forgiving myself and I'm sure she is too. I would like any advice on how to go about this. Thank you.

[PegNosePete]

I think that she is such a precious girl and I didn't want to hurt her.

So precious that you thought it was a good idea to bang someone else. Seriously WTF.

 

Stop calling it a "mistake". A mistake is when you do something accidentally, like trip over and your penis accidentally falls into someone's vagina. That is a mistake. What you did was a conscious choice to have sex with someone else.

 

You need to tell her what you have done.

[syn321]

So precious that you thought it was a good idea to bang someone else. Seriously WTF.

 

Stop calling it a "mistake". A mistake is when you do something accidentally, like trip over and your penis accidentally falls into someone's vagina. That is a mistake. What you did was a conscious choice to have sex with someone else.

 

You need to tell her what you have done.

 

I stated that I confessed. "I didn't want to leave her feeling like she was the only one that can make mistakes in our relationship so I confessed as well. I told her that I completely trust her not to make that mistake again, becuase if she feels anything like I feel, I know she will not."

 

I didn't get into the specifics of the story either. I personally got so drunk that I thought that I was with her. Once I came to consciousness and realized that it was in fact not her who I was committing this horrible mistake with I immediately stopped everything and ended the situation. I realize that alcohol played a big part in my mistake. I personally decided to not drink alcohol to excess anymore. This will not be an issue because I rarely drink anyways and don't even enjoy it in the first place. Alcohol will not be missed. This is one of the things that I have in my long mental list that I referred to in the story.

 

and as for "mistake" - a mistake is defined as an action or judgement that is misguided or wrong. What you defined is an accident. I never referred to it as an accident. I referred to it as a mistake.

Edited May 20, 2014 by syn321

[preraph]

You have only actually been with her four days. All that time online isn't reality. It's too easy to fall in love with the imaginary person you keep in your (and her) head who is your "ideal person." It's too soon to ask for commitment. It's unrealistic. Tell her you like her very much and vow to stay in touch until such time as you can both be in the same town at the same time long enough to date. Don't get ahead of yourself. Neither of you is ready for it, and it's too soon, and you both know it.

[syn321]

You have only actually been with her four days. All that time online isn't reality. It's too easy to fall in love with the imaginary person you keep in your (and her) head who is your "ideal person." It's too soon to ask for commitment. It's unrealistic. Tell her you like her very much and vow to stay in touch until such time as you can both be in the same town at the same time long enough to date. Don't get ahead of yourself. Neither of you is ready for it, and it's too soon, and you both know it.

 

Thank you for your insight.

[giblesp]

Maybe you both do love things about the other, but its not in the committed romantic context as you're still seeing other people.

 

Online relationships are very unreliable as you don't actually know who the other person is. You end up giving your heart to words on a computer, and digital photos.

 

Get to know her in real life before you try and commit yourself, especially considering you're both young.

 

Let her be completely. If she wants to meet someone else and be happy, that fine her happiness is important for you. If she'd like to meet you in a year and a half, thats great.

 

Bear in mind, if it was your time together right now, you wouldn't be doing things with other people. When two people are in love, they don't have relatively empty encounters.

The fact that both of you went with other people soon after you actually met, isn't a good sign. Its clearly not meant to be right now.

 

Hit the reset button and live your life. Take a break from speaking with her and then start again as friends. Don't build up romance online, wait for it to manifest in reality when you're both comfortable with being exclusive with one another.

[Spectre]

The title of your post is just one big contradiction isn't it?